1 Transcript for Toolbox Caleb Bacon: Speed Dating (Episode 193) Full show notes found here: Welcome to The Art of Charm; I m Jordan Harbinger. The Art of Charm brings together the best coaches in the industry to teach you guys how to crush it in life, love, and at work. Imagine having a mix of experienced mentors teaching you their expertise, packing decades of research, testing, and tough lessons into a concise curriculum. We ve created one of the premiere men s lifestyle programs available anywhere, and it s free. This is the show we wish we had a decade ago. This show is about you, and we re here to help you become the best man you can be in every area of your life. Make sure to stay up to date with everything going on here and get some killer free ebooks as well as drills and exercises that ll help you become more charismatic and confident, by signing up for the newsletter at theartofcharm.com. If you re new to the show but you want to know more about what we teach here at The Art of Charm, listen to the tool box at theartofcharmpodcast.com/toolbox. That s where you ll get the fundamentals of dating and attraction such as body language, eye contact, vocal tonality, all that stuff that s more important than you might think. We ve got boot camps running every single month here in California. Details at theartofcharm.com and I m looking forward to meeting all of you guys here at The Art of Charm. Enjoy. Welcome to Pickup podcast, the show that s more than just about getting the girl, but putting some strawberries on your personal growth Cheerios. (laugh) I m Jordan Harbinger, here live from the AOC headquarters on Hollywood Boulevard where all of the magic happens at AOC boot camps and training courses. This is the end of a week long
2 program. We ve got the guys out tearing it up with our coaches. Guys from Denmark, Germany, it s either North or South Dakota, it doesn t really matter, irrelevant, New York City, and Iowa, this week. And today we ve got Caleb Bacon here in studio, Host of Man School. Yeah, Hey Jordan. That s right, I would definitely send all of your listeners -- not right now because they re listening to us here on Pickup Podcast. But you did such a great episode of my new show, Man School, where we talked about, in depth, I don t -- something I don t think you ve talked about on this show, where you were kidnapped twice before. Twice. Because, once, I just don t want to just do ****, like half-***** one time. I want to get it right so -- Well the first time you got kidnapped wasn t that good, and the second time you got kidnapped was -- more than made up for it. It wasn t that good. Yeah the first kidnapping was kind of like, Meh, and the second time I was like, Right on, this one is awesome! Well it involved drugs and weapons and just crazy -- It did. -- crazy stuff. I didn t even think about that, but it did involve drugs -- both drugs and weapons and it was overseas. If anyone who wants to hear that, that s manschoolshow.com or on itunes.
3 Nice. A little snoop pluggy plug, right there. The Man School with Caleb Bacon, that s the show. (laugh) All right. Nice. But that s not why we re here today -- Not at all. -- but it s such a good episode. It s my favorite episode of the show so far. Cool. And there s like two. Depends on when you record -- depends on when you release this episode. Yeah, okay. There could be more, but -- CALEB But so far, right now, it s your favorite even though there s two. Well it s also really cool because we are actually really good friends -- True. -- and I just had -- I didn t know those stories in depth like that, so it was like a cool opportunity to find all that out. Yeah, no I m down. I m down with that. I liked it, it was a fun show to do. But we re here to talk about speed dating. Sort of the opposite of kidnapping.
4 It -- kind of, yeah, depending on how you look -- you re still captive, though unfortunately. Just there s -- and possibly being tortured, but there is a four minute limit on the -- Actually, yeah, if you re a girl, definitely some of those five minute speed dates probably feel like you ve been kidnapped. And held at a table with a gin and tonic and a d-bag. So it s not the worst kind of kidnapping but, definitely hostage situation, short term. Yeah, yeah, and you know it s funny because, we did speed dating -- we started off -- I can t even remember how we came up with this. I mean, you brought it up somehow. Yeah what happened was, so years before I knew you, one time a buddy and I, as like a goof, we just decided to go speed dating. Right. Like, you know you ve seen it in The 40 Year Old Virgin -- Right. -- they ve got the goofy speed dating scene, where I think there s like a girl named Jina (ph), not -- who s like some big dyke and -- Right, right. You know, speed dating is sort of like a punchline. So my buddy and I are like, Yeah right, this will be cool, let s give it a try. So we actually went and I m like, Oh, my God, speed dating is amazing. Because it was like 10 girls and 10 guys, and most of the guys were just flat out like dorks, you know, lots of pleated khakis -- Uh-huh.
5 -- and the girls were pretty hot for the most part. There was like one girl who was like stunningly beautiful and I was like, What are you doing here? (laugh) But -- That s exactly what I thought, and I ll talk about this later, when I met that one Pilates trainer. Yeah, oh, yeah, I remember that one. (laugh) She did not like me, not, actually anyone that night, probably. Except for me, but then she got crazy. Yeah so it s -- so at speed dating, I was like really hitting it off with this one girl on our little five minute date, and there was like these -- there was pillows, and so we started having like a pillow fight and I got the girl s, like, number that night. Right. And people are like, Uh, what are you doing? Because like, you re supposed to fill out the form, and then like you check yes or no on every girl, then they tell you the next day, and -- like if you have a match. But what I realized is you can totally break the rules and do whatever you want because it s all single girls who want to meet other guys. And what was cool about it was, the first time was great, but then for some reason, I just forgot about it for a couple years. And then one day, we were hanging out and I was like, Oh, yeah, we should do that. You know there s probably people listening that don t necessarily know what speed dating is, so I m -- you know, let s
6 talk about that. I mean it s a singles event, and you ve got like, three to five minute dates, quote unquote, depending on which company you re going with, and there s five -- fifteen women or whatever per event and you sort of rotate, like musical chairs, with the girls, at a bar or a restaurant and you have these speedy dates with them. Right, and it s usually like in a restaurant s private room or in a bar that s quiet or something like that. And big cities have these generally. They re in like a ton of cities. Obviously, we re here in Los Angeles so there s going to be a whole lot more of them, because there s just a ton of people here. Right. But I mean, I ve looked at these websites, they re all over the country. Yeah, and they re probably abroad too. So, if you guys are listening, look for one in your area. I think, sort of spoiler alert, our favorite company was HurryDate, if you want to go to HurryDate and check it out. Yeah, HurryDate was the best. I don t know how it is in other places but in Los Angeles, HurryDate was absolutely the best. Yeah, a lot of them are run super amateurish, the have bad customer service. Half the time they don t do a good job of confirming or booking or doing anything so like, you ll show up and there ll be no girls there. HurryDate, avoided all those problems for the most part. Yeah, we actually had some like bad times. Bad, yeah bad.
7 But, they were, I mean, it was fine because we were like doing it together and it was just like fun night out with, you know, with a buddy. Right. But, I mean, the worst one we went to. For some reason, I don t know if the weather was bad, but it was just like -- there was like four girls that showed up. Well they comped us being like, We don t have enough guys. Oh, that s what it was, yeah. So we showed up, because we, after a while, became like go to ringers for speed dating -- (laugh) -- which was kind of funny because these companies would be like, We need guys that don t suck to come to this and we have all new people so can you guys roll through. You know, we ll comp you and get you a drink, or whatever it was. So we re like, Awesome. So we showed up to this one, across town, and like valeted the car and we were like, Damn this is far. And we showed up and yeah there were like five girls, and the people who ran the event were completely ****** and unnecessarily c-word. Yeah they didn t even -- they did not want to be there. And then one of the girls, like as the event started, she left. Right. So it went from like five girls to like four girls.
8 It was -- that was really bizarre. Yeah, she was clearly like just hired to be there or something, it was like, Peace. And then so when you re -- when you re at these speed dates -- HurryDate, it s five minutes a date and then -- by the way five minutes I think is a good amount of time for a speed date, because we went to one of them, where it was like three minute dates and by the end of it you were just so ******* exhausted because you have to have like 20 microdates. And five minutes was, for some reason better, I thought. What did you think? Yeah, I liked the short time, because the thing is, you re next to everybody else anyway, so you don t get into rapport, and we ll go into this structure a little bit anyway. You don t get into anything serious so you don t need more than three to four minutes. I d say four, yeah four or five minutes, because by the time you sit down, that kills 30 seconds, and then you re like, Hey, blah blah, you know like, enough time to banter. First three minutes, boom. So the observation that I had, when I first did speed dating, you know, a couple years before I met you, was that the guys were all there alone. And girls would go in groups, because that s how girls do stuff. And I think guys like, they think, Oh, speed dating, it s probably going to be lame, I don t want my friends to know about this, and girls are like, Oh, at least I ll be with my girls. Right. And so, that s what I thought the first time, and then every single time we went that s what it was like. Yeah, we ran into -- I mean, the first time that I went, the first guy that I talked to was wearing like a suit and I was like, Did you just come from work? and he s like, No, and I was like, Okay, and he s like, I m unemployed. And I was like, All right, you might want to keep that part to yourself, and then I
9 was like, Well where do you live? and he s like, In the valley, and I go, Oh, I go shooting over there, and he goes, Oh, you don t -- I should -- I need to learn how to do that, I go, You need to learn how to do that? And he goes, Yeah, because I think eventually society is going to collapse in on itself, and I was like, Again, you might want to keep that to yourself. Yeah, you can check no on the scorecard even though you re not supposed to check no for other guys -- Right. Yeah, definitely no for that guy. So there s -- there were dudes like that and then there was one guy who was like, completely ****faced hammered before the thing even started. There was another guy who you overheard using like pickup lines right out of The Game. Right out of The Game, yeah. Which we then saw that guy at like other speed dating events, like he was he was on that circuit that didn t exist. (laugh) Yeah, and he never said hi to us even though we talked to him and he like never remembered us, quote unquote, when we were there. He was weird and he freaked out and creeped out all the girls, constantly. Constantly.
10 And because, and if that guy s listening, hey how are you doing? Yep. But, what was interesting to me, was like, oh, yeah, these girls are not going to have a bad night no matter what, because they re there with their girls. It s supposed to be goofy. They re not supposed to meet their husband, you know, their future husband there. But the guys, like, they sort of started off with like a sense of shame and, you know, just kind of being inside themselves a little bit. And so we get there, and we re like talking to all the guys and saying hello to the girls. You know, you ve got to sign up with the organizer so it s like, we were automatically being social from the get go. Right. And I think -- I think definitely, like, everybody kind of noticed that. Yeah, it s -- it s an interesting dynamic that you can set up when you walk in going, All right I m going to be the life of this party, and you used -- so you went to one before your boot camp and then you went -- we went to another one after your boot camp, and so you kind of saw how there was like a difference in the way that you -- you had a more of a structured way to run the show on the second time around. Yeah because I was always a guy who was -- I was, like, you know, I thought I was pretty good with girls, but what I could never do was just like, approach a stranger, basically. Right.
11 JORDAN Like if I was like, Hey this is my friend Jennifer, I d be like, All right good to go with your friend Jennifer. But I took an AOC boot camp and I wrote an article about it, which is up on Las.com, you can search for it there, and it was like such a transformative experience for me because -- the AOC boot camp, like it, it connected a lot of the dots for me, with my game. You know, there was like somethings I was good at, but I just couldn t combine that with the things I needed to work on. And so what -- like some of the things I needed to work on was like, making sure I smiled a lot making sure my energy was better. You know, equal or better than a lot of the girls. And what was so good about that for speed dating, was that, okay it s like, I ve got to have -- I ve got to like reset my energy with every little date here. Right, right. The credits do not transfer. It s like okay, if I had a good date with that one girl, I ve got to go on the next date, we ll do it all over again. Right. And it s like, in -- within five minutes. And it s an interesting way to look at things too because a lot of guys, they make the same mistakes they do on regular dates, where they re like, All right, time to make a first impression and go, and meanwhile, the girl is already -- all of the girls have already looked at and evaluated you, and thought about how it s going to be when they eventually do talk to you. Whereas guys are like, --and Hey, what s your name? Oh, Angela, nice to meet you, meanwhile, you and I were like, Okay all the girls are looking at us, we just walked in. They re going to be excited
12 about talking to us or they re going to be unexcited about talking to us. (laugh) Let s make them excited about talking to us. So we flirt with the organizer, have fun, banter with people, talk to guys, talk to the girls, talk to the other bar patrons, the waiter, the bartender, anybody who just happens to be around. Which, by the way, it s like -- we were like warmed up for speed dating by the time it actually started, because of that. Right. And all the other guys there were afraid to talk to each other and it was because -- it s kind of like high school. Like the girls kind of around one side, the guys are on the other side before it even starts, and the guys don t want to talk to each other. They think it s kind of weird and the girls are there with their friends anyway, so they re being social, they re having fun. Right. And so, basically we just acted like the girls. Yeah, yeah. Just talking to everybody, and that was like such a great way to start it out. And I think that s like such a big thing for anyone who wants to do this. Like, first of all, if you re a guy listening to this, and you want to go speed dating, the ratio of good looking girls to good looking guys is in your favor, trust me. And the other thing is like, the -- all the girls there, you know they re single. That like, that s why they re there, like, all those old thoughts -- Right.
13 -- that I used to have in my head. A lot of it was kind of like squashed when I took the AOC boot camp, of like, you know, I d be at a bar and one of your coaches would be like, Hey go talk to that girl. And I d be like, I thought I saw her with a guy before. You know, she probably has a boyfriend. And they d be like, you know they d find a reason to squash that fear, because really it was just like, me making stuff up in my head. Right. And then, but at speed dating, it s like, all that stuff you don t have to worry about it. Yeah, because they re all there, they re all safe. It s like being on match.com, you don t message a girl and go, She s probably not single. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, they re there for that reason. And so you don t have that normal approach anxiety, because the girl is sitting there looking at you like smiling, waiting for you to approach. And you don t have any time to talk yourself out of it because you re always on the clock, and you re hanging out with a buddy, so at least, even if all the girls suck, it s a fun time with the buddy, at the end of the day. [0:14:23:1] So I would totally recommend going with a friend, maybe go with like more than one buddy, because that way, like we said, you re having a good night with your friend nothing to worry about. And if you re going to go by yourself, treat it as though, everybody there is your friend. Like, make some friends at the beginning.
14 Yeah, that s actually not a bad idea. Like, go in and -- I think we did that at some points, didn t we? We met a couple, like, normal dudes at one. We met some weirdos -- Yes, we definitely did that. Um, but we met -- I met like one or two dudes, nobody that I hang out with now or whatever but, you know, people that -- Well but we were there together. Right, yeah. Like, so if we went there separately, I think the way to go is to just to talk to as many people as you can. For starters. But I mean, I met one of my BFFs at speed dating. Yeah, that s so funny. I remember that. That was one of these nights, where it was one of those three minute speed dates and there was like 20 girls there and so, this girl who you re really good friends with, I had this speed date with her and it was like towards the end. And like, she was like so tired, and just over it, and I think she would have left if she had the choice. And so she was just -- on our likethree minute date, she was just not about it at all. And I remember being like, That girl s kind of a *****, and you re like, Oh, that girl is so cool, what are you talking about?
15 And now you ve become really, really good friends with her. Yeah, like I m going to her place after this because we re running a 10k tomorrow, which is kind of funny. And I think it s because, like, some of the girls at the end of speed dating, there s nothing you can do. Like, they re just beat up. Like -- Yeah, yeah they ve just had it. It s a social thing you re not used to. Like, it s just -- it s not normal to talk to that many people in that short amount of time. So, at the end, it s definitely tougher. But we also figured out, like, you could kind of set it up -- because the girls don t move in their seats, like the guys are the ones who have to rotate, musical chairs style. You know, when the stop watch goes off after five minutes, but if you see a girl you want to sit with at first, bam. Yeah, you could just do that. Yeah, and there s a trick to that too. To seeing who you end up with last. And the stats say that there s -- that 90 percent of speed daters get at least one match. So you have good chance of going home with essentially a phone number. You know, at that point, and it s good practice for like, quote unquote real world situations with girls and, yeah. I mean, I think, for that -- and it s also it s not, last but not least, it s cheap. Like, it ends up being like 15 or 20 bucks, right? Well we also found like some Groupon type stuff of all the different -- whether it was Groupon or not, there s all these different sites. And sometimes it was like, you know, two times for 20 bucks or something like that, and sometimes it s 30 bucks, but uh, even then, I still think it s a good idea.
16 Yeah, so it s like 15 or 20 bucks -- you know, you could find it on Groupon and those other type deal sites, right. Now, I haven t done a lot of other singles events in my life. What have you done, that s also out there? Um, I ve done those like -- I almost said key party, that s not the same thing. That s where you re, you re swingers. I did those, uh, lock and key parties, where you re like wearing a key and the girls are wearing a lock. No metaphor there. And like, you talk to people and then you try to unlock the lock, and then when you do it, you go and you take it up and you get like a raffle ticket or something -- Okay. Have you heard of this or am I just -- I ve heard of it but -- And it was funny because I did it and I ended up with like 19 unlocked locks and they were like, I ve never, -- like most people get like two or three -- Wait, but is it just random? So how -- I don t -- you re blowing my mind. I don t get this. Okay, so the girls are wearing like the locks, right? And the guys are wearing the keys around their neck.
17 Okay, right. And you go up and you re like, Hey what s up? Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. Chit chat, and then you re like, Let s try this, let s see if this happens, and then you have a little conversation around that and everyone s got that icebreaker like, Hey let s see if my key fits in your keyhole. (laugh) Hey hey hey, right? So, there s that. And then there s like a whole, like prize thing which is stupid. You know, you usually win something from a sponsor with the tickets. But so when they -- when the lock opens, you have sex? Yes. No. You run up to the front desk and you re like, Yay, we got this, and then like you and her get a raffle ticket, and at the end of the event, there s a drawing. And if you have 19 tickets, you theoretically should win something, which I did not. That s so complicated. It s -- it is complicated. Wait but so there s a drawing for something that has nothing to do with dating? Yeah, like, or you ll get like a gift -- you ll both get -- It depends, I think you both get a raffle ticket for that. So you ll win like, you know, movie tickets or something stupid. Oh, all right well -- Like dinner. I m not single now but if I was, I wouldn t go to that.
18 Yeah, no it s -- it was pretty bad. We brought a bunch of AOC guys, just for ***** and giggles, and it was -- it was cool. Because the AOC guys tore it up. Jamie K., who you know -- Yeah, yeah. -- he went and he -- and he -- I want to say he like pulled from there, so -- That also is one kind of a funny thing to bring up with speed dating is you can actually bring girls home from speed dating. You can, yeah. Yeah, we found -- I remember the first time we were there, there was -- we were hanging out afterwards and there was some girl that, you know I wasn t especially into, but she was like, pretty cool and kind of cute. And, it was like, Wow, why is she hanging out here all by herself, which she doesn t have any friends, and then next thing I know, she was like making out with some dude. It s like, Oh. Oh. DTF. DTF, that s right. And then, there would always be like one girl like that, at like every event who just wanted to take speed dating a little bit further. I mean, I enjoyed it, I thought that there were -- there was a good share-- and there s always one girl like that, right? And there s a good share of just normal girls there too.
19 Mm-hmm. Like, we ve met a bunch of like, nurses, that were just like, Oh, we all have the off shift and we wanted to do something other than going to the same old bars. I dug that and we kind of came up to that effect with a system that can maximize your speed dating results, if you will. Yeah, because I mean basically, I feel like, if you re a normal social guy, who goes to speed dating with a buddy, you ll do all right no matter what. Yeah, I agree with that. You don t need a lot of special skills to do okay in speed dating, but if you have AOC level skills, you will annihilate. And I think if you use this simple system, you ll also annihilate, if you re a normal dude. Yeah, first of all, don t get drunk. I know that goes without saying, but a lot of guys are like, Well you know, I like to do this and if it s for a hoot who cares, but it s really obvious if you started drinking beforehand, or if you re like sloppily bumbling around like over your dates. It, yeah, it s kind of early in the night too, so -- Yeah, they re like at six, seven pm. If you re totally ****housed by 8 o clock, I don t know what girl s going to be into that. Or if that girl s into that, maybe you don t want that girl. So for me, I have got a tiny bladder, and if I have got to do five minute speed dates with 15 girls, like there s no time to go pee. Yeah, no you re right. I didn t even think about that! But I remember having to pee like a racehorse towards the end of the event, and just that was like all I could think about after a while. That s a good point.
20 Or so that s instantly nice. There was definitely a line as soon as it s done, with like everyone who really has to pee. The first time we went, they did a good thing where they -- I feel like we had a little break in the middle -- or no there were two heats. That s right, yeah, there were two heats. Oh, yeah, because this one time, there was like, eight girls showed up and like 14 guys showed up. Right. And so they kind of split it up, in such a way. I don t think it was fair for the girls. But, that, sometimes that happens. And I would say, girls suck at speed dating. Like so -- They do. -- yeah you d sit down and like, a girl -- it s not her job to lead the interaction, but some of the girls like felt like it was, because some of the guys probably put it all on them. And so sometimes you d sit down and a girl would be like, So, what do you do? and she doesn t really want to ask that question -- Right, she just doesn t know like -- she has no girl game. Yeah it s like, let s just talk. And so I think, well what would you say is the best way to start each interaction?
21 I would -- well each interaction is, I mean definitely, like you said, don t drink too much. Don t ask those stupid rapport questions. Go through the interaction map, right? You ve got attraction, rapport, seduction, we ve talked about that on the show. Stay in the attraction, with just a hint of the rapport stuff, right? And so, it s important to remember, like, you don t have to answer her questions or go on her framework because again, she doesn t have the interaction map and you do. So, if you -- if she s like, So, what do you do, you can banter it away or you can just not even -- you could just ignore the question entirely. You know what I m saying? So -- Yeah, we had a lot of fun with that because -- It s also a great environment if you re just kind of like trying things out. Like, okay, because now I have to go talk to 10 more girls. Because of speed dating. Yeah, exactly. So like, you know if you re finding yourself being asked like What do you do, where are you from, you should just honestly, take it straight up banter. Like you were saying before, you had a pillow fight, with one of the girls. I remember, a few examples, where you know, she would say, Well I, you know, just came here with my friends, and I often just called out the situation on hand. So she might be like, So -- and I ll be like, So, how many awkward dates have you had? or like, How bad do you just want to run out of here right now after all the weirdness that s been coming at you for the last 10 minutes? Yeah, girls responded really well to that stuff. They did, yeah.
22 And also -- and also I d say, you just say, Hey are you here with friends, you know it s like, Hey could you put in a good word with me with the one over there, just kind of like have fun with it or like -- I d be like, Hey you just talked to my buddy Jordan. What d you think? How d he do? and just kind of basically, essentially know that we have our own rules for this it s not a job interview. Right. And that you re not taking it too seriously because if they re kind of like, Meh that was okay, but you re the -- and you re like a weird guy, or you re a normal guy that they met, they re like, Eh. But if you re the stand out, super fun, cool dude, that seemed to be like, I m just doing this for ***** and giggles with my buddy, and she s there with her girls just doing it for ***** and giggles, now you ve got that in common, which is actually -- it sets you apart from the people that are there because they re like, This is the only date I ve had in five years. Right. You know? I ve got a lot riding on this. Yeah exactly. And there s -- with all these girls, you re saying you want to stay in attraction as much as possible. Mm-hmm. So what sort of elements of rapport would you say work best for us?
23 For the fun questions that we like to start off with -- instead of something that s like, So what do you do or what do you do for fun, you can say something like, What s your best childhood memory, right? And that is a really good way to get her talking about something that s a positive experience. And she might ask you the same thing, so you might want to have something either true or funny to have to say about that. And actually give a ****. And so on a question like, What s your favorite childhood memory, like, that is a terrible pick up line, in the world -- Right, it is. -- but when you re at speed dating, it s like, Oh, this guy actually is thoughtful, and he s not just saying like, Oh, what part of town do you live in? You know, or in L.A. it s like, Oh, how bad is your commute? You know, stuff like that, that people are just bored with. And you know, or like, I would talk to some girls about like Saved By the Bell. Yeah, yeah I remember that, yeah that s good. And stuff like that because it s fun but you can actually get some insight into people and they can get some insight into you. You know, other than just kind of the fun bantery stuff, that like, How awkward is this whole event?
24 Yeah, yeah. No I think -- I think that makes a lot of sense in being -- again separating yourself from the other people there is good. Showing that you understand how this is a weird social dynamic, helps put you above that social dynamic. And I know it s very -- there s a close line between doing that and putting other people down who are at the event, so you want to stay away from that. Like, you don t want to be like, Look at this freak, you know what I mean? Yeah, that s a good point. You know, a lot of the girls would do that. They were. Girls would talk a lot of ****. Like, all of a sudden, like once they realized, like I was sort of on their side -- Right, right. -- that they d be like, Oh, my God, that one guy, he smelled, he blah, blah blah, it was funny at least. But it was like -- you know, I made sure not to do that myself. Yeah, you don t want to fall into that trap, because then all those negative emotions are getting associated with you and then it s like you just talked a bunch of smack about somebody. Which isn t really necessarily a good thing. It shows you re, you know, you re a little petty. Right. A lot of times, the girls were nervous and they were just making conversation. You don t want to bond with somebody over making fun over other people. That s a negative right there. But if you call out the awkwardness of the situation, it does do a lot for you. And I also, I thought what was good, you could do is double check, like are they there with friends? How many friends are
25 they there with? Maybe even point them out because, a lot of times you and I would meet two girls and then hang out with them directly after speed dating. Yeah, that s a good point. Knowing the logistics, sort of, of like who, which girls are you here with? And you can be like, Cool, you know, What are you guys giving each other eye codes like, Let s get the hell out of here, are you guys signaling to each other from across the room? Because we would have fun with that. Because as soon as it s over, most people want to leave. But you would have to make like a split second decision, who do you want to try to hang out with? Because there s just like, not that many people who are going to stick around, but you have to encourage them to stick around or like trying to bounce in somewhere else. Yeah, and that of course, comes -- the logistics also come into play where, and we had a total backfire with this similar situation. You and I got along really well with like three girls and so we sat there and started chatting with them and then we had a dude who was just an absolute like fart bomb come in. Yeah, we had talked to him a lot before the event. Because we were being nice. And he took that as like, Oh, buddies forever! Yeah, BFFs for life! And so he came through and was just annoying as hell. And he totally exploded -- I mean, that girl, who was talking to him, put up with it for a while because we were all having fun. And then after a while, she was like, I ve got to go, and the other girls were like, Oh, we ve got to go now too. Right, it s like, Oh, Jordan, Caleb, that s your weird friend? This whole thing is over.
26 Yeah, and we were just like, We don t know him. And the girls were like, Yeah, we kind of figured maybe, but we just couldn t let our friend put up with him any longer. It was a good example, for me, of just seeing like -- you know you can t really connect yourself with the outcomes too much. You can t really be too concerned with it. Because all of a sudden, then the weird guy sits down, and you re like, Oh, great, we got some girls who are ready to go out from here. Yeah, no. it s very cool to find girls that are ready to bounce, and a lot of times you can find the girls, like I mentioned before, you can find the girls that are sort of your favorites, and time the end to be with your favorite girl. You can see how the rotation is going to run, and you ll have to observe it because it is different for each thing but -- you can -- if you can find out a way to do so, you can find like, Okay this is the coolest girl that I ve talked to before the event, or if you can t talk to them, just the prettiest one, and you ll get those extra few minutes at her table. Right, because you can ask the organizer, Okay how does this work? Can you show me like how many different tables there are? and Oh, how many people are in the rotation? and it s 12, and you see a girl who s in certain spot, you know you can set it up so you make sure you re with her last. Because when you re with the very last person, there is no final stopwatch that says, It s over. Usually, I ve found, even if that was a person who I didn t really like that much, we would just kind of be there naturally sitting there talking for a little bit longer because people aren t too quick to get up in general and, I mean hell five
27 minutes is not a long time anyway. So, you just kind of sat there. Yeah, yeah. And now, sometimes as you said before, some girls want Chinese and you re pizza. Unless you re actually Chinese, in which case you re Chinese, and they want pizza. Well that s like your AOC phrase right? Absolutely. Yeah, because we would meet some girls and a girl -- actually all right, so there -- you can pick different age groups for speed dating and there was one we would call like the, Cougar sessions. Because it was like 33 to 43 and sometimes it would be like, everybody there would be closer to the 43. And I remember one time sitting down and a girl was like, I have a kid, you know and just kind of was like -- she was screening me to see if I was okay with that. Like, she was like, that s all she wanted to figure out like right away. And, you know, I was not really interested in being that kid s father immediately after speed dating but she wanted to know that right away. Yeah, that s interesting. Some girls, you know, need to -- it s important for them though too, because they ve probably gone out on dates with tons of guys that find out she has kids and then they never hear from them again. So yeah, good for her. So she s like, let s get this crap out of the way. Yeah, now so let s talk about your Pilates instructor.
28 Yeah, this girl was smoking hot. She looked like Vanessa Williams or whatever. Like -- not Vanessa Williams, that s a tennis player, right? No, you re thinking of Serena or Venus. Yeah, no -- Right. -- Vanessa Williams. Vanessa Williams, yeah okay, so I was right. She looked like Vanessa Williams -- she was foxy. Except Vanessa Williams from Yeah, yeah. -- not Right right. Hot, young, Vanessa Williams. Super hot body, like wore a hot dress. The organizer who randomly turned out to be a buddy s wife -- Oh, that s right. Which is weird right? Told me later on when we were chatting, she s like, What s that girl doing here? Something must be wrong with her because she s too hot to be here. And something was wrong with her. And she was insane. But she had very specific requirements. Which were -- That -- didn t she say to you -- what was it she said to you?
29 Well she was -- the thing that I remember about her being weird was that she was a Pilates instructor that lived in the valley, that wasn t the weird part. The thing was, I texted her like, Let s get together, and she was like, Great hun, and she called and left a voic that was like, Can t wait to see you hun, good to meet you. I was like, Cool, this girl s kind of aggressive. Then I left for a weekend or something, or a week, I can t remember exactly, and I texted her again, and was like, Hey, let s get together, and she s like, Great! And then, I was like, I ll be gone for another few days. Then I texted her again, she s like, Okay. She called me a couple times, I missed her call. Then, by the weekend, I called her again. Missed her, I left her a text and she texts me -- she calls again, misses me, and then texts me back and goes, I didn t want to do this over the phone but I m in a committed relationship right now. And I was like, Wait a second here, one, you re allowed to do that over the phone because we haven t gone out even once. Two, it s been like four days. Yeah, yeah. How did you get into a committed relationship between speed dating and now when it s been literally four, four and a half days? And she wanted to let you down easy. And she wanted -- yeah, she wanted to let me down easy. So I was just thinking, I dodged a bullet on that. Yeah, yeah. Because she was clearly like a needy insane person. And but I remember that girl telling me she -- I was thinking maybe it would happen -- this particular one happened like over a year ago, so some of it s a little fuzzy. But I think she said
30 she worked out six times a week and only wanted to be with a guy who was like that, and it s like, all right I can t compete with that, you know. If that s specifically what you want, you know, let s move on to the next speed date here. Yeah that s --that s weird. That s very weird. I don t really know, why you would go to something like that and expect to meet somebody who s into that. And also, why did she think I did? I must clean up good under these clothes. (laugh) Or with these clothes on because I definitely don t work out that much. And back then, I certainly didn t. And Pilates, of all things for God s sake. And so after the event is over, there s a couple things I think you want to be -- you want to have in mind. You know we talk about trying to find like another pair to hang out with, or the girl who s just kind of hanging around looking for someone to be like, All right, this is where the party s going, because she s DTF. But one of the things you have to do, is you have to fill out a scorecard, because the way speed dating is supposed to work is you know, you fill out your yes matches and then you find out who yes matched you the next day. Well something we did, was we yes ed with every single person, just out of curiosity, like, you know, who was matching with us? And then also, if you change your mind about someone but you checked no, it s too late. You know, you re not going to find out about that match. Yeah, that s kind of why we do the whole, forget the rules, don t obey the system. Get the number. Right? Like, it doesn t -- yeah you re not supposed to do it, but what are they going to do? HurryDate s not going to be like, You re banned because you got phone numbers! Right, the point is to meet people to date.
31 Right, and just don t be pushy about it because a lot of times the girls go there because they like the idea of, Now I don t feel obligated to give a guy my phone number. So if she s like, You know, I don t know, just mark me off on the card, then you know that she s rejecting. So don t do it. Mark her off on the card, whatever, let her do things that way. But if you re like, Hey listen, you know, I don t always check the online system, why don t you throw your number on my phone, and we ll make this happen, or whatever, or, Let s go get a drink after this. You know, you can bounce people after the event, you can get their number. That way -- because if she s got to check the online thing, she might not even bother. And if you get her number and she likes you, she might not even check her matches. Yeah, yeah. I found, also with the online matches is, we d be all excited the next day and be like, Oh, yeah, who matched with us, because we were having like so much fun with it -- Mm-hmm. -- and then we d check it and be like, There s only three matches, really? I thought I hit it off with a ton of girls. What would happen is some girls wouldn t even like, log in to do their matches for like a week. It was like, Really? You had that bad of a time at speed dating that you didn t even care to input your matches right away? Right or they like lost their card and can t remember who everyone is, etc. Yeah, if you like a girl, just go for her then.
32 Yeah, yeah. Because you know she s single. And it s also good to -- not to, like, they give you these scorecards with like a section to take notes along the way you re kind of a tool if you re taking a lot of notes but it s good just to remember people s names, instead of being like, Oh, girl number 8, I liked her. Everybody has a name tag but they take them off as soon as it s over so you just remember who the girls are. I feel like we put funny stuff on our name tags too but I can t remember exactly what it was. Where you draw a huge penis? (laugh) No that didn t happen. Or like hearts and stuff? I feel like we drew like cool, like funny hearts with like lines through it. I can t remember exactly but we did funny stuff like that and then if a girl said something like, I don t know, I mean, I don t know if I like that, we would like, scratch off her name really obviously on the sheets. Yeah, oh, that s right. Like really funny like, Denied! You know?
33 That was a lot of fun. Yeah, and they d be like, Whatever, you know. Use everything as a prop and banter. (COMMERCIAL BREAK) And something with -- just kind of jumping back into the dates was, I remember like, some of theses places it would be a really cramped area, and then other places it was like a huge space. But where it was really cramped, you ve got to make sure to treat each interaction differently, because girls can overhear you. Yeah, no that s true. I didn t even think about that, but that s -- you do end up with people making comments like, I heard you say that -- so you can t recycle stuff from one girl to the next one directly next to her. One, if she s friends with her, they re going to talk about it and two, she may actually hear you say the exact same thing. And that s not good at all. And especially like, it was like that the very first time, but we went, we heard the guy using the cheesy pickup lines from the game, it s like, Oh, God, so he s going to speed dating and doing that same stuff every single time and aw, I feel bad for those girls. Super annoying. And he -- especially because he was trying to neg and insult girls, which is crap. And on the match card, sometimes they limit you, like, oh, you can only do six matches. Other times, you can match anyone that you like. I would say unless somebody is really, you re just like, Ugh, no way, match everyone because, one it ll let you find out who s matching you, to find out -- you can literally split test or A B test your stuff with different groups of people, with different girls. And also, you might change your mind, like, I regret -- there was one girl that I didn t mark, this like smart assed Asian girl, and after that, I was like, I totally should have marked her she was super cool. I just --
34 I remember that. -- wasn t paying attention at the time. And I actually, I -- her friend like had recommended me to her and stuff, and then she was like, Yeah, I remember you, but then she was dating some other dude and I was like, You know what, that was stupid, I should have just like gone for that right away. Yeah, I think that was the one where you could only choose three matches -- It was. It was that one. -- and which, I would I would say, that s actually, that s kind of ******. It is. I would not even like use a company where you can only do three matches because, if there s 15 girls, it s -- sometimes it s hard to match with people because, even if you make a great impression, they still might forget your name -- Yep. -- or like what number you were or whatever it is, because it s such a weird social thing. And also, with the three or six matches, I remember matching like the first -- three out of the first five and then like crossing another one off because I met another one. And I had to like make decisions on the fly that were totally arbitrary about who I wanted in my, like final four or whatever, you know? Well because at the end you re like which one was Sarah? Yeah, so I unmatched girls that I got along with just fine that were like cute and smart because there was another girl
35 that I was like marginally more interested in, and I only had like one slot left. That s why HurryDate was good because you can match with everybody. And the funny thing about HurryDate is they actually have like an online dating website, so you re like encouraged to like, oh, send someone a drink, or you can like message random people on there. But I found that, I tried to like talk to some girls on there and they didn t really care. It was like mostly people signed up just to use it for speed dating. Right, right. And again, make sure to check like, the day after and submit all your stuff and then check like four days and maybe even six days later just to -- for the stragglers to put in their stuff, or like the people who left their match cards in the pocket of their jeans and then like, went to do laundry and went, Oh, there it is, or whatever. Right. You know? And we did a lot of speed dating but I don t remember seeing any of the same girls twice. No. You know what, I thought we did once. There was like one girl we saw -- I don t remember. -- we saw twice. Yeah, like that older Asian one I think? I think there were a lot of older Asian ones. There were.
36 Yeah, because we went to the cougar ones a few times. We did, that s right, you can separate by age and we went to a couple cougar ones. And there s also ones where you can separate like Jewish singles -- Yeah, yeah that s true. -- and stuff like that so, you know hey, find what you want and if it s speed dating -- when it -- has in your town, is a little bit more up to what you re looking for. It s out there. Last but not least, I think working together, with your buddy is fun and that was kind of an advanced tactic I think that we pulled out just to be -- just to like set each other up. So we d spot a couple cute girls, and you d be like, All right, that s a cute girl, and then you know you -- I remember like one time, I don t remember the details but I think, we set each other up where it was like, Yeah that s my friend, he s a fighter pilot, and then she would mention it to you and you d be like, Actually I m more of a lover pilot. And she loved that. There was some cheesiness but it was just like, we -- it was just showing that we were having fun. And yeah, and it showed that we like, hey we re here with cool friends, like we do funny stuff, we re goofballs, like, We re a couple of cut ups, or whatever. But it was better than the guy -- it s just another way to showcase that you re not just a weirdo drunk guy who s going to learn how to shoot because society is going to collapse in on itself.
37 And you d walk up to a girls and give them wedgies -- Yeah right. And, like push them over. Atomic wedgie, yeah. That was at that crappy fondue restaurant where like -- Oh, the Melting Pot. The Melting Pot. Yeah, there they actually ordered some like food for people too. They did and it was awful, yeah it was terrible. Well it was like fondue. Like fondue is kind of a weird thing, like you re getting cheese on your face because it s all melting and dripping. I remember these -- one girl ordered nachos and they were terrible and we were like, How do you mess up liquid cheese at a fondue joint? Like what the -- how? And also, if you re a girl, do you want guys seeing you eat nachos? Because you get stuff on your hands and your face and it s just kind of sloppy. And you re all like, I can t shake hands because I just licked my fingers and I have like taco meat on them. So -- Some girls there just had such bad game and it s not -- and I don t mean it to sound like I m talking **** about them, it s just like, I think a lot of girls -- I mean you could speak to this more