Guidelines for Funerals and Memorial Services Grace Lutheran Church 2225 Washington Street Lincoln, Nebraska
The grief and shock of experiencing a loved one s death may be overwhelming, a feeling compounded by all of the decisions that follow immediately after a death. This booklet comes to you with the condolences and prayers of our congregation, and is intended to help make some of the planning and decisions of the days ahead a little easier. Please feel free to contact a pastor or the church office with any questions. Policy exemption: If you want to be exempted from any part of this policy, please contact the pastor and your request will be reviewed by the Church Council Executive Committee. Introduction Planning a funeral, either for oneself at some future date or for a loved one within the time span of a few hours, can be a difficult task. One of the most loving gifts that can be given to family and friends is a pre-arranged funeral with clear written directions placed on file with members of the family, the funeral director, and the church. Through such careful attention and communication beforehand, family and friends can be relieved from the task of having to second guess the wishes of the deceased. Sometimes, for whatever reason, such advance planning has not occurred and a spouse, a family member, or a group of close friends must make decisions about the funeral of a loved one without much knowledge of the wishes of the deceased, within a period of a few days, and under the stress of grief and loss. It is the purpose of this booklet to aid and assist our members who are planning for and making decisions about funerals. It may be used by those who are pre-arranging their own funerals or it may be used as a guide for those making funeral arrangements on behalf of a loved one who has died recently. If you are pre-planning your service, you may wish to file a copy of your finalized plans at the church for reference at the time of death. The church office has forms that you may use for this purpose. Although funeral customs and traditions vary from region to region and from congregation to congregation, the counsel provided here is primarily for members of our congregation and reflects the theology, traditions, and practices of this specific place. Most local funeral directors are familiar with the practices here and will advise their clients accordingly. Telling the Church The date and time of the funeral should not be announced until it has been cleared through the church office and by the pastor who will be the officiant and confirmed with our organist. If the funeral is not to be held at Grace Lutheran, then only the pastor s agreement is necessary. The pastors will work with the family, the funeral director and any others who will be involved in planning the funeral. Which pastor is assigned to a funeral will depend on several factors such as availability, degree of familiarity with the deceased, other pastoral responsibilities, etc and will be determined by the senior and visitation pastors themselves. Usually both pastors will be present at the funeral of a member. Just as the family meets with the funeral director, they also meet with the pastor(s) who will conduct the funeral. At this meeting, the pastor(s) offer words of Christian hope and prayer and discusses all the details of the service with the family, including hymns, scriptures, obituary notes, Family Remembrances and more.
The Rite Funeral or memorial services for the faithful are worship services wherein the community of faith directs its praise and prayers to the Triune God, listens to God s Word proclaimed in Scripture, sermon and song, confirms its hope in the resurrection of the dead, remembers the faithful departed, and expresses its longing for the fullness of God s redemption in Christ. As a service of worship, the most appropriate order of service, or rite, for funerals conducted at Grace Lutheran Church will be the Funeral liturgy in Evangelical Lutheran Worship. This liturgy is a clear expression of the faith and hope of the community in the face of the death of one of its members. The Order of Worship will be printed in a bulletin created by the church office and distributed to each worshiper entering the nave. The pastor will compose an obituary for the bulletin. Baptism and confirmation dates, places, churches and pastors involved are good additions to an obituary as are dates/places of marriage, higher education degrees and dates, brief summaries of the person s career, including military and government service and other life interests. Also included is a listing of the family members who celebrate the life of the deceased. The Sacrament of Holy Communion may be part of the funeral liturgy. All communion assistants, altar guild and other persons needed for this part of the service will be arranged through the church office. In most cases, the body is present at the funeral service. The liturgy may also function as a memorial service should the interment precede the service, or if for any other reason, the body cannot be present. Sometimes the family wishes to say a few words to personalize the service of their loved one and this is especially helpful when the pastor does not know the deceased well. These Family Memories (Eulogies) should be relatively short, usually no more than two pages double spaced. Generally one family member speaks for the family and consolidates thoughts and remembrances in a tasteful manner. If someone from the family is unable to read the Family Memories or Eulogy, the pastor is available to do so. The main address at the Funeral Service is the sermon where the pastor speaks words of comfort and hope based on the Christ and his resurrection. Supplemental rituals for honoring the dead such as those used by fraternal groups, the military, or civic organization should not be included as part of the Funeral Liturgy. Should such rituals be requested, they should be administered at the funeral home prior to the service, or following the committal at the grave. Video remembrances, photos and other memorabilia may be set up in Lesher Hall to be viewed during the lunch hour. The church has a large screen television that may be used for dvds and videos.
Guidelines and Suggestions for Scripture Readings Scripture offers Words of hope. Two or three scripture readings are normally used in the funeral service. One reading will be the basis for the sermon. All of the Psalms listed, as well as other psalms, may be used in musical form during the service. (readings in bold are most popular selections) Job 19: 23-29a I know that my Redeemer lives Psalm 23 The Lord is my Shepherd Psalm 42: 1-8 My soul thirsts for God Psalm 46: 1-7 God is our refuge and strength Psalm 90 Lord, you are our dwelling place Psalm 121 I lift up my eyes to the hills Psalm 143 To you I lift up my soul Isaiah 25:6-9 God will wipe away tears Isaiah 43:1-3a I have called you by name Isaiah 61:1-3 Gladness instead of mourning Matt. 11:25-30 Come to me, all you that are weary Matt. 25: 1-13 Parable of the ten bridesmaids Luke 12: 32 Do not be afraid, little flock John 5: 24-29 Passed from death to life John 6: 37-40 Believers in Jesus shall have eternal life John 10: 1-15 Christ the shepherd John 10: 22-30 Jesus promises life to his sheep John 11: 21-27 I am the resurrection and the life John 12: 23-26 A grain if it dies, it bears much fruit John 14: 1-6 I go and prepare a place for you Romans 5: 1-11 Hope does not disappoint us Romans 5: 17-21 Justification and life for all Romans 6: 3-9 Baptized into Christ s death Romans 8: 31-39 Nothing can separate us from God s love Romans 14:7-9 We always belong to God 1 Cor. 15: 12-26 Death will not be destroyed 1 Thes. 4: 13-18 Do not grieve 2 Timothy 4: 6-8 I have fought the good fight 1 John 3: 1-3 We are God s children Revelation 7: 9-17 The multitudes of heaven worship the Lamb Revelation 21: 1-7 A new heaven and a new earth
Confirmation Bible Verse: Many pastors like to know the confirmation Bible verse of the deceased, if applicable, for either the sermon text or for quoting/reference. In pre-planning a funeral, it is a good idea to list that verse, if known. Guidelines and Suggestions for Music The funeral service is a worship service, therefore all music sung or played within the service will be sacred in nature. Just as some music is very appropriate for a Lutheran funeral service, other hymns or solos do not fit the service as they tend to be overly sentimental, centered on the self rather than God, or on a wishful view of death, eternal life and the resurrection. Please consult with the pastors or our parish musician; they are happy to help you select music that will convey a sure and certain hope in the resurrection as well as be personally meaningful to the family. Because worship is the act of human beings present in a particular place and time, pre-recorded music is not allowed. Grace does not have the technical capability of playing cds, cassettes or MP3s through our sound system. Hymns sung by the assembly are encouraged, and may be chosen out of either Evangelical Lutheran Worship or Lutheran Book of Worship. Grace may not reproduce for the congregation music for which we do not have copyright permission. Normally three or four hymns will be sufficient; more can be used if the service includes Holy Communion. Grace s Director of Music is happy to help families find vocal soloists or instrumentalists, as well as to recommend solos for the service if that is desired. Here is a partial listing of appropriate hymns from Evangelical Lutheran Worship. There are many others, and Grace s Director of Music and pastors are happy to help you find the right music for your loved one s service. 313 O Lord, Now Let Your Servant 332 I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say 377 Alleluia! Jesus is Risen! (related to Rev. 7: 9-17) 422 For All the Saints 425 Behold the Host Arrayed in White (Rev. 7: 9-17) 426 Sing With All the Saints in Glory 441 Oh Happy Day When We Shall Stand 447 O Blessed Spring 449 We Know that Christ is Raised 468 Around You, O Lord Jesus (especially for communion services) 502 The King of Love My Shepherd Is (Ps. 23) 504 A Mighty Fortress (Psalm 46) 596 My Hope is Built On Nothing Less 613 Thy Holy Wings 618 Guide Me Ever, Great Redeemer 619 I Know that My Redeemer Lives 622 Neither Death nor Life (requires a cantor to sing verses) 624 Jesus Still Lead On 627 O Day Full of Grace 628 Jerusalem, My Happy Home 629 Abide With Me 630 In Heaven Above 637 Holy God, Holy and Glorious
631 Love Divine, All Loves Excelling 645 Christ is Made the Sure Foundation (Entrance Hymn) 654 The Church s One Foundation 660 Lift High the Cross 732 I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry 750 Lord, Thee I Love With All My Heart 767 Lord Take My Hand and Lead Me 778 The Lord s My Shepherd (Ps. 23) 779 Amazing Grace 781 Children of the Heavenly Father 815 I want to Walk as a Child of the Light 816 Come My Way, My Truth, My Life 823 Praise the Lord! O Heavens 826 Thine the Amen, Thine the Praise 880 O God Beyond All Praising Holy Communion Holy Communion is an optional part of the funeral service. The Lord s Table at Grace Lutheran is open to all baptized Christians, regardless of denomination. Communion is an appropriate celebration of the feast we hope to share at the end of time with those who have died, and a source of strength and comfort in our grief. Flowers and the Funeral Pall Flowers may be placed in the chancel area (usually done by the funeral director prior to the service). The practice at Grace Lutheran is to cover the coffin with a pall during the worship service, signifying that the deceased is clothed in the righteousness of Christ, a gift bestowed at baptism. Any flowers which had been placed on the coffin will be removed immediately before the service for the placement of the pall, and are usually replaced immediately following the service. National flags or other draperies are not placed over the coffin DURING the worship service. They may be placed there before and after the service, and used in the committal service at the cemetery. Hospitality If your family would like to hold a funeral luncheon at Grace, the following are items to consider: 1. Our women s group is available to help you. They will provide a lunch consisting of sandwiches, salads and assorted desserts for funerals held at Grace. 2. A gratuity of $3 per person served covers the cost of the meal. 3. Lunch can be arranged through the church office. Fees Please inquire of the church office regarding current fees for the organist, pastor, guest musicians, etc. Columbarium: Grace Lutheran provides a columbarium for the interment of cremains. Niches may be purchased in advance or at the time of death of a loved one. Each is large enough for two urns. If you are interested in purchasing a niche, please request a policy sheet from one of the pastors or the parish administrator.