Comunità Cenacolo America from the darkness to the Light A Hope Reborn Comunità Cenacolo America,Inc. 1050 Talleyrand Ave, Jacksonville, FL 32206 www.hopereborn.org Our Lady of Hope Mary Immaculate St. Maria Goretti Our Lady of Joyful Hope Two Testimonies of Faith My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9 M SEAN y story is very similar to many of the guys who have entered Community. I was constantly trying to escape and to avoid any kind of suffering. When I discovered drugs and alcohol, at age 13, I thought I had found a cure! Drugs, temporarily, let me escape from reality. They also gave me the false sense of freedom and confidence. Now, a shy, timid boy could feel confident and outgoing. As with any addiction, it progressed rapidly into harder more expensive drugs that started to chip away at my life. With the help of a friend I was able to seek help and get clean and sober at age 19. I was able to stay clean for a long period and even able to accomplish some goals. I graduated college, got married to a beautiful woman, had an awesome job, nice vehicle, etc. I had it all. It was at this point when I really believed that I could just drink. My problem was with hard drugs, so drinking would be ok. This was my thought process. I really had this justified to why I could drink, and how I could handle it. The drinking started slow, and I used every bit of will power I had to try and control it. Of course, it progressed into heavy drinking and I knew that drinking was just another excuse to escape. I lied to myself and all my loved ones, justifying my behavior. The progression of my addiction led me to a weak moment when I felt I could just take a couple of pills, just this one time. This of course led to a full blown relapse, financial devastation, a lost job, and almost a lost marriage. After several attempts at rehab, detox, half way houses, psychiatry, medicine and different programs, my wonderful wife helped me get to Medugorje for a pilgrimage. It was there that I encountered the Community. I thought it was nice, but not for me. There were just way too many rules and regulations. It wasn t long before my options ran out, and Community was literally my last and only hope. My wife Elaine strongly encouraged me to enter. As I entered in Florida I left behind a trail of devastation in Boston. After a couple of months I was transferred to Medugorje. It was here, after 2.5 months that I thought I was ready to leave. I got into a terrible argument with my guardian angel (the guy who was assigned to stay with me 24/7 during my first period in Community, 6 months for me; most guys usually have a guardian angel for one month) and decided to pack my bags and walk out in the middle of Bosnia. Looking back now, I can laugh at how crazy this decision was; it truly shows the insanity of addiction and how clouded my judgment was. When I called home, my wife told me that I couldn t come home, and the door was closed. It was so difficult to accept this moment, but it was this moment of real love that actually saved my life! She remained strong even though I turned on the manipulation and lies.
After 10 days on the street, and several attempts of trying to return home, I returned to the Community in Medugorje. They welcomed me back with love, mercy, and forgiveness, but wanted to help me realize that I needed to be responsible and accountable for the decisions I made. The Community assigned me to a new guardian angel and had me go through one month of what Community calls therapy. For one month I was isolated from most of the other guys, worked extra hard, and slept outside in a stable without a roof. This was all to help me realize that there are consequences for the decisions I made. It was a tough period, but with the help of the guys around me, and a lot of prayer I made it through this very difficult time. It was actually during this time of difficulty when I truly encountered the Lord. I had nothing, and I knew I needed Him. I realized that being a Christian man wasn t just about receiving spiritual consolation, or having a spiritual experience; it was about learning to carry my cross, and to carry this cross with joy. When I would pray in the chapel I asked Him to heal me, my wounds, my marriage and my family. I started to build a relationship with God. I realized that He was calling me closer to Him. I started to see God s divine Providence in action. Yes, it was in Medugorje that I decided to give my life to Jesus. Once I surrendered I felt my burden was lightened. I realized that God was in charge and I needed to trust Him, and the Community. After about 10 months in Community I received my very first letter. It was a letter from my wife. I ran to the chapel to read it and, when I did, I was so blown away. The letter was great; it explained how everyone was doing and that things were just fine without me. She said that she wanted to make things work and that she had met Sr. Elvira in America. Sister asked her to enter Community to help your husband heal... My wife had entered Community and was living in Italy! Again, there are no words to express what I felt at this moment. The Community sent me for a few days from Medugorje to Italy where Elaine was. It was such a gift to see her, speak with her, and realize that this really could work out, that our marriage could be saved. After four days I returned to Medugorje, and Elaine remained in Italy. It was difficult to leave, but I knew I had to finish my walk in Community and learn to face suffering head on. I had to be able to carry my cross. A year and a half later, I was transferred to America. Elaine remained in Italy. I spent about one year in Community in Florida. It was a time where I focused on getting well, learning how to pray, and longing to be back together with my wife. After about 2.5 years into my walk Sr. Elvira put us together at a mixed house (men and women) in Italy where we were to live as brother and sister until I had at least 3 years in Community. Community asks this sacrifice of married couples who enter to allow time for the addict to experience healing and encounter God on his own, as well as to allow the spouse time for the same. It was difficult being separated but I needed to work on myself, to learn how to carry my cross, and I also needed to learn patience and how to suffer with love. At my 3 year anniversary of Community, Sr. Elvira met with Elaine and me. She said we could renew our wedding vows tomorrow at the Pentecost festival! We were so excited, and so was everyone in our house. It was a powerful day to say the least. We were now officially a couple in Community. We had a huge celebration at our house, and we were so filled with joy. It was in these next few days that Sr. Elvira spoke to us about going to the mission in Brazil. We spent 6 months in Sao Paolo and 6 months in Bahia with the children of Community. We had always had a great desire to have children from the start of our marriage, and the missions continued to foster this desire that the Lord had placed in our hearts. I could write article after article about all the different things we experienced in the missions. The children are so full of life and so special in God s eye. He asks us to become more like children; to be more simple, trusting, loving, forgiving and genuine. I realized that it wasn t us helping the children but the children helping us. I learned so much from them and there was such a great deal of healing in Brazil. Being with the children really showed me who I was and how I was doing. I could see in my day to day tasks how I was doing in the way I acted and reacted with the children. Living with and dealing with these children helped me learn to be more patient and compassionate. Most of these children had
I learned a great deal in Community. One of the most important was to enter into the suffering that the Lord has allowed into our lives, to not try and escape. He teaches us so much in it. (Job 5:17 Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves; therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty. ) He is love and mercy. He will bring us to the other side. We have to pass through the cross, be real about the suffering we are going through, and trust Him. We have to live in the truth, and that can be painful, but in the end really deep wounds. I realized that understanding their wounds and their past could better help me understand their behavior. What a powerful experience! After a year, we rturned to Community in America. After almost 6 years and a lot of prayer and discernment we decided to exit, with the Community blessing. Everything fell into place, a job, a place to stay, a vehicle, and food on the table. God s providence is abundant, and we could see how He was taking the lead. For the first month after we exited, Community allowed us to stay at the still unoccupied St. Maria Goretti (girl s house). We slept on a mattress on the floor and saved enough money to get our own apartment and car. It was a great feeling to have worked so hard and accomplish these goals. When we exited Community we had $20, really nothing, yet we had EVERYTHING! When you have God in your life, and you put prayer first everything else does fall into place. For the 6 years since we ve exited Community, the good Lord has been leading us. We have received blessing after blessing. Soon we made a Thanksgiving pilgrimage to Medugorje. It was there that we placed the desire to have children in Our Lady s hands. At 23 years old, Elaine was told that it would be almost impossible for her to conceive due to Stage 4 endometriosis. The heavy burden of the diagnosis of infertility was a constant source of suffering for us both. As the disease progressed with each passing year, the doctors always told us to accept her infertility. At this point, we had been married 11 years and were not able to have any children. We had a great desire to have children, and it was truly a heavy cross to realize this might not be God s will. We had prayed, seen several doctors, and spent many a night crying out to God asking for this blessing. We really were at the point of accepting whatever His will was. It had taken all these years for me to be able to accept His will. We returned home from our pilgrimage and, soon after, Elaine was pregnant! We it brings true freedom. We can try and avoid suffering or even pretend or deny that the pain is not there and try to move on. But I know from experience, it will come back in different ways until we surrender and accept it. I learned, what I feel like I am stating philosophically, in a very concrete way in Community. I had some very hard moments in Community, but many more moments of immense true joy. I believe that joy came from embracing the cross. Elaine gave the painful cross of our infertility to Our Lady on that trip and she wowed us! We were so excited and thankful, and tears of immense joy were flowing. When we went to the doctor he actually called in his entire staff to watch the ultrasound of our beautiful, miracle baby. He attested that this was a miracle! Nothing is impossible with God. We now have 3 beautiful children; 2 girls (3.5 years and 2) and 1 boy (9 months). They are such a gift from God. When Elaine and I speak of the years we prayed for children we both get overwhelmed with emotion. We start our day, everyday, with a family rosary. Even if the little ones are distracted, or acting up, or we have a million things to do that day, we pray and pray together as a family. The rosary is our daily medicine. We realize that it is the prayer that keeps us moving forward and focused. We try to live the Community in our daily life. We are so grateful to how the Community has saved our lives and given us a second chance at life. I would like to conclude by sharing our hope: To the suffering addict: know that God loves you and wants your freedom, begin by asking Him for help. To those that love the addict: know that God loves him / her more than you do and that He has a plan that is filled with life and love. And finally, for those suffering in troubled marriages, due to addiction, choose life for your spouse, choose to love, embrace the cross and peace will come.
For with God nothing will be impossible. Luke 1:37 I ELAINE was very blessed to be born into a strong Catholic family. Both my parents immigrated to America from Ireland and they too came from a strong Catholic background. I have early childhood memories of attending daily Mass with my mother and witnessing both my parents helping people in need. I knew they had a living faith. My parents sent me to Catholic school and they trusted that I was receiving a good Catholic education. For sure I was blessed with a good education but I remember even at a young age not having my questions about God and the faith adequately answered in Religion class or I would hear things that contradicted what my parents had shared with me to be true. It left me longing for answers and in a bit of confusion. As High School approached and the teen years set in I made my social life a priority and rebelled against my parent s values calling their ideas old fashion. I would justify my choices and tell myself that God was good and that Hell was not really real. I was traveling on the road that was very wide. My mother was very worried about me and she was involved with a ministry that brought Jesus in Holy Communion to the sick in the Hospital. While she was involved in that ministry she met a beautiful young couple that had been to small town in Medjugorie Bosnia-Herzegovina and my mother became convinced that I needed to go there! I was adventurous and God uses everything to bring us Him back to Himself. When my mother asked me if I would be interested in (at that time) traveling behind the Iron Curtain to a small village in Bosnia-Herzegovina it really appealed to me. She did include that Our Lady was appearing there and that peaked my interest as well because I was familiar with Fatima. I set off on this trip with my father. When I arrived in Medjugorie I could almost physically touch the peace that surrounded me and I knew in my heart I had to change and that Our Lady s message was true. I had a very powerful Confession while I was there and I encountered Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. I returned home wanting to be better and after a short time fell back into my old ways out of weakness, not out of rebellion or a false sense of justification. I constantly thought, if only I could go back to Medjugorie. After getting into all the schools I had applied to my senior year of high school, my parents gave me two choices for college; either live at home with them and commute to school or go to some small University in Ohio. When I visited Franciscan University of Steubenville, I knew that was where God wanted me and I needed to go there. I was blessed within a short time of attending the University to encounter Jesus in the same powerful way that I met Him in Medjugorie through the Sacraments of Confession and the Holy Eucharist. While studying at the University I fell so in love with the fullness of the truth that the Catholic Church gives to her children. I discerned a religious vocation and came to understand I was called to marriage. When I met my husband Sean, I knew I had met my soul mate and that we had many common experiences that could not just be coincidental. I knew that God had brought us together. We both wanted a holy marriage with many children. On our wedding day we completed a consecration to Jesus through Mary and pledged our love for one another while holding the crucifix. I think back to that moment often- knowing how we chose to say our vows, the Lord took us very seriously. We started off our marriage right with good intentions hoping for children, working hard. The children didn t come and I became very consumed
with work and the busyness of life. Our family prayer slowed down and then diminished. I was in a crisis, I felt like I was losing my husband before my eyes. I felt disconnected from him and I actually began to have a couple glasses of wine, I hadn t touched alcohol in years. I knew there was something terribly wrong but I just didn t know what it actually was. Filled with pride, I kept everything I was feeling to myself, my parents saw a change in me and I am sure my friends did too. I became desperate to stop what was going on but I just couldn t figure out what it was. I asked my husband, who had been faith-filled, to go to Medjugorie with me. He made up an excuse as to why he could not go. At that point I told him he was not the man I had married. I was praying, but I was in such a desperate spot in my life. I never actually admitted completely to God what I needed help with. Finally, I called a healing priest for prayer and got an answering machine. For the first time I cried out to Jesus to heal my marriage, whatever is going on with us, heal us. I am not kidding within 10 minutes Jesus showed me He would. My husband called me and admitted he was using drugs and in severe withdrawal. I told him to come home and we would figure out what to do. I was so scared for him and yet relieved to know the TRUTH. I knew Jesus was going to take care of us and He instilled in me strength to face the situation as it was in the truth. I know I never could have handled this the way I did without Him. The journey to healing finally began; I knew what we were dealing with. I stopped drinking wine immediately and surrendered to God. I knew I was in a battle for my soul and the soul of my husband. Addiction tries to destroy the addict and everyone that loves him or her. We began the traditional rode of recovery. Sean went to detox, rehab, half way houses, psychiatry, medicine and different treatment programs. I told him I would not live with someone on drugs and that the only option was to get well. He agreed, but was struggling terribly. We had been separated nine months due to treatment programs and a half way house and he was due to come home. I suggested that we now go to Medjugorie and he agreed. I was thrilled! No excuses this time, he was open. During our pilgrimage we were introduced to Comunita Cenacolo, I had never heard of it before. We were impressed and they performed an amazing recital for the Youth festival in Medjugorie. I was very touched by the joy that radiated from the members faces. We both thought the Community was good, but THREE years seem so long at the time. I was still very naïve to addiction. We returned home to face some difficult news and then my husband relapsed. Within a short time, we both realized that he needed to go to Cenacolo, there were no other options. It was very hard to let go but I knew it was the only thing that could save us. Soon after Sean entered, I was very blessed to meet Mother Elvira in America. She told me within minutes of meeting with her that I need to enter Community for my husband s healing. I asked her when would she like me to enter. She said tomorrow. I was surprised at her response and told her I would have to give notice at work. She understood and agreed. We met in October and I entered earlier December. Upon entering the Community, I felt blessed to have the support to live the way Our Lady invites us to live through her messages in Medjugorie. (Holy Mass, Adoration, the full Rosary each day, Scripture reading etc.) But my heart literally ached. I was grieving terribly. Not until the woman closest to me, my mother, died two years ago, did I finally understand all the emotions I was going through so painfully back then. Grief flooded my soul and yet I was trying to hold on to hope. I felt like I had been through the ringer and was still so concerned about my husband. Mother Elvira was such an incredible gift to me and in the depths of my suffering, when she came to see us, I would be filled with a great joy at seeing her love for Jesus. I wanted to run after her. I wanted to soak up everything she had to say. I encountered a living Saint. Soon I met her spiritual son the first priest of the Community, Fr. Stefano( at the time Deacon Stefano). I was so impressed with his holiness, level headedness and the profound wisdom that he had for a man of his age. They both had this similar spectacular charism and both were tangibly filled with the Holy Spirit. I knew that God had put Sean and me in good hands. I learned a great deal in Community. I could write pages on this alone. One of the most important things I learned was to enter into the suffering that the Lord has allowed into our lives, to not try and escape. He teaches us so much in it. (Job 5:17 Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves; therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty. ) He is love and mercy. He will bring us to the other side. We have to pass through the cross, be real about the suffering we are going through, and trust Him. We have to live in the truth and that can be painful, but in the end it brings true freedom. We can try and avoid suffering or even pretend or deny that the pain is not there and try to move on. But I know from experience, it will
come back in different ways until we surrender and accept it. I learned, what I feel like I am stating philosophically, in a very concrete way in Community. I had some very hard moments in Community, but way more moments of immense true joy. I believe that joy came from embracing the cross. I can t begin to express what the Community did for me and my family. Another life lesson that the Community taught me in a very concrete way, was the need to accept, with true compassion, my personal weaknesses as well as that of others and surrender it all to God. I found that the world was less black and white. Sin really complicates things, but God was above it all and He would and does reign. He loves the poor in a special way; that includes the spiritually poor. Before Sean s three year anniversary, we lived in the same community home as brother and sister for a few months and then renewed our vows at Pentecost with the Sisters of Community that were renewing their vows. It was such an incredible day for us. It touched us both to see how many people shared in our joy and how much we shared in theirs. That is how Community is, while in Community we have this beautiful solidarity because we were all on the journey together. Soon after our renewal, we had the privilege to serve in the Missions. We went eager to help the children of the streets of Brazil and with in a very short time of being with them, we learned that they were helping us far more than we could ever hope to help them. They were our teachers and our barometers to how we were living our prayer outside the chapel. Each day, they would remind us how important it was to truly listen and to live Christ s words. Some of the children s wounds were so deep (it would crush you to think of what they had suffered)! Knowing what they had lived prior to Community and witnessing them being transformed by Christ s love was mind blowing. I still can picture one of our children singing praises to Jesus and I can still hear his playful joy-filled laugh. He is a miracle! We all are! Anyone who lives in Community and has chosen life, I see them as little Eucharistic miracles, little children of Mary. To think of all the time we were allowed to spend in front of our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and how often we spoke to Mary in prayer in Community! While in Community, I always felt God was and would prepare Sean and me for the next step, not ever knowing what that next step would be. Knowing what my life is today, I see the Missions as one of those big steps God used providentially. We are almost 15 years married with three beautiful children ages three and under. Yes, God blessed the desires of our hearts!!! Our first child came after a pilgrimage of thanksgiving and petition to Our Lady of Medjugorie with friends and members of Community. We are forever grateful to God and Our Lady! This past Sunday, while at the Community, we shared our testimony and hope with a few of the guys still living in Community. Upon hearing what we shared, one of the men said, Wow, the Community really did give you your life back. And both Sean and I responded together Indeed, it did! Thank you, Thank you Mother Elvira and Father Stefano for your constant yes to the Holy Spirit and for your belief in us. Your reward will be great. WE LOVE YOU! We pray for you and all those you love! Comunita Cenacolo America