is your relationship feeling a little fractured? fusion for couples

Transcription

1 is your relationship feeling a little fractured? fusion for couples

2 COPYRIGHT NOTICES This Self Assessment is based on the work of John and Julie Gottman of The Gottman Institute, This Self Assessment compilation is Copyright 2014 Bonnie L. Ayotte (the Author ). Published in Canada. All rights reserved. No part of this Self Assessment may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine, newspaper, blog, or website without permission in writing from the Author. For information, please contact the Author by at bonnie@soulscapescounselling.com. LIMITS OF LIABILITY & DISCLAIMERS OF WARRANTIES This Self Assessment is a general educational health-related information product designed to help readers select among a series of counselling programs provided by the Author. As an express condition to reading to this Self Assessment, you understand and agree to the following terms. The Self Assessment s content is not a substitute for direct, personal, professional medical care and diagnosis. As with any counselling activity, there may be risks associated with participating in this Self Assessment for people with mental health conditions and/or a history of personal trauma. If you choose to participate in these risks, you do so of your own free will and accord, knowingly and voluntarily assuming all risks associated with such activities. The materials in this Self Assessment are provided as is and without warranties of any kind either express or implied. The Author does not warrant that the site or the server that makes this Assessment available are free of viruses or other harmful components. The Author does not warrant or make any representations regarding the use or the results of the use of the materials in this Assessment in terms of their correctness, accuracy, reliability, or otherwise. You agree to hold the Author of this Self Assessment, the Author s owners, agents, affiliates, and employees harmless from any and all liability for all claims for damages due to injuries, including attorney fees and costs, incurred by you or caused to third parties by you, arising out of the symptoms discussed in this Self Assessment, excepting only claims for gross negligence. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THESE TERMS AND EXPRESS CONDITIONS, DO NOT READ THIS SELF ASSESSMENT. YOUR USE OF THIS ASSESSMENT MEANS THAT YOU ARE AGREEING TO BE LEGALLY BOUND BY THESE TERMS.

3 A SKILLS-BASED APPROACH OVERVIEW OF GOTTMAN COUPLES THERAPY The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman s research that began in the 1970 s and continues to this day. The research has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail. From this research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have created a method of therapy that emphasis a nuts-and-bolts approach to improving clients relationships. This method is designed to help teach tools to deepen friendship and intimacy in your To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given methods to manage resolvable problems and dialogue about gridlocked (or perpetual) issues. We will also work together to help you appreciate your relationship s strengths and to gently navigate through its vulnerabilities. GOTTMAN METHOD COUPLES THERAPY CONSISTS OF FIVE PARTS 1 Assessment (3 sessions) 2 Treatment (3+ sessions) 3 Phasing Out (TBA) 4 Termination (1 session recommended) 5 Outcome Evaluation (4 sessions recommended) Early in the Assessment phase, you will be given some written materials to complete that will help us better understand your In the first sessions we will talk about the history of your relationship, areas of concern, and goals for treatment. In the next session, we will meet with you individually to learn each of your personal histories and to give each of you an opportunity to share thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. In the final session of Assessment, we will share with you our recommendations for treatment and work to define mutually agreed upon goals for your therapy. Most of the work will involve sessions where you will be seen together as a couple. However, there may be times when individual sessions are recommended. We may also give you exercises to practice between sessions. The length of therapy will be determined by your specific needs and goals. In the course of therapy, we will establish points at which to evaluate your satisfaction and progress. Also, we will encourage you to raise any questions or concerns that you have about therapy at any time. In the later stage of therapy, we will phase out or meet less frequently in order for you to test out new relationship skills and to prepare for termination of the therapy. Although you may terminate therapy whenever you wish, it is most helpful to have at least one session together to summarize progress, define the work that remains, and say good-bye. In the Outcome Evaluation phase, as per the Gottman Method, four follow-up sessions are recommended: one after 6 months, one after 12 months, one after 18 months, and one after 2 years. These sessions have been shown through research to significantly decrease the chances of relapse into previous, unhelpful patterns. In addition, commitment to providing the best therapy possible requires ongoing evaluation of methods used and client progress. The purpose of these follow-up sessions then, will be to fine-tune any of your relationship skills if needed, and to evaluate the effectiveness of the therapy received

4 FUSION: SELF ASSESSMENT Check the box that is closest to the statement that most describes your current These items were chosen because they represent the most frequent issues and outcomes experienced through the Gottman approach in our family clinic. If your Self Assessment reveals more issues than outcomes, you may benefit from our programs for couples. Call to discuss your score and to receive suggestions for improving your 1 I don t feel I know my partner very well anymore. I am very familiar with my partner s likes, dislikes, beliefs and ideas. 2 I don t believe that my partner knows my hopes and aspirations. My parners knows my hopes and aspirations. 3 I have no idea what my partner worries about anymore. I can tell you what my partner s current worries are. 4 I don t know who my partner hands out with. I know who my parner s closest friends are. 5 I can t even guess what my partner s favorite foods, colors or music is. I know my partner s favorite foods, colors, music. 6 We don t seem to enjoy the same things. We tend to share many of the same interests. 7 My partner hardly knows anything about me. My partner knows me pretty well. 8 I can t remember the last time I learned something about I like to learn new things about 9 I don t think about my partner when we re not together anymore. When we re apart I think fondly about 10 I don t know what keeps me with I can state why I am in relationship with 11 My partner doesn t like me or my personality. My partner generally likes and accepts me. 12 My partner doesn t appreciate anything that I do. My partner appreciates my efforts in our 13 I am somewhat ashamed of I feel very proud of 14 I don t feel like I matter in this I feel loved and cared for in this 15 My partner no longer turns me on, sexually. My partner is very sexy. soulscapescounselling.com

5 FUSION: SELF ASSESSMENT 16 My partner is rarely happy to see me when I get home. My partner is happy to see me when I get home. 17 My partner would not consider me a best friend. My partner would consider me a best friend. 18 My partner doesn t share about his or her day. My partner tells me when he or she has had a bad day. 19 I do not enjoy discussing anything with I enjoy discussing things with my partner. 20 I feel attacked by I feel respected by 21 My partner tries to control me. My partner gives me the freedom I need. 22 I really want all this negativity to stop. I am hopeful about our relationship most days. 23 My partner is critical of me. My partner never criticizes me. 24 I always seem to get blamed by My partner is very diplomatic when we discuss issues. 25 Our discussions get out of hand. We know when to take breaks. 26 My partner has no idea how to calm me down. My partner knows how to calm me down. 27 Humour is irritating during heated discussions. We enjoy humour during heated discussions. 28 Our discussions never seem to get resolved. We eventually resolve our issues. 29 I can t seem to calm myself. I am able to calm myself down I can t think clearly when we argue. I don t always feel safe in my We don t tend to see eye-to-eye on much anymore. I can think clearly when we argue. I feel very safe in my relationshp. We see eye-to-eye on most things. 33 We seem overwhelmed by life s stressors. We handle life s stressors effectively. 34 Bedtime is not a good time for us any longer. Bedtime is an opportunity for us to be close. 35 We don t tend to enjoy our time together anymore. We always have a good time together. 36 I feel let down by this It s not what I expected. I am quite satisfied with our soulscapescounselling.com

6 OUTCOMES SKILLS GOALS OUTCOMES PROCESS FAILED BIDS GOALS SKILLS REPAIR AFTER A FIGHT FOUR HORSEMEN OUTCOMES DE-ESCALATE UNDERSTAND PARTNER S PERSPECTIVE MODIFY CONFLICT ENHANCE FRIENSHIP SOFTEN STARTUP COMPROMISE CREATE SHARED MEANING ACCEPT INFLUENCE GRIDLOCK TO DIALOGUE SOOTHING 8 Week Self-Esteem Bootcamp ENHANCE INTIMACY 12 Weeks to Stop Fear in its Tracks! BUILD RITUALS OF CONNECTION 16 Weeks to Retrain Your Emotions YOU WILL LEARN: How to eliminate the Four Horsemen (Contempt, Criticism, Defensiveness and Stonewalling). How to recognize and manage the physiological flooding that prevents you from resolving conflct. The 6 Core Communication Skills necessary for effective conflict management. To successfully dialogue about conflicts that have been gridlocked. How to rekindle love and passion. How to process failed bids for connection, and to repair after a fight. The art of compromise while maintaining closely-held values and meanings, and much more! FEES AND FORMATS Fees for assessment of your therapy are based on the number of hours needed to complete the 3-step process. Generally, TRANSITIONAL the Assessment requires 4.5 hours ACUTE in 3 in-office sessions, plus 2 hours of CHRONIC paperwork. Packages are available for tretment sessions. FUSION FOR COUPLES is available in 2 formats Standard sessions, and an Intensive 2-day format for distant participants. Please call or for pricing. soulscapescounselling.com