Wednesday Night Study Wives & Husbands I Peter 3:1-7

Transcription

1 Wednesday Night Study Wives & Husbands I Peter 3:1-7 Open with Scripture reading: (SLIDE) SLIDE LOU: I Peter 3:1-7: Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. CATHY: Ephesians 5:21-33: Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Introduction: CATHY As we have studied I Peter, we have spent the last few weeks exploring the idea of submission. Submission as citizens, submission as workers (slaves), tonight we are going to look at submission within marriage.

2 LOU Opening Prayer Let s try to understand first, what are the roles of Husband and Wives, according to God. SLIDE: ROLES Are not arbitrarily assigned There is a method to the madness God created each gender uniquely and assigned specific roles Not reversible without obscuring God s purpose for marriage This means we don t have the right to change the roles to suit our desires or even what we may perceive as adjustments for our strengths or weaknesses Compared to the distinctive roles of Christ & His Church God means by marriage to say something about His son and His church by the way that husbands and wives should related to one another. Let s look again at a part of the Ephesians passage. SLIDE: Ephesians 5: For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Verse 23 & 25 speaks to husbands about their distinctive role as modeled by the way Christ relates to the church. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. The role is loving headship or leadership With Christ as our example Not much opportunity to manipulate the role for our own benefit

3 Verse 24 speaks to the wives about her distinctive role as defined by the way the church relates to Christ. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. The role is loving submission SLIDE: PIPER QUOTE When sin entered the world, it ruined the harmony of marriage, the relationship between Adam & Eve. Not because it brought headship and submission into existence, but because it twisted man s humble, loving headship into hostile domination in some mean and lazy indifference in others. And it twisted woman s intelligent, willing submission into manipulative obsequiousness in some women and brazen insubordination in others. Sin didn t create headship & submission, God did. Obsequiuosneness: Compliance or deference CATHY Let s define headship and submission these are not popular terms these days. Share story about Brenda on our wedding day. SLIDE: Headship & Submission Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ- like leadership, protection and provision in the home. Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor & respect, affirm her husband s leadership and help carry it through. Let s look at the I Peter text and walk through it and see what the Lord has to say to us first about submission. SLIDE 1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. The word submit, be subject, be submissive in this text does not carry the implication of inferiority, it s not saying Women, your inferior, so get bossed around. That s not what it says.

4 The word is used is a military term for arrange in a military fashion under the commander. In the military there is a certain chain of command, God is giving us this same idea. God set it up on purpose so that there would be people would be able to plan, organize and lead; and there would be people who would carry out those wishes. John McArthur says the best way to translate this word is Put yourselves in an attitude of submission. I think that s what Peter is trying to encourage us to choose an attitude of submission. The other unique thing about this text is it is referring to believing wives that are married to believing husbands, but it is primarily addressing the challenge of a women being married to an unbelieving husband, God still wants you to submit to his leadership. Why? So, you may win him over by your conduct, honor and respect. For those of you who are married to an unbeliever, Peter is saying your primary purpose in your relationship is to voluntarily place yourself in submission to your husband. This truth is accurate for all wives, but imperative for those who are married to an unbeliever. But, let s get practical. What is submission and what isn t submission. SLIDE: What Submission is Not 1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says. You can see that in verse one: she is a Christian and he is not. He has one set of ideas about ultimate reality. She has another. Peter calls her to be submissive while assuming she will not submit to his view of the most important thing in the world God. So submission can t mean submitting to agree with all her husband thinks. 2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar. It is not the inability or the unwillingness to think for yourself. Here is a woman who heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. She thought about it. She assessed the truth claims of Jesus. She apprehended in her heart the beauty and worth of Christ and his work, and she chose him. Her husband heard it also. Otherwise, Peter probably wouldn t say he disobeyed the word. He has heard the word, and he has thought about it. And he has not chosen Christ. She thought for herself and she acted. And Peter does not tell her to retreat from that commitment. 3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband. The whole point of this text is to tell a wife how to win her husband. Verse 1 says, Be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. If you didn t care about the Bible you might say, Submission has to mean taking a husband the way he is and not trying to change him. But if you believe what the Bible says, you conclude that submission, paradoxically, is sometimes a strategy for changing him. 4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.

5 The text clearly teaches that the wife is a follower of Jesus before and above being a follower of her husband. Submission to Jesus relativizes submission to husbands and governments and employers and parents. When Sarah called Abraham lord in verse 6, it was lord with a lowercase l. It s like sir or m lord. And the obedience she rendered is qualified obedience because her supreme allegiance is to the Lord with a capital L. 5. Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband. A good husband should indeed strengthen and build up and sustain his wife. He should be a source of strength. But what this text shows is that when a husband s spiritual leadership is lacking, a Christian wife is not bereft of strength. Submission does not mean she is dependent on him to supply her strength of faith and virtue and character. The text, in fact, assumes just the opposite. She is summoned to develop depth and strength and character not from her husband but for her husband. Verse five says that her hope is in God in the hope that her husband will join her there. 6. Finally submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear. Verse 6b says, You are her [Sarah s] children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. In other words, submission is free, not coerced by fear. The Christian woman is a free woman. When she submits to her husband whether he is a believer or unbeliever she does it in freedom, not out of fear. SLIDE: What Submission is Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband s leadership Help carry it through. Have the disposition to follow your husband s authority Have an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works. SLIDE: Goal of Submission The Goal of submission is redemptive Your life can and will inspire your husband in the Lord or coming to the Lord. LOU

6 SLIDE: 1 Peter 3:3-4 3 Do not let your adorning be external the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious In verses 3-4, Peter talks about female beauty. SLIDE: What he s communicating He s not saying à Women shouldn t take care of themselves He is saying à Women cannot braid our hair or wear jewelry. Outward things do not make the woman True beauty is inward Women should strive for a quiet and gentle spirit Quiet means a contrast to being boisterous, outspoken, demanding. When a woman puts her hope in God and not her husband and not in her looks, and when she overcomes fear by the promises of God, this will have an effect on her heart: It will give her an inner tranquility. That s what Peter means in verse 4 by the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God s sight is very precious. Peter is saying that husbands especially an unbelieving husband might more readily be won by a woman who is quiet and gentle instead of one who is loud, demanding, bossy or naggy. This is the beauty of submission. One other thing about these verses

7 Guys are very visual Hence the chronic problems with pornography addictions Dressing provocatively, flashy, etc. is going to draw the attention of men other than your husbands Not a good thing in the eyes of God or in the health of relationships Women be careful the message you send when you go out in public CATHY 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening It is interesting that Peter uses Sarah as an example here. Sarah is not married to an unbeliever. One might say that Sarah could easily submit to Abraham, a godly man, walked closely to God, father of all believers. But, let s remember in his fear, Abraham lied about his relationship with Sarah TWICE. Twice he gave his wife to be part of a harem. But Sarah didn t fear. She knew God was faithful, even if Abraham was not. Sarah obeyed Abraham, even when it was a dumb idea and God took care of her. The blessing of submission is that Sarah is now remembered as one who sought God above every priority of life, a strong woman, shaped and nurtured her children, make a home even though it was a mobile home for Abraham. God blessed her, because she submitted to her husband. This is an example of the inward beauty that Lou was talking about LOU SLIDE: 1 Peter 3:7 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. SLIDE: Husbands An Understanding way

8 Know and understand your wife First, what does this mean to live with your wives in an understanding way? The word here is the same word as to know. So, husbands, we are expected to know and understand our wives. Earlier, we looked at the Ephesians verses that talk more about marital roles. To live with our wives in an understanding way, we need to have a good handle on our responsibilities in marriage. Lead as Christ leads and loves Our role is to lead not to command control, but to lead as Christ leads and love. Christ laid down his life for the church how am I laying down my life for Cathy? Christ leads the church as a servant. What are ways that I am serving Cathy as a loving leader? Showing honor Assign to our wives the honor being precious and of high value Peter commands us to show honor to our wives. The word for show or give means to assign. The word used for honor involves the idea that the object of the honor is precious, of high value. So, we are to assign to our wives the honor of being precious and of high value in our sight. Peter reminds us that a good reason to consider our wives in this light is that they are heirs together of the grace of life and that our prayers may not be hindered. Our wives are worthy of the same respect as any other child of God. Understand her physical limitations When Peter talks about the weaker vessel, we need to understand he is referring to physical strength not intellectual abilities, moral courage or spiritual strength but physical. Here s a practical example of living with our wives in an understanding way

9 The next time she comes back with ten grocery bags full of stuff, don t just sit there watching TV while she lugs them in or has to ask your for help. Try to recognize it and jump in and help her. How many of us still take the time to date our wives, spend time in meaningful conversation, respond gently when frustrated? Why were we able to do that when we were dating them and we cannot do that now? CATHY One commentary reminds us that women crave security and men crave significance. God knew that when Peter penned this section of the word. Men need respect, women need love. SLIDE: Let s get Practical Gals Publicly affirm your husband Value & appreciate his work Don t nag Initiate sex Pray for your husband SLIDE: Let s get Practical - Guys Guys, Learning to live with your wife, means to learn that she: Needs constant reassurances every day Needs to hear I love you and I find you attractive Women will respond physically more often when they feel love, care, heard and supported Needs to be listened to without offering advice or solutions (show video??) Conclusion.

10 Many people think that if a marriage takes work, it must be a bad marriage. The truth is that a marriage that takes works is normal. What will make it good or bad is determined by how hard each spouse is willing to work and persevere. If you want your marriage to work, get real with one another. Work on yourself. Wives, focus in developing that gentle and respectful spirit. Husbands, work in developing an understanding way and respectful behavior towards your wives. Remember Christ is your example. For Discussion How have the Biblical roles of headship and submission affected your marriage or dating relationships? Has there been tension in your relationships as a result of trying to live or ignore the Biblical roles? Have you ever resented your biblical role and the responsibility it places on you?

11 QUESTIONS FOR SMALL GROUPS For the men: What are some practical ways that we can love our wives as Christ loved the church and live with her in an understanding way. Ask your wives for ways that you can be more loving and helpful. For the women: How do we deal with submitting to our husbands if he is doing something sinful? How does being a military wife impact this idea of submission and leadership in the home, when your husband is gone? What are some practical ways that we can respect our husbands and submit to him? Ask your husbands for ways that you have been disrespectful and ways you can honor him more.