Family Feud. Introduction. Three Challenges from II Samuel 13. II Samuel 13

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1 Family Feud II Samuel 13 Introduction When Alexander, the king of Macedon, had his portrait taken, his face was resting on his fingers as though he were in a contemplative, thoughtful mood. In truth, however, he, with his fingers, was trying to hide a terrible scar on his face that he did not want people to see in his portrait. When God paints the portrait of a man or a woman in scripture, He usually paints them with scars revealed. It is as if He is telling those recorded in scripture, as well as us, to keep their hands away from their faces so that others can see all. So, as He painted the portrait of David, we have seen the beauty and also the blotches; we have seen the saintly character and also the very sinful character revealed in the pages of Samuel s own writings. The family that will be revealed to us today, in II Samuel chapter 13, is literally, a family at war. The internal strife, the jealousy, the rape, the murder, along with the passive father who is unwilling to be involved or is unable to do anything at all, makes basically, a family feud. Only this family feud is not a game it is the real thing. Nathan, the prophet, has foretold, as you may remember, the punishment of God to David, and that it would be a public affair. That which David did in private, would be exposed in public for all to see. Now, for the next six chapters, the focus of God s spotlight is upon Absalom, the third son of David. The biography of this young man begins with the unfortunate rape of his beautiful sister, Tamar. It seems that God is allowing us to see the dredges of what happens when people say, No, to the will of God and, Yes, to their indulgent, sensual desires. We will see it again today. Three Challenges from II Samuel 13 The question we need to ask, as we turn to II Samuel 13, is, Why would God care to spend an entire chapter on the story of Tamar s rape and its aftermath? As I studied this past week, I found it interesting that some of my older commentaries literally skipped this chapter as they went through the Bible. Preachers, who preached through the Old Testament, would come to chapter 13 of II Samuel, and leave a gap. I questioned this, but perhaps I should learn from them and not cover the story! However, I believe the story is significant for a number of reasons. One reason is the fact that this scene will literally set the stage for the turmoil and the murder and eventually, for the attempted overthrow of David s own throne. Beyond this, I believe for all of us, there are three challenges from II Samuel chapter 13. Let me give them to you. 1. Number one, this chapter will reveal that the character of children often mirrors the character of the parents. Children do not miss a thing. That is a frightening truth. They not only look like us, but they act like us. Revealed in scripture, there are children 1

2 playing out a lot of things they learned from Mom and Dad. This is probably, of the three challenges I have uncovered, the most personally convicting because I have smaller children. This past week, I was introduced to a whole new area that I had been overlooking. I had my three children in the van, driving them to the soccer practice, while my wife was taking a break at home. I came to a busy intersection and the traffic light turned yellow. I accelerated and made it through, and thought, Yes! I made it! Then, this little six-year-old voice next to me said, Uh oh, you ran a red light. I said, No I didn t, it was yellow. No it wasn t, it was red. No, I saw it when I went through and it was yellow. Don t talk back to your father. That settled it. However, my daughter, piped up from the back of the van with a classic question, Daddy, does yellow mean speed up? That is the way I have interpreted it! What about you? Now that my children are old enough, I have to watch the way I drive! This challenge is extremely convicting. My wife was very excited when I told her about this. There is a lot of tragic acting out among young people and old because of what they have learned in the home. David was guilty of lust and immorality, and Amnon will lust after and possess Tamar. David was guilty of murder, and Absalom will commit murder as he seeks revenge against Amnon. 2. The second challenge from II Samuel chapter 13 is significant in that it reveals a common pitfall that parents are prone to experience; that is, an unwillingness to act. In response to his children s sin, as we will discover, David sticks his head in the sand, hoping that it will go away. He is unwilling to act and be the instrument of judgment in the hand of God for his children, just as God will judge him. David is silent; passive. He will become the object of hatred as a result. This is a common pitfall that all parents face; that is, to simply be absent. 3. Number three, this chapter will also challenge us in that it reveals that confessed sin should not be allowed to erase or rewrite our convictions. This is probably the most significant challenge for everyone. David did not act against his sons because he had been guilty of the same things. You might think, Wait a second! God had forgiven him. He confessed his sin, after a twelve month period, and God had cleansed him. David should have confronted his sons with the same level of severity as that which God had dealt with him. David had been immoral, but that did not excuse him from punishing his sons for being immoral. He had murdered, but that did not excuse him from punishing his own son for being a murderer or conspiring to murder. Think about this according to God s own word for us today, how many commandments are we guilty of breaking? All! James said, For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all. (James 2:10) We have, in fact, all hated in our hearts. Jesus, in the gospels, says this is tantamount to murder. We have all lusted, which He says, is tantamount to adultery. This, I believe, reveals that our need is to be dependent upon the cleansing flow of Jesus Christ s blood. It also reveals that sins which are confessed should not cause us, in the future, to rewrite the way we respond or to sin again. The point is that we are not to allow our past to handicap our future. We are not to fail on issues of character in the future because we have failed on them in the past. We are to stand and walk and act as God would want us to act now. Three Scenes from Inside the Palace With these three challenges in mind, let us look at II Samuel chapter 13, which is very significant to us today. We will look at several scenes that occur in this chapter. Scene One: The Rape of Tamar 2

3 Let us look at the first scene beginning in II Samuel 13:1. Now it was after this that Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her. This love, by the way, is really lust. Once gratified, it will turn to hatred. Now Amnon, along with his cousin Jonadab, will concoct a scheme to get Tamar alone with Amnon. This is accomplished by Amnon pretending to be sick. Look at II Samuel 13:5-7. Jonadab then said to him, Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill; when your father comes to see you, say to him, Please let my sister Tamar come and give me some food to eat, and let her prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand. So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand. Then David sent to the house for Tamar, saying, Go now to your brother Amnon s house, and prepare food for him. The first time I read this, I thought, Come on David, anyone can see that he s not sick he s faking. My mother would have spotted this. Let me explain the clue that allows us to spot it. When my three brothers or I decided that we would fake sickness, my mother stunted all of our acting careers by saying, If you re too sick to go to school, then you re too sick to get out of bed, you re too sick to play in the afternoon, and you re too sick to come to the dinner table. If you re really sick, you stay in bed. Now, if you are too sick to get out of bed, you are probably too sick to do what? Eat. However, in these verses, Amnon is asking for a special supper. He says, I ll eat only if Tamar cooks my favorite food for me. My mother would have taken a switch to Amnon. She would have seen right through this. David, however, is pandering. This is like a child lying in bed saying, I m too sick to get up, but all I think I can handle is chocolate cake and ice cream. He is basically saying, I would like my favorite food. We would expect David to see through this. However, I think this text reveals that he is ever ready to indulge the whims of his sons. So Tamar, the princess, is now playing the servant, when David should have recognized the ruse and told his grown son to grow up. Look at II Samuel 13: Amnon, by the way, is Tamar s half brother. Then Amnon said to Tamar, Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand. So Tamar took the cakes which she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her brother Amnon. When she brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, Come, lie with me, my sister. But she answered him, No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing! Three reasons Amnon should let Tamar go Tamar will proceed to give her half brother three reasons that he should not carry out his evil scheme. 1. Number one, Tamar would be unwanted by potential husbands. Look at Tamar s words in II Samuel 13:13a. As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach?... Implied in this is, If you really love me, why would you soil my character and make me unwanted by a future husband? Tamar s reproach would, especially in this day, become very obvious, even in the clothing that they would wear. 2. Number two, Amnon would not be respected as an heir to the throne which he was, being the oldest son of David. Look at II Samuel 13:13b, as Tamar continues.... And as for you, you will be like one of the fools in Israel.... 3

4 In other words, Would you be the sort of person Israel would want as a king one who took the law into his own hands and who offended the standards of morality in the land? Think! 3. Number three, David would allow a legitimate avenue for Amnon s love. Tamar says, in the last phrase of II Samuel 13:13,... Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you. In other words, I would be willing to become your legitimate wife. If Sarah was Abraham s half sister, there was perhaps, some precedent. Tamar is clutching at any potential escape. Amnon, however, is deaf to her pleas. He is listening only to the sound of his senses. He is willing, at this point, to forfeit everything in the future for this moment. He is a selfish man who is determined to have whatever he desires, no matter how much damage or despair it brings to another human being. Amnon would fit really well in today s society. Phillip Keller, when dealing with this chapter in his commentary, said, Is it any wonder that our sinful society is rearing ten million Amnons who kill for a baseball cap or a pair of tennis shoes or a lucrative contract or someone else s husband or wife? Afterward, Amnon did what millions have done. Notice II Samuel 13:15a. Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.... Why does Amnon now hate Tamar? I think it is because the sight of her condemns his conscience. She represents everything about him that is evil, so he does not want to see her. Continue to II Samuel 13:15b.... And Amnon said to her, Get up, go away! Notice Amnon uses two imperatives in this verse. Look at II Samuel 13: But she said to him, No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me! Yet he would not listen to her. Then he called his young man who attended him and said, Now throw this woman out of my presence, and lock the door behind her. This implies to anyone listening or watching that Tamar is the aggressor; the initiator; the sinful one. Now she stands, I imagine, on the other side of the doorway, broken. Tamar s glorious dignity as a virgin has been stolen by this crude, selfish monster. Continue to II Samuel 13:18. Now she had on a long-sleeved garment; for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the door behind her. It was honorable to wear this long-sleeved robe; this multi-colored garment. Notice II Samuel 13:19. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. When bad things happen to good people When we read a passage like this, we do not know whether to hit the wall or to weep. Tamar was innocent. She was unsuspecting. It was not her fault. Now she is callously tossed aside like a piece of trash. Something very, very bad happened to someone who was very good. I remember, a few years ago, hearing a story about a Christian father and his three boys and their grandfather. They went salt water fishing off the coast of Florida. They were several miles off the shore when a storm came up that caught them by surprise and capsized their little boat. They all had on life jackets and managed to clutch a piece of rope which kept them several yards from each other in the water. This father told the story of watching his own father, the boy s grandfather, struggling in the rain and wind against the choppy, turbulent waters. Eventually, he took in too much water, gagged and choked, and slipped away from the rope. Then this father told of watching each one of his sons, unable to fight the water, choke and eventually, let go of the rope and drown. What would we say to this father? What would we say to the missionary that I heard speak a number of years ago, whose life was permanently changed as he worked in the inner-city 4

5 when one of the inner-city gang members slipped some LSD into his Pepsi? What would we say to a missionary woman that I recently read about, who was abducted by a raiding tribe and abused? How would we comfort these good people? What would we say to Tamar, the daughter of the king, who proudly wore her long-sleeved, multicolored robe a virgin? I was watching an interview on public television recently, with David Frost interviewing Billy Graham. David Frost repeatedly went back to the question of evil in the world, asking, What do you say about the Somalians? What do you say about hunger? What do you say about the Ethiopians? What do you have to say about things that seem to happen to innocent people?... David was very frustrated when Billy Graham said, We really don t have a very good answer. I was glad he said this because it is a topic that requires a longer answer. Billy Graham attempted to explain further, but David did not allow him to do so. There are two principles on bad things happening to good people that I have gotten from the writings of people who have suffered. I want to give them to you because as I got to this chapter, I was almost tempted to stop and not even deal with anything but this thought. Let me give these principles and then get back to the story in II Samuel chapter Principle number one, insight and assurance are a result of viewing life vertically. Turn to Job chapter 2. What would we say to Job, who has lost his children, his home, his wealth, and his health? He has basically lost everything. His wife made her point as she basically screamed to him, Why? Look at Job 2:9.... Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die! I have heard attempts to soften her words or reinterpret them, but the thrust of her words are basically just as we have it in our English text,... Curse God and die! Job s response is significant, in Job 2:10. But he said to her, You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?... In other words, Job s wife had taken God s gifts and turned them into her rights. She was saying, I have a right to my health. I have a right to my wealth. I have a right to my home. I have a right to my children. In the same way, we take the gifts from God and turn them into rights. Now they become things that we can demand from God as if we are deserving of anything. This kind of distorted perspective is horizontal and not vertical that a God, who is sovereign, takes away and He gives. Look at Job 1:21. He [Job] said, Naked I came from my mother s womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Now if you have read this book, you know that Job will have tremendous struggles. However, there is powerful theology found in this verse. Job is saying, All that I have, I have received from God. They are gifts and He may choose to take them away. 2. Principle number two, comfort and hope are a result of measuring life eternally. Follow this carefully. Let us say that I will live for seventy years. I will discover, in that seventy year period, some very painful, difficult, perhaps even cruel chapters written over the course of my life. In light of that, if I measure God s character on the basis of that seventy year period, God will receive a failing grade. Perhaps for some, God will not even make it to the reporting session. However, what if I measure God s character eternally; that is, on the basis of time passed and what He did in the foundation of the world in determining that Christ would die for me? If I measure my few years in light of what He has in store for me in the future; that is, the billions and billions and trillions of years of paradise, then what are my seventy years? Now how does God score? You might say, Well, I still don t think God really understands. All I can say, in addition to this, is that God the Father saw His Son cruelly betrayed, brutally beaten, and unmercifully, yet willingly, crucified. Having observed His Son go through that, do you think He can understand what you may be going through? 5

6 Now I did a little side study and tried to find out what happened to Tamar. I could not find anything other than a few verses. Evidently, she went to live with her full-blooded brother Absalom and remained single the rest of her life. However, what happened to Tamar s personality; her character? We really do not know. The only small clue that I found is that Absalom named one of his daughters Tamar. Perhaps he did so in honor of this sister, who may have indeed remained kind and sweet. Scene Two: The Revenge of Absalom Now let us go back to our story and look at the second scene beginning in II Samuel 13:21. Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. This is it! This is all that David does. At least David could have exiled Amnon and refused him the right to the throne. The Septuagint, which is an ancient Greek translation of the Old Testament, has this additional phrase after verse 21, But he would not hurt Amnon because he was his eldest son and he loved him. Amnon is the one for the throne; he is the heir apparent. Besides, this pandering, passive, indulgent father could not raise his hand against his son because, like Eli before him, he was guilty of the same thing. However, there is trouble in that Tamar s fullblooded brother Absalom is seething with anger too. And he will decide to take the law into his own hands. In fact, Absalom will become the focus of these next few chapters. I will spend time in our next discussion introducing this young prince to you. But for now, understand that Absalom and Tamar have the same mother. Her name is Maacah, and she is the princess daughter of the king of Geshur. After Tamar was abused by Amnon, she went to live with her brother and his family. And for the next two years, Absalom will wait and plan to seek revenge in the murder of his half brother. Perhaps Absalom was thinking in his mind that he would take care of two things at once he would take care of someone who was in front of him for the throne and also get revenge against this half brother for what he did to his sister. In fact, I think the point could be substantiated that Absalom intends to kill not only Amnon, but David at the same time, because he had refused to do anything against Amnon for the crimes against Tamar. So he begins to plan this plot. Two frightening characteristics of Absalom Now let me introduce Absalom to you in at least two ways today. 1. Number one, Absalom was capable of sustained hatred. There are some frightening things about this man s character and this characteristic is one of them. Most people will get angry about something or at someone and then, eventually perhaps, get over it, forget the facts, let it get kind of fuzzy. But Absalom nursed his hatred for his half brother and it actually grew. Absalom teaches us that the destructive power of hatred in the heart will eventually be evidenced and fulfilled by the hands. 2. Number two, Absalom was patient and coldblooded in his revenge. Absalom went well beyond his father s ability to plan a murder. David had panicked and acted hastily he had to do something quickly to Uriah. But this young man, seething with anger, over a time frame of two years, thought and calculated and planned a coldblooded revenge. Let us pick up the story with II Samuel 13: Now it came about after two full years that Absalom had sheep-shearers in Baalhazor, which is near Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king s sons. Absalom came to the king [David] and said, Behold now, your servant has sheepshearers; please let the king and his servants go with your servant. But the king said to Absalom, No, my son, we should not all go, lest we be burdensome to you. Although he urged him, he would not go, but blessed him. It is this passage, I think, that leads many to believe that Absalom intended to kill both David and Amnon at the same time. Look at II Samuel 13:

7 But when Absalom urged him, he let Amnon and all the king s sons go with him. Absalom commanded his servants, saying, See now, when Amnon s heart is merry with wine, and when I say to you, Strike Amnon, then put him to death. Do not fear; have not I myself commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant. The servants of Absalom did to Amnon just as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king s sons arose and each mounted his mule and fled. They were terror stricken to discover Absalom s plot in the murder of the rightful heir to the throne. But for Absalom, it is revenge at last. The only problem is that now, Absalom cannot go back to Jerusalem. However, he has already thought about that. Look at II Samuel 13:37. Now Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. Scene Three: The Reactions of David Now scene two is just one more reminder that David was reaping what he had sewed. Years before, when hiding from Saul, David had disobeyed the Lord by taking a wife named Maacah, who was the daughter of the king of Geshur. Absalom and Tamar were the offspring of David and Maacah. Now Absalom flees to take refuge with his grandfather, the king of Geshur. Wait a second! Geshur lies within David s empire. It was astonishing that David did not really do anything to Amnon. In scene three, it is even more astonishing that he does not get a force of fighting men and go to this region that lies within his kingdom and bring Absalom before the law of the Lord. Let us face the fact that it is hard for parents to punish children when they do things the parents have done before them. I think this was one of David s greatest struggles. David is now reaping the result of a major cover-up and Amnon and Absalom were old enough to have seen it. The inside scoop of David s indescretions was known by the palace insiders, the children, and the harem. They knew who Bathsheba was, they knew about the cover-up, and they knew about the murder. The kingdom had whispered with the news when Nathan had come and said,... You are the man!... (II Samuel 12:7) Perhaps the sons played on this before their father s guilty conscience. However, David was forgiven. He should have moved on and begun to serve and live with a character not rewritten by confessed sin. He has produced now, because of this, painful results with Amnon and with Absalom. Application A Question for Christians Today Let me close with a question. What is the inside scoop that your family is reading? What kind of news release are they reading daily from the story of your life? What is it that no one else knows that your family does? What is the rest of the world reading from your life? You have probably heard the statement, You re the only Bible that many people will ever read. What did others read this past week? What are they going to read tomorrow? In light of this, let us focus on asking God to allow our lives to glorify Him. In our walk, in our heart, in our collective lives as a church, let us simply pray, God be glorified in our lives. This manuscript is from a sermon preached on 5/2/1993 by Stephen Davey. Copyright 1993 Stephen Davey All rights reserved. 7