Restorative Parenting: Engaging Parents & Families of

Transcription

1 Restorative Parenting: Engaging Parents & Families of Restorativ e Homeless Youth The 7 Minute Movie Trailer Parenting David Mathews, PsyD, LICSW Program Director Bridge for Youth

2 Perspectives

3 The Goal of Restorative Parenting To establish a process for rebuilding or strengthening the relationship between parent and child in the aftermath of trauma or violence toward a sense of wholeness for each person 2 priorities Safety for all participants Establishing or increasing accountability measures

4 Restoring the Contract When child is born: Parent signs and enters into a contract with the child When trauma happens: Relationship (Contract) between parent and child is broken Parent is responsible to restore this contract: Parent works at rebuilding/ strengthening the relationship with the child

5 The Contract As a parent I agree to the following stipulation (including others to be added) and commit to my child(ren) that: I will always be with you. I will keep you safe from all harm. I will respect you as a human being. I will attach to you for the rest of our lives. I will view you as my life extension. I will notice, acknowledge and accept you for who you are. I will respect your decisions and opinions. I will guide and influence the formation of your values and behaviors. I will always support you as a person. I am responsible to you. I will provide you with the nurturance to grow and develop. I will work for your best interests. I will plan for you to succeed. I will never leave or abandon you. I will make the best decisions for you that I can, until you can increasingly make those decisions for yourself.

6 The Contract Exists Parent Child Contract

7 The Breaking of the Contract Parent Trauma Violence Loss Life Transition Child

8 In the Aftermath Parent Child

9 On the Healing Journey Parent Child

10 Restored Contract - Rebuilt Relationship Parent Child

11 Psychological Theoretical Base Object Relations - Attachment Social Learning Cognitive Behavioral Empowerment & Capacity Building Feminist Approach Self-Defeating Behavior Approach

12 Restorative Justice Principles When someone has committed a crime it is done against the community and breaks the relationship between the community and it s members, including the offender and the victim(s) Victims deserve to be supported in the aftermath of their experience The community has responsibility to address the crime offender in a way that holds that person accountable and to envelope the victim with support The offender is accountable to the victim and the community It is important that the victim knows there are structured processes to receive support from the community The person who has committed a crime has a re-entry or orientation process back into the community as is appropriate and respectful for the community members and the victims See for more information

13 Best Practices of Parenting Programs Developmental stages Cognitive behavioral strategies for self as a parent Positive Discipline Influencing change of unwanted behaviors Culturally relevant information Others

14 Framing the Realities of Children and Youth Mental health challenges and experiences School drop out rates Teen pregnancy Lack of attachment Sexual violence Gang participation Bullying Family violence experience Technologically related Cell phones Texting/ Sexting Twittering Social Networks Lack of accessible health care Interesting connections with corporal punishment Toxic environments Dating Other concerns

15 Framing the Realities Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE studies) Trauma affected developmental processes Trauma affected brain physiology and development Attachment Resilience, protective factors, strengths

16 Trauma Any experience that could be a one time incident or is chronic set of life situations that includes: Violent or abusive behaviors Major loss A threat to ones safety or to a loved ones safety and security Natural disasters

17 Considerations Youth Perspective Developmental Factors Attachment (Connectedness & Belonging) Strengths/ Resiliencies/Assets Experience with Trauma Family & Friends Strengths Dynamics Cultural Factors (including values) Experience with Trauma School & Faith Community Connectedness Experience and dynamics Community Cultural Factors Balance of Community and Intrapersonal Generosity Cultural Values, Attitudes & Norms

18 4 Types of Attachment Secure Avoidant Ambivalent Disorganized

19 Primary Focus for Parents Safety Security Stability

20 Engaging Parents - Listening My child has or is the problem I need you to fix my child I have given up on my child (various reasons) I feel powerless and hopeless about my child I am too ashamed of my child

21 Engaging Parents Avoid Judgment Having negative views of the youth does not mean parent is bad Child s behavior is not the lead indicator of how well the parent parents

22 Understanding 4 Reasons for Misbehavior Power Revenge Attention Insecurity

23 Engaging Parents Focus on Rebuild Ways to strengthen the relationship It takes time Structured process Identify parent strengths Instill hope that things can get better Provide a path or direction that is concrete 8 Areas for strengthening the relationship

24 8 Area for Strengthening the Relationship 1. Understanding and awareness of the child s perceptions 2. Empathy toward the children 3. Empathy toward the children s other parent 4. Parenting skills and awareness of addressing situations in the aftermath of violence in the home 5. Parenting self-efficacy in the aftermath of violence in the home 6. Cultural understanding with regard to parenting and domestic violence 7. Parental self-care skills and self-awareness needs and resources 8. Readiness for change/ restoring or working toward reconnecting with the child

25 Strategies Parental self care Empathy building Paying attention to child s perspective Reasons for child s problem behaviors Developmental considerations Attachment Trauma effects Brain effects

26 Closing Final questions Reactions? Restorativ e Take away? Closing Parenting Dave Mathews, PsyD, LICSW Program Director The Bridge for Youth d.mathews@bridgeforyouth.org