Church Practices Series Table of Contents Introduction... 2 Marriage... 2 The Nature of Marriage... 2 God s Instruction for Christian Marriage... 4 Equally Yoked... 4 Roles and Obligations... 4 Wise Counsel... 4 Christ and His Bride... 4 Divorce and Remarriage... 5 Important Old Testament Texts... 5 The Teaching of Jesus... 6 Jesus Corrects the Misuse of the Old Testament... 6 Jesus Affirms Legitimate Divorce for Immorality... 7 The Teaching of Paul... 7 The Death of a Spouse and Remarriage... 7 Believers Married to Believers Paul Confirms the Lord s Instruction... 8 Believers Married to Nonbelievers... 8 Paul Affirms a Believer s Freedom from the Marriage Covenant if the Believer is Abandoned/ Divorced by a Non Believing Spouse... 9 Conclusion... 9 Summary Matrix for Divorce/Remarriage... 10 1
Introduction The teaching of Scripture on the topics of marriage, divorce and remarriage are significant issues for any local congregation to consider and come to conclusions concerning because of the prevalence of divorce and remarriage in our society. Even in the professing church of Jesus Christ marriages break up and the issues of legitimate divorce and remarriage must be understood from a biblical perspective. This paper will set forth Southside Bible Church s biblical perspective on marriage, divorce and remarriage. Marriage Before looking at divorce, and remarriage, it is necessary to understand marriage from God s perspective. The marriage covenant between a man and a woman was established by God at the creation of Adam and Eve. As such, it is a covenant relationship that transcends any cultures customs or views on marriage. Throughout history marriage customs and rituals as well as views on divorce and remarriage have varied form culture to culture. We must avoid the temptation to allow our cultural view of marriage, divorce, and remarriage to form the basis of our understanding on these critical topics, and seek to understand what the Scripture teaches in these areas. Cultural practices are important, but they must be subject to the authority of Scripture. However, it is important to add that because every government and culture with its customs is established under God s sovereign hand, a legal marriage does involve participation in the proper cultural practice. But it is not any specific culture s legal or cultural practices that must be observed for a marriage to be valid in God s sight. The Nature of Marriage There are several passages that provide us with a view of the nature of marriage from God s perspective. In Matthew 19 Jesus is being questioned (tested) by the Pharisees concerning marriage and divorce. He answers them concerning marriage by quoting from Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. There are five observations that we can draw from His response. Matthew 19:3-6 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate." 1. God established marriage from the beginning of creation. Following the creation of man and woman in His image, God brought them together to function as one in the marriage 2
relationship. The marriage relationship was established by God prior to the fall and was pronounced good as part of the original creation order. 2. God created a man and a woman to be together/married permanently with a lifelong relationship and purpose. Genesis 2:18-25 makes it clear that God did not create a man to be another man s helpmate, nor did he create a woman for the woman. This was a one man and one woman relationship. The divine plan rules out polygamy, bigamy, homosexuality, etc. God made the man and woman to come together and become one. This joining was for the purpose of completing the man and giving him a partner to work side by side with him for his entire life. Paul reiterates this to the Corinthian church. 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake. 3. They are to separate from their parents and be joined together. The Greek word for joined means to be joined to; attached to; or to cling to. The individual man and woman were to be joined in an inseparable union. It is also important to note that the man and woman were to leave behind their parents. The marriage union takes priority over previous family relationships. 4. They are no longer two, but one flesh. This is the only instance where two humans are referred to as becoming one flesh. As one commentator remarked, The union is depicted in the vivid metaphor of Genesis as one of gluing or welding (The literal meaning of the Hebrew joined ) it would be hard to imagine a more powerful metaphor of permanent attachment. In the Genesis context the one flesh image derives from the creation of the woman out of the man s side to be bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh (Gen 2:21 23); in marriage that original unity is restored. 1 This oneness is consummated and expressed through the sexual union between a husband and his wife. Paul makes this clear when he references this passage in relationship to sin with a harlot. 1 Corinthians 6:16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 5. God is the one who puts together a marriage. The Greek word for joined together literally means to to yoke together. God is the author of marriage and joins the man and woman together in this marvelous covenant relationship; a covenant relationship meant to be permanent for life. 1 France, R. T. (2007). The Gospel of Matthew. The New International Commentary on the New Testament (717). Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publication Co. 3
God s Instruction for Christian Marriage Equally Yoked For believers Paul tells us that we are to be equally yoked with our marriage partner. This means that God desires the Christian to marry another believer so that they can pursue Him together in Christ. 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Roles and Obligations God s word instructs Christian husbands and wives how they are to relate to each other and what biblical roles and responsibilities they have toward one another. These roles and responsibilities are set forth in Southside s individual practice papers concerning men and women. Wise Counsel Wise counsel is important in any endeavor, but when a couple is considering marriage wise counsel becomes especially important. The elders of Southside require pre-marital counseling for those they are asked to marry. And, counseling is also strongly encouraged for marriages with difficulties or for those that want to strengthen already, good marriages. Christ and His Bride It is important to remember that Christian marriage is a beautiful picture of the relationship that Christ has with His people. This relationship is to be mirrored by Christian husbands and wives. Ephesians 5:22-33 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church 1 in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. 4
This beautiful picture is a testimony to the world of Christ s love for His church and our union with Him as His people. This provides great encouragement for Christian couples to be faithful in their marriages so that this testimony will be clearly seen and Christ will be honored. Divorce and Remarriage In this section we will look at some of the more important passages that deal with divorce and remarriage. Important Old Testament Texts The prophet Malachi records a strong statement by God concerning the need to be faithful in the marriage covenant. Malachi 2:14-16 "Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15 "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. 16 "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." Even though God makes such a strong statement concerning the marriage covenant, He still made provision for divorce in the Law. In the ancient near east men could divorce their wives with a word and send them away. Even in Israel because of sin husbands divorced their wives for any number of reasons in violation of the marriage covenant. This is why many scholars view the following text in Deuteronomy as God s gracious protection for the divorced woman who may have been put out for illegitimate reasons. If the woman was an adulteress she was to be stoned along with her partner. This implies that the indecency in verse 1 was something less than adultery. Unlike the pagan nations among whom Israel dwelt where a wife could be divorced simply by the word of a husband, a Jewish woman could not be divorced without the proper documentation which allowed her to remarry. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 1 When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, 2 and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, 3 and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance. 5
The Teaching of Jesus Jesus Corrects the Misuse of the Old Testament In Jesus day the Deuteronomy text was used to promote legal divorce and remarriage. There was debate among the Rabbi s with respect to the meaning of indecency in Deuteronomy 24:1. One faction said that indecency was restricted to adultery and another faction broadened the term to mean basically whatever the husband defined it to be including such things as ruining a meal. This second perspective is the reason for the question posed to Jesus in Matthew 19:3 Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all? In dealing with the above question by the religious leaders in Matthew 19:3 who were trying to trap and discredit Him, Jesus makes it clear that God included the directions of Deut 24:1-4 in the Law because of the hardness of their sinful hearts not because God condoned or demanded divorce. Matthew 19:4-8 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH '? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. Jesus goes on to state in the next verse Matthew 19:9 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery. This is consistent with what Jesus proclaimed as He expounded the Law in The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:31-32 31 It was said, 'WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE'; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. In both Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:9 Jesus makes it clear that legal divorce for any reason other than unchastity or immorality causes both the man and woman involved in such a divorce to commit adultery when remarriage is accomplished. The same Greek word is translated as unchastity and immorality in the above verses and means, Unlawful sexual intercourse, prostitution, unchastity, fornication 2. In the case of a married partner this would be the commission of adultery against the other spouse. 2 Arndt, W., Danker, F. W., & Bauer, W. (2000). A Greek-English lexicon of the New Testament and other early Christian literature (3rd ed.) (854). Chicago: University of Chicago Press. 6
Jesus Affirms Legitimate Divorce for Immorality From these verses it seems clear that Jesus strongly corrects the perspective of His day that if the proper procedures were followed, a divorce was legal in God s eyes regardless of the reason and as such was both acceptable to God and allowed for legitimate remarriage. Jesus states that the only reason for legitimate divorce was immorality. And as already noted, He states that to remarry following a divorce that is not caused by sexual immorality or adultery is sin and results in the commission of adultery upon the remarriage of either spouse. However for the innocent spouse to divorce a partner who has committed sexual sin or adultery against them and then to remarry does not result in sin. In the Jewish culture a legitimate divorce always meant that the man or woman who had been sinned against was free to remarry. This means that the exception Jesus makes in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 not only permits a legitimate divorce but also as a result, permits a legitimate remarriage. It is important to note that Jesus focuses attention on the institution of marriage in the Genesis account. This is God s standard. In the situations where God permits divorce, God never demands divorce. Even in the case of the potentially legitimate marriage ending sin of adultery God never demands divorce. Reconciliation by the grace of God should always be prayerfully pursued. The Teaching of Paul The Death of a Spouse and Remarriage Romans 7:2-3 For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. 3 So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man. In this text Paul uses the example of the marriage covenant and the death of a spouse to show how believers are free from the demands of the Law because they have died to the Law in Christ and have been joined to Him. It is important to note from the above text that Paul makes it clear that if a spouse dies the living partner is free to remarry. This may seem obvious but it is important to note that remarriage is clearly allowed in this situation. The former marriage covenant is no longer in effect. Instructions to Believers Married to Believers or Nonbelievers In 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 Paul reaffirms our Lord s teaching and gives us under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit an additional legitimate reason for divorce and remarriage. 7
1 Corinthians 7:10-16 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Believers Married to Believers Paul Confirms the Lord s Instruction 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. Here Paul reiterates our Lord s teaching concerning divorce. He states that a wife should not leave her husband and that a husband should not divorce his wife. This is the same teaching that we have seen in Matthew. Believers Married to Nonbelievers 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. In these verses Paul tells us that a brother or sister married to an unbeliever should remain in the marriage if the unbeliever consents or agrees to live with them. The reason Paul gives for this is that the family is sanctified by the presence of the believer. This does not mean that the unbelieving spouse or children are automatically saved but rather as one commentator put it, from Paul s perspective, as long as the marriage is maintained the potential for their realizing salvation remains. 3 This is because of the constant presence of a believer who is not only living out the gospel and sharing Christ s love in the family but who also has the ability to teach them the truth of the gospel from the Scriptures. 3 Fee, G. D. (1987). The First Epistle to the Corinthians. The New International Commentary on the New Testament (300). Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. 8
Paul Affirms a Believer s Freedom from the Marriage Covenant if the Believer is Abandoned/ Divorced by a Non Believing Spouse 1 Corinthians 7:15-16 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? Paul gives us additional guidance when an unbeliever chooses to divorce his believing wife or her believing husband. Paul states that the believer is not under bondage or any further obligation. In fact Paul commands the believing spouse to let the unbelieving spouse leave. Continued pursuit of the unbeliever in such circumstances is contrary to God s direction because there is no guarantee that such pursuit will bring about the salvation of the departed spouse. However, waiting on God to see if He will change the heart of the departed spouse and bring about a marriage in Christ is a matter that the abandoned spouse should commit to prayer seeking God s guidance and direction along with wise counsel. The believer is free in such cases to remarry a believer. Conclusion This short paper is a summary of Southside Bible Church s position concerning the nature of marriage and the issues of divorce and remarriage. We hold to an understanding of Scripture that allows legitimate remarriage following the death of a spouse. We also believe that the Scriptures permit divorce and legitimate remarriage for the two following reasons: 1. Sexual immorality amounting to adultery gives the innocent spouse (i.e. the person sinned against) the legitimate right to divorce and hence also the legitimate right to remarry. 2. If a believing spouse is abandoned/ divorced by a nonbelieving spouse, the believing spouse is legitimately free to remarry a believer. It is worth repeating that even though God does make provision for legitimate divorce and remarriage in certain circumstances, this does not lessen God s holy perspective concerning the marriage covenant. If at all possible it is always appropriate to prayerfully consider and pursue the possibility of reconciliation. Believers are called in their marriages to reflect the beautiful love relationship that exists between Christ and His people. Nothing can separate us from His unconditional love for us and this is seen in Christian marriage as husbands and wives love each other unconditionally 9
in the midst of the trials of life. May God in His grace grant us marriages that reflect His beauty. Below is a graphic matrix summary of our conclusions with respect to divorce and remarriage setting forth the implications of our position to help in counseling situations. Summary Matrix for Divorce/Remarriage God's View Summary Matrix on Divorce/Remarriage Marriage is a bond/unity between a man and a woman that is supposed to remain as such until death separates it. (Ideal) Matthew 19:4-6 Death breaks the marriage bond. Rom 7:1-4, 1 Cor 7:39-40 Because of the sin (hardness of heart) marriage and divorce was regulated by God since the ideal would not be met. Matthew 19:8 Regulation Given in NT Heart Attitude is the Key to Practice (i.e. not looking for ways out) Marital Situation Event Result/Consequence Anyone - Anyone Rom 7:1-4, 1 Cor 7:39-40 Death Death, Free to remarry Matt 5:32, 19:9, Mark 10 Porneia Porneia, Divorce permissible, but not commanded, Free to Remarry Believer - Believer 1 Cor. 7:10-11 One leaves/sends away Sending/Leaving Must remain unmarried or be reconciled unless one of 4 permissible remarriage conditions exist Left/Sent Away Must remain unmarried or be reconciled unless one of 4 permissible remarriage conditions exist Believer - Unbeliever 1 Cor 7:12-14 Believer leaves Presumed not free to remarry based on believer/believer scenario 1 Cor. 7:10-11 Same condition as believer -believer since unbeliever does not want divorce Reconciliation should be sought, brings light to the home Believer - Unbeliever 1 Cor 7:15-16 Unbeliever leaves Believer free to remarry in the Lord, bondage is broken Believer does not know whether spouse will be saved. God calls to peace. Permissible Remarriage Conditions Rom 7:1-3, 1 Cor 7:39-40 Death of Spouse Mark 10:11-12, Matt 5:32, 1 Cor 6:15-16 Remarriage of Spouse Creates instantaneous adultery, not continous adultery Matt 5:32, 19:9, Mark 10:11-12 Porneia by spouse (adultery is a subset of porneia) 1 Cor 7:15 Unbelief clearly demonstrated/stated by leaving spouse - true unbeliever Note: God only commends remarriage in the condition of death. 10