Increasing acts of kindness and inclusion by peers Stan Davis But first: why is this important? The Youth Voice Project research found that bullied youth benefited most from support from their peers. This support was more helpful than anything bullied youth did themselves. Teens are hard-wired to have an impact on their surroundings. Youth who make others lives better may not have a need to make others lives worse. Effects of peer actions on bullied youth- YVP Spent time with me at school 56% 34% 10% Helped me get away 54% 32% 14% Called at home encouraged 51% 33% 16% Gave advice (hope) 49% 38% 13% Peers confronted 36% 37% 27% Peers asked to stop 35% 41% 24% 0% 20% 40% 60% 80% 100% 120% Things got better Nothing changed Things got worse Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 1
How can we increase acts of kindness? There are three ways of trying to win the young. There is persuasion. There is compulsion, and there is attraction. You can preach at them; that is a hook without a worm. You can say "you must volunteer." That is the devil. You can tell them, "you are needed." That hardly ever fails. -Kurt Hahn, founder of Outward Bound How do schools often work to increase kind behavior? Discussion of the positive actions of famous people and of the value of kindness Recognition: announce the names of those who are caught doing something good Reward: give students who are caught doing something kind a certificate, a privilege, a prize I-message praise: tell students who do something kind that we are proud of them or that their action makes us happy These may not be the most effective methods. Why not? reward, recognition, and I m proud of you What do these approaches teach kind people about the purpose of kind actions? How do these approaches affect youth who do kind actions that are not observed or recognized? Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 2
Reward Reward first increases, and then decreases, the frequency of the rewarded behavior. Reward decreases internal motivation. What is our goal in publicly recognizing positive behavior? Self esteem? Researchers in the 1960s found strong correlations between two things. Many people concluded from that correlation that one of them causes the other one High self esteem (describing oneself in positive terms) Effort, service to others, and achievement Many of us believed that there was a cause-effect link High self esteem (describing oneself in positive terms) Effort, service to others, and achievement Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 3
Rethinking that correlation (Baumeister) High Effort, self esteem (describing service to others, oneself in and positive achievement terms) High Effort, self esteem (describing service to others, oneself in and positive achievement terms) Instead of building self esteem We can build self efficacy: young peoples knowledge that their actions make a difference in their lives and others lives. Bandura Effort, service to others, and achievement Sense of self efficacy Maybe people shouldn t even be The asking reward themselves of a thing well done Am I good at this? is to have done it. Am - Emerson I talented? Am I the best? Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 4
Feedback that builds self-efficacy Objective description of action Objective description of outcome The Empowerment Triangle (with thanks to Myrna Shure and Carol Dweck- and many others) I know what I did Observing effects I know the outcome of that action Choosing an action I know how I feel about that outcome Reflection about outcome Build intrinsic motivation through feedback and questions Other alternatives to extrinsic approaches Altruistic reward Peer norms interventions Secret acts of kindness Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 5
Efficacy feedback Describe actions as if you were a video camera Describe the kind action Describe the outcome you observed Use inquiry questions, reflection, and writing to shift from feedback to self observation Altruistic reward The reward for an action of kindness is an opportunity to do more good Use community partners to sponsor service opportunities- matching gifts All can participatenot a competition A model: freerice.com Peer norms interventions Collect data (frequencies and stories) about kind actions and their effectiveness Share data showing that the majority does kind actions and sees them as effective Secret acts of kindness Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 6
% who said they saw these things on line once a week or more often Compliments, polite communication Using privacy settings to keep the whole world from seeing Collaborating on school projects or HW Sticking up for others, supportive comments 79% 66% 59% 57% 0 0.1 0.2 0.3 0.4 0.5 0.6 0.7 0.8 % of you saying these online actions are helpful or very helpful Compliments, polite communication Using privacy settings to keep the whole world from seeing my personal information Collaborating on school projects or HW 90% 78% 80% 91% Sticking up for others, supportive comments 0% 10% 20% 30% 40% 50% 60% 70% 80% 90% 100% What you said happened when you supported someone online Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 7
What you did to help at school I helped them walk away from what happened and ignore the person making the comments. made them feel better by giving them compliments I told them they could hang out with me and my friends if they wanted to, and not to listen to what jerks say sat with them at lunch encouraged them and supported them told them everything is going to be ok How you supported mistreated or isolated schoolmates at school What happened when you did those things Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 8
% of you who say these online actions are very likely or likely to do harm Making fun of others/mean comments hacking into someone's account posting inappropriate or provocative photos of others creating a fake account/pretending to be someone else posting inappropriate or provocative selfies gamer tag or trash talk 91% 87% 83% 80% 79% 70% 0% 10% 20% 30% 40% 50% 60% 70% 80% 90% 100% Collect stories about secret acts of kindness Secret acts of kindness survey and feedback Sometimes people do kind things and keep their actions a secret from the person who gets the kindness or from their friends. If you have done a secret act of kindness, please describe it. Who did you keep the action secret from? What happened next? Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 9
I was the first person in my homeroom in the morning, so I put down the chairs and got everyone's desks ready for first block I helped one of my friends calm down when she was stressed and i didn't tell my other friends because it wasn't necessarily their business I asked a girl who was sitting alone at lunch to join us at our table. When I saw my friend hand in a worksheet I saw she didn't put her name on it so I put her name on it so she wouldn't get points off. One time my friend was having a rough day.. so I put a nice note in her locker. I kept it secret, that way it could have been from anybody. She felt better. I pack food for my friend (who doesn't eat much). She doesn't ask me to, and I act like "Oh, I'm just not hungry...if you want it, you can have it", but I know she isn't eating enough. when my brother was having trouble finding something I would sometimes find it and put it in a spot where he would find it because my brother really likes to find things. I kept it a secret from my brother. Secret acts of kindness I have done a secret act of kindness, but it was a very long time ago and I never told anyone. One girl, her birthday was coming up and it was the same exact day as my friend. But, something I realized was that no one decorated her locker, or wished her happy birthday. I felt really bad for her so when I was decorating my friends locker I decorated hers too. It was nice to see her face in the morning. Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 10
Secret acts of kindness Feed back stories Keep it voluntary Keep the stories anonymous Focus on the joy that comes from helping Stan Davis http://www.youthvoiceproject.com 11