Un U i n v i e v r e si s t i y y of o Pr P et e or o ia i a e t e d, d Ne N e e t e a a C C K K ( ) 6 APPENDICES 255

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1 APPENDICES 255

2 APPENDIX A Academic Staff Sociocultural Questionnaire 1 Do you believe students in the Vhembe district have experienced serious deficiencies in their Language education? Explain what the deficiencies are? 2 If there are deficiencies, are these attributable to: 2. 1 Limited academic skills in the Mother Tongue 2. 2 Second language acquisition 2. 3 Resistance to interaction in the English Language 2. 4 All of the above 2. 5 Any other, please specify Explain: 3 Do you think the society in the Vhembe district discourages transparency? 3.1 How does this affect the expression of opinion? Explain: 3. 2 Do you think the above has an effect on the students ability to express personal opinion? Explain: 256

3 3. 3 Would the above have a bearing on students ability to argue on issues in writing? If so Explain: 3. 4 Do you think the above impacts on the students ability to express themselves without fear of censure? Explain: 4 Do you think students believe that the printed word enshrines/ represents absolute truth which cannot be contested? Explain: 5 Are there gender differences in the way male and female students express their opinions? Explain 6 Please add any information that you think will add value to the knowledge of the sociocultural learning context of our students. 257

4 APPENDIX B Student Sociocultural Questionnaire 1. Where is your home (where you live)? 2. What languages do you speak? When? 2 With whom? 3. Which high school do you come from? in District. 4. Were you taught in English all the time? No/Yes 5. If not, which other language was used?. B. Answer Yes or No against the statements that follow: 6. When using English, I feel: 6.1 Not so sure in conversation Yes/No 6.2 Confident in writing Yes/No 7. Learning the basics of the English sentence structure at university is a) necessary. Yes/No b) not necessary. Yes/No c) it is important. Yes/No C Mark with an in the appropriate column below according to whether you agree with the statements or not using the following key: [(AL= always, S= sometimes, R=rarely] 8. When I meet people that I do not know I: AL SM R a) avoid conversation b) tend to use my MT 9. When I meet people who need help and they speak English I: AL SM R 258

5 a) avoid them b) tend to speak to them in my MT c) cooperate and use English AL S R 10. Do you ever talk on the telephone in English? 11. Do you wish you used English quite often? YES NO a) If Yes, Why? b) If No, why not? 259

6 APPENDIX C Mother Tongue Questions Northern Sotho Language Questions Q1. What was the aim of the missionaries in Africa? Q2. Give four publications by John Bennie. Q3. Give three methods of language classification based on linguistic facts. Q4. Give and explain different stages in the evolution of a language. Q5. Write short notes on the thematic meaning of sentences in Northern Sotho. Q6. The applied verbal extension could bring into a word various nuances of meaning. With four suitable Northern Sotho examples, illustrate these. Q7. Give a brief discussion of Carl Meinhof s contribution to the development of Bantu Linguistics under the following: His short background history; The contents of Das Tshi Venda; The contents of Die Bedeutung des Sotho fur die; The contents of Grundriss einer Lautlehre der Bantusprachen: The contents of Der Koranadialekt der Hottentitischen. Tshivenda Language Questions. Q8. Historically, the way of writing words differs from the way we speak. Discuss this statement giving appropriate examples in Tshivenda. 9. With suitable examples show how gender ( males and females) could be referred to in Tshivenda. 260

7 Q10. Show with suitable examples, which language groups have influenced Tshivenda dialects. Q11. Lombard et al. (1985) put it vividly that extensions occur between the verbal root and the ending. Discuss how these extensions (only five) may affect meaning in Tshivenda lexical items. Q12. Leech (1981) distinguishes four major types of oppositions. Name and discuss each one of them giving Tshivenda examples. Q13. Discuss the content, scope and delimitation of the field of study in syntax. Q14. Giving Tshivenda examples briefly discuss Theta Theory as employed in Tshivenda. Q15. Discuss how you could classify verbs in Tshivenda. Xitsonga Language Questions Most of the Xitsonga questions were in Xitsonga and translations had to be sought from the department for each individual question. For the sake of uniformity with the other two first languages, it was considered convenient to put the English versions first for ease of reference. Q16. [Give a detailed explanation of the concept translation. To support your answer, quote from relevant authors].hlamusela hi vuenti theme ra vuhundzuluxo. Seketela nhlamulo ya wena hi ku tshaha vatsari van wana Q17. [Discuss your understanding of languages of use in parliament. With extracts from some authors support your discussion].kanela (discuss) leswi 261

8 u twisisaka swona hi language(s) of use in parliament. Nkanelo wa wena wu fanele wu seketeriwa hi mintshaho ya vatsari van wana. Q18. [Explain the concept code switching under the following headings: Metalinguistic function; Directive function; Referential function]. Hlamusela theme ra code switching ehansi ka tinhlokomhaka leti landzelaka: Metalinguistic function; Directive function; Referential function. Q19. [Explain three types of language planning]. Hlamusela tinxaka tinharhu ta language planning Q20. [What is historical comparative linguistics]? Xana mpimanyiso wa tindzimi i yini Q21. [What is genetic classification, Discuss.]? Xana maavelo ya jenetiki hi wahi Kanela Q22. [The short story Poetry is witchcraft is so much related to the proverb chicken does not take care of a friend s ]. [Critically support or disagree with this ideology].xirungulwana xa vusiwana i vuloyi xi fambelana swinene ni xivuriso lexi nge A yi hleteri xa munghana Pfumela kumbe u kaneta Kanela Q23. [The short story A witch has no colour creates an ideology that a human being is not satisfied with what he has]. [In a discussion critically agree or agree]. Xirungulwana xa noyi u hava muhlovo xi kombisa hilaha swi nonohaka hakona ku va munhu a enela hi leswi a nga na swona. Pfumela kumbe u kaneta Kanela 262

9 APPENDIX D Sample argument essays (English Department) PROMPT Should parents be able to control the lives of their children (13-21years old) S1 Yes, in my opinion parents should be able to control the lives of their children aged between 13 and 20 years of age. Parents are custodians of children. They are the people who brought these children to this world in the first place. Therefore, for parents, this custodianship is a God-given right. For this reason, they have the right to control the lives of their children because they know right from wrong. Also they have the best interests of their children at heart. Thus, the choices that these parents make for their children will almost always be the right ones. Controlling children s lives requires experience and love. In these two respects, parents are the best equipped to do this. Through years of experience and watching other people raise their children, parents are the best people that children can trust their lives with. The other option is for children to put their trust in their friends. Needless to say, friends are often friends when things are going right. One quote rightly put is: when days are dark, friends are few. Parents are therefore dependable at all times. Most psychologists believe how a child is raised will determine the kind of adult that the child will become. Controlling a child is part of raising a child. This is so because we live in a world where there are several forms of control. We are controlled how fast we can drive a car; we are controlled where we can build a house; where we can fish and do other things. In other words, our lives are controlled. Therefore, the sooner a child learns this, the better. Children often like to assign blame when things go wrong; they often blame one person or another. Society also attributes the way an adult behaves to the way in which s/he was raised. Therefore, responsible parenting is a must. Secondly in the long run, both the parent and child will benefit because the parent is a citizen in this world, they can differentiate right from wrong. Children must be told, for example, when to come home and which friends to play with. They can also be advised which sport to play, which career would be good for them and so on. Through proper control, the child soon realizes these truths because s/he is not born with this knowledge. Some people associate control with abuse. Control can sometimes be abuse. However, many parents are caring individuals who would kill to protect their children. Therefore, the argument that control equals abuse does not hold water. Control is what teaches the child to be a disciplined, responsible member of society. Even when control means using the cane 263

10 once in a while, this is not bad, as long as it is not excessive. The English have a saying, spare the rod and spoil the child. Children who are not controlled think the world out there is uncontrolled, that one can do as one pleases. When children grow up with this attitude, often they learn the truth when it is too late. Control forms an important part of parenting. Children must be controlled, even if this means using the cane. 528 S2 First of all the word control itself takes us back to the dark-old-days of apartheid and torture and just because of those days, I don t think that anybody in South Africa deserves that punishment again. Controlling a human being is like punishing a human being and that is bad enough. What I would like parents to do though is to show their teenage children the right path because yes, it is very essential for parents to monitor the lives of their teenagers but not control them. In my opinion good and caring parents are the ones who not only love but also respect their teenage children enough to guide them on everything from academics down to sex. It is best for parents to counsel their children before they even put their foot wrong so that those children know whom to blame when things are not going their way. And children on the other hand, have to help their parents help them because obviously for progress sake, parents and children have to meet halfway. The more parents guide their teenage children in the right way and not control their lives, the more civilized and independent these children will become and that is exactly what our continent (Africa) needs right now. Children who are not free make a lot of idiotic errors because they live a one sided life, life of being afraid of making mistakes, perfect life and they can t progress in life because they don t do something but not to do something (sic) and time is very limited for people like that. Controlling parents are taking two steps backwards as they cannot be with their children every minute, for instance when they pass their O levels and go to universities or colleges, the pathetic job of controlling will be wasted. It is better for parents to stop the old and boring controlling job and start talking sense to their teenagers before it is too late. The relationship between parents and their children must not be like that of a policeman and a dangerous criminal where there is always that tension and hatred. It must be healthy and interesting and neither of the two should be afraid to approach the other because good and fruitful communication is the only way out. Our country needs responsible and reliable leaders in future and as children, we learn leadership qualities from the people close to us and more especially our parents and I don t think we must learn the control qualities from them because they are too smart for that. And also it is quite useless to control what you will not control for life and it is best to advise because advice is there for good. 264

11 We know as teenagers that our parents love us, yes, you care about us very much but controlling is just not an alternative but good communication and understanding between us is the way. Good parents will always advise their children and not control them because controlling is bad and wrong. 502 S3 I think that parents should be able to control their children s lives especially those of years. A teenager s life is the most complicated one especially nowadays. They face challenges that lead them sometimes into making wrong decisions. They are not aware of what is happening out there and they are afraid to face the world alone. They may think that they know a lot but the truth is they do not know anything and there is still a lot ahead of them. They cannot tackle every problem they meet alone without the help of their parents. Children of years are irresponsible and do not use their minds properly. They just think that life is all about having fun and being happy all the time. Whenever they come across a little problem they just wish they were dead or even think that everybody hates them. If their parents are around them and able to share with them their experiences everything can be easier and manageable. Moreover, children believe that if our parents do not allow us to go to the bash, parties, and other enjoyable places is because they do not love us. I think it is because they know how stupid we can be sometimes. They know that we are influenced by anything. We do not understand the difference between good and evil. When something looks good we don t look at where it originates from and the outcome of it. We just go with the flow. Children think that parents control us too much but I think parents are just protecting us from the evil things the world can lead us into. We have the problem of teenage pregnancy. I think for a child to fall pregnant when she is still very young is determined by her parents. They should teach their children about this stage of life and tell them everything they will come across, from erection to masturbation, sex and every single detail because they have been there. They should also know their children s whereabouts, who they are dating and their real friends. We also have the case of alcohol and drug abuse. This situation is getting worse everyday. Young people throw themselves into danger by doing drugs and alcohol abuse, which result in crime. This is because parents are not involved in their children s lives. They neglect them. According to Keith and Sylvia, neglected and brutalized children grow up unbalanced and need only minor frustration. I think this happens because of lack of communication between children and their parents. Parents do not realize their children are living in a cruel world outside their home. They do not even care what they do. I think teenage pregnancy and drug abuse are the major problems that occur due to parents ignorance. Parents should be there for their children at this stage physically and emotionally. They should have time to communicate with them. They 265

12 should give them their own space and let them express their thoughts. They should not always scold their children because it makes them become even more intoxicated (sic). Crosson-Tower (1999) concludes that parental interest in the child means that parents and children give each other positive reinforcement. 533 S4 In my opinion parents have a responsibility towards the lives of their children irrespective of their age. Parents should control their children s lives as long as they are staying with them. I believe that children between the ages (13-20 years) need support in everything they do from their parents. It is the duty of each and every parent who care and love the future and life of his/her children to control their lives. Turning thirteen to twenty years does not mean you are old enough to be able to make your own decisions without the assistance from your parents. Children between these ages cannot take good decisions alone. They need to be taught and advised about the reality of life by their parents. They should control the lives of their children so that they cannot suffer the consequences in their future life. In most cases children delude themselves and their parents on what they don t know and what they do know. It is a very good time or stage that parents must be realistic with their children about the facts and reality of life in general. Children between these ages are going through various changes in their bodies and life. This is the appropriate time for parents to control the lives their children because at this stage children can get wrong information about these changes in their bodies from their friends. All these make children to get confused and frustrated. As a caring and loving parent, they should sit down and discuss sexual related issues with their children before they get lost. As we all know charity begins at home. Parents have an obligation to control and teach their children how to behave well so that they have good manners and respect other people and their lives. Failure to do or play this role, the children will get out of hand. It is quite sad when one notices children who are behaving badly especially at school or church. Once people notice that, they conclude that parents failed to take control of their children s lives. Finally to control your children s lives does not mean you don t love them. It shows that you really love and care about their lives and their future. Parents have the responsibility to control their children s lives as long as they are staying with them so that they cannot get frustrated. Children at this stage are still young. They do not think ahead, they need full support from their parents all the time. They need help from parents when they need to take decisions of their future life and everything they might decide or do. Parents must cherish their children all the time

13 S5 We are living in an era of profound changes. Where there is no clear distinction between parents and children. Children want to rule over their parents. Certainly this is wrong. Parents need to control their children. This is the norm and culture of our society. As much as parents should control their children, this should not in any way mean oppression of the children. Parents need to establish a good relationship between them and their children. It is crucial for parents to control their children because they have a certain experience of life. This does not mean parents should dictate every term in the family but rather the views of children should also be afforded a hearing. This means there should be a clear understanding between parents and children. There should be mutual respect. For instance, parents should not decide for children which career to pursue in life because the future belongs to the children with lots of opportunities but the final decision lies with the children. In the same vein children should respect the rules and regulations of their parents. They should not disrespect the rules and regulations of their parents in the name of freedom. These days children misuse their rights to the point of literally dancing on top of their parents heads. For instance, they do girlfriend and boyfriend stuff when it only suits them, not considering what their parents are saying. This is the reason most of the teenagers are vulnerable to the pandemic and communicable diseases such as HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). This does not only damage the lives of the children but also kills the morals of our society. To avoid this social degradation, parents need to take control of their children, after all that is the reason human beings are parenting animals. At some stage in life children would reach adulthood stage and this is the duty of parents through good parenting to lead them to that stage. In conclusion, I should say that a good society is made of mutual respect and understanding between children and their parents. So, parents should control their children taking into consideration the views of the children. This establishes a good relationship and a sense of respect between parents and children 377 S6 First and paramount one has to understand the role of a parent and child respectively. A parent is a mother/father who gave birth to a baby and is bringing up and caring about that baby. Being a child means you are still young and not fully developed or grown up. Hence, you need your parental guidance and control, for you to grow up and be a respected person in a society. Parental guidance and control helps the child to have good personality, behaviour and respect in a society. Children who are raised by the firm 267

14 hand of their parents are usually identified the first time you speak to that child. Moreover, the street kids, thieves, drug addicts and most criminals are suffering the consequences of lacking control of their parents. A parent gives life to his\her child. By so saying, I mean he\she teaches a good way of living to his\her child so that it will be useful in the entire life of that child. By the time the child is grown up and mature enough, he\she starts applying what he\she is taught by his/her parents. Being mature and grown up, I mean when one is at least above 21 and no longer depends on parents for most things, one can now stand on ones own. S/he can even initiate a family and be a parent. However, parents give direction to their children, for they cannot be there to lead them in their parent hood. Then, this is the time a child takes that direction when he is still under the control of his parents. It is not that when parents control their children they do not give them freedom. They do but the freedom must be accompanied by responsibility. Parents are accountable and responsible for their children s freedom at the time the children are between 13 and 20. When you are at this age, this is the time you get more advise from your parents. They teach you what is right from wrong. This is the time you realize how much they love you. This is the time they tell you about lofty goals so that you make correct choices and good decisions to achieve your goals. This is the time they teach you about being kind and gracious. They teach about being moral in life you can have a better future. In the light of all the above, a child will be a responsible parent at his own parenthood for he has grown up being taught morality his parents when controlling him from doing bad. Then yes, parents must control their children s life between 13 and S7 Parents do not have the right to control their children s life. Everybody on earth is an individual and no one should expect someone to live exactly like him/her. Yes, it is true parents should be responsible for their children s lives, but there is no way they can control them. The role of the parents is to give guidance and not to control their children s lives. For example a child after matric decides to follow a career in Media Studies at university level, and parents force him/ her to study Bcom., because the parents are controlling this child, s/he ends up with no choice. The child takes Bcom and ends up failing miserably because s/he is not good in Maths and Accounting but because parents are controlling him/her, the child ends up with no choice but to follow the stream that they want because after all, they are the ones who are going to pay the fees. That child takes Bcom. Degree and fails miserably. Parents will not stand it. They will say many bad things and accuse him/her of not studying but forget that he did not want Bcom because s/he knows that s/he is poor in Maths. 268

15 What I am trying to show is that if parents control their children s lives, they must be careful of the consequences and usually they are not good at all. If parents are controlling their children s lives they must be careful and they must be aware of the pressure and hard time they are giving their children. Not everything in the child s life should be controlled by parents unless the child is misbehaving like for example if a is changing men, parents should give her advice and show her the right way because controlling her will just make matters worse. 297 S8 Children are also human beings and they also have the right to decide what they think is best for them. Children are also entitled to the right to self-determination, and parents should at least try to provide the best guidance they can afford, but not to control. Children must not be denied the right to decide for themselves. Controlling your child s life has a negative impact on the child. Children who are told what to do tend to develop dependency syndrome, low selfconfidence and low self esteem. They may not be able to make important personal decisions, for example, choosing a partner. It is, however, very important that parents respect the child s right to self-determination and not violet that right. It is, however, true that parents should at least try to give their child the best they can but they must know where and when to interfere with the child s life. If one can look at the high rate of suicide amongst children it is often caused by the parents interference into their child s life. Gone are those when parents has to decide for their children. It s time that parents allow their children to exercise their constitutional rights to self-determination. Previously parents where turned with the responsibility of controlling their children s lives this was common particularly from the African perspective. One may argue that it has really helped those children to be respectful and yes it is true but the question becomes, were they respectful or just doing what they were told to do? We are now living in a democratic world where there are lots of challenges to be faced and children have not acquired basic skills of decision-making, particularly from their childhood to be able to face the challenges. This world requires someone who is independent in term of decision making, someone who believes in himself and someone who is determined to face whatever challenges in life. There are a number of student in almost all institutions of higher learning who are studying for degrees, which they never dreamed of but just doing what they were told and most of them are never successful. Parents should do their children a favour by not interfering into the children s lives but provide adequate guidance instead of controlling

16 S9 Children are born and they learn to be under the control of their parents. They learn that their parents are what made them. When the children grow they expect their parents to respect them and stop controlling them but when it comes to parents it does not matter how old a child is but they still consider them to be children. Looking at today s lifestyle, if parents stop controlling their children between 13 and 20 years, these children will grow up not knowing what is right or wrong. They grow up knowing that whatever they do if they are not affected it is right thing to do. Parents are the ones that made us what we are and the way they do their things can determine us to become good parents in the future. It is not easy to control children at this kind of age because they go through stages of growing but parents try their best to do a perfect job. Children between the age of 13 and 20 years go through many obstacles in their lives due to the stage of growth. And they tend to listen to their friends (peer group pressure) more than their parents which in the end, most of them their lives become unbearable in a way that some turn to become parents at an early age. Some decide to run away from home because they are ashamed of themselves. Some commit suicide due to life becoming too much to bear. And some become infected with HIV/AIDS or other diseases but in the end they think back to what their parents were trying to do for them and for some it is too late to go back to the their parents. Children who are under the control of their parents gain more knowledge of what is right or wrong and yet it does not mean that they follow those rules, they become aware of what life holds. The duty of the parents is to control children who fall under the mentioned age group because they are still legally under their parents control. Most children that are under their parents control turn out to be more responsible and can handle most of the experiences in life. It is the parents duty to control their children at this age and in the end the control from parents turn these children to become good human beings. 400 S10 The behaviour of a teenager is most complicated. It needs a closer look and parent s guidance. The teenager stage is one of the stages in which youths these days are failing to behave themselves. Parents are also failing to control the person in this stage of maturity. His behaviour needs parents intervention. Therefore, parents should control the life of a teenager. Children at the age of between 13 and 20 need to be treated in a manner that they will be responsible for all actions they take. Only parents can control how they act and how they react towards serious situations. The high parental guidance they get, the more motivated they become. A child is taught to be responsible at home. Because charity begins at home. 270

17 A teenager needs to be controlled, he/she does not need to be independent. As long as he/she is still under parental care, that is what they deserve. Teenagers need parental back up as to how to decide, react and solve problems. Teenagers always cry over their careless decisions. No independence for teenagers if parents do not want to end up regretting. As long as he/she is a child under the parents house, he/she deserves to be controlled. The deeds of today determine the behaviour of tomorrow. The tomorrow man/woman is being built now, and tomorrow he/she will be a parent. The parents race is to build today s youth to be tomorrow s parents. What he/she is today determines what he/she will be tomorrow. So, parents take care of your children and control them. 258 S11 I think parents have the right to show the way and lead their children to what they think is right and for their moral good. Children who are between the ages of thirteen and twenty are in a turbulent and overlapping stage. They are shading away their childhood, on the other hand, and entering adulthood on the other. This stage brings with it confusion if parents do not vigilantly give guidance and control to their children. It is the time for teenagers to have friends mostly of the opposite sex. Without controlling them, children would become vulnerable in accepting bad behaviours from their peers, thinking that it is the appropriate way of doing things. Having two kids who are now in their teens, I can see that this is the most frustrating period of all the stages to both parents and children. As a parent, you need to be vigilant to make them follow what you think is right for them. If you slacken in your control and guidance, they can quickly see it and continue with their wayward dealings. Constant control and guidance could make them walk in the right direction, thus, giving them more confidence. However, the control and guidance should not be very strict as these would make them rebellious. They must see that their parents are doing all what they can to make their world for the best. They must see that there are giving all what they think is right in preparation for their forthcoming adult world. The control that parents should impose on their children should be for the benefit of their children not for the satisfaction of their (parents ) whims. 277 S12 Parents play a vital role in their children s lives because they teach them everything about life, responsibility, decision-making but this doesn t mean that they always have to take decisions or control them. Most parents tend to confuse control and guidance. They use control and think that they are guiding their children. What they do not understand is 271

18 that things are changing and children want to explore and sometimes discover things on their own. There are advantages and disadvantages of control when it comes to children. If children are given freedom they tend to use it in a wrong way especially when parents do not show any interest in their affairs more especially teenagers because if there s no control from parents they may come back home late, associate themselves with people who are not good examples in their lives. People who always give them good advice if parents do not have control in their children s lives they might even think that they are not loved and they may even feel rejected because I believe that a concerned mother is a good mother. Children who grow up in families where they are given freedom and parents do not interfere in their matters often result in being drug abuse victims from peer pressure, crime and also teenage pregnancy. Control is good when used in the right way. Parents must guide and sometimes control their children but also let them make their own decisions and discover what and how life is like. Parents and children who talk to one another when having problems often have a good relationship and parents sometimes trust and believe them to make their own decisions and control is used in the right and correct or proper way. In conclusion, I can say that control is needed between parents and children but has to be exercised in the right way. Parents have to understand that children will not remain children forever. They sometimes in life have to make their own decisions. 331 S13 Parents are children before they become parents themselves. For them to play good parental roles in their children s lives, they have to go through different developmental stages where responsibility plays a huge role. Eventually, as our parents go through these developing stages of maturity, independence as well comes into the picture along with other important key factors. As much as parents were children before, children themselves will eventually become parents with good parental duties to deliver and with good intentions only, but control is not a key factor in achieving that. The fact of the matter is that no human life on earth would want their lives controlled by anybody, including parents. Parents have the right to overreact and worry where the lives of their children are concerned without being controlling. Over-protection is normal in all kinds of relationships, but control causes a drift in a relationship. Controlling parents don t achieve the goal of building their children properly, but instead destroy them totally and causes eternal emotional, mental and psychological scars. Parents only wish and want the best for their children and that can be achieved through guidance and teaching children responsibility and 272

19 independence. At a later stage in life, children will get to understand the reason their parents brought them up in that manner and thereby put all the teaching into practice. A child needs to know where s/he is going and what s/he wants in life on their own without parents attempting to drive them into what they would want them to do or be. Children need to know that life is not a bed of roses and that it is the survivor of the fittest and the only way to know that for sure, is for them to experience hardships on their own. Children need to be cautioned and guided, but not controlled because an independent child is capable of looking at oneself through tough times and learn with time that though times never last, but tough people do. It is like sending a child off to university and wanting to control them financially by dictating how children spend their money. Those children never learn how to handle their own finances even at a late stage in life. Controlling parents are doing great job of turning their own children into low self-esteemed, discouraged, sad, incompetent and irresponsible people. Parents have all the right to love care, educate, guide, protect and give them rules and regulations, but certainly not to control and run their lives. Everyone is free to express how he or she want to live his or her lives. 433 S14 I do not think that parents should control the lives of their children because those children are also human beings. If a parent takes full control of the life of his/her child he denies the child the time to practice responsibility. What parents must do is to give their children advice on how to be a responsible person in life. A person of between 13 to 20 years is no longer regarded as a child as he/she is about to reach adulthood. So parents must not control their lives. If parents want their children to follow their footsteps, They must teach them to behave well, not to control their lives. Parents must be the first people to guide their children so that they may not go out and get bad ideas from their schoolmates. If one is between 13 and 20, that person is able to differentiate between good and bad and so if parents can show their children the way in an acceptable manner, their children will be law abiding people but if they control the lives of their children, those children will go out seeking happiness and pleasure in an incorrect way. A child who grows up in a family where parents control the lives of their children starts to think that the parents do not trust them, so they have to do naughty things so that they may not trust them for real. Children are able to differentiate between love and harshness. I don t think that controlling the life of your child is a way of showing love or care, but you need your child to fear you and not respect you. Parents who love their children do not control their lives but when the child reaches some stages of growth such as puberty and adolescence, they start equipping them for life. Parents have to tell their children that because you 273

20 are 13 now you are becoming a young man so you don t have to behave like a child any more, you have to move from childish things and start behaving like person who is about to reach adulthood. The parents must also tell the child that they are not giving him a license to street behavior, but he must go according to their wish. Most children whose parents control their lives end up being useless people in life because it is hard to stay with people who control your life. Parents who control the lives of their children think they are teaching them to live according to their wish but those children feel like they are in a prison of some kind as they do not have control on themselves. Children who grew up in families where parents control their lives seem to have problems at school because they don t stop thinking of their situation at home. Some parents even tell their children not to have friends or select friends for them. These kinds of parents usually select children of their family friends to be their children s friends instead of telling them to choose good friends so that they may not encounter problems in their friendship. Some children whose parents control their lives end up as teenage mothers and fathers because they think that doing that is one way of making the parents aware that controlling their lives hurt them. Some children become drug users because they think that drugs keep their minds away from their parents. If children from this kind of families get a chance to be alone, where the parents are not around they do something, which a person who is fresh minded can never do. These children happen to do naughty things because they do not get a chance to think for themselves because of harsh parents who think that they want to build their children by controlling their lives. 638 S15 Parents should control their children s lives, but to a certain extent. Parents could be either bad or good depending on how they live. Many parents are good to can control their children s lives but they are also erroneous as all people are. Parents are duty bound to nurture and groom their children up to a certain stage whereby children have their own responsibilities and wills. Children have their rights to choose partners, institutions of higher learning, clothes and some few others, but not all of them as parents are there to check the wrongs. Children are products of a family institution that is entirely governed by parents. Therefore, children are there to be equipped with norms and values of the society in which they live. Parents should with all cost see to it that their children are not a disgrace to society. Parents should make sure that children are all at home at a certain time to protect them from bad things which lurk in the dark, like getting involved in gangs and mugging people. 274

21 Parents play a pivotal role in their children s lives. Orphans and street kids are doomed to failure in everything that they could think of doing for the betterment of their lives due to lack of parental care. They tend to lead bad lives like robbing people and car hijacking in order to fend for themselves. If their parents were alive they would have given them good advice and nurture them accordingly and be better people. The escalation of teenage pregnancy is also caused by lack of parental advice. Children prefer reserved parents to talkative parents. They do not want to be ruled off from what they have engaged themselves in, for example hanging around with boys and doing all sorts of things at a tender age. If parents do not stop them from doing all those bad things, they tend to be unruly and end up pregnant by students who do not work that could also jilt them. Parents are there to control their children until they are married and start their own families. Parents do have some facets of life where they know that they should not control their children. The issues of choosing marriage partners, universities and degrees they want to pursue and some sensitive issues as well. Parents also have control on the kind of clothes children should put on because it is their money which buy for them. Indecent clothes, which leave their children like whores, cannot do them good. Parents prefer all good to their children to bad things. In conclusion, I would emphasise that parents should have at least ninety percent control over their children. They are there to build and not to destroy. They are there to teach and not to learn. Children are there to learn and obey. A rebellious child is a thorn to the parents, cancer in the flesh or virus in the blood. Children of this caliber are doomed to death as the bible speaks it out. 503 S16 The period when children are between the ages of years is the adolescent stage. During this stage children do not want to be told what to do, they tend to do what they think is right and decide to ignore what everybody else says. Parents should exercise a degree of control and not control their children s lives entirely. Parents should not control their children because once they do, they become too dependant on their parents and they fail to make decisions by themselves. It is true that you may lead a horse to the water but you won t force it to drink. The same applies to adolescents, you can show them what to do but they choose to do what they are told is wrong. Teenagers would rather learn from their mistakes. When parents control their children s lives, the children end up being rebellious and going out of their way to go against their parent s will. Parents usually want to run their children s lives because they want what is best for their children. They think that by controlling children s lives their 275

22 children will respect them, but in actual fact their children will be afraid of them. Parents should ease up during this stage. Adolescents do not want parents who shout and scream everytime they do something wrong. Neither do they want parents who ground them or give them beatings anytime they are late. They would rather have parents who communicate with them; establish the problem and find a solution peacefully. Parents should try to understand their children as they also passed the same stages. Parents should also try to understand that times are changing and influences are becoming more each day. Parents should try to examine the relationships between their children and the other children and should try to offer advice and support. Parents should not control their children s lives, they should have control in their children s lives. Parents should not dictate to their children as to what to do with their lives, they should rather show them the right way. When correcting children, parents should show/tell children their mistake and should suggest a better way of doing things. When parents become overprotective, the more their children want to escape their grip. Being overprotective is just as bad as being underprotective. 382 S17 Parents should not control the lives of their children but they should guide, advise, teach them to respect and communicate. That will enable children to open up to their parents. I believe parent is another word for love, respect and responsibility. These days things have changed, there are dangerous things that teenagers are involved in. But parents should not control their children as they will confuse their children. They should tell them the consequences of the dangerous games they are playing. There is no bond between the controlling parents and their children and as a result children will not disclose or ask questions about their experiences. That is why we have the highest rate of Aids infected teenagers. Research shows that approximately 90% of teenage pregnancy and drug abuse are controlled children. As they do things without responsibility because their parents never taught them. These children only behave themselves in the presence of their parents. Children must not do good things because of the threat they get from their parents. They have to be able to identify good things from the bad ones. They have to learn to choose things that will also give them confidence in what they do. Responsibility is something which is indestructible and parents must strive to show that to their children. Then we can have responsible teenagers who stick to their words and plans. Children have to be taught how to maintain their dignity. As Africans believe that it takes a real parent to raise a child. 276

23 It s the parent s duty to maintain their relationship with their children by means of communication. Then children will be able to share secrets and experiences with their parents and they will learn to trust and believe in each other. By giving children freedom of speech, we can fight the endemic disease, drugs as well as alcohol. There are some children who really need help and to be guided. We have also to bear in mind that children were not allowed to discuss anything with their parents in the past. But these days things have changed. There must be communication between the parents and the children. Parents should learn to be polite and friendly when they talk to their children even when there is a problem. That will enable children to tell the truth before they are asked and they will maintain a good relationship. Children must learn from the best and if parents display love, respect and responsibility so will the children. Then we can have responsible future leaders in our country. 424 S18 In the past parents controlled each and every activity that took place in the lives of their children. Due to historical background and traditional rules, teenagers did not have any problems following the rules. In the materialistic world we live in, it is necessary that parents control the lives of their children. Our daily life is based on acquiring material things which leads teenagers into bad behaviour end they end up being criminals. It is important for parents to know the feelings and needs of their children. This will lead to a very good relationship between them. They must have a good approach when trying to solve a problem because teenagers don t understand or don t want to accept the mistakes they do. Due to disagreements in families, most children run away from home. They end up as street kids because most parents tend to abuse their children when they break the rules and they don t try to look at the problem and try possible solutions. Parents need to be taught about the stages which teenagers undergo in their lives. This will give both the parents and the children a broad mind of how to solve their problems and maintain a good relationship between them. Children also need financial support from their parents, without money they wont be able to go to school and will be illiterate for the rest of their lives. In the society we live in, we need educated people or people need to be educated in order to survive. Without financial support from parents, children end up begging for food or eat out of dustbins in the streets. This leads to a corrupt society because 277

24 those street kids start stealing in order to survive. Parents need to provide for their children for as long as they are young and unemployed. Children who grow under parental guidance have a brighter future and can improve the economic standard of their families and poverty is reduced. Therefore I think that should parents be given a chance by their children to control their lives, there would be less number of street kids and crime in our society. 356 S19 I think parents are very important in the lives of their children. So I think parents must be able to control their children s lives because they have experience in as far as life is concerned. I think parents must be able to control their children, because children need support in order to grow properly and parents are the only ones who can give children full support. So, if parents are not able to control their children, children will receive less support and motivation because support and motivation are very important to the lives of children, so parents must be able to control their children. Children cannot live properly without support and motivation from parents. Parents are more important to the lives of their children as far as support and motivation are concerned. Parents must be able to control the lives of their children, because they must discipline their children. Parents are also important in disciplining. Children need discipline, so if they aren t able to be controlled by their parents where will they get discipline. For instance, we can compare two children, one who is controlled by his/her parents and one who is not controlled by his/her parents, we will find that the one who is controlled by his/her parents will be more disciplined than that one who is not controlled. And if children could be given a chance to be independent, our tomorrow nation will lack discipline. I also think that parents must be able to control their children because parents have experience in as far as life is concerned. So they (parents) must teach their children what life is all about and they have to teach them to differentiate between what is good and what is wrong. Parents have to warn their children about all bad things they experienced, so that children are aware. Children can grow much better if they are controlled by their parents because they will be able to gain some experiences on how to live a better life from their parents. Because experience is said to be the best teacher, parents will teach their children much better by using their experiences. I also think parents must be able to control their children because children need to be guided and advised. Children need good guidance and advice in order to be successful. So parents are good at guiding and advising. I think parents are the first people whom we can say that they give children good guidances and advices, I think there is no parent who can give his/her 278