Using Forgiveness in the Counseling Process. Virginia T. Holeman, PhD Professor Counseling Asbury Theological Seminary

Transcription

1 Using Forgiveness in the Counseling Process Virginia T. Holeman, PhD Professor Counseling Asbury Theological Seminary

2 Research based approach Evere% Worthington, Jr. REACH model of forgiveness

3 Transgression Perception of Offense and Hurt Hot Emotions Anger & Fear Rumination Unforgiveness

4 Unforgiveness is. Unforgiveness is defined as delayed involving resentment, biberness, residual anger, residual fear, hatred, and stress, which people to reduce the unforgiveness

5 Unforgiveness 2 paths: hold a grudge or forgive magnitude gap myth of pure evil grudge benefits Unforgiveness as condi@oned fear - hurt freeze, ignite stress system, react amygdala s emo@onal hi- jacking of the brain Unforgiveness as anger Unfair Fundamental abribu@on error

6 Some ways we try to reduce unforgiveness Revenge Seeing done Forbearing the transgression Forgiving

7 Myths Forgiveness wipes out the fact of wrong having been done. Forgiveness means I forgo punishment altogether. True forgiveness means I will never have pain about this event again.

8 Myths Either I have or have not forgiven. Repentance must precede forgiveness. Forgiveness always follow repentance.

9 Myths ReconciliaDon and reladonship restoradon are inevitable once repentance and forgiveness occur. Its easy to rebuild a fractured reladonship. All offenses are the same.

10 Misconceptions Forgiveness IS NOT ForgePng. Excusing. Smothering a conflict. Denying the facts. Minimizing the event. Pseudoforgiveness Priva@za@on of forgiveness

11 REACHing for Forgiveness Worthington Model

12 Forgiveness is Replacing the hot of anger or fear following a perceived hurt or offense Challenging the resenwul & biber rumina@ons With posi@ve emo@ons such as agape love, empathy, & compassion.

13 Forgiveness is Balancing and mercy demands what s righwully mine. Mercy priori@zes the future rela@onship over my present rights. Gen Keeping a pathway to my heart open. Luke 15

14 REACHing For Forgiveness

15 Hold onto Forgiveness Commit Publicly to Forgive Altruistic Gift Of Forgiveness Empathize Recall the hurt

16 Recall the hurt

17 Recalling the Hurt Not all hurts are alike Avoid, deny, retaliate, revenge Take every thought Recall and with empathy

18 Empathize Recall the hurt

19 Empathy Levels of empathy Understand from other s point of view Iden@fy emo@onally with the other Feel compassionate as well as emo@onal iden@fica@on

20 Empathy To feel for another To see the other and yourself through a different pair of eyes Fundamental abribu@on error Recognize how you contribute to the rela@onship pain Develop compassion for the other through the power of the Spirit

21 Have this mind.. Hard hide sod People are influenced by People are when they feel threatened. Peoples past automatic [knee jerk

22 Reframing Wrongdoer is viewed in a broader context - a more complete picture Mo@va@on & Personality History A way of separa@ng the wrong doer from the wrong A human being, not the epitome of evil Aha or inten@onal cogni@ve shid by seeing yourself differently too

23 Empathy Exercises Write a leber as if you were the person who hurt you. Explain the offender s mo@ves, thoughts, & feelings. Write a leber of apology as if you were the offender Pray for God s heart for the person who hurt you.

24 Altruistic Gift Of Forgiveness Empathize Recall the hurt

25 Why forgive? Sick of being sick Commanded to forgive. Grows out of love for Jesus and for own forgivenness. MaBhew 18

26 An attitude of humility Recall your own story. The cross of Christ. The gid of Christ s forgiveness.

27 Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness Guilt Gid

28 Assignments Reflect upon your own forgiven- ness Find something from nature that can symbolize that Find a stone that represents the weight that you carry because of unforgiveness or unrepentance

29 Holding onto Forgiveness Public Commitment to Forgive Altruistic Gift Of Forgiveness Empathize Recall the hurt

30 Checking Doubts at the Door If you see your offender again If you are reminded about your offense When you are under stress When a related date roles around When life events unfold that are affected

31 Holding onto Forgiveness Seek reassurance from a friend, spouse, prayer partner Use the reminders you have created to help you remember Review the steps and repeat as needed

32 Holding onto Forgiveness Realize that the pain of a remembered hurt is not unforgiveness. Don t dwell on nega@ve emo@ons. Remind yourself that you have forgiveness the person

33 What does it mean? consequences may be in place Remember that takes two while forgiveness takes only one. Holding onto hope for changed Taking responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, &