This learning module is not meant to provide a comprehensive summary of this topic. Rather, it aims to provide a useful introduction and we encourage

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2 This learning module is not meant to provide a comprehensive summary of this topic. Rather, it aims to provide a useful introduction and we encourage you to use the links located throughout and at the end of the module to explore points of interest.

3 Conflict Resolution Knowing how to deal with conflict during your placement may be a real challenge. However, someone once wrote, "If you have a job without problems, then you probably don't have a job." Conflict is a very real part of relationships between people who work together. Use this learning tool to: learn how to identify conflict; learn to recognize solution inhibitors; develop strategies for dealing with conflict; explore how interpersonal skills are helpful in dealing with conflict; and, understand the effect culture has on conflict resolution. Sections Defining Conflict Strategies for Dealing with Conflict Handling Conflict with Difficult People Quiz: Which Approach Works Best? I Don't Think That's How They Deal With Conflict in this Culture... References and Resources Conflict Resolution Page 3 of 18

4 Defining Conflict How do you define conflict? Before you go any further, consider the following statements about conflict and ask yourself whether they are true or false. T F Conflicts are inevitable. T F Conflicts are always bad. T F If we are good communicators we will avoid conflict. T F We can deal with conflicts positively by avoiding them. T F Whenever conflict is resolved there is a win/lose situation. T F Conflicts are symptoms of poor relationships. T F A conflict is the same as an argument. T F Conflicts can be healthy for a relationship. How did you define conflict? Conflicts are inevitable. Yes, no, maybe... Even people with expert interpersonal skills will encounter conflict situations. The challenge is to manage the conflict professionally and positively. Conflicts are always bad. Actually, conflict is neither always good nor always bad, but it must be managed. Furthermore, what one party perceives as conflict may not be seen as such by the other. This is particularly true in an intercultural context. If we are good communicators we will not get into conflict. Yes, no, maybe... People who communicate well use these opportunities to make progress, not to escalate matters into open warfare. We can deal with conflicts positively by avoiding them. Yes, no, maybe... Some conflicts are best dealt with by avoidance, whereas others need to be addressed right away. This course should help you learn to decide when action is needed. Whenever conflict is resolved there is a win/lose situation. The most desirable result is a win/win solution where people are willing to compromise to avoid creating a win/lose solution. Conflict Resolution Page 4 of 18

5 Conflicts are symptoms of poor relationships. Actually, rather than a symptom of a poor relationship, conflict between reasonable people can mean that problems are being resolved as they emerge. A conflict is the same as an argument. A conflict is not the same as an argument, nor does there have to be a win/lose result. The most desirable result is a win/win solution where people are willing to compromise to avoid creating a win/lose solution -- to solve the problem rather than ignore it. (Obviously, the least desirable result is a lose/lose solution.) Conflicts can be healthy for a relationship. Yes, no, maybe... Conflicts don't have to be negative, nor do they have to be destructive; conflicts exist in most relationships whether at work or at home. Resolving Problems According to Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, there are six paradigms of human interaction: win/win, lose/lose, win/lose, lose/win, win and no deal. Win/Win means that both sides benefit. One person's success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of others. It is the most appropriate way to work with other people in most instances. It is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, and by taking a cooperative approach, everybody wins. Lose/Lose means there is no agreement and no winner. In fact, both parties do everything to ensure that the other loses even if they lose themselves. Some people become so centred on an enemy that they become blind to everything except their desire for that person to lose, even if it means losing themselves. Win/Lose is where a decision is reached which is found acceptable by only one party. Competing for the job is an example where it is appropriate to have this point of view. But most of life is not a competition and we do not have to live our lives competing with our children, our co-workers or our Conflict Resolution Page 5 of 18

6 spouses. Most results you want depend on cooperation between you and others. The Win/Lose mentality does not encourage cooperation. Lose/Win also has only one winner but the point of view is different. People who are prepared to lose often want to keep the peace. If the issue is trivial, it may be appropriate to have this point of view. However, it can be unhealthy because true feelings are not expressed. Eventually, repressed feelings become so strong that they sometimes manifest as illnesses or as irrational reactions. Both Win/Lose and Lose/Win are weak positions. Win means that a party wants to win without regard for the other party or parties. It is the "every man for himself" mentality. It may be appropriate in rare and extreme circumstances such as saving someone's life. It doesn't matter if the other party wins or loses as long as the Win person gets his or her own way. No Deal means that both parties agree or they "agree to disagree." The joint decision concerning the outcome was made before beginning negotiation. It may be appropriate in cases where it is not essential for the parties to interact if they don't agree. An example would be for a job posting. The two people might decide to agree on every point of the job package or not work together. If you can't reach a Win/Win, you're often better off to go for a No Deal. That way, no one person feels that he or she is a loser. Think back over the past few weeks or months and consider problems you have been part of or have witnessed. Compare these situations with Covey's six paradigms of human interaction. Which situations were negotiated successfully? Which could have been handled better? Conflict Resolution Page 6 of 18

7 Strategies for Dealing with Conflict Okay, How Should I Deal with Conflict? First, ask yourself how you currently deal with conflict. Different people use different strategies for managing conflict. These strategies are learned, usually in childhood, and they seem to function automatically. Usually we are not aware of how we act in conflict situations - we just do whatever seems to come naturally. But we do have a personal strategy; and because it was learned, we can always change it by learning new and more effective ways of managing conflict. How Do You Usually Choose to Deal with Problems or Potential Conflict? What is the easiest strategy for you the hardest? What are the situations where each approach is appropriate inappropriate? Read the typical responses listed below and identify your usual response to problems: You wait and avoid, hoping the problem will resolve itself. You give the problem back to the people involved because you believe they can solve it. You take over the problem and impose your own solutions. You collaborate and compromise so that each side reaches a satisfactory conclusion. One style will not necessarily work in all situations. For example, if two people are involved in a minor disagreement that affects no one else, you might choose to wait and see what happens. If they come to you for help in resolving the problem, you might: Give the problem back to them and ask them to bring you back a solution. Help them come to a satisfactory conclusion. In some instances you might have to impose a solution that separates one from the other. (It all depends.) Conflict Resolution Page 7 of 18

8 Ways to Handle Problems Whenever people are dealing with other people, interpersonal conflict and problems are a fact of life. Since conflicts and problems invariably arise in any work environment, you should be aware of the five approaches for dealing with them. Use a different approach with managers, colleagues, or employees. Avoiding Sue doesn't want to face up to the problems during her placement and she withdraws from the situation. She tends to deny that issues are a problem and therefore doesn't always deal with them. Accommodating Sanjay prefers to satisfy the concerns of others at the expense of his own concerns. He is opposite to Karen. He is usually agreeable and non-assertive even at the expense of his own personal goals. Collaborating Victor uses an assertive and cooperative approach to dealing with conflict wherein he recognizes the importance of both sides. Both sides are willing to work together to find the best solution. He believes in promoting a mutual feeling of trust and commitment. Competing Karen uses a win/lose approach to problems; she feels she must win at any cost and uses power to do this. She is often confrontational and aggressive and pursues her concerns at the expense of others. Compromising Alex feels it's important that all parties reach their goals and maintain good relationships. Both sides must give a little and take a little - they must seek the middle ground. Her approach is halfway between Sanjay's and Karen's. Her way is often the most practical approach. It is essential to decide in advance what stance you will take in the negotiation. Most often, the appropriate mode for interpersonal negotiations Conflict Resolution Page 8 of 18

9 is Win/Win. Both persons obtain what they want and feel good about it. No one feels put upon and no one has given up important points. Learning Activity: Conflict Resolution Styles Most strategies used to solve problems and resolve conflicts need a strong measure of common sense. There are no magic formulas that determine which approach will definitely work best for each situation -- at times you may have to adjust your natural problem-solving style. For each of the five approaches to problem solving and conflict resolution described above, think of an example of when each approach might be best. Avoiding: Accommodating: Collaborating: Competing: Compromising: Conflict Resolution Page 9 of 18

10 Suggested Answers: Avoiding - It might be best to use this approach when a problem is either too insignificant for interference; too confrontational at the time to risk interfering; or, can be handled adequately by the people involved. Competing - This approach can be useful when it is essential to stand up for your rights; or when you are certain you are morally and ethically correct in doing so. Accommodating - This approach is appropriate when winning is not important; it's not worth disturbing the peace; or when another point of view is better. (You have to pick your battles!) Compromising - This approach recognizes that no one approach is the best way and works best in a spirit of negotiation. Collaborating - This approach is used when all parties agree to openly look for the most appropriate solution. It is certainly the ideal solution to problem solving. Recognizing Solution Inhibitors When you're dealing with conflict situations or problems, it's important to understand the types of behaviours that will make arriving at a solution almost impossible. The following are types of behaviour that are barriers to solving problems. If you recognize any of these characteristics in your own behaviour, you will want to address these before you attempt to deal with conflicts and problems. The Absurdist: This type of person is fond of saying, "This shouldn't have happened." This phrase usually covers deeper emotions such as anger or frustration. Problems and conflicts are like bells; you can't un-ring them. Once something has happened or a situation has developed, it must be dealt with. Conflict Resolution Page 10 of 18

11 The Blamer: This is the type of person who finds it difficult to take responsibility for his or her actions. This kind of behaviour can sidetrack resolution strategies because the key aspect then becomes finding out who is to blame. People must take responsibility if progress toward a resolution is going to be achieved. The Chameleon: This person wants to be liked by everyone and therefore takes his or her cues from others. She or he will not take a stand. Have you ever heard the saying, "Dealing with that person is like trying to nail Jello to a wall"? The Dictator: This is the kind of person who constantly believes that he or she knows better and therefore disregards other solutions or ways of doing things. This can stifle creativity. The Jellyfish: The jellyfish is committed to waiting, hoping that a situation will resolve itself. While patience is important, eventually, someone will have to take action. The Resister: A resister hates change and wants things to be static and predictable. Unfortunately, if there is a conflict or a problem, the status quo is part of it. The Victim: This person is fond of saying, "Why me?" Again, this is a statement that does not move anyone toward a resolution of the problem. Source: Noone, Donald J., Creative Problem Solving, Hauppauge, N.Y.: Barron's Educational Series Inc., Conflict Resolution Page 11 of 18

12 Handling Conflict with Difficult People I've Tried Everything. Nothing is Working and I'm Getting an Ulcer! Difficult people cause most of the stress and resentment in our lives. It can be someone who is rude to you, a colleague who takes advantage of you, or the boss who treats you with disrespect. Sometimes it can even be the How to Recognize Burnout You feel tired and depressed most of the time. You complain much of the time. You feel upset or angry most of the time. You feel that no one cares about you. You feel tension and conflict at work. person who cut you off on the way to work. Whatever the cause, you become upset by the actions of another person. And if you continue allowing others to stress and distress you, you are likely inviting burnout. How Can I Deal with Burnout and Stress? First and foremost, you have to be in control of your reactions. Learn to recognize the events that you can control and those that are outside of your control. Even if you have no control over the actions of another person, you can still control how you react to him or her. Don't waste time and energy by allowing another person to control your mood and attitude. Let it go. Dealing With a Difficult Colleague If you continue to allow a colleague to take advantage of you without addressing him or her, you may continue to be angry within yourself because you are not assertively clearing the air. Determine what the problem is and then deal with it! Address the cause of the problem, and try to choose the time and place carefully. This should be a matter between the two of you. Conflict Resolution Page 12 of 18

13 I Have a Problem... Avoid starting the conversation with accusatory statements such as "You really upset me when you..." or "Why do you always...?" These openings generally escalate into conflict. Instead of opening your conversation with accusatory statements, try beginning by using the "I Have a problem" approach. The following is an example of a more effective and tactful way of phrasing your concerns. Using this approach can help prevent your conversation from escalating into conflict. I have a problem and I need your help in solving it. Yesterday when you asked me to cover your phones for you because you were leaving early, I received a call from an angry client who said you were supposed to call him back. A similar situation occurred last Thursday when..." I felt embarrassed and upset because..." Could you put your voice mail on or ask someone else to cover for you if you have to leave? I will answer your phone if you are just stepping out of the office but I need to know when you will get back." What if the Person Causing Me the Most Stress is My Boss? There are two basic approaches here: one is to use a feedback strategy and the other is to wait it out. Try the feedback strategy first. It might not hurt and it might help. Managers are busy people with their own stress points; sometimes your manager may not realize he or she is overburdening you, or not giving you proper recognition. Set up a meeting and make sure you have clearly thought out what your concerns are. Use the "I have a problem" technique again. Ask for input and guidance. If, after the feedback approach, your manager still treats you with disrespect or downplays your efforts, try to wait him or her out. After all, people don't stay in the same position forever and eventually one of you will move. Conflict Resolution Page 13 of 18

14 Learning Activity: Providing Feedback Think about how you would handle the following problem using the feedback approach, or rehearse a script for your dialogue with him. The Program Manager, Mr. Raymond, doesn't return his phone calls and you get angry comments from your contacts in the field. You do pass along the messages and sometimes remind him that a particularly insistent person wants a return call. Mr. Raymond says he's too busy to return the calls that day and he'll call back tomorrow. Suggested Approach: Providing Feedback You could wait until Mr. Raymond isn't busy and ask for a few minutes of his time. Close the office door and open with: Mr. Raymond, I have a problem and I need your help in solving it." You could then describe the problem and ask Mr. Raymond what you could do to keep the problem from recurring. This places the problem where it belongs, with Mr. Raymond. If he is not interested in solving this problem, you might say something like, "I need your cooperation in presenting a professional image to our contacts. When you don't return your calls I feel responsible and often callers take their frustrations out on me. I find it difficult to work when people are constantly being upset with me." Here you are being persistent and firm. "Can we find a solution that will work for both of us?" Ask him to work with you for a solution. Most strategies used to solve problems and resolve conflicts need a strong measure of common sense. There are no magic formulas that determine which approach will definitely work best for each situation -- at times you may have to adjust your natural problem-solving style. Conflict Resolution Page 14 of 18

15 Quiz: Which Approach Works Best? Read the following scenario and choose which of the five approaches to conflict resolution (collaborating, compromising, avoiding, competing, accommodating) is demonstrated by each example. Arlene is responsible for overseeing the work of five staff members. Each is efficient in his or her own way but Manny and Carmen do not get along because they have different approaches to doing things. Carmen likes to meet with Arlene weekly to discuss her project; Manny believes Carmen is complaining about him and so he withdraws into himself while he completes his assignments. Their hostility is affecting the whole office. 1. Let Manny and Carmen handle their own dispute. collaborating compromising avoiding competing accommodating 2. Examine the situation and tell them to follow your decision. collaborating compromising avoiding competing accommodating 3. Keep out of their way and see what happens. collaborating compromising avoiding competing accommodating Conflict Resolution Page 15 of 18

16 4. Sit down with both of them and get them to come to a decision they can both live with although it may not be perfect. collaborating compromising avoiding competing accommodating 5. Help them work together to understand each other s approaches and if possible, share their ideas. collaborating compromising avoiding competing accommodating Suggested Answers: 1. Let Manny and Carmen handle their own dispute. Accommodating - this may work and it may not; things could escalate if they don't have guidance. 2. Examine the situation and tell them to follow your decision. Competing - this doesn't allow them to try and resolve things in a problem-solving manner. 3. Keep out of their way and see what happens. Avoiding - nothing gets mentioned, nor resolved. 4. Sit down with both of them and get them to come to a decision they can both live with although it may not be perfect. Compromising - could work here because they a re working together to resolve the problem. 5. Help them work together to understand each other s approaches and if possible, share their ideas. Collaborating - this works because it allows each one to work together to identify and share the best solution. Conflict Resolution Page 16 of 18

17 But I Don't Think That's How They Deal With Conflict in this Culture... Different Cultures Deal with Conflict in Different Ways Culture has a profound effect on our conception of conflict and is a strong influence on how we deal with conflict. Many cultures value an indirect method of communication for reasons of face-saving, harmony or long-term versus short-term gain. (Refer to the module on Cross-Cultural Skills for more information on differences in cross-cultural communication.) When considering strategies for dealing with intercultural conflict, keep the following in mind: Be prepared for the other culture to openly deny the problem exists (or at least downplay the problem). Be prepared for inaction as a form of displeasure. Recognize that misdirection of blame is often an accepted way of handling conflict in other cultures. Be conscious of face-saving tactics. Do not expect a speedy resolution to the problem. You may have to live with the conflict for a period of time. Learn to be comfortable with silence. Be careful about how you show strong displeasure. Remember that criticizing a person's idea is often the same as criticizing or demeaning the person. Try to focus criticism on the idea or the action; not the person. Try to ask non-judgemental questions. Be careful about blaming statements that are really asking: "Who's responsible?" Possessing the ability to understand and anticipate potential disagreements in a cross-cultural situation will help you create more effective interpersonal relationships across cultural boundaries. However, this takes time! Some people spend years working in other countries learning how to do this well. In the meantime, remember to take the time to listen and observe and respond in a culturally-sensitive manner! Conflict Resolution Page 17 of 18

18 References and Resources Useful Links People to People Communication: Preventing and Resolving Harassment for a Healthy Work Environment, Government of Canada (B) Prevention of Sexual Harassment, by the Centre for E-Learning of the University of Ottawa (B) (B) = Bilingual Site (E) = English Site (F) = French Site Useful Books AVRUCH, Kevin, Culture & Conflict Resolution, Washington, D.C.: United States Institute for Peace Press (1998). BRÉARD, Richard and Pierre PASTOR, Gestion des conflits, Rueil-Malmaison: Ed. Liasons (2000). MUHAMMAD, Rab i, Conflict Resolution and Ethnicity, Westport, Conn.: Praeger (1994). NOONE, Donald J., Creative Problem Solving, Hauppauge, N.Y.: Barron s Educational Series Inc. (1993). ROUSSEAU, Pierre, Comprendre et gérer les conflits dans les enterprises et les organisations, Lyon: Chronique sociale (1990). STITT, Allan J., Alternative dispute resolution for organizations: how to design a system for effective conflict resolution, Toronto: J. Wiley & Sons Canada (1998). Conflict Resolution Page 18 of 18