5) Principle of Empathic Communication

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1 5) Principle of Empathic Communication V z á j e m n á z á v i s l o s t N e z á v i s l o s t Z á v i s l o s t is one of the most important factors of human relationships. It teaches us how to first seek to understand and then to be understood; it concerns our communication. Empathy = "putting on somebody's shoes", understanding.

2 Principle of Empathic Communication-2 Communication has - verbal (words and their meanings) and - nonverbal parts. Words play much smaller role than we think. Personal example plays a much more important role. (Words are generally considered to form about 7 to 10% of communication, voice (tone, loudness) 30 to 38% and the greatest deal, 55 to 60%, is body language (nonverbal communication) = what we do and what we are.)

3 Seeking to Understand Others Levels of Listening 1) Ignoring = I'm not even trying to listen. 2) Pretending = I seem to be listening but I'm thinking about something else. 3) Listening Selectively = I pay attention only when I'm listening to what I want, what I'm interested in (this is how we often listen to small children). 4) Listening Carefully = I really pay attention to words (I perceive the meaning that the words have for me or I don't worry about them) I hear words. 5) Listening Empathically = I'm listening with the intention to understand, I'm open, focus on what is inside the other person and on their value system. That gives me precise information of what is being said.

4 Seeking to Understand Others - 2 Empathic listening is the highest form of listening. We empathise with the feelings and thoughts of the other party by which we create a positive psychological climate. If we've created such a climate contrasts between words and feelings disappear; people express themselves openly and honestly.

5 Seeking to Understand Others - 3 Although this kind of listening takes more time, it is still less than having to explain things after we've misunderstood something, or fixing conflicts. One of the greatest satisfactions of this life is That no one can sincerely help others Without helping themselves as well. Emerson

6 Seeking to Understand Others - 4 Can it be learned? - Certainly! It is definitely the most effective form of listening that will help us understand the other party. If we learn it we will acquire the qualification to make decisions based on precise information. For example a barrister first puts together a closing speech of the prosecuting party (the best he is capable of) to be ready and know what he or she might be answering to. A speaker prepares a speech according to the audience as well.

7 Steps to Empathy How to learn it? Step by step: 1) Listen carefully and time to time use the other party's words to repeat what has been said. 2) Express what has been said by your own words giving feedback how you've understood. 3) Try to reflect the partner's feelings (what you think the heard has evoked in him or her). 4) Occasionally make a summary of the essence of what has been said. Also express feelings, which it has evoked, and importance for the partner.

8 Feedback In other words: Give the best possible feedback of what the partner has been saying. By doing so we create space for them to express themselves as exactly as possible - it is one of the most efficient investments into relationships.

9 It is our nature to listen autobiographically I judge you according to me, my experience, my beliefs. Notice it when talking to somebody or hearing a conversation for example between parents and children. We have these typical responses coded deep inside so we are not aware of them. We are very limited if we want to understand others only from words they say.

10 Autobiographical Responses We often don't listen till the other party finishes and we: Judge - We agree or disagree, judge if it's right or not. Advise - We give often unwanted counsel based on our own experience. Probe - We ask questions from our own frame of reference, not from what is important for the partner. Interpret - We try to figure people out, to explain their motives and their behaviour based on our own motives and our behaviour.

11 Autobiographical Responses - 2 These autobiographical responses are ineffective and discourage people from communication with us. The language of logics very much differs from the language of understanding and feelings. Our perceptions are different (see - paradigm) and that is why we need feedback from those who surround us. The invested time will come back multiplied in the quality of our relationships.

12 The criteria of my full understanding is when I explain what the other party has stated and they agree that I understand them correctly. We have a right to ask to be understood, which is the second aspect of the habit of empathic communication, only when we have understood the other party.

13 Being Understood in the Best Possible Way Understanding requires consideration; to be understood requires courage. Win x Win solution requires a high level of both (see Maturity ). To be understood we have to follow the sequence: character relationships logical agreements etc. P = P/PC balance is applicable even for effective = functioning communication.

14 Being Understood in the Best Possible Way 1 If we want to convince somebody of something we first need to make sure we understand the issue ourselves or at least to know exactly what we want to say. Only then we can express our thoughts.

15 Greeks spoke Already the ancient Greeks spoke about unity of ethos, pathos and logos. 1) Ethos in this case is our character, personal trustworthiness, truthfulness etc. (Also what impression we give, what we evoke in others.) 2) Pathos is our ability to empathise, understand and listen relationships, emotional bank account (pay attention to the audience, examiners etc.). 3) Logos is the logical, factual, rational part of what we want to express. This follows the first two steps when the listeners are ready to perceive what we have to say.

16 Being Understood in the Best Possible Way - 2 Most technically oriented leaders are used to manage things. They want to apply well-tried methods from managing things on people and often they marvel why it doesn't work.

17 Being Understood in the Best Possible Way - 3 The principle of empathic communication is very powerful. Despite us often thinking it doesn't lie in our circle of influence, it does. By mastering the principle we acquire exact information, we will be affectable and open to new, creative stimuli. This is an important precondition for leadership and influencing other people. Our understanding, respect, patience etc. will allow us to step on to synergy.