What Does It Mean To Be Faithful? 1 Timothy 4:4-5, Hebrews 13:4a Rev. John Frederick

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1 What Does It Mean To Be Faithful? 1 Timothy 4:4-5, Hebrews 13:4a Rev. John Frederick Pretend you are at a wedding after the welcome and a prayer, then, the statement of intent John Do you take Cookie to be your wedded wife, do you promise and covenant before God and these witnesses, to be her loving and faithful husband, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live? I did I do and I will. And then the vows I John, take thee Cookie, to be my loving and faithful wife And I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be thy loving and faithful husband in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live The word we think about most I believe, when we here these words in a wedding ceremony is the word faithful. The definition I like best that I found on an online dictionary read true in confidence and affection. I have always liked that word affection. Faithfulness is more than simple loyalty. I believe faithfulness must involve affection from one party to another. Faithfulness between husband and wife should be rooted in their love and affection for each other, not just a simple living arrangement. An example of faithfulness without a degree of affection is the story of the young husband and wife just back from their honeymoon. The husband states to her after entering the door to their home, now that we are back dear, there are some little defects of yours that bother me that I need to bring to your attention. The wife with exaggerated sweetness replies, I know sweetie, the sad thing is it was those defects that kept me from getting a better husband. I looked up the word faithful and its occurrence in the Bible. The word or words translated faithful are used over 83 times in 78 verses in the NIV. The primary Old Testament word translated faithful is the Hebrew word anan. Anan implies support, confirmation, to uphold, to nourish. I like that to nourish. To be faithful in any relationship will always have an aspect of nourishment to the other. The primary Greek word translated faithful in the New Testament is the word pistos, implying trustworthiness, able to be relied upon. Interestingly, the only time faithful is used in Scripture in regards to marriage is 1 Timothy 5:9, where Paul writes, No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, and been faithful to her husband. The Greek words translated faithful actually mean having been the wife of one man. At its core faithfulness does mean loyal reliable steadfast unfailing or as we used to say being true to the one you love. This aspect of faithfulness is 1

2 important in all relationships, it is important in our spiritual faith, and it goes without saying that is the core principle in marriage. When we hear the vows in the wedding service, we presume first and foremost the husband and the wife are going to be faithful to each other in the area of sexual intimacy. And no matter how much the world has changed in a Sex in the City, Desperate Housewives, Swingtown culture, God s Word has not changed. Hebrews 13: 8 states it very plainly, first of all that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever, and in chapter 13 verse four read earlier, the writer states, that marriage should be held in high honor among all, and that the marriage bed be undefiled; for the sexual immoral and adulterers God will judge. This verse was true yesterday, it is true today, and it will true in the future until the Lord comes no matter what culture may believe. The Greek word for adultery is the word moichos, which simply means faithless. The Greek word translated sexual immoral in the NIV, fornicators, in the New American Standard, and whoremonger in the KJV is the word pornos, from which we get the word pornography. It implies seeking gratification outside the bounds of marriage. Intimacy is a wonderful gift from God, but it is intended for husband and wife period. John, the world has changed, peoples values have changed, look at TV, look at the schools abstinence is ridiculed in circles, the church has got to get with it. The church is going to vanish if we can t fulfill our desires. Get with it, John.Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in high honor, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge and then I read verse 8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. There are many sins that destroy our own bodies, but there are horrible sins that destroy others lives as well. Adultery is one of those sins. The problem is so many go into any type of relationship these days saying, What is in it for me? If my needs are not met, by gosh I am going to get them met, they deserve to be met. Believers, we need to be the examples of faithfulness in a faithless world. It is not about us it is about serving and being faithful to God, it is about serving and being faithful to our mates. Now, let me say I am not talking about staying in abusive situations, or when the other violates the marriage trust through infidelity. There are certainly examples of marriages that have been healed, but only when the offender has confessed, repented and changed. Faithfulness to the other never means accepting abuse by the other. And for those who have committed sexual sin, maybe even in marriage, any moment can be a moment of change. Yes, the scars of the sin, and maybe the results of the sin remain, but forgiveness and restoration can always occur. Create in a clean heart O Lord, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not 2

3 cast me away from thy Presence; do not take thy Holy Spirit from me. These beautiful words were written by one who committed adultery and indirectly, murder, his name King David, who although paid a great price for his sins in his life, as we all pay a price for sin if you touch fire, you are going to get burned...but still could write further, As far as the east is from the west, So far God has removed our transgressions from us. The moment of change comes when we examine our lives, expose our sin to God, ask forgiveness, and then say, I repent no more sin! And then, we must forgive ourselves and move forward in God s grace. There is no bodily sin that can not be forgiven by God. In Christ, there is always hope, and possibility of restoration for the repentant sinner. As I said earlier, every moment can be a new beginning in Christ. And being faithful must go beyond loyalty and presence. I believe it must include affection, it must include as the Hebrew word anan implies nourishment to the other. In my marriage counseling I do with couples, I share a list of what is called The Important C s of Marriage I use words that begin with the letter c that will assist in building up a future life together and make a relationship thrive. I would like to offer up four of these words that I believe will enhance faithfulness between the husband and wife in marriage. The first c word I would like to mention is the word compassion. One definition of the word compassion I like is the ability to be able to walk in another person s shoes. You have heard the old expression that marriage is never fifty/fifty, it s sixty/sixty. The gist of this expression is that both partners have to give a lot of themselves, sometimes a great deal of themselves in a relationship to make it really work. The fallacy is that at any given moment it is probably not going to be 50/50. If a partner is physically, emotionally, or mentally disabled for a time, it may be where the other has to put in sixty percent, or seventy percent, or ninety-nine percent. The story Don shared last week about Cecil Sherman and the way he cared for his wife who had Alzheimer s was very touching to me. Cecil now has to give that ninety-nine percent each and every day. That percentage will not change the rest of their lives together. He has compassion for his wife which results in care, affection and concern. In plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live are not just idle words. They mean the wife will show and share compassion to the husband and the husband will show care and compassion to the wife no matter what. There are so many examples of this, even in our church, but one that stands out to me is a special man who took such great care of his incapacitated wife to the very end. Marvin Brooks, someone very special to many of us, passed away at the very end of 2007, but his example of care to his beloved wife Ruth in the home will always be a great example to me and so many. Ruth was a beautiful woman but was in very frail health the last several years of her life. When I visited Marvin in his home, many times I would see him lovingly feeding Ruth with no resentment or frustration. It was his way of giving the necessary 99% at the time. True marital faithfulness will always show itself in compassion. 3

4 Another important c word is civility. Civility demonstrates one s faithfulness to each other when in the presence of others. If a couple is with other people, do they speak well of each other, or do they tear each other down? And when the other spouse is not around, do they still speak well of their spouse, or do they go negative with disdain and ridicule? I can most always figure out how a marriage is going by the way one spouse speaks about the other. A high standard of civility in marriage is almost always a great sign of present and future faithfulness in marriage. This was confirmed by a study of newlyweds by psychologists Cliff Nortarius and Howard Markman. They discovered that couples who uttered five or less putdowns out of every hundred comments stayed together, but those who uttered more than ten putdowns out of every hundred comments were far more apt to split up at some point. Be civil both in and out of your spouse s presence. Now, be able to laugh at yourselves, but be civil. Soon after the last child had left for college, a couple was sitting on the couch, the wife looked lovingly at her husband, took off his glasses, and remarked, You know honey, without your glasses you look like that same handsome young man I married. Honey, he replied with a grin, without my glasses, you look pretty good, too. A third good c word related to faithfulness is confidence. Faithfulness does not show itself in jealousy. Faithfulness does not show itself in possessiveness. Husbands and wives who are faithful to each other have confidence in their relationship, which enables the individual to grow in the marriage relationship. I appreciate the fact that Cookie allows me to have my own time with others. Some of you have heard about the exploits of my high Friday night high school football adventures with Jeff and Kevin and John Mark. They will be happening again soon! And I certainly don t mind when Cookie goes out with her friends either. Faithfulness involves confidence, and confidence involves trust. Trust results when one knows the other will remain loyal and true no matter what. Trust gives confidence to allow space and time as needed for each partner to grow as individuals. The fourth c word is most important. You might be able to help me come up with a better word, but I will use the word convictions for now. What is most important in a marriage? I believe it is the shared faith and belief in the God who created all things, in the God who established the goodness of marriage, in the God who provided the means through His Son Jesus Christ that we could have relationship with Him. A husband and wife should relate on all levels of existence, physically, emotionally, mentally, and particularly, spiritually. That is why Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that a husband and wife should not be unequally yoked. They should be able to share together in the spiritual realm. They should be motivated as individuals to grow in their spiritual lives. They should motivate each other to grow in their spiritual lives. When I have the opportunity to counsel and marry couples, it is so refreshing to see both have a 4

5 hunger for Christ. And again, couples who do not have Christ at the center of their relationship can begin that hunger at any moment. Today is the day of salvation. Today can be the day of change. There is no more beautiful words than, I will be faithful to you always. At its beginning it is loyalty and commitment. Henry Ford, after being asked how he remained happily married on his fiftieth anniversary, stated, Just the same as being successful in the automotive business, you stay loyal to one model! Faithfulness certainly is loyalty, but it involves affection, compassion, spirituality, and love. Bishop Slattery wrote this beautiful prayer on faithfulness in marriage, God our heavenly Father, protect and bless us. Deepen and strengthen our love for each other day by day. Grant us, that by thy mercy, neither of us ever say one unkind word to the other. Forgive and correct our faults, and make us always forgive each other if one of us should unconsciously hurt the other. Keep us sound and well in body, alert in mind, tender in heart, and devout in spirit, O Lord, grant to each the desire to rise to the other s best. Consecrate our life and love completely to Thy worship and to Thy service to all about us whom Thou have appointed us to serve. Our desire is to stand before You in joy, happiness and peace, through Jesus Christ our Lord.amen May this prayer be true or become true for every couple or future couple here today. 5