What is bullying? Why do some people bully? Why are some young people bullied? Why is bulling harmful?

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1 What is bullying? Repeated, persistent, and aggressive behaviour that is intended to cause fear and distress and/or harm to another person s body, feelings, self esteem, or reputation. Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person. Bullying includes behaviours and actions that are verbal, physical and/or anti-social, such as exclusion, gossip and non-verbal body language. It can occur at school or in transit between school and home. The nature and extent of bullying can vary from direct to indirect harassment, from minor irritation to major assault, from "just having a bit of fun" to breaking the law. Why do some people bully? They may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge. Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them. Individuals may be ignorant as to what bullyng is, and they think that there is nothing wrong with their behaviour. To avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it. Because others are doing it. Why are some young people bullied? In some cases people are bullied for no one specific reason; perhaps it s the colour of their skin, the way they talk, their size, or their name. Sometimes young people are bullied because they look like they won t stand up for themselves. Why is bulling harmful? It can make people feel lonely, unhappy and frightened. It makes them feel unsafe and thing there must be something wrong with them. They can lose confidence and may not want to go to school any more. It may make them sick.

2 Bullying Myths "Bullying is just part of growing up..." It isn't. You don't have to put up with it. Adults don't put up with being hit and shouted out when they go to work. You shouldn't have to, either. "If you hit back, you won't get bullied again..." Don't believe it. It may work sometimes, but it is just as likely to make things worse. "Only victims get bullied..." It is not true that some people are more likely to be bullied than others. Although some people are bullied because they may be different in some way (they have a disability, are from another country, or speak with a different accent), many other children are bullied without any obvious reason. Don't forget that bullies have sometimes been bullied themselves. "My school says there's no bullying here..." Your school may be very lucky to have no bullying problem at the moment, but most schools recognize that bullying does go on, and many are doing something about it. If your school is ignoring bullying, talk to your mum or dad about what to do. They might be able to talk to other parents, and meet with the Head to try to tackle the problem. Tips For Youth Bullying is wrong and you do not have to put up with it. Look the bully straight in the eye and say "stop". Immediately walk away if the bully still teases you. A person who bullies wants to see you scared. If you do not react, the bully may get bored and stop. Physically fighting back is not a useful choice because you can get hurt or blamed for starting trouble. Using violence to stop violence is wrong and makes a bad situation worse or more dangerous. Tell your parents and someone at school you trust, like a teacher or principal. When adults know about bullying, they can help you make it stop. Do not give up if the first adult you tell does not help. Tell other adults until you get the help you need. Remember that silent victims make it easier for bullies to repeat their behaviour without consequences. Do not be embarrassed to ask for help. It takes real courage to speak out, but reporting bullying also helps others! Bullying behaviour is rarely limited to one person. Stay calm. Bullies LOVE a reaction so don't give them one. If you know of someone who doesn't like you, steer clear. Take yourself out of the situation. Don't fight back. You may get hurt or make the situation worse. Bullies want attention - fighting back only gives them what they want.

3 Avoid vulnerable situations. Walk to school earlier or later in the day, or walk with brothers, sisters, neighbours or friends. Don't be alone in hallways, restrooms or empty classrooms. Stay within sight of teachers when you're at school. They have the power to enforce suspension and other disciplinary measures. Instead of getting mad, get funny. It shows that you're not scared and can diffuse the situation. Think of things to say ahead of time. Develop a script, keep it short and don't say anything mean (don't be a bully yourself). Project confidence. Slouching, looking at the ground or your feet, and fidgeting show that you're not sure of yourself. Hold your head up and stand up straight. Bullies pick on you because they think you're afraid. Don't bring expensive stuff to school. Bullies like things they can take. It's not worth getting hurt over. If the bully won't stay away from you, then ignore them and walk away. It's harder for the bully to harass you if you're not there. Don't be afraid to tell people you trust. Adults can help more than you think. They have resources that you don't and the benefit of experience. If at first you don't find a supportive adult, keep looking. You'll eventually find one that will listen and help you. Tips for Parents Teach your child safety strategies. Practice ways of telling bullies to stop, using methods will not increase aggression. Contact the school to make sure the situation will be monitored. Ask for advice about contacting parents of the bully and other victims. Work with the school to make sure there is a plan to deal with bullying. Check with your child to see if it is working. Children who bully tend to pick on children who are isolated. Tell your child to play smart by being part of a group in situations where bullying might happen. Encourage your child to talk with you about his or her feelings and ideas. Offer positive feedback when a child has the courage to tell you and other adults about bullying. Staying silent because of fear of retaliation makes the situation worse. Let your child know bullying is not his or her fault. Ensure children know they do not need to live in fear and that taking a stand by telling others is the first step to eliminating bullying behaviour. What can you do if you see someone else being bullied? Don t rush in aggressively, but do try to stop it. If you don t do anything you re saying that bullying is okay with you. Encourage and help the person being bullied to tell an adult they can trust.

4 Let a teacher or other adult know what's happening. Try to be a friend to the person being bullied. Refuse to join in. Try to be friendly to the bully, but even if you can't be friends, being kind can sometimes help the bully stop bullying. Always tell the truth about what has happened. Don't exaggerate. If a small part of what you are saying is shown to be untrue then it throws everything else into doubt. Don't believe the lies that the bullies tell about you. Don't hide what is happening from the adults you trust. Keeping things secret is the bullies' biggest weapon against you. That is why they go to so much trouble to try to stop you telling. Personal Qualities That Bullies Find Irresistible Targets of bullying usually have these qualities: popularity (this stimulates jealousy in the less-than-popular bully) competence (this stimulates envy in the less-than-competent bully) intelligence and intellect honesty and integrity (which bullies despise) you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable

5 a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness imaginative, creative, innovative idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the employer, and the world ability to master new skills ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance etc) slow to anger helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience giving and selfless difficulty saying no diligent, industrious tolerant strong sense of honour irrepressible, wanting to tackle and correct injustice wherever you see it an inability to value oneself whilst attributing greater importance and validity to other people's opinions of oneself (eg through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc) low propensity to violence (ie you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than through violence or legal action) a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from taking grievance and legal action) a desire to always think well of others being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise being unwilling to lower standards a strong well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise or abandon high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of power who abuse power a tendency to self-deprecation, indecisiveness, deference and approval seeking low assertiveness a need to feel valued quick to apologize when accused, even if not guilty (this is a useful technique for defusing an aggressive customer or potential road rage incident) perfectionism higher-than-average levels of dependency, naivety and guilt a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it