NACCC TRAINING MODULES. Conflict Management

Transcription

1 Promoting safe child contact within a national framework of child contact centres and services NACCC TRAINING MODULES Conflict Management Topics covered: Understanding why conflict occurs in the child contact centre Recognising signs of escalating emotions Exploring our reactions to conflict Learning how to deal with conflict in the child contact centre NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 1

2 National Association of Child Contact Centres Minerva House, Spaniel Row, NOTTINGHAM NG1 6EP Telephone: Fax: st Edition published June 2010 This training module is copyright. Please do not copy or distribute it. Copyright 2010 NACCC. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of NACCC. Registered Charity no Company Limited by Guarantee No (Registered in England & Wales) Page 2 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

3 Training module. Conflict Management Trainer s notes...8 Trainer s notes support sheet Trainer s notes support sheet Trainer s notes support sheet Agenda for participants...13 Worksheet 1A- Potential causes of conflict...14 Worksheet 1B- Potential causes of conflict...15 Worksheet 1C- Potential causes of conflict...16 Active listening skills role cards...17 Using I statements...18 Handout 1- Dealing with conflict and aggression...20 Case studies...22 Evaluation form...23 Certificate of attendance...25 See also Powerpoint presentation NACCC Conflict Management Module that supports this training module. NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 3

4 Plan for: Training module: Conflict Management Time of session: 3 hours Aim: To enable participants to explore the impact of family breakdown on children s emotional health and development, their safety and welfare Objectives: Participants will: Understand why conflict occurs in the child contact centre Recognise signs of escalating emotions Explore our reactions to conflict Learn how to deal with conflict in the child contact centre Knowledge and understanding will be checked throughout the session through discussions, activities and feedback Page 4 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

5 Detailed Programme 9.45am- Registration and coffee Everyone needs to collect a name badge or sticker and a pack of information about the day. Pack needs to include: agenda for participants worksheet 1 (A, B or C) evaluation sheet (Have pens set out on the tables- tables set for 4-6 people depending on numbers- you will need 3 groups or multiples of 3 if possible, but groups should not be bigger than 6 e.g if you have 12 people, you will have 3 groups of 4 people, if you have 30 people you will have 6 groups of 5 people) 10am- PowerPoint- Introductory slides 1. course title 2. mission statement 3. comments re: conflict in centres from Chief Executive 4. objectives of the training Introduction of trainer- name, position within NACCC and any other relevant information 10.05am - What do you need to know? 1. ask participants to tell you what they would like to get out of today s session and what they would like covered. Write their ideas on a flip chart and explain that you will have an opportunity to review this at the end of the session. Anything not covered can then be followed up by the trainer and information sent on to participants 10.10am- Ice-breaker 1. ask participants to work in pairs and discuss with their partner the following: Think of a time when you experienced conflict that you are happy to share with people. Discuss this with the person sitting next to you who will then feed this back to the rest of the group. Consider how the incident made you feel 2. ask them to swap after about 2-3 mins (you will need to remind them when to swap) and to keep the story brief. Ask participants not to discuss incidents that might stir up difficult feelings for them that would upset the start of their day! 3. After about 5 minutes, ask each participant to introduce their partner and very briefly relate their partner s story and the feelings involved 10.25am - PowerPoint 1. definition and purpose of conflict 2. why does it occur? NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 5

6 3. positive reasons for conflict 4. negative reasons for conflict 5. what will happen without resolution? 6. win/win, win/lose and lose/lose 10.35am - Conflict in the Contact Centre Exercise- Ask participants to work in small groups (multiples of 3 groups) and give one third of the groups worksheet 1A, one third 1B and one third 1C. Ask them to complete the sheets filling in how conflict may be created or made worse by the actions of the focus group on the worksheets (The possible responses are on the Trainer s Notes Support Sheet 1). Allow 10 minutes and then ask for feedback to the whole group am- PowerPoint - Recognising different emotional states 1. aggression 2. anxiety 3. depression 4. frustration 5. disapproval 6. feeling threatened Exercise- hand out laminated pictures amongst small groups and ask participants to identify the different emotions involved am- BREAK 11.40am- How we react to conflict Exercise- Active listening skills Ask participants to work in pairs. Hand out role cards a and b to each pair. One half of the pair will talk for about 2-3 minutes about how difficult the journey was to the training session and the other person will not listen properly. You do not need to explain this- let the participants read what is on the role cards without discussing what they have to do. After 2-3 minutes ask them to swap around for another couple of minutes. Then ask for feedback from the a group about how it felt not to be listened to, and the b group about how easy or difficult it may have felt not to listen. Explain that good, active listening is really important when someone is very upset or angry- it is essential not to get things wrong or look as though you are not interested am- Exercise- Personal space Ask participants to stand up and working with someone they haven t worked with, find some space and face each other. Then ask them to move towards each other as close as they can, until one of them feels uncomfortable. Page 6 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

7 Discuss how this made people feel and talk about the intimate, personal and public zone (See Trainer s Notes Support Sheet 2). 12 noon - Using I statements Explain the importance of not using confrontational language when dealing with people who are angry or upset, e.g you shouldn t shout at me would be better put as I don t like it when you shout at me Exercise - Handout 3 statements to each group (or fewer if you have lots of groups) and ask the participants to re-word the statements to make them less confrontational 12.15pm - Barriers to effective communication Using a flip chart, ask participants to list what they see as barriers to effective communication in the contact situation (see Trainers Notes Support Sheet 3) 12.25pm - Dealing with conflict General discussion with whole group about what steps we should take in a contact centre to deal with conflict- write this on a flip chart as a plan. Handout the NACCC resource- Dealing with conflict and aggression (Handout 1) then look over the plan and see what could be added. Exercise - Case studies Read out 3 case studies and ask participants to say how they would deal with the situations- What would you do? What would you say? 12.45pm- De-briefing General discussion of the importance of de-briefing - how should this be done and when? What about following an issue up? 12.50pm- Checking out understanding Look again at the flip chart list from the start of the session - have the items that participants listed been covered? Are there any questions? Close session Ask participants to complete evaluation sheets from their packs and give out handouts. Hand out certificates and collect evaluation sheets. NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 7

8 Trainer s notes There is a lot of information available on the internet to research the topic of conflict management- a list of sites used for this module is included. However, the module can be presented using the resources in the training pack. Further reading may be necessary depending on individual trainers knowledge and understanding. Resources This module is based on a PowerPoint presentation, but could be developed as an OHP presentation or the slides transferred to flip chart or handouts. The ice-breaker will need to be presented carefully- if participants discuss something that stirs up very angry feelings, you may have to help them deal with those before moving on. It is best to suggest that something manageable is discussed! It is usually a good idea to randomly assign participants to groups as they arrive. This can be done by using different coloured dots, for example, on their name badges. It would not matter for this programme, however, if people worked with someone they already know. The paper resources required for this module are as follows: a copy of the Agenda for Participants (1 copy per person) name badges and/or stickers pens PowerPoint presentation or whatever form you are using Flip chart and pens Trainer s Notes Support Sheets 1, 2 and 3 worksheets 1A, 1B and 1C (you will split the whole group into thirds for this activity, therefore you need 1 copy of each sheet per third of the group) laminated pictures of different emotions role cards a and b for active listening exercise statement cards for Using I statements exercise Handout 1- NACCC resource- Dealing with conflict and aggression case studies Evaluation sheets handouts about the presentation Certificates Page 8 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

9 Trainer s notes support sheet 1 How might conflict be created or made worse by the actions of the focus group on each worksheet? Worksheet 1A- Resident parent Possible answers bring new partner poor time-keeping journey to centre is difficult/ expensive unresolved issues with contact parent financial difficulties resulting from breakdown being difficult as a result of not wanting to bring child/children to contact contact being presented negatively to the child/children refusing to leave during the contact session allegations and counter-allegations not turning up for contact not communicating with the contact parent not understanding volunteers role not knowing or understanding contact centre rules or guidelines feeling the volunteers or coordinator have made them attend with the children being suspicious that volunteers are on the contact parent s side expecting the coordinator to report back to them or to their solicitor overwhelming emotions fear of their ex-partner Worksheet 1B - Contact Parent Possible answers anger that they have to be at the centre strong emotions about ex-partners new relationship poor time-keeping difficulties with getting to centre cost of travelling long distances resident parent doesn t turn up unresolved issues with ex-partner issues around maintenance NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 9

10 children not wanting to see contact parent children not wanting to leave the resident parent resident parent refusing to leave allegations and counter-allegations angry, aggressive males with mainly female volunteers not really understanding role of the volunteers not understanding rules of the centre turning up with new partner/ other family members without warning or agreement thinking that volunteers are reporting back to solicitors or resident parent fear of being watched, judged or criticised fear of not bonding with their child/ children overwhelming emotions Worksheet 1C - Centre workers Possible answers not assessing risk appropriately through the referral system not explaining the centre s code of conduct or preparing families no pre-visit to make rules clear or gain understanding of the issues involved assumptions about individuals or families/ stereotyping not following correct procedures in cases of domestic violence not welcoming families appropriately volunteers too busy not enough volunteers on duty for number of families attending not acknowledging the depth of emotions involved not recognising non-verbal warning signs, such as body language, drug or alcohol-use, children s emotional state Page 10 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

11 Trainer s notes support sheet 2 Personal space We have limits to how close we allow people to get to us. This is known as our personal space. It is generally accepted that we have 4 zones that we need to maintain when we are near other people: intimate zone - this is between 6-18 from our bodies and is only entered by those who may have physical contact with us personal zone this is about from us and is the distance we stand from people at social functions and friendly gatherings social zone this is about 4ft- 12 ft away from us and is the distance we stand from strangers or people we do not know very well, e.g the plumber, postman or teacher at school public zone this is usually a distance of over 12 ft from us and is the comfortable distance we generally need when addressing a large group of people We can usually tolerate some intrusion into our personal and social zone, but not into our intimate zone. If this happens we are likely to experience physiological changes in our bodies- heart pumps faster, adrenaline levels rise and our bodies prepare for fight or flight reactions. This suggests that we need to be very careful about getting too close or too tactile with someone we hardly know. This also explains why we react as we do when we are crowded together with people in lifts or trains. When we are faced with unavoidable intrusions into our intimate zone, we do not make eye contact, talk to people, show any emotion or make any unexpected movements. This is to avoid offending anyone or allowing anyone else to invade our intimate space any more than they have too. NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 11

12 Trainer s notes support sheet 3 Barriers to effective communication Possible answers: lack of understanding of cultural issues language difficulties assumptions and stereotypes about ethnic groups lack of understanding from parents about legal systems and procedures lack of understanding by parents of contact centre procedures muddles messages between all parties being in the middle of a public space children witnessing/ hearing difficult discussions not giving the angry person time to be listened to making judgements based on prior knowledge volunteers taking the issues personally volunteers feeling intimidated or frightened children appearing very distressed other families overhearing or becoming involved any concerns about anyone s safety Page 12 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

13 Agenda for participants Conflict Management Training Date: Venue: 9.45am 10am 10.25am 10.35am 11.05am 11.20am 11.40am 12.20pm 12.30pm 12.50pm 1pm Registration and coffee Introductions and learning objectives Conflict - definition and reasons Conflict in the Contact Centre Recognising different emotional states COFFEE BREAK Our reactions to conflict Barriers to effective communication Dealing with conflict Checking understanding and evaluation FINISH NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 13

14 Worksheet 1A- Potential causes of conflict How might conflict be created or made worse by the actions of the resident parent? How would this make the contact parent feel? Page 14 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

15 Worksheet 1B- Potential causes of conflict How might conflict be created or made worse by the actions of the non-resident parent? How would this make the resident parent feel? NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 15

16 Worksheet 1C- Potential causes of conflict How might conflict be created or made worse by the actions of the centre workers? How would this make the resident and/or the non-resident parent feel? Page 16 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

17 Active listening skills role cards Role a Talk to your partner about the difficult journey you had getting to the training session today. Not only did you start off late because the cat was sick, but then the car didn t want to start and when it did you realised you were low on petrol. The petrol station had a long queue, someone cut in front of you and made you break suddenly on the dual carriageway and you missed the turning into the car park. (Or tell your own sob story!!!) Role b While your partner is talking you will deliberately not listen properly. You could look away, hum quietly to yourself, pick your nails, keep peeping at what other people are doing, tap your feet or hands, sigh, look at the ceiling- what ever you feel would show you are not really listening. (Yes, I know it feels very rude - that s the point!) NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 17

18 Using I statements Ask participants to re-word the following statements to make them more appropriate (best if statements are individually laminated). I statements are non-blaming as they describe how you feel. You statements, on the other hand, sound like you are blaming the other person for the situation and will make him or her put up barriers, potentially leading to further escalation. The statement to be handed out is in bold and suggested alteration in italics: you shouldn t talk to your wife like that I think it upsets your wife when you talk to her in that way you are upsetting the children I think the children seem upset you are really frustrated, aren t you? I can see how difficult this must be for you I know how you are feeling I can see that this is difficult for you you are always late I was wondering if it is difficult for you to get here for the start of the session? you can t discuss that here I realise you need to talk about this issue, but wondered if you could do it outside the centre? Page 18 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

19 you are upsetting everyone with your attitude I think you will have to leave while you are so angry you cannot shout at my volunteers like that I feel very unhappy that you are shouting at the volunteers in the centre this isn t the time or the place for that sort of behaviour I can have a chat with you after the session if you would like to discuss that issue get out of the centre, now I would like you to leave the centre, please you are always shouting and yelling I have noticed you often seem angry when you come to the centre that s a very threatening attitude I feel very threatened by your attitude you have to calm down I can see you are very angry, perhaps you would like some time to yourself? you must stop shouting in front of the children I would like you to stop shouting in front of the children, please NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 19

20 Handout 1- Dealing with conflict and aggression Remember think about how you listen maintain positive eye contact look interested and concerned keep at a respectful distance consider what your body language is saying about you use I statements as much as possible Dealing with conflict when it arises make sure the children are safe and out of the way move those involved to a quiet area if possible never back the angry person into a corner remain polite and respectful and never lose your temper keep the tone of your voice down and lower than the person who is angry do not reproach for foul language used on the heat of the moment do not get too close to the person, stand or sit at an angle to them beware of physical contact remind them of the impartiality of the Centre s volunteers depersonalise the issue do not move suddenly or quickly do not point fingers or clench fists use eye contact carefully, do not stare offer the opportunity to talk things through at another time remind a contact parent of what they have to lose praise the person for past restraint be extra careful of anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol or suffering from mental illness DO NOT TAKE RISKS- call the police if in any doubt Defusing aggression let them vent their feelings while you think about what to do keep breathing!! use phrases like I am sorry that you feel (what they say they feel) repeat back all the main points they have expressed using their words Page 20 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

21 find out what they want to happen and how this would solve the difficulty get them to choose a mutually acceptable option, or offer one if possible begin to bring the conversation to an end by speaking in the past tense summarise the problem and detail the option that has been adopted to solve it thank them for working with you to sort the problem out if you think that events have passed a point of no return and the situation is unsafe - LEAVE to gain an effective exit, take them by surprise by making an excuse, turning and striding away if you decide to try and defuse the situation and you think you can have some influence, go for the heart, not the head give them lots of empathy and understanding to calm them down (they will be in a state of distress and high tension) NEVER, never tell them to calm down- unless you like living dangerously! UNHELPFUL HELPFUL Calm down You re upset Stop shouting Let s talk about it It s nothing to do with me I ll see what I can do Don t let it get to you Let it all out I hear what you say I ll try and sort it out I told you this would happen I ll find someone else who can help NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 21

22 Case studies Use the studies to explore how volunteers would react, bearing in mind the techniques that have been discussed throughout the training session. Paul arrives to have contact with his 2 children, Matt and Brittany. They are late arriving and Paul is getting agitated. When his ex-wife eventually arrives, she has only brought Brittany with her. She says that Matt is playing football and did not want to come. When you tell Paul, he is angry and takes it out on you. He tells you to tell her that he wants to see both of his children NOW! He is shouting at you and emphasising each word by prodding you with his finger. A mother arrives with her 3 young children. She is very angry and the children are crying. She has had to drag them across town and it has taken hours to get here. She asks why she should have to do this every fortnight when her ex-husband does not even give her any maintenance. You try to calm her down, but she just gets angrier. She says she will not be coming back again. James comes to your Centre to see his Dad (there is a court order in place). Sue, his mum, is absolutely furious and does everything she can to spoil the contact. She always arrives late, refuses to wait in the room for resident parents and keeps going up to James and his Dad making complaints about what they are doing together. She has started to upset some of the other families. Ian has been coming to the centre for several sessions to see his little girls, Jodie and Annie. Their mum, Kate arrives to collect them on this particular day with her new partner, Rob. Annie tells Ian that Rob is her new daddy and runs to greet him. You can see that Ian is very upset about this. As all the families are leaving, you hear raised voices and realise that Rob, Kate and Ian are arguing. Jodie is standing amongst them all and Rob is holding Annie. Both girls are starting to look very upset. When you go up to the family, Ian shouts at you saying you shouldn t let that idiot into the centre- it s against the court order. Page 22 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

23 Evaluation form Venue.Date.. Delegate s name..centre... Your feedback is very important to enable us to ensure the training we offer is effective. Therefore, please could we ask you to take a few minutes to complete this evaluation form. 1. Please tick the boxes that indicate your views: Very good Good OK Poor Content of session Delivery method Materials used 2. Please circle the answers that indicate your response: Did this training: Further your understanding of why conflict occurs in child contact centres? A LOT A LITTLE NOT VERY MUCH NOT AT ALL Help you recognise signs of the escalation of emotions? A LOT A LITTLE NOT VERY MUCH NOT AT ALL NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 23

24 Give you an opportunity to think about your own reactions to conflict? A LOT A LITTLE NOT VERY MUCH NOT AT ALL Help you learn how to deal with conflict in your child contact centre? A LOT A LITTLE NOT VERY MUCH NOT AT ALL 3. Is there anything else you feel you have learned from this training session? 4. Is there anything else you would have liked to have explored in more detail? Thank you for completing this evaluation form. If you have any questions or queries about today s training please speak to your trainer at the end of the session. Page 24 NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010

25 Certificate of attendance at Conflict Management Training Awarded to of Child Contact Centre Topics covered: Understanding why conflict occurs in the child contact centre Recognising signs of escalating emotions Exploring our reactions to conflict Learning how to deal with conflict in the child contact centre Date: Yvonne Kee Chief Executive: NACCC NACCC training module: Conflict Management June 2010 Page 25