Overview Domestic Abuse and the Issue of Male Victims

Transcription

1 Overview Domestic Abuse and the Issue of Male Victims Jon McGregor, M.Sc., M.F.T. Calgary Counselling Centre Community Crisis Society Coordinator: Male Domestic Abuse Outreach Program Understanding Domestic Abuse Rates themes of D.V. against males Conundrums Challenges Rates themes of female use of abuse Working with male victims Male Outreach Program Objectives Understanding domestic violence/abuse Exploring the developing area of working with male victims Learning how to support men experiencing abuse in relationships Defining Domestic Abuse Violence: acting with the (perceived) intention of causing injury or pain Minor violence: throwing, pushing, grabbing, slapping Severe violence: kick, bite, hit with fist/object, to use or threaten to use knife/gun/weapon Abuse: intent to cause physical/emotional pain, or intimidate, in order to dominate, subordinate, exploit, or control Domestic: any potentially trusting/intimate/dependent relationship (e.g., spouse, common-law partner, BF/GF, parent-child, family-in-law) 1

2 The Cycle of Violence Tension-Building Remorse (Honeymoon) Abuse Walker, 1979 Rates: General Social Survey (GSS) Physical Abuse: 7% total 6% in males (546,000 men), 7% in females (653,000 women) The majority of spousal violence is not an isolated event 54% men said more than once 11% men said 10x or more Domestic Abuse Instrumental Violence Motivated by social control Aimed to dominate and express authority Power Expressional Violence To express anger/frustration or other immediate emotions Infrequent Patriarchal Terror Common Couple Johnson 06 Violence Rates: GSS Emotional Abuse: Men and women are equally likely to experience emotional abuse such as controlling (e.g., jealousy, knowing where the other is) 2

3 Themes of Victimization Men Who Have Been Abused Physical abuse is (10x) more likely in the context of emotional abuse Men s Experience: Slapped, threat to be hit Hit with an object Threat with weapon, Kicked, bit Most commonly emotional/verbal/ psychological Rates Male victims are primarily emotionally/verbally abused 19% of men reported being injured, 2% sought medical attention 10% of victims seeking shelter are men Men constitute ~18% of intimate murder vics in Canada, 30% in U.S. Themes of Victimization MDAOP themes: Never good enough Public humiliation/ridicule Neglected needs or responsibilities Destroyed property Emotionally unsafe Possibility of physical harm 3

4 Risk Factors Witnessing experiencing abuse in childhood Abusive partner heavily drinks alcohol Between 25 and 34 years old Living common-law In the relationship for 3 years or less Aboriginal Life stress, or change in life circumstances NOT income or education Male Victims: Disbelieved Police response to women s reporting of DV more satisfactory Men more likely to be charged on DV calls Doubt of their victim story associated emotions Effects of Abuse Most common experiences: Emotional fear Low self-worth Shame Low relationship S-E Silence Confused responsibility Confusion Learned helplessness Hurt Family alliances Disappointment Emasculated Male Victims: Coming Forward Men less likely to access social resources 10% of victims seeking shelter are men Dearth of services silences victims Only 17% of men who have experienced abuse report to police, 20% to social services Similar proportions of men and women don t access services because they don t know of any 4

5 Conundrums Reporting: Studies conflict on the issue of victimization gender symmetry Reporting of partner s controlling behaviors can be misinterpreted Omission of context (e.g., severity, intent, motivation, consequences, frequency) Self-defense vs Retaliation Abuse vs Resistance Women Who Use Abuse Stereotypes Male Stereotypes - Real men are not victims -Men don t ask for help -Emotionally self-sufficient -Men are abusers, women are victims -Bigger, more powerful than women -Don t get scared/hurt -Men must anticipate their partner s needs and change to meet their desires -Don t let others see you sweat you have to be tougher than the next guy -A man must be dominant in his relationships Female Stereotypes -Caring, gentle mothers -Must put their family first -Defenseless -Women s violence is relatively harmless -Women must keep their man in line -Warm -Judgmental -Temperamental/emotional -Women will have catfights Rates 23% of women acknowledged using violence against their partner in the last year (equally likely as men; ~12% in U.S.) Between 16% and 35% of domestic assault arrests are of women (U.S.) Charges are more commonly less severe for women Rates of women who use coercive control are conflicting Many women avoid being arrested/charged for domestic violence, as police favor her story 5

6 Themes of Abuse Women more often rely on weapons/objects Most frequently use expressional violence As likely to express anger violently as men, but less likely intended to control Violence used to connect with partner Violence as a response to emotional abuse Violence as retaliation from previous abuse Supporting Men Experiencing Domestic Abuse Females Abusing: Risk Factors When she s more likely to abuse: In times of change (e.g., moving, finances, new family) Poor communication, emotional regulation, or mental health (e.g., PTSD) Exposure to DV as a child, + marital dissatisfaction Previous adulthood victimization When she is experiencing abuse Supporting Men What to look for: Anxiety Depression most commonly reported effects Concern for children Confusion, blurred sense of responsibility 6

7 Assessment Questions you can ask: Have you ever felt fearful of Partner? Has Partner blamed you, or made you feel guilty for things you have or haven t done? Does Partner impose his/her jealousy? Who usually makes the decisions/gets their way? Who pays more attention to these behaviors? How do you feel about your ability/need to please your partner? Assessment: the Flip Who s afraid of whom? Patterns? Minimizing use of emotional aggression, amplifying experience of physical aggression Distinguish abusive from assertive behavior Sensitivity to control feeling out of control Skepticism should slow down the description Assessment Things to listen for: Descriptions of partner as hypersensitive, unrealistic expectations Responsibility (taking/projecting) Minimizing Control Isolation Helplessness Supporting Men GOALS: Expose violence clarify responsibility elucidate and honor resistance contest blaming (pathologizing...) victims 7

8 Supporting Men Approaching from victim-supporting stance - supporting client their partner Hearing the victim story Validating his/her experience - they are not alone Honor resistance, steps taken for safety (emo/phys) Supporting Men: Safety Safety planning may look different for men: Concerned more for emotional safety than physical safety Her use of objects may make the house unsafe Monitoring personal messages Risk of police disbelief, seen/charged as primary perpetrator Are kids safe with mother? Taking kids perceived/reported as kidnap Supporting Men: Safety Safety Planning: When lethality or danger is high To increase the victim s ability to protect him/herself and children Specific, Detailed, Practical Working in Domestic Abuse CCC: Turn For The Better (TFTB; men) Responsible Choices for Women (RCW) CCC/CCS: Male Domestic Abuse Outreach Program (MDAOP) 8

9 MDAOP Partnership program (CCC CCS) Enhancing access to resources for men and their families, affected by domestic abuse Men experiencing any abuse, seeking support and change for themselves/kids/family Counselling, Advocacy, Outreach Easy referral Low/no cost How YOU can help Know some resources Calgary Counselling Wheatland Shelter (CCS) MDAOP Men s Crisis Line CCASA Men s Counselling Service (CWES) How YOU can help Monitor personal biases Asking the question Note the importance neutrality Listen and validate Questions/Discussion Jon McGregor: jonathan.mcgregor@calgarycounselling.com 9

10 References Amaral, T.A. (2008). Being understood: Women who use violence in their intimate relationships with men. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, University of Calgary, Alberta. Fang, X. Corso, P.S. (2008). Gender differences in the connections between violence experienced as a child and perpetration of intimate partner violence in young adulthood. Journal of Family Violence, 23, Johnson, Michael P. (1995). Patriarchal terrorism and common couple violence: Two forms of violence against women in U.S. families. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 57, Kimmel, M.S. (2002). Gender symmetry in domestic violence: A substantive and methodological research review. Violence Against Women, Special Issue: Women s Use of Violence in Intimate Relationships, Part Lupri, E. Grandin, E. (2004). Intimate Partner Abuse Against Men. The National Clearinghouse on Family Violence. (Minister of Health). Statistics Canada, Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics. (2005). Family violence in Canada: A statistical profile. (Ottawa: Minister of Industry). Swan, S.C., Gambone, L.J., Caldwell, J.E., Sullivan, T.P., Snow, D.L. (2008). A review of research on women s use of violence with male intimate partners. Violence and Victims, 23, Tutty, L. (1999). Husband Abuse: An overview of research and perspectives. The National Clearinghouse on Family Violence. (Minister of Public Works and Government Services Canada). Walker, L. E. (1979). The battered woman. New York: Harper Row. 10