How to minimise loneliness and effects?

Transcription

1 How to minimise loneliness and effects? Dr Ghazanfar Ali Sirhindi 1 Loneliness and its effects can be minimised by adopting healthy life style and dealing with the factors which are related with it. If you experience this deeper type of loneliness, you may try to avoid being on your own and spend a lot of time socialising. Or you may react in the opposite way, hiding away on your own so you don't have to face a world of people you feel unconnected to. You may also develop unhelpful habits, such as using alcohol or drugs, to escape your feelings of loneliness or to face social situations that you can t avoid. You can feel lonely when: you are alone and have no choice in this you do not feel part of a group or event there is no one with whom to share your feelings and experiences you feel disconnected and alienated from your surroundings There is no-one to know how miserable and isolated you feel. You feel: unloved and unwanted socially inadequate there is something wrong with you self-conscious and ill at ease with others angry and critical of others. Here are some sure-fired cures for such loneliness: 1. Keep busy as you can-- If you are lonely, do with eagerness whatever is in front of you to do: write letters, visit people, fix something that needs to be fixed, take up a hobby, start collecting something of value, become amazed and fascinated by everything around you. Keep busily involved in everything that gets your 1 Author is AP Sheikh Zaid Hospital Lahore 1 P a g e

2 attention--every little thing and every middle-sized thing can soon grow into big significant projects. The happiest person I ever met and the busiest person I ever met are one and the same. Cure loneliness by keeping busy. 2. Involve yourself in good affairs-- If you are lonely, involve yourself in community affairs. Many times when people retire they find themselves in a burned-out condition. Some folks have told me, all I want to do is just sit in a chair, pet my dog, stare out the window, or watch TV. This kind of mental attitude sets a person up to be lonely. And, if a person continues to be a hermit, there will come a time when an incurable loneliness will be the order of the day. 3. Help others -- If you are lonely, look for and strive to cure the loneliness of someone else--it will cure your own. How about holding the hand of some of those people who made no provisions for old age. There are myriads of people who need help--find them and help them. 4. Avoid escapes at day time -- If you are lonely, avoid day dreaming, sleeping too much, and watching too much TV. When you do dream dreams, make them possible, obtainable, and something you can work on. Dream magnificent goals for the future and start to bring them about. TV can be a life-saver on occasions; but to mesmerize your brain in a constant dose of radiation is a sure-fire way of becoming depressed and lonely. Too much sleep can be a powerful escape mechanism. To run away through sleep is just like running away with alchohol--it only makes matters worse. Fight the tendency to sleep too much. 5. Choose and struggle to be happy -- If you are lonely, you are probably depressed and unhappy. Fight unhappiness with a direct attack of the will-- choose to be happy in spite of the circumstances. Ask yourself the question, "How does my unhappiness change my situation?" The answer will be, "It doesn't, it just makes it worse." So make things better for yourself by choosing to be happy. Fight depression by talking out your problems. If alcoholics can join a group and get control of their drinking, you can join a group and get control of your depression. Talk to friends, a counselor, or your pastor, and keep talking until you find yourself maintaining an attitude of optimism. 6. Read good books and collect good thoughts -- If you are lonely, collect inspirational thoughts, good jokes, meaningful poems, and literary masterpieces. Read lots of good books, if you can; if you can't, have someone read to you. 2 P a g e

3 Make a list of good things that you read about and then try to memorize some inspirational quotation and share it with whoever comes your way. Collect good thoughts to share with those people who come your way, and soon others will search for your companionship like the proverbial guru of the mountain. 7. Join a social group -- If you are lonely, join one of the many social groups in your community. Try to meet new people. You will find many individuals there that are involved in social gatherings of various types. Commit yourself to one or more groups that you find of interest. 8. Go to places of worships -- If you are lonely, go to worship places. If we cut the worship places out of the community there would be tens of thousands of more lonely people. I have heard some people say, I went to worship place and the people were friendly. These are places of meeting people and share ideas and talk. 9. Meet people- Sometimes just going outside for a walk and seeing other people in the street, perhaps saying hello to someone you know, can make you feel a bit better.making contact with people you know can be a useful first step in helping you feel less alone. If you have friends or family, phoning someone, or sending a text or , can help make you feel more grounded and remind you that there are people in your life. For many people, meeting new people and making friends can help them overcome their feelings of loneliness. 10. Meet people online- the internet is a good way to connect with people and make friends. There are a huge number of forums, social networks and meeting sites that can put you in touch with people you share interests with. Many strong and long-lasting relationships start on the internet, including many where people only ever meet online.. Here are a few ideas: Think to join: exercise classes social groups art, music or poetry groups religious and spiritual meetings and services dance classes gardening groups IT classes parent and baby clubs meditation groups political groups slimming clubs sports clubs voluntary organisations 3 P a g e

4 SOME WAYS OF WORKING AS VOLUNTEER CHOOSE ANY ORGANISATION TO WORK JOIN ANY RELIGIOUS GROUP OF YOUR TASTE AND CHOICE AND CONTRIBUTE YOUR EFFORTS TALK WITH YOUNGSTERS SO THEY SHOULD BE BENEFICIAL CITIZENS VISIT HOSPITALS TO SEE YOUR KNOWN PERSONS OR ANY ONE AS VOLUNTEER SO PATIENT WILL FEEL BETTER GO IN COMMUNITIES AND DO FOR BETTERMENT OF NEXT GENERATION AND TEACH THEM LOVE AND HUMAN VALUES, SUPERIOR OF ALL THINGS FOR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS What can family and friends do to help? You may be worried that a friend or relative is lonely, perhaps because they are socially isolated or because someone has told you they are lonely. You may not be able to resolve this for them but there are things you can do to help. Keep in touch If you think, or know, that someone is lonely for example, after a bereavement or relationship break-up a small gesture, such as inviting them for lunch, or even just saying hello, can make them feel less alone. If someone lives far away or you are too busy to visit, make whatever contact you can. Phone, , text or Skype to let them know you are thinking of them. 4 P a g e

5 Show your support Be aware of how your behaviour might impact on someone who is lonely, and think about how you can be more supportive and encouraging. you may want your friend or family member to meet new people in their area but, if you are negative about the activities available, they may not want to go. You can also support someone in building a social network. Be encouraging about opportunities for social contact and find out what activities or groups there are in their area. Go with them to a class or group for the first time if they feel nervous. If transport is an issue, you could help your friend or family member get a bus pass or work out their local transport network. Listen If someone tells you that they feel lonely, despite seeming to have lots of friends and social contact, talk to them about why they feel like this and listen to their feelings and concerns. Help them feel that someone cares and wants to understand. If you are worried that someone s loneliness is because of a mental health problem, or might become one, talk to them about what might help. This might be going to see their GP, getting a talking treatment or joining a support group Help people so they should not feel loneliness 5 P a g e