steps to baby bliss Babies need only the simplest things to grow up happy and secure

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1 MIND & BODY 10 steps to baby bliss Babies need only the simplest things to grow up happy and secure By Suzanne McFadden Holding your new baby close for the first time can be an incredibly beautiful and daunting moment. She s so beautiful and you want to do everything right to get her ready to go out into the world. But where do you start? Well, a cuddle is perfect. Our babies do need a lot from us, but much of what they need is simple, meaning being the kind of parent you want to be needn t be as difficult as you first thought. A baby comes into the world with their brain only partially formed, and Mother Nature leaves it to caregivers to finish the job, says Dr Stanley Greenspan, a worldrenowned specialist in child development. Around a fifth of a baby s brain is formed at birth. In the first three years, the brain is being hard-wired hundreds of trillions of synapses (the connections between brain cells) are being formed. These connections are not only setting up the sense centre so a child can see, hear, taste, move and touch, but creating the emotional and intellectual ability to feel, think and behave. The way parents or caregivers respond to and care for their children has a colossal effect on the way those connections are wired and lays the foundation for psychological development. The relationship between a baby and her main caregiver be it mother, father or someone else is the key to the child s development in the first 12 months, child development experts agree. Dr Terrie Inder, a New Zealand-born neonatal neurologist now working at Washington University in the US, calls it synchrony a crucial partnership that doesn t always come easily, but is well worth the intense effort that s needed to build it. Like any relationship, there are two sides to it. A baby wants to get to know you, and they want someone who understands what they re trying to say or how they feel. They want someone who responds to them consistently in a caring and calm way, she says. It s not easy, especially for new mums. When a baby s born, there s a lot of teaching about feeding and nappy changing, but not much about the emotional side of this whole new partnership. Dr Simon Rowley, a neonatal paediatrician at the Newborn Intensive Care Unit at Auckland City Hospital, has an ongoing fascination with the newborn baby s brain. A member of the Brainwave Trust, which promotes research on brain development, Dr Rowley says a strong attachment relationship in the first months will develop a child s social skills and protect her from future difficulties she may face, like stress and trauma. We asked child development experts to outline 10 things a child needs in the first 12 months of her life to help her grow up happy and secure, and to maximise her brain development. 1 It s hard to know someone if you haven t spent a lot of time with them, says Dr Inder. That s why it is so important for a newborn to have at least one main caregiver who can learn to read a baby s signs, to understand what she wants long before she is able to communicate with words. The bond may begin well before babies are born they recognise familiar voices heard when in utero, and a baby instinctively CONSISTENCY OF CARE knows her mother s smell. Child health nurse and Little Treasures columnist Erin Bremford says consistency of care is one of the most important things she looks for when dealing with families. Even if a child is brought up by a whanau, there needs to be one significant person in the group for the child to bond with, Bremford says. Children must have that consistency to grow. PHOTOGRAPHS JO HEAD 18 NEWBABY 2008

2 THEY WANT SOMEONE WHO RESPONDS TO THEM CONSISTENTLY IN A CARING AND CALM WAY

3 3 nurturing touch Touch is the mother of all senses, says Dr Rowley. A nurturing touch gives children security, confidence and selfassurance. Unfortunately, it s something New Zealanders need to work on we re not a great nation of cuddlers, he says. While in the womb, a baby s main sense is hearing and sensitivity to touch is welldeveloped at birth. Dr Inder is a big fan of baby massage, or even quietly running your hands down your baby s body as she is slipping off to sleep or having a bath. Even non-cuddlers, babies who wriggle or don t reach out to be held, can benefit enormously from positive touch. 2 warm responsive caregiving The first step in making a strong attachment with a child is eye contact. Who can forget the moments after a baby is born, when you hold her in your arms and she gives you a long, meaningful stare? It s the primary form of attachment. There s some process of imprinting going on there, says Dr Rowley. Whether you call it a spiritual, emotional or intellectual bond, meeting your child s gaze has implications on a child s emotional and creative development. Babies reach out with their eyes, Dr Inder says, and looking back at them is the best way to read your baby, to know when she is tired, hungry or just plain unhappy. Then, she says, it s a matter of picking them up, nurturing, calming and loving them. But this bond doesn t always come automatically. You may both have to learn to be responsive. That means taking quiet time to sit calmly with your baby in different settings and listen to them, to crack the code of what the baby is trying to express. 4 encouraging movement A newborn s first movements are random and reflexive. In the first six months her gross motor skills are developing for strength, control and co-ordination. The best way a baby can develop these big muscles is to be given space to move. Try not to keep her tightly swaddled in blankets or strapped into a pushchair for too long. She needs to learn how her body works. Skills like sitting up, rolling over, crawling and walking are hardwired into the brain by repetition. Tummy time, when she is awake, develops upper-body strength that is the first step towards learning to walk. 20 NEWBABY 2008

4 5 stimulation From birth, babies thrive on a stimulating environment things to do, see, hear and touch. Playing is how they learn physically and mentally. Have one bright toy or play a game on the floor with some basic picture books, but not too much, says Erin Bremford. It s important that you give them toys that are appropriate for their age group soft rattles for a three month old, a toy with knobs and wheels for a nine month old otherwise they will become frustrated. Plunket has advice on what toys are suitable for each age. Dr Rowley stresses that cyber time computers and television should be kept to an absolute minimum at this age. What we want them to learn are real experiences; they need to be able to respond to things that happen to them to feel grass rather than to see it on the screen. TALKING AND READING 6Talking and reading to your child from the word go has a profound effect on her language skills and intellect. Talking first gives her a sense of calm as she recognises the sound of your voice. She then uses the pitch and tone to know how you are feeling. Babies learn to recognise sounds and words through repetition. By three months, a child s brain can distinguish several hundred different spoken words and after six months, the link between sound and meaning begins. Erin Bremford encourages caregivers to start reading to their babies at six weeks, usually after they have been fed. Keep a small pile of books handy, she says. It s not just about learning, but spending intimate time with your child. And children love it. At around four months, she may just want to look, touch, and even chew the books, so it s probably best to start with vinyl or cloth pages. But by nine months, she ll probably be engrossed, turning the pages for herself. A love of books is important, Dr Rowley says, because it develops many aspects of the brain not only language but mathematic skills as well. And it starts to take a child into the imaginary world, which seems to correlate strongly with good intellectual development. NEWBABY

5 7 sleep Research shows that sleep and sleep loss influence learning and memory. It is thought that deep sleep allows a baby to form new brain connections; while you are asleep, your brain converts the things it has seen into more permanent information. Erin Bremford says babies also need a regular sleep pattern to recharge their batteries and to feed properly. Feeding and sleeping for the first few weeks is their whole life. It s a big deal for them to be able to co-ordinate breathing, sucking and swallowing. The number of tired babies not digesting their food properly is astounding, and it holds back their development, she says. Sleep is a learned skill that caregivers have to teach their children. Bremford recommends gradually nudging them into a good sleep pattern. CHILDREN WHO GROW UP LEARNING A PATTERN OF NEGATIVITY ADOPT IT LATER IN LIFE 9opportunities to explore You don t need expensive electronic toys or the latest in backyard playground equipment to have fun, just freedom to explore, says Dr Rowley. The pot cupboard and a soup ladle can provide hours of entertainment as long as you don t have the chemicals and detergents in there too. Whether it is polishing the table or splashing in the sink with the dishes, involve them in what you are doing. There is not only mutual enjoyment, Dr Rowley says, but you are also achieving three objectives completing the task that needs to be done, spending time together and learning. 8songs & music There s no concrete evidence that playing music to your baby will make her more intelligent, but rhythm and tune is known to make babies calm and happy. Introducing music to babies is like teaching them language, says Dr Rowley. Music is really important in people s lives and if you can introduce babies to music in their first two years, it s a critical period to develop a musical ear. What tunes you play to your future musicians is a matter of personal taste. But remember loud, aggressive music can overstimulate a child s brain. There are a growing number of community-based programmes that introduce infants to music take your baby along and you ll both gain confidence. 10 caregivers who don t fight From birth, babies quickly learn that a change in the tone or pitch of familiar voices may mean danger. Hearing their mothers voices in a distressed state will upset them. That is why it is so important to avoid arguing or confrontation in front of your children. Being a witness to such behaviour is as bad as having it done to you, says Dr Rowley. If it is too repetitive it becomes ingrained. Children who grow up learning a pattern of negativity will adopt it in later life they are cool and distant rather than warm and nurturing. If you re doing everything positive mentioned in this story your child s brain will be developing to be the best it can so don t pressure your child to achieve milestones. Babies do things when they are ready or when the right connections have been made in their brains. If you re regularly visiting your Plunket nurse, she ll let you know if there is anything to worry about. 22 NEWBABY 2008