Responsive Services: Supplementary High School Advisory Activities. Summer 2008

Transcription

1 Responsive Services: Supplementary High School Advisory Activities Summer 2008

2 Preface for Advisory Committee Co-Chairs & Coordinators In an effort to provide support to the district-wide high school advisory program, the Austin Independent School District Guidance and Counseling Office coordinated its first advisory summer writing retreat in June. The results of this effort are advisory activities addressing four topics from the comprehensive guidance component of responsive services. The topics addressed, which may serve the advisory goals of supporting character development, healthy adolescent development, and positive peer culture are: Bullying & Sexual Harassment Healthy Dating for Adolescents Mental Illness Awareness & Empathy Suicide Prevention Within each topic are three sequential activities. Depending on the length of advisory on your campus, you may wish to combine activities into one session, but please do not use just one activity in isolation. A one-shot experience on a sensitive topic can raise questions, concerns and misconceptions, without yet offering information and resources. Using at least two of the sessions will increase the likelihood of building empathy and a stronger safety net for advisees. Despite the sensitivity of the topics the sessions have been written to stay within a teacher s comfort level, focusing on information, awareness, empathy, peer support, and school culture. Advisors are not expected to be counselors and should refer advisees to the counseling office for counseling support. As a reminder, advisors should not self-disclose aspects of their personal lives as related to these topics. It is recommended that before implementation that your campus does the following: 1. Notify your advisory consultant of intent to use activities. (Educators for Social Responsibility or First Things First) 2. Review activities with campus principal for activity approval. 3. With principal, determine if parent notification is needed. 4. Notify Holly Ingram, Program Specialist in the AISD Guidance and Counseling Office if assistance is needed. 5. Arrange for pre-training of advisors by pairs of school counselors & committee members. 6. Alert counseling team of date activities to be implemented as there could be an increased number of students seeking counseling services. The Austin ISD Guidance and Counseling Department looks forward to continued support of the district-wide high school advisory program. If you have questions, concerns, or need assistance, don t hesitate to call Holly Ingram, Secondary Program Specialist at The summer 2008 advisory writing team contributors were: Kris Downing, LCSW, Communities in Schools of Central Texas Dianna Groves, LPC, Austin ISD Student Support Services Sondra Halweg, Austin ISD Guidance and Counseling and National Alliance on Mental Illness Advocate Holly Ingram, Austin ISD Guidance and Counseling Rachel Poliner, Educators for Social Responsibility Barri Rosenbluth, LCSW, SafePlace

3 Advisory Goal: Healthy Development Bullying & Sexual Harassment: Crossing The Line (Session 1 of 3) Date: Gathering: Go-Round Response to Question Activity/Topic: Crossing The Line Bullying and Sexual Harassment Closing: Learnings and Appreciations Supplies: Handouts Agree/Disagree and Expert Opinions Grouping: Minutes 5 Minutes 20 Minutes 5 Rationale: Advisees will have the opportunity to explore different opinions about teasing, bullying and harassment. Advisees will also increase their awareness and sensitivity to the effects of bullying and harassment. Gathering: Choose one of the questions below to ask the group. Give everyone a chance to respond to the question. Option 1: If you could wake up tomorrow and have gained any one ability or quality what would it be? In 10 words or less explain why? Option 2: What are you most proud of having done? What would make you even more proud? *from the Book of Questions & The Kids Book of Questions by Gregory Stock Ph.D. Option 3: Who has it harder today girls or boys? *from If Anybody Asks Me, by Larry Eckert Activity/Topic: Crossing The Line Bullying & Sexual Harassment Directions: 1. Make agreements with class. Say, a. When we are talking about this topic, we are going to follow the NO NAME RULE please don t share names (or obvious information) of anyone when you are sharing. Instead you can say, Someone I know who or I can imagine someone who b. Please don t share any stories or experiences that involve anyone in this class. 2. Hand out the Agree, Disagree, or Sometimes Questionnaire to each student. Give 4-5 minutes for advisees to quietly complete. 3. Advisees get into groups of 4. Hand out one sheet of the Expert s Opinion to each group and have the advisees compare their answers with the Expert Opinion sheet. Have advisees star the opinions they agreed with and circle the opinions that are new information to them. (10 min)

4 4. Bring the whole group back together. Put a T-chart on the board with bullying/harassing on one side and teasing/joking around on the other. Ask the group what are the difference between bullying/harassing versus teasing/joking around? Document student responses on the T-chart. Examples: Bullying & Harassing Cyber-bullying on social networks Socially isolating Threatening Non-verbal intimidation Name calling Spreading rumors Embarrassing Daring someone - they don t want to do Prank phone calls Repeated negative behaviors Teasing & Joking Around Friends kidding each other Both sides laughing & having fun Laughing at yourself/self-teasing Participation with someone you know & like Both sides feeling okay about teasing Discuss: How can you tell the difference? Do you think that bullying and harassment is a problem in our school? What makes you think that? Debriefing: Ask each advisee to share one thing that they learned or thought about in a different way. If it isn t said by an advisee, add your own comment that everyone has a right to feel safe. Closing: Ask each advisee to share one thing that someone said or did today that you liked or appreciated. Advisees might appreciate anything from something that another advisee said during the activity, to thanking someone for loaning them a pencil. Follow-up: Bullying & Sexual Harassment: Creating a Safe Zone (Session 2 of 3)

5 Agree / Disagree / Sometimes Directions: Circle A for agree, D for disagree or S for sometimes. 1. When I hear someone bullying or making sexual jokes, I know they are just teasing and joking around. It s no big deal. A D S 2. Some people deserve to be bullied. A D S 3. Girls really like boys to make sexual jokes or comments. It is like a compliment, unless they tell them to cut it out. A D S 4. Most bullies are older or bigger boys. A D S 5. Most sexual harassment comes from boys who just don t know how to talk to girls. A D S 6. People who complain about bullies or harassment need to grow up. A D S 7. Bullies or harassers will go away if you ignore them. A D S 8. All bullies have few friends and low self-esteem. That s why they pick on other people. A D S 9. Bullying is a normal part of growing up. A D S 10. Telling an adult about being bullied or harassed is a sign of weakness. You need to stand up for yourself. A D S 11. One sure way to stop a bully or harasser is to fight them face to face (or get someone to), or get even some other way. A D S 12. If someone gets bullied or harassed, they might not like it, but they ll get over it. A D S

6 *Agree / Disagree / Sometimes (adapted from The Bully Free Classroom by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D. Expert Opinions for Agree / Disagree / Sometimes Questionnaire 1. When I hear someone bullying or making sexual jokes. I know they are just teasing and joking around. It s no big deal. Bullying and harassment is much more than teasing. While many bullies tease, others use violence, intimidation, humiliation, and other tactics. Sometimes teasing can be fun; but bullying always hurts. Sexual harassment always makes someone feel uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe. 2. Some people deserve to be bullied. No one ever deserves to be bullied. No one asks for it. Most bullies tease people who are different in some way. Being different is not a reason to be bullied. 3. Girls really like boys to make sexual jokes or comments. It is like a compliment, unless they tell them to cut it out. If two people know each other and both feel safe and respected, a person might like the attention from a joke or comment. Only that person can decide if they feel comfortable and respected. But harassment is generally a form of bullying, and the style of the communication is meant to make someone uncomfortable. Often times there is a difference in the power between the harasser and the victim. Victims may not feel safe or comfortable telling the person to stop the sexual statements, for fear of their reaction or possible retaliation. 4. Most bullies are older or bigger boys. Both boys and girls can be bullies. They may not be bigger in size, but they have greater power in some way over the victim. 5. Most sexual harassment comes from boys who just don t know how to talk to girls. Sexual harassment, like bullying, is about making someone feel uncomfortable and asserting power over them. Both boys and girls can sexually harass each other and it may occur between opposite or same genders. 6. People who complain about bullies or harassment need to grow up. People who complain about bullies are standing up for their right not to be bullied or harassed. They are responding in a responsible way, and giving the bully the message that they have the right to feel safe. 7. Bullies or harassers will go away if you ignore them. Some bullies or harassers might go away. But others will get angry and keep bullying until they get a reaction. They want to make the victim feel uncomfortable. 8. All bullies have few friends and low self-esteem. That s why they pick on other people.

7 Some bullies have high self-esteem. They feel good about themselves, and picking on other people makes them feel even better. Most of the time, bullying isn t about high or low self esteem. It s about having power over other people. 9. Bullying is a normal part of growing up. Getting teased, picked on, pushed around, threatened, harassed, insulted, hurt, and abused is not normal. Plus if you think it s normal, you re less likely to say or do anything about it, which gives bullies the green light to keep bullying. 10. Telling an adult about being bullied or harassed is a sign of weakness. You need to stand up for yourself. It is smart to tell an adult who can help you do something about the bullying. Adults may be able to make changes that students can t make, like taking disciplinary action, talking to parents, and changing things like class schedules and other protective factors to keep the victim safe. It is also smart to tell an adult if you see someone else being bullied. 11. One sure way to stop a bully or harasser is to fight them face to face (or get someone to), or get even some other way. If you fight with a bully (or harasser), you might get hurt (or hurt someone else). You might also get into serious trouble at school or with the law. If you try to get even, you re acting the same as the bully. And the bully might come after you again to get even with you. Either way only makes things worse. 12. If someone gets bullied or harassed, they might not like it, but they ll get over it. Bullying, harassment, intimidation can hurt for a long time. Some teens have dropped out of school because of bullying or harassment. Others avoid doing things they enjoy so that they don t have to encounter the bully. Some became so sad, desperate, afraid, and hopeless that they committed suicide, or tried to retaliate in extreme and violent ways. Many adults can still remember times when they were bulled or harassed as children. People don t get over being bullied or made to feel unsafe.

8 Advisory Goal: Healthy Development Bullying & Sexual Harassment: Creating a Safe Zone (Session 2 of 3) Date: Gathering: Brain-teaser Activity/Topic: Creating a Safe Zone Debriefing: Closing: The Perfect Day Supplies: Poster Board, 2 Markers, 2-3 Flip Chart Pages, Tape for Wall Grouping: Minutes 5 Minutes 20 Minutes 5 Rationale: Advisees will share some of their personal experiences with bullying, gain greater sensitivity to the issue, and create a pact for a Safe Zone Advisory Group Gathering: Brain Teaser See if your advisory can figure out what the item is that is being described. Item of Mystery* The person who makes it doesn t tell what it is. The person who accepts it doesn t know what it is. The person who knows what it is doesn t want it. What is the item? Answer: Counterfeit Money *from The Daily Spark: Critical Thinking Warm-up Activities Activity/Topic: Creating a Safe Zone 1. Get into partners. 2. Write the quadrants up on the board (or flip chart paper.) Partners will discuss quadrant topics together, which do not have to be shared with the whole group. 3. Make agreements with class Say, a. When we are talking about this topic, we are going to follow the NO NAME RULE please don t share names (or obvious information) of anyone when you are sharing. Instead you can say, Someone I know who or I can imagine someone who b. Please don t share any stories or experiences that involve anyone in this class. Describe a time when someone s words or behavior hurt you. Describe a time when you said or did something to hurt another person.

9 Describe a time when you saw/heard bullying but didn t do anything about it. Describe a time when you saw/heard bullying and either got help or tried to stop it. 4. Bring the group back together. Discuss: What is bullying? What happens to someone when they get bullied? How do they feel? How does the bully feel? What happens to people who are around bullies and victims? What is it like to see someone get bullied? How does that affect you? Do you think that bullying and harassment is a problem in our school? What makes you think that? 5. Continue the large group discussion We want this advisory to be a safe zone for everyone. As a group, we are going to create a list of Advisory Group Agreements (or review your existing agreements) and ask all of the advisees to sign it. This list will be posted in our Advisory Group throughout the school year. Safe Zone Classroom: In This Advisory Group, we.. (list the things we do and don t do to create a safe place) Put this on a poster board and have everyone sign it. Debriefing: Share one thing that you learned or thought of in a different way. Closing: The Perfect Day Describe a perfect day not the one you d have if you were rich and famous, but the one you could have this Saturday or Tuesday. What day of the week would your perfect day fall on? What would you do, see, eat, read, watch? *from The Daily Spark: Journal Writing Warm-up Activities Follow-up: Bullying and Sexual Harassment: Defining and Legal Rights (Session 3 of 3)

10 Advisory Goal: Healthy Development Defining Sexual Harassment & Legal Rights (Session 3 of 3) Date: Gathering: Group Question Activity / Topic: Defining Sexual Harassment & Legal Rights Closing: Learning s and Appreciations Supplies: AISD Notice of Parent and Student Rights(handout); AISD Student Complaint Form(handout); Chalk board or flip chart Grouping: Full group and Pair-Share 5 minutes 20 minutes 5 minutes Rationale: This activity will help advisees define sexual harassment, raise awareness and see where and when words and actions cross the line from flirting to sexual harassment. This activity will inform advisees of the AISD District Policy, procedures and legal rights on Bullying, Harassment, Sexual Harassment, and Dating Violence. (A summary of the AISD policy and regulations are included in the Student Information Guide distributed at the beginning of each school year.) Students who believe they have been harassed or bullied by fellow student or district employee are encouraged to promptly report such incidents to campus administrator or other campus professional. An administrator or counselor who receives a complaint from a student will meet with the targeted student privately and will assist student in documenting the incident on an AISD complaint form. Compliant Forms are kept in two locations: 1) Administrator s Office 2) Counselor s Office. Any student may request a Complaint Form at any time through a school administrator or counselor. The principal or designee will handle all complaints. The topic of sexual harassment will be a sensitive topic for some advisees and it is important to be aware of the advisees concerns and reactions to the material presented. Some advisees may use humor or oppositional behavior to mask their anxiety. Advisees should be reminded that everyone s input matters. Gathering: Read question to whole group and ask for comments from volunteers. What kind of sexual harassment do you think is common on this campus? Activity/Topic: Defining Sexual Harassment & Students Legal Rights Directions: 1. Make agreements with class. Say, a. When we are talking about this topic, we are going to follow the NO NAME RULE please don t share names (or obvious information) of anyone when you are sharing. Instead you can say, Someone I know who or I can imagine someone who

11 b. Please don t share any stories or experiences that involve anyone in this class. 2. Share with the students the rationale that is given above. 3. Read the following definition to whole group: Sexual harassment is unwanted and unwelcome sexual behavior which interferes with your right to get an education or to participate in school activities. In school, sexual harassment may result from words or conduct of sexual in nature that offend, stigmatize, demean, frighten or threaten you because of your sex. Therefore, sexual harassment is prohibited by AISD, state and federal law. Sexual harassment is determined by the target. 4. Say to advisees, after hearing this definition answer these three questions: What is sexual harassment? Answer: Sexual harassment is unwanted and unwelcome sexual behavior. Who determines if it is flirting or sexual harassment? (Victim or target) Answer: Target If sexual harassment is illegal in schools, how come it goes on? Answer: Will vary. Direct advisees to pair with a partner. 5. Say: In this activity I am going to call out a behavior. You will then discuss with your partner when does this specific behavior cross the line from flirting to sexual harassment? Say: The first behavior is: Wink. I will give you a minute to discuss: When does a wink cross the line from flirting to sexual harassment? After one minute say, STOP! You will now discuss the second behavior. Wink You look good today Asking someone out Text wink A look Bump or brush in the hall Whistle Pat on the back A joke Alternate Option: Instead of calling out the behaviors, you may write them on the board or flip chart and allow the group 10 minutes to discuss. 6. Ask entire group: Do you know what to do if your are bullied or sexually harassed when you are at school?

12 7. Say: AISD has a Bully, Harassment, Sexual Harassment and Dating Violence Policy. You can find this entire policy on the AISD website. Today you are receiving two handouts: i. AISD Notice of Parent and Student Rights: Gives an overview of the policy and describes rights and procedures on how to file a complaint. ii. AISD Student Complaint Form. Use this form to report bullying, sexual harassment, and dating violence so that school officials may investigate and take appropriate steps to increase your safety. Complaint forms are available from any counselor or assistant principal. Once completed, the principal or principal designee will handle all complaints. Debriefing: Share one thing that you learned or thought of in a different way. Closing: Share one thing that someone did today that you liked or appreciated. Additional Activity: What do you think might happen if a student tried to stop other students from sexually harassing someone?

13 AUSTIN INDEPENDENT SCHOOL DISTRICT STUDENT COMPLAINT FORM BULLYING, SEXUAL HARASSMENT, DATING VIOLENCE Student: Student ID: Grade: Date: Time: School: Complete only if you are a staff member-submitting complaint on behalf of student: Name of staff assisting student: Please answer the following questions about the most serious incident: Name of student(s) accused of bullying, sexual harassment, or dating violence: Relationship between you and the accused student: What happened? Who was involved? Where and when did it happen? Were there any witnesses? {} yes {}no If yes, who? Other information including previous incidence or threats: Student/Parent refuses complaint form: Signature Date: I certify that all statements made in the complaint are true and complete. Any intentional misstatement of facts will subject me to appropriate discipline. I authorize school officials to disclose the information I provide only as necessary in pursuing the investigation. Signature of student: Signature of school official receiving complaint: Signature of school official conducting follow-up: Date: Date: Date: Notes of actions taken: Additional Information by Student or Staff Date Documentation/Follow Up Signature of Student/Staff

14 Austin Independent School District NOTICE OF PARENT AND STUDENT RIGHTS: BULLYING AND HARASSMENT The Austin Independent School District (AISD) is committed to providing a positive learning environment for all students that enhances personal safety and promotes respect, dignity and equality among students. High standards are expected for both academic achievement and for behavior. AISD strives to ensure that all of its students and employees are free from bullying and harassment including violence in students relationships. All charges of bullying, harassment, and dating violence are to be taken very seriously by our students, faculty, staff, administration and parents. We will make every effort to handle and respond to each and every charge and complaint filed by students and employees in a fair, thorough and just manner. Every effort will be made to protect the due process rights of all victims and all alleged offenders. Bullying is defined as written or oral expression or physical conduct that a school district s board of trustees or the board s designee determines: 1) To have the effect of physically harming a student, damaging a student s property, or placing a student in reasonable fear of harm to the student s person or of damage to the student s property; or 2) To be sufficiently severe, persistent, or pervasive to create an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for a student. Harassment is defined as conduct that threatens to cause harm or bodily injury to another student, is sexually intimidating, causes physical damage to the property of another student, subjects another student to physical confinement or restraint or maliciously and substantially harms another student s physical or emotional health or safety. Sexual harassment is a form of harassment that includes touching someone in ways that are not wanted, sexual jokes, pressuring someone to have sex, and threats or intimidation from a dating partner. Students who believe they have been harassed or bullied by fellow students or District employees are encouraged to promptly report such incidents to the campus principal or other campus professional. To the greatest extent possible, complaints shall be treated as confidential. Limited disclosure may be necessary to complete a thorough investigation. A student or parent who has a complaint alleging bullying, harassment or dating violence may request a conference with the principal or the principal s designee. If the student or parent is not satisfied with the response from the campus staff, they may request a conference with the Associate Superintendent (see FNG (Local)), or the District s Title IX Coordinator Mel Waxler at (512) Complaints will be documented and investigated in accordance with District policy and guidelines. Any staff member who observes an incidence of bullying or harassment that involves physical or sexual assault or threats will report the incident immediately to the principal. Any staff member who learns of an incident or threat may submit a Complaint Form on behalf of the targeted student. Campus Complaint Procedure: 1) Students and staff members will complete a Complaint Form available in the school s main office. 2) The Complaint Form will be submitted to the principal immediately. 3) The principal or his/her designee will investigate complaints by meeting separately with each student involved in the situation. 4) The principal will conference with the targeted student and parent to discuss safety. 5) The principal will conference with the accused student and parent to discuss appropriate behaviors and consequences. With the prior consent of the targeted student, the principal may issue a School-based Stay Away Agreement to the accused student during the parent conference. 6) Documentation of all Complaint Forms, follow-up actions and Stay Away Agreements will be available to the General Counsel at all times. For more information about your rights and responsibilities concerning bullying, harassment or dating violence, please contact Mel Waxler, Title IX Coordinator, at (512) Parent/Guardian Name Parent/Guardian Signature Date Student Name Student Signature Date Administrator Name Administrator Signature Date

15 Advisory Goal: (Session 1 of 3) Date: Healthy Development Healthy Relationships: Values Auction Gathering: Group Juggle Activity / Topic: Values Auction Closing: Look at Your Relationships Supplies: Several small, soft objects for tossing such as balls or stuffed animals; Board or flip chart; Handout Values Auction; Handout Look at Your Relationships Grouping: Full group 10 minutes 15 minutes 5 minutes Rationale: Having a healthy dating relationship is part of healthy adolescent development. However, many teens find themselves in unhealthy and even abusive dating relationships. This session helps advisees identify characteristics they value in a friend and potential dating partner. Gathering: Group Juggle 1. Have advisees stand in a circle at arm s length apart. 2. Explain that the group is to establish a pattern for tossing a ball so that the ball gets to everyone once, but they cannot throw it to a person next to them. For the first go-round, have all advisees raise their hands. Once they catch the ball, they lower their hands. This will easily show who has yet to receive the ball. Try out the pattern by repeating it once or twice. 3. Explain that the group must keep the ball going by following the established pattern. For the second go-round, before tossing the ball, they must call out the name of the person who is to receive it. Pause after everyone has had the ball. 4. Next ask advisees to think of a trait or characteristic they look for in a friend. Responses might include humor, kind, loyal, etc. 5. For the third go-round, each advisee will call out their trait or characteristic before tossing the ball following the established pattern. After they get good at it, you can add more objects to toss after the first ball is in play, reverse the order or challenge them to toss the ball faster.

16 Activity / Topic: Values Auction Directions: 2. Copy the items on the handout Values Auction on a board or flip chart. 3. Pass out the handout Values Auction. 4. Explain to advisees that each characteristic on the list will be auctioned off to the highest bidder. Each advisee will have $1,000 to spend during the auction. The starting bid for each characteristic is $100, and advisees can bid only in increments of $ Ask to begin by prioritizing for themselves on the handout which characteristics they absolutely want to have in a partner. How much is each of these traits worth to them? Have them make notes for themselves how much they want to pay for each trait on the list. Remember, only increments of $100 can be used. Let the auction begin. 6. Keep track of how much characteristics were sold for and who bought them by writing the highest bidder s initials and winning bid next to each item on the list. Debriefing: After all of the characteristics have been sold, discuss the activity using the following questions. a. Which were the most valued characteristics? b. Why are these characteristics so important to you? c. Was there a bidding war for a certain characteristic? Why? d. Are all characteristics realistic? e. How does knowing what is important to you in a partner help you have a healthy relationship? Closing: Option 1: Share one of the qualities from the Values Auction that you bid for that you exhibit in a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a close friend or family member. Option 2: Think about a current or past relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a close friend or family member. Does the relationship help you feel better about yourself, worse about yourself, or about the same? Share what is one thing that you can do to make you feel better in the relationship. Additional Activities: Ask advisees to write a pretend personal ad describing their ideal partner. Descriptions should focus on inner qualities vs. outer appearances. Ask for volunteers to read their ads to the group.

17 Student Handout Values Auction Below is a list of characteristics of a potential dating partner. How important are these characteristics to you? Imagine you had $1,000 to spend at an auction. Decide how much money you would bid for the traits that are most important to you. You can bid in increments of $ Has a lot of money 2. Loves children 3. Shares in the decision-making with you 4. Knows himself/herself and is comfortable being alone 5. Drives an expensive car 6. Accepts you for who you are, not for how you look 7. Has many of the same values as you do 8. Is a good student 9. Is able to express anger without being violent or abusive 10. Doesn t expect you to be perfect 11. Is a good listener and communicates well 12. Takes responsibility for what he/she says and does 13. Comes from a powerful and well-known family 14. Doesn t rush into the relationship but slowly gets to know you better 15. Accepts when you spend time away with your friends 16. Has supportive friends other than you 17. Asks permission before touching you or being sexual 18. Will support you and your goals 19. Makes and keeps commitments 20. Is able to work through conflict by talking 21. Has set goals for the future independent from yours

18 Advisory Goal: Date: Healthy Development Healthy Relationships: Dating Abuse & Violence (Session 2 of 3) Gathering: The Act of Love Activity / Topic: Video Causing Pain: Real Stories of Dating Abuse and Violence (13 min. version) and Discussion Optional Activity: Dating Jeopardy Closing: How to get help Supplies: Board or flip chart; computer with speakers and internet access; Video Causing Pain: Real Stories of Dating Abuse and Violence (13 min. version) downloadable from Supplies for optional activity: Board or flip chart Grouping: Full group 3 minutes 22 minutes 5 minutes Rationale: Unhealthy relationship behaviors can start early and last a lifetime. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 1 in 11 youth reports being a victim of physical dating abuse (Physical Dating Violence Among High School Students United States, 2003, MMWR 2006; 55: ) In response to the prevalence of dating abuse and its impact on adolescent health the CDC created Choose Respect, a primary prevention initiative for dating violence. Choose Respect includes an educational video and discussion guide, fact sheets and other print materials, public service announcements for television and radio and interactive webbased resources. All of these can be downloaded at no cost from The goal of the video is to make teens aware of the dynamics of abusive relationships so they can recognize the signs and prevent abuse in their own lives and in the lives of their friends. Optional Activity: Dating Jeopardy is suggested if you cannot show the video. Gathering: Quote: The Act of Love Write the following quote by James Gill on a board or flip chart. Ask advisees to reflect on the quote and share their reactions to it. The act of love is to say I want you to be who you are. The act of abuse is to say I want you to be who I want you to be. It is that simple.

19 -James Gill Activity / Topic: Causing Pain: Real Stories of Dating Abuse and Violence (Video, 13 minutes) Directions: 1. Prepare for this activity by reviewing the AISD policy on dating violence, sexual harassment and bullying. Students in AISD have a right to file a Student Complaint Form if they are being threatened or harmed by another student or a staff member. A complaint of dating violence, sexual harassment or bullying is taken very seriously. The Principal will investigate all complaints and take action to protect the targeted student. For more information about this policy speak with a school administrator or counselor. Encourage advisees to speak with a counselor or someone they trust if they are being hurt or threatened or if they are aware that this happening to someone else. 2. Introduce the video by explaining that dating and domestic violence affects many people. Explain that advisees in the group may be involved in an abusive relationship, experiencing domestic violence at home or have a friend or family member who is in an abusive relationship. Ask advisees to watch the video silently and to show respect for fellow classmates at all times. Get their individual verbal agreement to do so. This will help others feel comfortable talking about this issue and hopefully reaching out for help. 3. Watch the video use 13 minute version. 4. Ask for advisees reactions to the video, their thoughts and feelings about what they saw and heard. Debriefing: Use the questions below to facilitate discussion. 1. What is dating abuse? How would you define it? Dating abuse is the act or threat of violence either verbal, physical, sexual or emotional by one partner in a current or past dating relationship toward the other partner. 2. How big is this issue? Have you ever seen or heard about an abusive dating relationship? Please do not use the names of other students. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 1 in11 youth reports being a victim of physical dating abuse (Physical Dating Violence Among High School Students United States, 2003, MMWR 2006; 55: )

20 Seventy percent of girls and 52% of boys who are abused report an injury from an abusive relationship (Foshee, VA. Gender differences in adolescent dating abuse prevalence, types and injuries. Health Education Research 1996; 11(3): ) About I in 4 female high school students report being physically or sexually abused by someone they ve dated. (Foshee VA, Linder GF, Bauman KE, et al. The Safe Dates project: theoretical basis, evaluation design, and selected baseline findings. American Journal of Preventive Medicine 1996; 12(2):39-47.) The most dangerous time for a victim is during and immediately after the break up of the relationship. This is when the abuser experiences a loss of control over his partner. If you suspect that your partner may become abusive, break up over the telephone or in a public place. 3. What forms of abuse did you see in the video? Controlling behaviors such as choosing a partner s clothes, friends Shouting, hitting Put downs Pressuring someone to have sex Discouraging study or working toward good grades Trying to separate the partner from friends or family 4. How did the victims say they felt? Willing to put up with anything Fear that no else will want them Loneliness Anger Depression 5. One of the girls in the video mentioned that if you re mentally abused, then that can shoot you down just as much as a fist could. How can mental abuse be as crippling as physical abuse? 6. What are the warning signs that you may be in an abusive relationship? Feel bad about yourself Feel afraid of your partner Feel humiliated or embarrassed by your partner

21 Loss of interest in hobbies, social activities, school Making excuses for your partner s behavior Abusing alcohol or drugs Constantly dealing with your partner s jealousy Afraid to break up 7. What can you do to stop or prevent dating abuse? Get to know a dating partner slowly. Don t move too fast. Talk with a partner about what you want and expect. Don t use or accept abusive or disrespectful behavior toward others. Recognize that partners in a healthy relationship have equal power. Healthy partners treat one another with respect and respect each other s right to make their own decisions. Healthy relationships are based on equality and respect. Speak up when you witness abusive or disrespectful behavior. If you know someone who is being abused, tell them you are concerned about them and ask them what you can do to help. Be a role model for healthy relationships. Take a stand by educating others at your school or in your community. Optional Activity: Dating Jeopardy Directions: Copy the following table on the board or flip chart. A list of questions corresponds to each cell in the table. Dating Other Relationships Sexual Rights Personal Values 1. Divide class into two teams and name them.

22 2. Have teams take turns selecting a category and point value. For example, Other Relationships for Read the corresponding question. 4. Give the team that selected it 90 seconds to discuss as a group. Use a timer or watch the clock if necessary. If they answer the question and support their answer, put the team s initial in the corresponding cell on the table. At the same time, the waiting team should be thinking of an answer and supporting argument. The questions are intended to stimulate discussion and therefore do not have right or wrong answers. 5. If the team does not answer the question or wishes to pass, the opposing team has the opportunity to answer the question. 6. Total all points and declare the winning team. Congratulate both teams for discussing these important issues. Note to advisor: If you used dating jeopardy instead of watching the video, use the debriefing questions and information throughout the game as teachable moments arise. Closing: Getting Help for Self and Others 1. Ask advisees to share someone they would feel safe talking to or who would assist them in going to get help 2. Post the following resources on the board or flip chart. SafePlace 267-SAFE (located in Austin) National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (866) (located in Austin) 3. Encourage advisees to use these resources to get help and to learn more about dating violence prevention. Follow-up: Healthy Relationships: Playing It Safe (Session 3 of 3) Additional Activities: Have advisees research the above websites and present their findings to the group or have advisees conduct an informal survey or focus group to find out what their peers think about dating abuse and what they can do to prevent it.

23 Dating Jeopardy Dating 100 How much of your time should you spend with your girlfriend/ boyfriend? 200 Who decides what to do and where to go on a date? 300 What about expenses? Should one person always be expected to pay? Why or why not? 400 Is it OK for you if you or your date uses alcohol or other drugs? If so, how much? 500 Is there any situation in which you would forgive your date for pushing you around? Sexual rights 100 If your date always pays for expenses, do you feel obligated to go along with your date s sexual advances? Why or why not? 200 How do you know whether your partner wants to have sex? 300 At what point may a person refuse to have sex? 400 You have been dating for a few weeks. Your partner expects to have sex now because it is normal. How do you feel about this? What do you say? 500 If both you and your partner agree to have sex, whose responsibility is it to use birth control? Or to protect against AIDS? Other Relationships 100 Are you or your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner free to have intimate relationships or friendships with other people? If so, how do you deal with jealousy? 200 Do you include each other in your circle of friends? Why or why not? 300 What do you want to know about your partner before getting into a serious relationship? 400 What do you do if your friend/partner puts you down in front of your friends? 500 How can your friends help you when you have problems in your dating relationship? Values your What qualities are most important to you in a boyfriend/girlfriend? What do you consider the most important ingredients in a relationship? What would you never give up for a boyfriend/girlfriend? How important are looks, money, or status? Who should make the decisions in a relationship? Who makes the decisions in family?

24 Advisory Goal: Date: Healthy Development Healthy Relationships: Playing It Safe (Session 3 of 3) Gathering: All Alone Activity / Topic: Playing it Safe Closing: Relationships in the Media Supplies: Handout Playing it Safe Cards Grouping: small groups of 3-4 advisees 5 minutes 20 minutes 5 minutes Rationale: When teens start dating they are faced with new roles, decisions, responsibilities and risks. This session will provide an opportunity for advisees to consider some of these risks and to role-play positive responses. Practicing in advance will help them stay safe and protect others in similar situations. Gathering: All Alone Mark Twain once said, The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with oneself. What do you think he meant by this? Does this quote apply to your own life? Do you dread being alone, or do you enjoy having time to yourself? Give each advisee the opportunity to comment. From The Daily Spark: Journal Writing Warm-up Activities Activity / Topic: Playing it Safe Directions: 1. Cut out the cards from the handout Playing it Safe and place them in a bowl. 2. Write the following questions and instructions on a board or flip chart. a. How serious is this situation? What if any risks could there be to you or others in the situation? b. Has a situation like this ever happened to you or someone you know? (Don t use names.) c. What did people do to help? Was it helpful? d. Role-play what you would do in this situation. Create a role for each person in your group. 3. Divide advisees into groups of 3-4. Invite one person from each group to select a card.

25 4. Ask advisees to read their card in their small group and discuss the situation using the questions listed above. Debriefing: Have advisees role-play their responses. Discuss how youth and/or adults can help someone in each situation. Encourage advisees to support their friends and to be leaders and role models for healthy relationships. Closing: Have advisees name a movie, book, song, or other art form that depicts an intimate or romantic relationship. What kind of relationship is depicted? Is it healthy or abusive? Additional Activity: Have advisees create art, music, poetry, or theater that can be displayed or performed during National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Week in February or at other times during the school year. Before they begin, have advisees identify the message they want to get across to their peers through their work.

26 Playing it Safe Cards-Copy and Cut Out Abused Friend Your friend s partner is very jealous and possessive. You begin to worry that she s in danger. Insult You are out with a group of friends when your partner makes an insulting remark about you or someone else. Too personal You are out with someone you don t know very well and he/she starts asking you very personal questions that you don t want to answer. Sex Your partner is pressuring you to have unprotected sex. Want a Drink? You re at a party and someone you don t know very well brings you a drink. Money Your partner asks you to loan him/her $200 but you ve been saving that money for something else. Lying Break Up Cyber friend You suspect your partner is lying to you. Your friends say your partner is seeing someone else. You decide the relationship is not working out for you but you re afraid to break up. Someone you met on-line invites you over to study.