Foreword. Helen Court, Adoptive Parent. Introduction

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2 Foreword Everyone's adoption journey is unique and individual, but some of the challenges and key milestones we face as adoptive parents are common and shared experiences. In an uncertain, fast-paced and ever changing world, Kent wants to support adopters in their own learning and development. And as an adoptive mother of two, I know I never stop needing to learn and grow as a parent. I'm delighted that Kent now has a whole host of support and training available for adopters to dip into when the time is right for you. Perhaps you have a child about to start school, need help with using life story books or have found yourself facing some more difficult behaviour. Whatever stage you're at on your journey, take a moment to look through what's on offer to help you develop skills and techniques. Chances are you'll not only build confidence, but also meet other adopters and get the added benefit of sharing experiences and advice. Helen Court, Adoptive Parent Introduction We are providing a comprehensive learning and development programme - which has been developed in consultation with adopters. The programme is aimed at adopters approved and waiting and adopters who have children. Aims and objectives of the Learning & Development Programme The purpose of the learning and development programme is to support adoptive parents to respond therapeutically to their children's communication and behaviour. The programme aims to support adoptive parents at all stages of the adoption journey to develop skills and confidence to promote children's emotional development and well-being. If you have any suggestions or input, we would like to hear from you. Place allocation Places on the courses are first offered to adoptive parents with children in placement and any that remain will be made available to approved and waiting adopters later. This excludes Talking with children about adoption and using life story books, which is available to all immediately.

3 Biographies for the main facilitators of the programme Dr Lesley Hanney is a Consultant Systemic Family Psychotherapist with over 25 years experience in the area of child and adolescent mental health. She has a specialist interest in attachment and developmental trauma and has published several articles in this area. Lesley has worked with children and young people in the area of pre and post adoption work as well as also being an adoptive parent. Rebecca Jones is a Systemic and Family Psychotherapist and a Social Worker with 17 years of experience working with children and young people and their families. She has a specialist interest and extensive experience in working with attachment and trauma with children in care and adopted children and their families. Simone Lincoln is a Music Therapist who has been working with children and adults in Health and Education for over fifteen years. Simone has a particular interest in working systemically with children and families and has undertaken some training in this field. She has extensive knowledge and experience working with adopted children, young people and their families. Adam Goren is a Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist with twenty years of experience working with children and adolescents with physical and psychological difficulties. He has a specialist interest and experience in adoption and fostering. Nicola Singleton is an Adult Psychodynamic Psychotherapist with extensive experience in the area of adult mental health. She has a specialist interest in attachment and adoption.

4 Programme Content Talking with children about adoption and using life story books Explaining adoption to children and young people is not easy and how you talk to them will change according to their age and stage of development. Many parents are understandably anxious about how to talk to their children and young people about events in their past, and how to help them come to terms with adverse early experiences and losses. This workshop will provide a framework for understanding when to talk to children and young people about adoption; how to put complex experiences into words; how to understand children's reactions and how and when to use their life-story books. This event will include a one hour working lunch - so please bring your lunch. There will be 20 places available at each event 10:00 14:00 on Saturday 8 th October 2016 at Lenham Community Centre 10:00 14:00 on Saturday 18 th February 2017 at Lenham Community Centre 10:00 14:00 on Saturday 13 th May 2017 at Thanington Resource Centre 10:00 14:00 on Saturday 1 st July 2017 at Lenham Community Centre Facing up to Facebook and other social media The rapid rise and use of social media and social networking, especially Facebook, has increasingly become a challenge to adoptive families. This event will explore how adoptive parents can help their children and young people satisfy their need to know about their birth families, at the same time as managing any potential risks to their security and stability. Together we will look at the pressing questions facing adoptive parents and provide information and advice. Consideration will be given on the possible repercussions for adoptive families when premature contact with birth family occurs. At the end of the workshop you will have developed some ideas on how to help your family manage the increasing use of social media and how to support your children and young people. There will be 20 places available at this event 10:00 13:00 on Saturday 19 th November 2016 at Thanington Resource Centre 10:00 13:00 on Saturday 18 th March 2017 at Lenham Community Centre

5 Workshops for families with young people aged 12 and above come along and join us for a two part workshop to think together about what it is like to be an adopted adolescent and to parent an adopted adolescent This workshop will involve: Young people and their parents attending together An opportunity to work together with other young people and their parents (we will spend part of the time in separate groups, i.e. one for parents and one for young people and part of the time as whole group) Thinking about ideas such as: o Identity who am I like? Who am I? who will I be? - Who is my child like? Who are they? Who will they be? o What happens next? Approaching adulthood o Relationships in adolescence, i.e. friends, family o Challenges and Fears o Strengths, Hopes and Opportunities This is a two part workshop and attendance at both sessions is most helpful. We will be providing drinks and snacks throughout the morning. There will be 16 places for young people and 16 places for parents available at each event. If you are interested in this workshop but have questions please contact us. 10:30 12:30 on Monday 3 rd April 2017 and Monday 10 th April 2017 at Lenham Community Centre 10:30 12:30 on Saturday 17 th June 2017 and Saturday 24 th June 2017 at Thanington Resource Centre Emotional Development in Adopted Children This workshop will share with you how early developmental experience affects emotional and social development. A model of infant and child development will be explained in clear, everyday language with many examples and case studies. Whatever a child or young person's early experience has been, emotional and social development can take place at every stage of life. The workshop will explore how to understand and respond to children and young people's communications to encourage development and positive change. There will be 20 places available at each event 10:00 13:00 on Saturday 1 st October 2016 at Lenham Community Centre 10:00 14:00 on Saturday 4 th March 2017 at Thanington Resource Centre

6 Grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings becoming a family through adoption This course is aimed at adopters awaiting placements, adopters and wider family members who can also attend, i.e. grandparents, aunts, uncles The workshop will include: Introducing new siblings The impact of adoption on the wider family, ie grandparents, aunts, uncles The impact of adoption on birth children who have become siblings through adoption Talking about adoption and new family roles Managing difference in relationships Creating new relationships Promoting changing relationships There will be 20 places available at each event 10:00 13:00 on Saturday 3 rd December 2016 at Lenham Community Centre 10:00 13:00 on Saturday 10 th June 2017 at Thanington Resource Centre Maintaining and managing contact with birth families This is an opportunity to hear about the work of Barnardo's CAFIS (Connecting Adoptive Families Intermediary Services). This includes how ongoing indirect and direct contact arrangements are managed as well as the advice, information and support offered to birth parents and their extended family members, during care and adoption proceedings and beyond. This is a practical course including advice on writing contact letters and managing responses. The CAFIS service also works with adopted adults and birth parents seeking to trace each other and the workshop will enable discussion of the issues this presents for all involved. There will be 20 places available at each event 10:00 13:00 on Tuesday 18 th October 2016 at Thanington Resource Centre 10:00 13:00 on Wednesday 28 th June 2017 at Lenham Community Centre

7 Making sense of your child s non-verbal communication This workshop will explore the importance of tuning in to children s non-verbal communication. We all know that talking to our children does not always give us the full picture of what is really going on in their inner worlds, much of their experiences are processed on a non-verbal level, thus making it difficult for them to communicate their feelings through words. Children who have not experienced attuned care in their early life often struggle with emotional regulation and need extra help to make sense of their feelings. During this workshop we will explore the basic principles of attuned communication through theory and practice. Within this we will also consider what leads to misattunement and explore ways to overcome this. There will be 20 places available at each event 10:00 13:00 on Tuesday 22 nd November 2016 at Thanington Resource Centre 10:00 13:00 on Monday 6 th March 2017 at Lenham Community Centre Who s in charge? Negotiating issues of control with adopted children (For parents with young people age 12 and under) (Due to the practical nature of this two-part workshop it is essential that participants have children placed.) In overwhelming response to parent s feedback..in this workshop we will explore why children and young people who have experienced early neglect and trauma often seek to have tight control over their environment and their relationships. The workshop will be run in two parts and In part one, we will think about what it feels like to be on the receiving end of controlling behaviour and the way it can affect family relationships. We will look at strategies to manage controlling behaviour and ways to avoid the everyday battles over who s in charge. There will be 15 places available in each group 10:00 13:00 on Monday 14 th November 2016 and Monday 28 th November 2016 at Lenham Community Centre 10:00 13:00 on Tuesday 9 th May 2017 and Tuesday 23 rd May 2017 at Thanington Resource Centre Sexual Abuse Due to the responses to the previous learning and development programme we will be offering individual consultations to parents who are supporting children who have experienced sexual abuse. Please contact the post adoption team directly to request a consultation, if you would like support in this area.

8 Understanding and managing sibling rivalry (Due to the practical nature of this two-part workshop it is essential that participants have children placed.) Sibling rivalry is present in all families but can be particularly intense in adopted children who have often had to fight for small amounts of parental attention. This workshop will be run in two parts and participants will need to commit to attending on both days. In the first part we will think about what causes sibling rivalry and explore ways to manage sibling relationships in a positive way. In the second part you will have the opportunity to reflect on your experience of putting the strategies into practice in your own family situations. Together we will explore what has worked well and identify any potential areas you may find challenging. There will be 16 places available at each event 10:00 13:00 on Monday 26 th September 2016 and Monday 10 th October at Lenham Community Centre 10:00 13:00 on Tuesday 7 th February 2017 and Tuesday 21 st February 2017 at Thanington Resource Centre Thinking and talking about transitions This workshop will use ideas from early child development theory to help parents understand how their children and young people, who have had multiple and traumatic early losses and separations, experience and respond to transitions. At the end of this workshop parents should feel more confident to understand and help their child and young people manage big changes like starting school and small changes like the end of a nice day. There will be 20 places available at each event 10:00 13:00 on Friday 27 th January 2017 at Thanington Resource Centre 10:00 13:00 on Friday 2 nd June 2017 at Lenham Community Centre Autism, ADHD and Adoption We are exploring the opportunity to hold workshops on these and would welcome any suggestions on the subjects from experienced parents.

9 The Venues Lenham Community Centre, Groom Way, Lenham, Maidstone, Kent, ME17 2QT

10 Thanington Neighbourhood Resource Centre, Thanington Road, Canterbury, Kent, CT1 3XE

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12 Introduction An adoptive parent/s journey is complex and can at times be emotionally demanding. The ability to develop metacognitive skills for thinking about your child s mind when you are feeling under pressure has been called to mentalise. This capacity to mentalise can help parents to resist the impulse to react unthinkingly in the face of extreme provocation and is a crucial aspect of a successful adoption. The group will promote the development of these reflective parenting interventions, which are rooted in current theoretical knowledge and experience. Aims and objectives of the group The aim of the group is to provide a reflective space in which members can focus on the psychological and emotional issues that arise in day to day life with their adopted children; to share and process the feelings and gain support and understanding from each other. The outcome of the group is for parents to feel more confident in helping their children to develop emotionally and socially. There are six places available for this group. These places are only available to adoptive parents with adoption orders. Attendance will be confirmed following a 30 minute pre-group individual meeting. There is consideration being given to setting up a post' group ongoing support group, which will be available for people who have completed either of the eight week groups.

13 Biographies for the facilitators of the support groups Dr Lesley Hanney is a Consultant Systemic Family Psychotherapist with over 25 years experience in the area of child and adolescent mental health. She has a specialist interest in attachment and developmental trauma and has published several articles in this area. Lesley has worked with children and young people in the area of pre and post adoption work as well as also being an adoptive parent. Lesley will facilitate the East Kent group. Sally Evans is a Counselling Psychologist with 15 years experience of working in the NHS and private practice. She has worked with adults and families with varying psychological, mental health and social needs, including those with adopted children and children in care. She is also an adopter of two children. Sally will facilitate the West Kent group. Feedback from previous groups This course has been just so important to me to help rebuild my confidence. Lesley has been a wonderful therapist and the group has been so helpful by sharing family stories. Fantastic meetings, we have all learnt so much from other s experiences. Fantastic course. Time to talk. Great reflective time and such an amazing difference to how I tackle behaviour issues. Think everyone should go to this course. Thank you. It has made such a difference to how I approach things.

14 East Kent Group Meeting Dates Dates of meetings Date Time Event Venue 4 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 1 Thanington Resource Centre 11 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 2 Thanington Resource Centre 18 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 3 Thanington Resource Centre 25 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 4 Thanington Resource Centre 2 nd December am to 12pm Group Meeting 5 Thanington Resource Centre 9 th December am to 12pm Group Meeting 6 Thanington Resource Centre 16 th December am to 12pm Group Meeting 7 Thanington Resource Centre 23 rd December am to 12pm Group Meeting 8 Thanington Resource Centre

15 East Kent Venue Thanington Neighbourhood Resource Centre, Thanington Road, Canterbury, Kent, CT1 3XE

16 West Kent Group Meeting Dates Dates of meetings Date Time Event Venue 4 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 1 Lenham Community Centre 11 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 2 Lenham Community Centre 18 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 3 Lenham Community Centre 25 th November am to 12pm Group Meeting 4 Lenham Community Centre 2 nd December am to 12pm Group Meeting 5 Lenham Community Centre 9 th December am to 12pm Group Meeting 6 Lenham Community Centre 16 th December am to 12pm Group Meeting 7 Lenham Community Centre 23 rd December am to 12pm Group Meeting 8 Lenham Community Centre

17 West Kent Venue Lenham Community Centre, Groom Way, Lenham, Maidstone, Kent, ME17 2QT

18 Adoption Support Team To apply for places or for further information please contact us on or us at Funding of the Programme The Learning & Development Programme is funded by the Adoption Support Fund. If you would like to give permission for personal details for research purposes to be provided to the Tavistock Research Project to help evidence the benefits of ASF, please advise us or the facilitator. If you would like to know more about this, please visit: or contact the Post Adoption Support Team.

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