Level 1 Leadership in CO /9/2013

Transcription

1 Building YOUR Leadership Capacity The GOOD News about CONFLICT Level 1- Leadership in Colorado September 13-14, 2013 "In any encounter we have a choice: we can strengthen our resentment or our understanding and empathy. We can widen the gap between ourselves and others or lessen it." ~Pema Chodron Conflict Defined (freedictionary.com) State of open, often prolonged fighting Clash or state of disharmony, tension Sometimes unconscious Between persons, ideas, or interests Direct, incompatible, & unequivocal opposition Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 1

2 Different Views Traditional Human Relations or Behavioral Interactionist CONFLICT Needs to be resolved Viewed as dysfunctional, negative, damaging, & irrational Typically caused by lack of trust, poor communication, or failure to be accountable to needs of others Seen as natural within groups & organizations Won t go away Occasionally,seen as constructive or beneficial in different ways/at certain times Encourage people to tolerate conflict; learn to live with it Encourage conflict - keeps individuals & groups viable/creative Without conflict, people/organizations become stagnant; slow to respond Functional or dysfunctional: Functional fundamental; needed to enhance long-term group performance Conflict by Levels Intra-personal Interpersonal Inter-group Between 2 people Between 2 groups Within oneself Interorganizational Between 2 organizations Conflict by Levels: Possible Sources of Conflict Personal Interpersonal Intragroup EVERY level Psychological elements: trust, respect, desire for inclusion Procedural elements: policies, chain of command, decisionmaking authority Lack of communication Life circumstances: illness, disability, death Good News about Conflict (Heifetz, Grashow & Linsky, 2009) Conflict can be positive! Conflict can: Improve quality of decisions Stimulate creativity & innovation Foster interest & creativity Release tension Foster self-evaluation & improvement Combat groupthink Conflict is an essential resource in getting to the real, as opposed to superficial, harmony. Heifetz, Grashow& Linsky, 2009, p. 151 Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 2

3 Functional Outcome of Conflict: Brings problems into the open What s YOUR Elephant? Elephant in the room Conflict, Fundamentally Conflict is not bad, it just is. Just part of day to day living Embedded in routine & mundane activities Many cases: Not acknowledged officially Not managed well Not good or bad Always uncomfortable, not presence of conflicts, but way in which they are managed, determines whether conflict is constructive or destructive. (Johnson and Johnson, 2008) Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 3

4 Conflict is a breakdown in relationship. Relational View of Conflict Conflict is breakdown in relationship. Emphasizes relationship not individual Transformconflictinto opportunities for growth for bothindividuals & relationship between individuals Learn about: oneself; one another; interaction itself; & group, if part of group Can lead to strengthening relationship Personal Leadership: Understand Different Stylesof Conflict Management HOW YOU RESPONDto conflict = most important Best response is variable Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 4

5 Conflicts: Clarify who you are Identifies your values Through conflicts -your identity develops. (Johnson and Johnson, 2008) STYLESof Managing Conflict Fight or flight -someone s response to situations of conflict Experts -developed different frameworks to determine typical responses to conflict; determine conflict management styles Examples KraybillConflict Style Inventory Covey: Win/Win Nonviolent Communication What s Your Style? Kraybill Conflict Style Inventory Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 5

6 Kraybill Conflict Style Inventory GOALS Expectations Agenda HIGH Commitment LOW FOCUS RELATIONSHIP HIGH FOCUS LOW Commitment Kraybill Conflict Style Inventory GOALS Expectations Agenda HIGH Commitment LOW FOCUS RELATIONSHIP HIGH FOCUS LOW Commitment High Consideration Low Paradigms of Human Interaction (Covey, 1990) Lose/Win Give in/give up Quick to please; seek acceptance Little courage to express own feelings & convictions Easily intimidated by ego/strength of others. Lose/Lose Low Courage Win/Win Win/Lose If I win, you lose. I get my way; you don t get yours. Authoritarian Use power, position, credentials, possessions, or personality to get ownway High Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 6

7 Win/Win 1 of Covey s 7 Habits (Covey, 1990) Habit: effective interpersonal leadership Covey describes style = philosophy of human interaction Uses concept to describe: Frame of mind & heart -seek mutual benefit Win/Win approach - view life as cooperative not competitive Win/Win agreements/solutions -mutually beneficial & satisfying ALLparties feel good; feel committed to action plan Not yourway or myway; but betterway Nonviolent Communication (NVC) (Rosenberg, 2003; Based on principles of nonviolence -natural state of compassion when no violence is present in the heart. People practicing NVC have found: Greater authenticity in their communication Increased understanding Deepening connection Conflict resolution. Assumptions we are all: Compassionate by nature; Violent strategies verbal or physical are learned behaviors taught, supported by prevailing culture(s). When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving! -CNVC founder, Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 7

8 Bullying Styles Bullying happens at work. Workplace Bullying: "repeated, health harming abusive conduct committed by bosses & co-workers"; repeated mistreatment: sabotage by others that prevented work from getting done, verbal abuse, threatening conduct, intimidation, & humiliation". (Workplace Bullying Institute) Bullying in relationships - lopsided balance of power 35% of U.S. workforce (an est million Americans) report being bullied at work; additional 15% witness it. (2010 Workplace Bullying Institute s survey findings) Bullying behavior worsensmorale & productivity (Sutton, 2007) Bully Bosses: Formal leadership roles: Use powerto hurt, demean, or take advantage of others who do not feel are in position to protect themselves staying with conflict is notappropriate for an abusive, toxic, or unhealthy relationship. If you re a victim of a bully, it s your responsibility to take care of yourself by changing the dynamics of the relationship with your abuser. Assess your situation. Make preparations to increase your options. Recognize that you may have to change employment to affect an end to the abuse. Let s Talk about ANGER Lerner (1997) Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Signal? Ignoring important emotional issue or beliefs, values, passions, or needs being compromised in relationship Anger is neither legitimate nor illegitimate, meaningful nor pointless. Anger simply is. May help to ask questions to gain clarity about possible sources of anger Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 8

9 Let s Talk about ANGER Lerner (1997) Possible Questions: What makes me reallyangry right now? What risks and losses could I face if I become clearer and more assertive? What could I gain? If expressing my anger is not working for me, what I can do differently? Can Conflicts Really Be Resolved? Conflict resolution : Reach settlement, agreement of some kind o Very few meaningful conflicts -resolved quickly, easily, once & for all Conflict -inherent aspect of human interaction. Livingwith conflict and participatingin conflict constructively are more realistic goals. Can Conflicts Really Be Resolved? Mayer (2009) Accept conflict -it endures! Avoid avoidance Find ways to engage in conflict: Productive Sustainable Find ways to: Work with tension Grow& learn Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 9

10 Instead -Transform Conflict! Not resolve conflict Can result in: growth, change, learning, & understanding - self & other Some cases, strengthens relationship; builds greater trust in ability to work with & through difference When conflict transformed, clearer and deeper understanding achieved in many ways ~for situation; oneself; and the others ~ (otherdefined personwith whom we see ourselves in conflict) Transforming Conflict - Important! Engage in conflict make room for valuing both differences and similarities Agreeing or seeing things in sameway -different than making room for understanding how another person views a situation, or how another is expressing his/her values Make room to understand from where another is coming or motivations that inspire actions & behaviors that we see & interpret - allow those to be, just be, that they make sense to another person Potential Barrier to Transforming Conflict Entrenched conflict: Pattern so familiar to parties that have adapted to it & its familiarity more comfortable than potential change, andno one motivated to change Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 10

11 Good News about Conflict (Heifetz, Grashow & Linsky, 2009) New environments and new dreams demand new strategies and abilities, as well as the leadership to mobilize them. (p. 14) Adaptive leadership = change enabling a capacity to thrive Adaptive leaders -help surface conflict associated with problem/certain change; thengroup can: Identify losses those that are negotiable & those that aren t Engage in vital discussions needed to work through conflicts Create environment -conflicts identified & managed so that new adjustments emerge 7 Steps to Orchestrating Conflict (Heifetz, Grashow & Linsky, 2009) Howto start process of surfacing & working through conflict in order to proceed on adaptive issues Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 11

12 7 Steps to Orchestrating Conflict (Heifetz, Grashow & Linsky, 2009) 1) Prepare do homework before surfacing conflict 2) Establish ground rules make it safe to discuss conflict; commit to confidentiality 3) Get eachview on table need courage & honesty to name the elephants in room 4) Orchestrate conflict articulate explicitly allcompeting issues & positions 5) Accept & manage losses identify/reflect on losses -may be experienced due to new alternatives/pathways 6) Generate & commit to experiments shared commitment - howthey will tackle challenge & implement new actions; allow time to evaluate & modify strategies 7) Institute peer leadership consulting maximizing chances of success, allow members of group to consult with each other systematically on leadership headache they ve just given each other Take advantage of ambiguity in world. Look at something. Think about what else it might be. ~Roger von Oech Leaders & Negotiation Negotiation = interactive process; parties rarely have full information & complete knowledge about situation making negotiation difficult Breakthrough Strategy (Ury, 1993) Don t react Don t argue Don t reject Don t push Breaking through barriers to cooperation Go to balcony Step to their side Reframe Build them a golden bridge Don t escalate Use power to educate Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 12

13 Constructive Controversy (Johnson & Johnson, 1979, 2007, 2009) Person's ideas, information, theories, opinions, & conclusions = incompatible with those of another &two seek to reach agreement Program teaches individuals HOWto engage in rational conflict Situationframed in cooperative way Participants become skilled to engage in reasonable arguments Train individuals to: Prepare best case possible - represent their position Give persuasive presentation to convince others to agree with them Engage in open discussion - attempt to disprove opposing positions while countering criticisms on their position Engage in perspective reversal - present best case for opposing position Reach joint decision by consensus based on best reasoned judgment Leadership & Resolving Conflicts To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible, we must be truthful. -Edward R. Murrow Suggested Tool: Slow Down Slow things down to reallyunderstand: What s going on in situation What information might be missing Where might be misunderstanding, misinformation What s lacking in terms of participant s engagement Often, respond quickly -try to just move on & move past conflict Don t actually address circumstances & needs of persons in conflict Frequently, have to backtrack Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 13

14 Suggested Tool: Use Empathy Empathy is NOT Sympathy Empathy -not feeling sorry for one another nor having sympathy for situation Sympathy or feeling sorry can put another into a lessthanposition Idea of powerwith-sense of equality -rather than powerover (authority; more power over another; idea of bullying) PERSONAL LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT - PLANNING Personal Leadership: CONFLICT STYLE Self-Assessment Self-Management: Identify 1 new tool to try Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 14

15 Leadership Forum: Personal Experiences Encountering Situations of Conflict QUESTIONS? Collaborating with the LEADERSHIP Institute 15