By Flip Kobler and Cindy Marcus Lyrics by Flip Kobler Music by Dennis Poore. Copyright 2011, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.

Transcription

1 By Flip Kobler and Cindy Marcus Lyrics by Flip Kobler Music by Dennis Poore Copyright, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.

2 For Tim and Ali On your special day, May 2, ii

3 AESOP S MUSICAL FOIBLES By FLIP KOBLER and CINDY MARCUS Lyrics by FLIP KOBLER Music by DENNIS POORE CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order of Speaking) # of lines AESOP...troubled by stories in his head 228 HARE...insists on fi nding a name 94 LION...just wants to please Androcles 4 ANDROCLES...can t shake his friend Lion BOY...one big liar 6 WOLF...not a sheep really 6 FARMER...impatient; wants golden eggs GOOSE...sees the lessons in stories 4 AUNT...hardworking; plans ahead 27 GRASSHOPPER...lazy; lives for the moment 9 FOX...oversensitive, but doesn t care 34 TORTOISE...convinced he can win footrace 22 MOM...of Aesop; spouts unconventional 2 wisdom DAD...of Aesop; tries to help his son 23 ZEUS...immature, dim-witted god 48 HERA...wife of Zeus; keeps him in line 38 DAPHINITY...Aesop s muse 8 DOCTOR...wants to cure Aesop 63 MASTER...understanding slave owner CHORUS OF MUSES...singers; MUSES can be joined 4 in song by ACTORS as desired iii

4 SET DESCRIPTION UPSTAGE is a high platform. There are one or two Greek pillars to let us know we re in ancient Greece. A few marble-looking benches give our characters a place to sit. MC MC 2 MC 2a MC 3 MC 3a MC 3b MC 4 MC 4a MC MC a MC b MC c MC 6 SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS A Tale to Tell...Muses The Nature of Time...Mom and/or Muses Mother s Prayer...Instrumental Workin Overtime...Muses, Daphinity (optional) Prayer s End...Instrumental Insanity Rising...Instrumental Crazy...Doctor and/or Muses Daphinity s Plea...Instrumental The Race Is On...Hare and/or Tortoise and/or Muses Androcles End...Instrumental Boy s End...Instrumental Race s End...Instrumental Hand in Hand...Ensemble iv

5 AESOP S MUSICAL FOIBLES AT RISE: The MUSES are in tableau all around the stage like a garden of statues, while the rest of the cast may be frozen as statues around the auditorium. (See PRODUCTION NOTES for fun pre-show idea.) MUSIC CUE : A Tale to Tell. MUSES: (Coming to life from the statue garden. Sing.) A page is just a page till the ink breathes life into words. A song is just a song if the tune will never be heard. You ve got something to say. A story burns in each of us. Your tale may help to change the world. Gotta raise your voice. Let s see what it teaches us. Gotta make some noise and scream and yell. You got a tale to tell. A frame is just a frame if the canvas never tastes paint. A man is just a man if he s being something he ain t. You re blazing your own trail. You see the world in your own way. Share your eyes and open some minds. Gotta raise your voice. Scream your name from the mountain tops. Gotta spin your yarn and weave your spell. You got a tale to tell. Oh, yeah! (As they sing, they bring the other statues to life. Soon the ENTIRE CAST is either ONSTAGE or posed around it, watching the action.) There s a well of inspiration. Can you hear the muses call? Every life deserves narration. Give it voice and share it all. Gotta raise your voice. Scream your name from the mountain tops. Gotta spin your yarn and weave your spell. You got a tale to tell. You got a tale to tell. You got a tale to tell. You got a tale to tell. You got a tale to tell. (As the song ends, most of the MUSES drift away, standing near pillars or sitting on the apron, watching the show as it unfolds. Some of the MUSES stay and talk directly to the AUDIENCE. MUSIC OUT.)

6 MUSE : Everyone has a tale to tell. And this is a story of someone who had many. MUSE 2: Come with us now. Back to ancient Greece. MUSE 3: Six hundred twenty BC. MUSE 4: Thursday. AESOP: (ENTERS dressed in a tattered toga, his face smudged. Addresses the AUDIENCE.) Hi. My name is Aesop. And I have kind of a small problem. And by kind of I mean defi nitely. And by small I mean huge. And by problem I mean, well, problem. HARE: (Rushes ON.) Hey, I m here! Where s the party? (Looks around.) Where is everybody? I m the fi rst one here, huh? Typical. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) See, I have all these stories and ideas and characters in my head. Like Hare. HARE: Aesop, my man. (They do a complicated and funky high fi ve.) AESOP: Hello, Hare. HARE: I asked you to call me Lightning Jack. AESOP: I m not calling you Lightning Jack. HARE: Lightning Jack is a great name. It s a name that sticks with you. People don t forget a name like Lightning Jack. People say, Hey, who was that? That was Lightning Jack. I ve heard of her, they say. She s the fastest thing in the world. AESOP: (Back to AUDIENCE.) The problem is they re inside my head. And they talk back to me. Like Hare here. HARE: Lightning Jack. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) I can t get them to shut up. HARE: I thought about Lightning Rodney, but then it gets shortened to Lightning Rod and you sound like a dork. Who wants to be named after an antennae? That s why I m sticking with Lightning Jack. (Posing like she s on top of a runner s trophy.) AESOP: (Sees ANDROCLES ENTER. LION follows him IN like an overeager puppy. To AUDIENCE.) And they just keep coming. LION: (To ANDROCLES.) Hey, hey, what do you want to do? Huh? Want to do something? We could go to the theater. Huh? That d be fun. Want to go to the theater? I hear Thespis is in a new play. It s a comedy. Or a drama. I forget which, but Thespis! ANDROCLES: Yeah, I m not sure. I might be busy. LION: Sure, yeah, no problem. We could go to the bazaar. I hear they have sandals on sale. Who doesn t like new sandals? ANDROCLES: You don t. You re a lion. You don t wear sandals. LION: I m thinking of you. 2

7 0 2 3 ANDROCLES: I dunno. I may have some stuff to do later. LION: What stuff? ANDROCLES: You know. Chores and stuff. LION: I could help you. ANDROCLES: Nah, it s okay. It s kind of a one-man job. LION: I ll just keep you company then. We ll just hang out, huh, buddy? AESOP: Hey, Androcles. ANDROCLES: Hey, Aesop. AESOP: Whatcha doin? LION: Nothin. We got some chores and stuff later, but now I m just hanging with my buddy Androcles. ANDROCLES: (Sotto whisper to AESOP.) Help me. Please! AESOP: I d like to, but I have my own problems. ANDROCLES: What problems could you possibly have? BOY: (Runs ON frantically.) Oh, my gods! A meteor just hit the ocean! A giant tidal wave is coming this way. We re all going to die! HARE: A tidal wave? BOY: A thousand feet high. Billions of tons of water! It s the end of the world! LION: Really? BOY: No, not really, I m just kidding. Booya. You guys were totally punked. ANDROCLES: You lied. BOY: I know. ANDROCLES: I believed you. BOY: Oh, thanks, man. That s nice. ANDROCLES: (Grabs BOY.) You scared me. BOY: I said thank you. ANDROCLES: Listen, you little jerk AESOP: It s okay. He can t help it. BOY: Yeah, listen to toga boy here. AESOP: He always lies. BOY: Yeah. I ve never told the truth in my life. ANDROCLES: Really? BOY: No, I m just kidding. Most of the time I lie, though. AESOP: He s the boy who cries wolf. ANDROCLES: He hasn t cried wolf. BOY: Did that. Yawn. Amateursville. I m expanding. 3

8 0 2 3 ANDROCLES: I don t think he s the boy that cries wolf. BOY: What, you need proof? Fine. (Pointing behind ANDROCLES.) Wolf. Wolf. (ANDROCLES whips around, but there s nothing there.) See? ANDROCLES: There s no wolf there. BOY: I know. It s a gift. WOLF: (ENTERS wearing a white poncho with cotton balls glued to it over the wolf costume. A wolf in sheep s clothing.) Somebody call for a wolf? BOY: (Points to HARE.) She did. HARE: Who s this now? AESOP: He s a wolf. HARE: He doesn t look like a wolf. WOLF: I m a wolf. HARE: Looks like a sheep. WOLF: I m not. HARE: Looks like it. WOLF: I m a wolf. AESOP: He s a wolf in sheep s clothing. HARE: Why are you in sheep s clothing? WOLF: It s what I do. HARE: Don t you get hot? WOLF: A little, yeah. BOY: I knew you were a wolf the second I saw you. WOLF: Really? BOY: No, I m just yankin your chain. You look like a sheep. WOLF: (To AESOP.) Can you explain this to them? It s embarrassing. AESOP: I don t know why you re like this. WOLF: It s your imagination. AESOP: I know. (To AUDIENCE.) You see my problem? I can t even control my own thoughts! HARE: (Shakes WOLF S hand.) How you doing? Lightning Jack. AESOP: Her name is not Lightning Jack. HARE: Don t mind him, he s a little cranky. WOLF: Aren t you afraid of wolves? HARE: Are you kidding? I m terrifi ed of wolves. Scared out of my whiskers. WOLF: You re not afraid of me. HARE: I m not afraid of sheep. 4

9 0 2 3 WOLF: I m a wolf! HARE: (Pats his head like he s a cute two-year-old.) Yes, you are. WOLF: (Howls like a wolf.) Aaaaaooooooooooooohhhhhh! HARE: No, no, it s Baaa. WOLF: Wolves don t say baa. HARE: Thank you for making my point. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) All this going on in my head gives me headaches! (GOOSE ENTERS with FARMER on her heels.) FARMER: I m asking you nicely. GOOSE: And I m refusing you nicely. FARMER: What do you want? You want me to say please? Okay, please. How s that? GOOSE: Can t help you. FARMER: Pretty please, lay another golden egg. GOOSE: I laid a golden egg this morning. FARMER: That was hours ago. GOOSE: I ll lay another one tomorrow. FARMER: I can t wait that long. GOOSE: What do you do with them? FARMER: None of your beeswax. GOOSE: They re my eggs. FARMER: No, I m the farmer, you re the goose, you belong to me. So they re my eggs. And I would like another. GOOSE: Tomorrow. FARMER: That s hours from now. I ve got needs, you know. GOOSE: You need to learn a little patience. FARMER: Fine. Fine, can you teach me to be patient? GOOSE: Yes. I d love to. FARMER: Thank you. GOOSE: Just give me a minute. FARMER: A minute? Oh, well just forget it, then. Go lay an egg! GOOSE: Aesop, I think there s a valuable lesson here. AESOP: I don t want a lesson. GOOSE: Everything in life can teach us something. AESOP: Not interested. GOOSE: Just hear me out. AESOP: Leave me alone. GOOSE: I m saying there s a moral if we look for it.

10 0 2 3 AESOP: Not paying attention. GOOSE: Here s an example. If you don t pay attention, you might miss out on a good moral. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) No matter what I do or how hard I concentrate, they won t be quiet and won t get out of my head. (AUNT and GRASSHOPPER ENTER. AUNT is dressed in a toga. She looks real but is a fi gment of AESOP S imagination, just like all the others. GRASSHOPPER wears the robes of a Chinese priest.) AUNT: I made a list of all the things that need to be done. GRASSHOPPER: I shall get to it. Tomorrow. AUNT: Oh no, this has to be done right away. No time to waste. GRASSHOPPER: Is it not written, Tomorrow is another day? AUNT: I don t know if it s written. I should fi nd out. I ll make a note to myself. (Pulls out a scroll and starts writing with a quill.) Hello, Aesop. AESOP: Hello, Aunt Daphne. (To AUDIENCE.) This is how I imagine my mom s sister looks. That makes her my aunt. AUNT: Yes, I m an aunt, and this is my new assistant, Grasshopper. GRASSHOPPER: (Bows deeply.) The honor of my ancestors is upon me. (Pulls out a wooden fl ute.) AUNT: Oh no, put that away. We have a lot of work to do. GRASSHOPPER: Is it not said, All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? HARE: That s Lightning Jack to you, bud. And I m a girl. AUNT: Are you all right, Aesop? AESOP: My head s hurting again. AUNT: (Feels his forehead like a doting mother hen.) Oh, you need to lie down, close your eyes and relax with your thoughts. AESOP: No, that s the problem. AUNT: You can t lie down? AESOP: No, my thoughts. My thoughts are the problem. FOX: (ENTERS.) Oh, so what, you re having a party? I wasn t invited. Not that I care. I don t care. Probably a stupid party anyway. HARE: So, Fox, just now gettin here, huh? FOX: Why, am I late? I don t care about being late. Who wants to be the fi rst one to a party anyway? HARE: Winners. Guess who was the fi rst one here? FOX: Who? HARE: Lightning Jack. 6

11 0 2 3 FOX: Who s Lightning Jack? HARE: I am. Cool name, huh? Bet you wish you could have a cool name. FOX: I don t need a cool name. Cool names are just dumb anyway. TORTOISE: (ENTERS. He talks really slowly.) Well here I am. HARE: Hey, Tortoise, fi nally made it, huh? TORTOISE: Yes I fi nally made it. BOY: Where ve you been? Everybody was asking about you. TORTOISE: Really? BOY: Nah, I m just joshin with you. Nobody even noticed you weren t here. TORTOISE: Oh. BOY: But I missed you. TORTOISE: Really? BOY: No, man. Boom! Gotcha again. TORTOISE: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool FARMER: (Tired of waiting for him to fi nish the sentence.) me twice shame on me. We get it. Chop-chop, Yertle. Some of us have things to do. LION: What are you going to do? Maybe we could all do it together. You, me and my best pal, Androcles. ANDROCLES: I may have some stuff to do. LION: Chores and stuff. It s a two-man job. ANDROCLES: (To AESOP.) You gotta get him away from me. He won t let me alone. GOOSE: I think there s a lesson in that. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) This is what it s like inside my head. All the time. MOM: (From OFFSTAGE.) Aesop! HARE: Whoa, Aesop. I think your mom is calling you. MOM: (ENTERS with DAD and spots AESOP.) There you are! (To DAD.) There he is. Do you see? DAD: Yes, I see. MOM: Tell him he shouldn t run away. Tell him that. DAD: You shouldn t run away, son. AESOP: Sorry, Dad, I wasn t running away. MOM: Kids who run away from their parents get stolen by wolves and raised as animals. WOLF: That is totally not true. That s a lie. She s a liar. 7

12 0 2 3 BOY: Hey, lady, that job is taken. AESOP: (To BOY.) Don t talk to my mom that way! MOM: Who is he talking to? DAD: I don t know. MOM: Well, ask him. AESOP: I m not talking to anybody, Mom. HARE: (To AESOP.) What, your mom can t see us? AESOP: (To HARE.) No. MOM: No? No what? AESOP: No, I m not talking to anybody, Mom. HARE: That is so cool. Nobody can see us but you? MOM: Are you all right? AESOP: (To both.) Yes. HARE: (Dancing in front of MOM.) Hey, lady! Booogity-boogity-boo. (MOM doesn t see her.) I m a fi gment of imagination. What is faster than that? AESOP: Nothing. MOM: What? AESOP: Nothing! FOX: You mean I m not really a fox? WOLF: I m not really a sheep? Or even a wolf pretending to be a sheep? FOX: That s okay. I didn t want to be real anyway. Being real and corporeal is for losers. AESOP: You re not a loser. MOM: (To DAD.) See that? He s talking to his imaginary friends again. DAD: At least he has friends. Before I met you, my best friend was an olive pit. MOM: It s not normal. DAD: Went everywhere together, Pit and I. LION: (To ANDROCLES.) Like you and me. (ANDROCLES sighs heavily.) MOM: It s not healthy. DAD: Took that pit to prom, but I swallowed it by mistake. GOOSE: (To AESOP.) I think there could be a moral here. AESOP: Shut up. MOM: Don t talk to your father like that! Boys who talk to their fathers like that have their lips sewn shut by Zeus. DAD: I don t think Zeus goes around sewing up people s lips. 8

13 0 2 3 MOM: He s acting crazy. AUNT: (Feels his forehead.) I don t think it s an act. We should do something. GRASSHOPPER: Is it not written, Doing stuff sucks? MOM: We should do something. DAD: We re slaves. What can we do? MOM: Something. People who don t do anything waste their entire lives. GRASSHOPPER: Sounds good to me. MOM: And they have their eyes pecked out by crows. GRASSHOPPER: (Puts on sunglasses.) Bummer. (Looks around nervously for crows.) MOM: (To AESOP.) Our master has been away, attending a special session of the senate in Athens. AESOP: (Distracted by GRASSHOPPER.) Huh? MOM: You know, Athens the capital of Greece and the center of both the arts and politics. Aesop, our master is a very powerful man, and after several weeks in a faraway city, he is returning home today. FARMER: She going to wrap up this story pretty soon? GOOSE: I mostly do morals. This is all exposition. MOM: He ll be here any minute. AESOP: So? MOM: Don t you see? If our owner sees you acting like this, he ll think you re crazy. Nobody wants a crazy slave. FARMER: (To GOOSE.) Or a lazy goose. Chop-chop, make with the eggs. MOM: He ll sell you. Our family will be broken up. (To DAD.) We ll never see our boy again. (Cries on DAD S shoulder.) DAD: (Pats her gently.) There, there. He won t think our boy is crazy. GOOSE: Crazy is as crazy does. AESOP: Enough with the morals. GOOSE: Just think there s something to be learned here. AESOP: I don t want to learn things. I want my time to be light and fl uffy. GOOSE: You can have fun and still learn something. AESOP: You don t have to be pedantic and overbearing. DAD: Okay, maybe he will think our boy is crazy. MOM: What are we going to do? 9

14 0 2 3 DAD: (Afraid to hear the answer, but he has to ask.) Son, do you really see people? AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) Maybe it s time I tell him. Maybe he can help me. (To DAD.) All the time, Dad. DAD: Right now? AESOP: Yeah, Dad. Except they re mainly not people. They re animals who think and talk like people. DAD: Okay, son, don t worry. We re going to get you some help. Come on. (Grabs AESOP S hand and leads him across the stage. The other characters, except MOM, follow. WOLF lags behind.) ANDROCLES: Where are we going? AESOP: I don t know. DAD: Don t know what? AESOP: Where we re going. DAD: I ll show you. ANDROCLES: He can t just tell us? LION: Don t worry, it ll be fun as long as we re together. ANDROCLES: Aesop, I really need to talk to you. AESOP: Not now. DAD: It has to be now, son. AESOP: I wasn t talking to you, Dad. DAD: The sooner the better. HARE: (To WOLF.) Aren t you coming? WOLF: I don t think I should. HARE: Why not? WOLF: I m not really a follower. HARE: All sheep are followers. WOLF: I m not a sheep. HARE: (Pats his head like a two-year-old.) No, you re a big bad wolf. Yes, you are. WOLF: You know I could eat you in one bite. HARE: Oh, now don t get maa-a-a-aaad. (Makes that last word sound like a baa. ) WOLF: Now you re just being cruel. HARE: I m sorry. I take it baa-a-a-aaack. WOLF: This is just embarrassing. (AESOP, DAD and IMAGINARY CHARACTERS EXIT, leaving MOM alone ONSTAGE. She kneels and bows her head. MUSIC CUE 2: The Nature of Time. [NOTE: This 0

15 number could be sung by MOM as a solo with a few changes in lyrics, such as she to I, or with the MUSES.]) MUSES: (Sing.) Take a look at the man he s becoming. Where is the boy she once knew? Days are passing and hearts are succumbing. These precious moments are few. Another year and her baby keeps on growing, Those childhood toys left behind. Time is a river, and the water keeps on fl owing. Take all the joy you can fi nd. You got to hold on. Live in the moment and cling to the now. You got to move on. Time stops for no one until the last bow. Whoa-oh whoa, That s the nature of time. There ll be tears of laughter and of sorrow, But we can weather the storm. An empty nest is dawning with the morrow. Till then you re safe and you re warm. You got to hold on. We ll stay together and face every new day. You got to move on. Through dark and shadows we ll fi nd our own way. Whoa-oh whoa, That s the nature of time. That s the nature of time. (MUSIC OUT as the MUSES drift away, taking a position where they can still watch the show. MUSIC CUE 2a: Mother s Prayer. ) MOM: (Speaks.) Oh, great Zeus, mightiest of gods. Please hear my prayers. Please hear me, oh great, powerful Zeus. I beg of you. Listen to my plea. (MUSIC OUT. LIGHTS SHIFT to the platform. If you have a fog machine, now is the time to use it. Let s make that upper platform look as much like a cloud as we can. HERA ENTERS, wearing a glittering toga and looking very goddessy. She looks down at MOM for a moment, then calls OFF.) HERA: Zeus. Zeus! ZEUS: (From OFFSTAGE.) What? HERA: Someone s calling you. ZEUS: (From OFFSTAGE.) Someone s always calling me. HERA: This one looks pretty important. ZEUS: (From OFFSTAGE.) Take a message.

16 0 2 3 HERA: I am your wife. I am a goddess. Do I look like your secretary? ZEUS: Fine. (ENTERS, wearing a glittering toga, a crown of gold leaves, a snorkel mask and fl ippers.) What is sooooooo important? HERA: What are you wearing? ZEUS: Poseidon is taking me snorkeling. We re going to throw rocks at the mermaids. HERA: You are not throwing rocks at the mermaids. ZEUS: Why not? We re gods. What are they going to do about it? HERA: You could hurt them. ZEUS: So? HERA: You are a benevolent god. ZEUS: (Stamps his feet like a child throwing a tantrum.) I am? Oh, I hate that! Why do I always have to be benevolent? HERA: It s in your nature. ZEUS: What if I want to be a vengeful god? HERA: You won t have any believers. ZEUS: I could make them believe. HERA: You catch more fl ies with honey than with vinegar. ZEUS: I don t even know what that means. It s not fair. It s always, Don t throw rocks at the mermaids. Stop smiting people with lightning. If Mercury jumped off a cliff HERA: You re better than Mercury. ZEUS: I don t want to be. HERA: You re head of the gods. You have to set an example. ZEUS: Fine. (Screams at MOM.) What do you want, lady? MOM: (Still praying. She never actually makes eye contact with ZEUS, or even opens her eyes.) Oh, mighty Zeus. I beg you to help my son. ZEUS: (To HERA.) Who s her son again? HERA: Aesop. ZEUS: You just know that right off the top of your head? HERA: I like to keep up on our believers. ZEUS: What s, what s-his-name s HERA: Aesop. ZEUS: Aesop s problem? MOM: Please cure his insanity. ZEUS: He s insane? HERA: Evidently. 2 S

17 0 2 3 ZEUS: Cool. Wait. Is he the fun kind of crazy where they make silly noises and it s okay to laugh, or the dangerous, creepy, violent kind of crazy? MOM: He hears voices in his head. ZEUS: He hears voices? MOM: Stories and characters. He believes them to be real. ZEUS: People believe we re real. Oh, ba-doom-chick. Zing. MOM: He thinks these people in his head are real. (Stays in a praying position.) ZEUS: This is an easy one. This sounds like a muse problem. Who s his muse? HERA: Daphinity. ZEUS: Daphinity. (Shakes his head in disbelief at HERA.) You just have all this memorized? You don t need to look it up in a scroll or anything? HERA: I like to care about our believers. ZEUS: You need a hobby. All right, get Daphinity in here. HERA: (Calls OFFSTAGE.) Daphinity. Daphinity! Your god is calling you! DAPHINITY: (From OFFSTAGE.) Just a minute! ZEUS: I m going to miss the tide, and Poseidon is going to get all the good rocks. HERA: Daphinity! DAPHINITY: (ENTERS. This is a muse who probably looked great at one time. But her hair is matted, there are dark circles under her eyes, and she is one angry little girl.) What?! What do you want? What?! ZEUS: You re a muse? DAPHINITY: Yes, I m a muse. You want to see my license? ZEUS: (To HERA.) I thought muses were beautiful young women who helped mortals with their creativity? Inspiring them through their beauty to create art, poetry, plays and stories. DAPHINITY: Yeah, that s me. ZEUS: I did say through their beauty, right? DAPHINITY: Hey, I m a babe. I m a babe. ZEUS: Not that it matters. I m sure you ve got a charming personality. DAPHINITY: (Screams.) I do! I m smart, I m witty, I m fun at parties! ZEUS: Right, it s what s inside that counts. (Sotto to HERA.) Thank me. DAPHINITY: Hey, you try being a muse to that guy. HERA: Aesop is a challenge? DAPHINITY: A challenge? A challenge? Did you say challenge? 3

18 ZEUS: (Yells like she s deaf.) Yes! A challenge. Sorry about your deafness. (To HERA.) We should get Hygieia to look at her ears. DAPHINITY: There s nothing wrong with my ears. HERA: I think she was being incredulous. ZEUS: I don t even know what that means. Okay, new rule. You don t get to say things I don t know what they mean. DAPHINITY: I ve been a muse for a thousand years. All the curlicues on the Parthenon? That s me. Limericks? Mine. But this guy?! HERA: He has no creativity? DAPHINITY: No. That s all he s got. He s creating all the time. I haven t slept in two months. Even when he sleeps, he dreams in stories. He s got stories and characters and ideas all the time. I can t keep up. I m exhausted. I m starving. I m burned out. (MUSIC CUE 3: Workin Overtime. The MUSES rush the stage. They each wear a number like they are running a marathon. One MUSE has a coach s whistle and blows it now.) MUSE : (Speaks.) All right, you muses, get your butts up here. Now drop and give me. (This song keeps poor DAPHINITY running, exercising and basically draining her poor life force. [NOTE: This song could feature DAPHINITY singing with the MUSES.]) MUSES: (Sing.) Can t stop a stampede once it s started. You can t close the Red Sea once it s parted, Hold back tears of the broken-hearted Once they start to fl ow. Just like rain. Just like wine. Just like sand through the hands of time. Can t catch lightning. Can t stop the tide. Can t turn the river when the dam s been left open wide. Can t put reins on his imagination. Gushers spew from the well of inspiration. Train of thought won t stop at a location. He s immune to wonder vaccination. His brain s always racin the dream that he s chasin. It s a cyclone in his mind. Thoughts he is lost in are deadly and exhaustin. Can t keep up and you get left behind. Whoa oh! Oh, whoa oh! She s workin overtime. Can t stop a fi re once it s raging. You can t stop a battle once it s waging. 4

19 Cling to youth once we ve started aging. The fl ood is on the rise. Just like snow on a hill, Gonna fl ow after winter s chill. Got a bull by the horns, tiger by the tail, Wind in my wings. All you can do is sail. His ideas live in overpopulation. He s not one for thought procrastination. She can t get a bit of relaxation. Been fi ve years since she s been on vacation. A snowfl ake gently fallin hits the ground and starts snowballin. His thoughts are on a roll. Avalanche is comin. His sanity starts runnin. There s no way to get control. Oh, whoa oh! Oh, whoa oh! She s workin overtime. Oh, whoa oh! Oh, whoa oh! She s workin overtime. (MUSIC OUT as the MUSES collapse in an exhausted heap. They drag themselves to their watching posts.) DAPHINITY: (Returns to ZEUS.) So you see, I m exhausted. ZEUS: You re cranky. DAPHINITY: I m not cranky! ZEUS: I was trying to help. DAPHINITY: Then zip it. I m talking to the lady. ZEUS: Don t you speak to your god that way! I am Zeus, the all powerful, the all knowing. DAPHINITY: All knowing? Water is made up of two parts hydrogen and one part what? ZEUS: (Thinks furiously.) Umm ah blue. DAPHINITY: One part blue? H two blue? Zip it, I m talking to the lady. HERA: Daphinity, your work with Aesop is impressive. DAPHINITY: Thank you. HERA: But it is now endangering his existence. You must help him purge the voices from his head. ZEUS: Purge? HERA: It means to get rid of. ZEUS: Did you hear my new rule? DAPHINITY: You want me to delete all the creating he s done? HERA: Not delete. Manage. Help him to not appear insane to other mortals. DAPHINITY: How do I do that?

20 0 2 3 ZEUS: I don t know, that s your department. We re not the muses, are we? Just help the guy not look crazy. DAPHINITY: (Through gritted teeth.) I ll try. ZEUS: You ll do it or I ll yank your license. DAPHINITY: (Burning with rage.) Yes, your divine highness. ZEUS: (To HERA.) Now can I go? HERA: Yes. Take your fl oaties. (ZEUS EXITS. HERA turns to DAPHINITY.) Daphinity, do what you can to help the boy. Make him appear sane. DAPHINITY: Yes, Hera. (EXITS. LIGHTS FADE on the upper platform. MOM is still on her knees. MUSIC CUE 3a: Prayer s End. ) MOM: (Speaks.) So that s what I m asking. Please help my son, oh mighty Zeus. (MUSIC OUT. DAD, with DOCTOR in tow, ENTERS with AESOP. DOCTOR walks with a cane. The whole IMAGINARY MENAGERIE except TORTOISE also ENTERS. WOLF still wears his sheep costume.) DAD: I ve brought help. MOM: Hello. DOCTOR: Hello, Mrs. Aesop s mother. MOM: Who are you? DOCTOR: I am a doctor. Your husband thought maybe I could help. MOM: Who s sick? DOCTOR: Your husband says your son. AESOP: I m not sick. MOM: Don t talk back to a doctor. Children who talk back to doctors have their toes chewed off by beetles. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) Where does she get these crazy notions? (To MOM.) Beetles aren t going to chew off my toes. MOM: You don t know that. AESOP: You don t know they will. MOM: Have you ever talked back to a doctor? AESOP: No. MOM: See? And beetles have never chewed off your toes. Do you want to risk it? (To DOCTOR.) Aesop isn t that kind of sick. DOCTOR: And I am not that kind of doctor. I am a talking doctor. HARE: And I m a talking rabbit. AESOP: Hare. HARE: You won t call me Lighting Jack, but you ll argue over what I am? WOLF: You all argue over what I am. 6 NOTE PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

21 0 2 3 HARE: (Pats WOLF S head patronizingly.) Yes, we do. DOCTOR: I help people who have some trouble up here. (Taps his temple.) MOM: You can help him not be crazy? DOCTOR: I can try. LION: Hey, this should be fun. (Sits on the ground. To ANDROCLES, patting the ground beside him.) Sit down. I saved you a seat. ANDROCLES: Aesop, I really need to talk to you. AESOP: Not now. MOM: It has to be now. People who hesitate get run over by buffalo. AESOP: Mom, this is Greece in 6 B.C. (To AUDIENCE.) Don t ask me how I know that. (To MOM.) There are no buffalo here. BOY: I just saw a whole herd of buffalo the other day. AESOP: You re kidding. BOY: Yeah, I am. Booya! MOM: You see that? You see what he s doing? He talks to his imaginary friends. DOCTOR: I need to talk to Aesop alone. DAD: Come along, Mother. MOM: You listen to the nice doctor. Answer all his questions. (She and DAD EXIT. DOCTOR sits and takes out a scroll and a quill, like a good psychologist. It works well if AESOP can lie down on one bench like a couch. Maybe use a satchel for a pillow.) DOCTOR: So, Aesop. Tell me about the voices in your head. AESOP: Well, they re not really voices. They re animals mainly. But more like people. DOCTOR: People? WOLF: So now I m a person in wolf s clothing in sheep s clothing? AUNT: You should always dress in layers during the cold winter months. DOCTOR: You actually see people and talking animals in your head? DAPHINITY: (Rushes ON.) Aesop, don t answer him! AESOP: (Sits up. To AUDIENCE.) Whoa, who s this? She s not anyone I imagined. (To DAPHINITY.) I have to. DOCTOR: You have to see talking animals in your head? DAPHINITY: Why? DOCTOR: Why? AESOP: My mother told me I had to. DOCTOR: Your mother? Tell me about your mother. 7

22 0 2 3 AESOP: (To DAPHINITY.) Who are you? DOCTOR: I m sorry, I m Doctor Sigmund Plato. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) Play-Doh? My doctor s named after colored clay? DOCTOR: That s Plato. I study under Socrates. DAPHINITY: I m Daphinity. AESOP: (To DAPHINITY.) Why are you here? DOCTOR: I m here to help you. DAPHINITY: I m your muse. AESOP: My muse? DOCTOR: Oh, that s very kind, but no. Think of me as just a doctor. AESOP: I wasn t talking to you. DOCTOR: You weren t? DAPHINITY: Yes, you were. AESOP: I was? DAPHINITY: Yes. AESOP: (To DOCTOR.) I was. DOCTOR: I see. (Writes furiously on the scroll.) DAPHINITY: Listen to me, Aesop. (AESOP turns to her.) What are you doing? Don t look at me! (Startled, AESOP looks at the sky.) Don t look up! (AESOP looks at the fl oor.) Don t look down. Just look natural. (AESOP strikes a pose of ridiculous nonchalance.) Just listen to me. The doctor can t see or hear me. I m your muse and I exist inside your head. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) She s exists only in my head, and I didn t even create her. Imagine that! AUNT: Welcome, dear. We re all family. DAPHINITY: (Ignores her and sticks with AESOP.) If this doctor tells your owner that you re crazy, your owner will sell you. You ll never see your mom or dad again. We have to convince this doctor that you have no stories or imaginary characters inside your head. Do you understand? AESOP: I do. DOCTOR: (Looks up from his notes.) Do what? AESOP: Do think of you as just a doctor. DOCTOR: Very good. (Goes back to his notes.) TORTOISE: (ENTERS slowly.) Here I am. BOY: Dude, you re the fi rst one here. TORTOISE: I am? 8

23 0 2 3 BOY: No, dude, look around. Boom. Gotcha. DAPHINITY: (Talks to the IMAGINARY MENAGERIE like a school teacher.) All right, we need to clear this area. Everybody out. Let s go. LION: What, we re leaving? ANDROCLES: I m not leaving. LION: Then I m not either. You and me, bud. DAPHINITY: Everybody has to go. ANDROCLES: I need to talk to Aesop. FARMER: Me too. DAPHINITY: Not now. FARMER: Then when? I m tired of waiting. GOOSE: I also have a few things I d like to say. DAPHINITY: (Tries to usher them OFFSTAGE.) Let s go. Everybody out. WOLF: Who put you in charge? I m the alpha dog here. DAPHINITY: You re not a dog. WOLF: Wolves are part of the canine family. HARE: (Pats his head like a two-year-old.) That s right, they are. WOLF: Stop that. AUNT: And who are you, dear? DAPHINITY: I m Aesop s muse. I helped create you guys. FARMER: You helped create us? DAPHINITY: Yes. FARMER: You couldn t have created a goose that lays more than one egg a day? GOOSE: I can t lay more than one egg a day unless I m frightened. FARMER: Boo! GOOSE: That wasn t scary. FARMER: I need to talk to Aesop. ANDROCLES: Get in line. FARMER: There s a line now? DOCTOR: So, Aesop, let s talk about the people in your head. DAPHINITY: (To AESOP.) Don t talk about us. Pretend we re not here. AESOP: I ll try. DOCTOR: Good. DAPHINITY: Good. DOCTOR: How often do you hear these voices? AESOP: (Lies.) I don t. Not anymore. They re all gone. DOCTOR: Really? 9

24 0 2 3 AESOP: Yes, they re all gone now. BOY: (To TORTOISE.) He s a great liar. TORTOISE: He is? BOY: No, he s terrible. Gotcha again. Yowza. DOCTOR: Well, that s good news. DAPHINITY: Good job, Aesop. AESOP: Thank you. DOCTOR/DAPHINITY: You re welcome. DOCTOR: I d like to understand where they came from. FARMER: Aesop, how do you scare a goose? AESOP: I don t know. FARMER: Dang. DOCTOR: Oh, come now, Aesop. Surely you know how the imaginary people in your head were created. AESOP: I really don t know. DOCTOR: Tell me about your childhood. Are you lonely? AESOP: No. DOCTOR: Your parents tell me you don t have many friends. AUNT: That is so sad. AESOP: No, not really. AUNT: You need to get out and play more. DAPHINITY: Everybody needs to leave. DOCTOR: If I didn t have many friends, I might be tempted to create some. LION: (To ANDROCLES.) Let s leave Aesop alone. Hey, want to go to the beach? ANDROCLES: No. LION: We can bring Frisbees. ANDROCLES: Aesop, I really need to talk to you. DAPHINITY: Leave him alone. AUNT: He s seeing a doctor, dear. LION: Come on, Androcles. ANDROCLES: This can t wait. FARMER: Who can? WOLF: (To AESOP.) So if you created me, why d you put me in sheep s clothing? DAPHINITY: Stop it! (The scene starts to move faster and faster like a runaway train. DAPHINITY is trying to usher the MENAGERIE OFFSTAGE, but they just keep surrounding AESOP, asking questions

25 and generally bothering him. All the while he s trying not to look insane and doing his best to ignore them, but he can t always. The scene picks up steam and can t be stopped.) DOCTOR: Is that what you did, Aesop, created some imaginary friends? FARMER: There has to be a way to scare a goose. AESOP: Maybe. DAPHINITY: (Pulls FARMER away.) Let him be. (To AESOP.) Ignore us. DOCTOR: They really didn t go away, did they, Aesop? ANDROCLES: I need to talk to you. AESOP: No. DOCTOR: No, I didn t think so. ANDROCLES: It s important. AESOP: (Tries to ignore ANDROCLES.) La-di-da-di-da. DOCTOR: Why are you humming, Aesop? DAPHINITY: (Pulls ANDROCLES away.) Hey! (To AESOP.) Don t lose your concentration. AESOP: I m not. DOCTOR: I can hear you humming. AESOP: I stopped. DOCTOR: Was it to cover the voices? AESOP: No. DAPHINITY: I m not kidding, everybody out! (Tries to push them OFFSTAGE. GRASSHOPPER pulls free of her grasp and lies down at AESOP S feet.) GRASSHOPPER: Is it not written, Here is where the heart is? DAPHINITY: That s Home is where the heart is. GRASSHOPPER: Then I am home. DAPHINITY: Get up. (Tries to pull GRASSHOPPER to his feet, but that puts her butt almost smack dab in AESOP S face.) DOCTOR: Aesop, look at me. AESOP: (Leaning around the rump in his sightline.) I am. (DAPHINITY moves left, so AESOP leans right. Then DAPHINITY leans right, so AESOP goes left. DOCTOR tries to follow and suddenly they re swinging like metronomes.) DAPHINITY: (To GRASSHOPPER.) Get up! You are not helping Aesop. GRASSHOPPER: Is it not written, The gods help those who help themselves? GOOSE: (To AESOP.) See, that s a moral. That s what I m talking about. (DAPHINITY manages to drag GRASSHOPPER away, but ANDROCLES is right there.) 2

26 0 2 3 ANDROCLES: Lion is driving me crazy. AESOP: Not crazy. DOCTOR: I know you re trying. ANDROCLES: He won t leave me alone. AESOP: I know how you feel. DOCTOR: How do I feel, Aesop? ANDROCLES: I pulled that stupid thorn out of his foot and now he wants to hang out all the time. I can t get a moment to myself. You know how that makes me feel? AESOP: Frustrated? ANDROCLES: Exactly. DOCTOR: Well, yes, a little. DAPHINITY: You re not ignoring us, Aesop. You ve got to ignore us. DOCTOR: Because I don t think you trust me. AESOP: I can t. DOCTOR: And if you don t trust me, then I can t help you. WOLF: If you created me, then why did you dress me like a sheep? DOCTOR: Trust me, Aesop. FOX: The government is spying on us, but that doesn t scare me. FARMER: Boy, are you cynical. LION: You sharing secrets with Aesop? ANDROCLES: No. LION: You guys BFF now? DAPHINITY: (Pulls LION away.) Leave him alone. ANDROCLES: (To AESOP.) You ve got to get Lion off my back. AESOP: (Hands over his ears.) La-di-da. DOCTOR: (Pulls the hands away.) You can t ignore me, Aesop. DAPHINITY: You ve got to ignore us, Aesop. AUNT: He doesn t look so good. BOY: I think he looks fine. AUNT: You do? Really? BOY: No, he s freakin out. Booya! WOLF: (To AESOP.) What s with this whole cross-dressing thing? HARE: All right, what if it s not Lightning Jack? What about Lightning Jackie? DOCTOR: Aesop. ANDROCLES: You ve got to do something. HARE: Lightning Jackie? Huh, what do you think? 22

27 0 2 3 WOLF: How would you like it if I put you in a dress? (AESOP stands, hands over his ears again. WOLF looks at the toga he s wearing.) Oh, well. Sorry. What s good for the goose is good for the gander, I guess. GOOSE: (To AESOP.) Another moral! See, this is what I m talking about. Are you listening to me? DOCTOR: Aesop, are you listening to me? AESOP: Arrrgh. My head hurts. DAPHINITY: Leave him alone. FOX: If everybody else is talking to him, why can t I talk to him? DAPHINITY: Back off. FOX: Fine, I didn t want to talk to him anyway. He s a crazy person. FARMER: (Chasing the goose, making scary noises.) Ka-kaw! Hoo-hah! Boogity. Cha! GOOSE: (Running away.) I m not scared. (The chase continues with FARMER running after GOOSE. GRASSHOPPER is lying in the middle of the chase. Everyone is shoving everyone else aside to get to poor AESOP, who s about to lose it. MUSIC CUE 3b: Insanity Rising. ) TORTOISE: (Speaks.) Aesop. Why do I talk so slow? WOLF: (Speaks.) Aesop. ANDROCLES: (Speaks.) Aesop. FOX: (Speaks.) Aesop. HARE: (Speaks.) Aesop. DOCTOR: (Speaks.) Aesop. BOY: (Speaks.) Aesop. LION: (Speaks.) Aesop. DOCTOR: (Speaks.) Aesop. AUNT: (Feels AESOP S forehead. Speaks.) Aesop! DOCTOR: (Speaks.) Aesop! AESOP: (Finally snaps. Shouts.) Shut up! Shut up, just shut up! (MUSIC OUT.) DOCTOR: Aesop. AESOP: (Grabs DOCTOR S cane and wields it like a club, swinging to protect himself.) Arrrraggggh! I don t want to hurt you. DOCTOR: Aesop?! BOY: Oh, man, the dude s fl ipped out. DAPHINITY: No, he hasn t. BOY: I m tellin ya, he s lost it. DAPHINITY: He s fine. 23

28 BOY: Why don t you ever believe me? DAPHINITY: Seriously? DOCTOR: (Stands and crosses to AESOP.) Aesop, listen to me AESOP: Go away! Get out of here. DOCTOR: I m trying to help. DAPHINITY: I m trying to help. AESOP: Just leave me alone. Arrrrrrgh! DOCTOR: EEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEE! (Screams like a little girl as AESOP swings the cane like a wild man. The DOCTOR rushes forward as AESOP collapses to his knees.) That boy is absolutely crazy! (MUSIC CUE 4: Crazy. MUSES hit the stage as the music swings up. [NOTE: This number could be sung by DOCTOR as a solo or with the MUSES.]) MUSES: (Sing.) That boy s mad as a hatter. Flaky as granola batter. Dippy, ditzy, whacky, nuts, He s crazy! Up the creek without a paddle, Just one boot stuck in the saddle, Cuckoo, loco, kooky, cracked, Insane. Bats are in his belfry. All his screws are loose. You know he s loony as a tune. His brain is out to lunch. His thoughts have come unglued. I m here to tell you that he s crazy as a loon! Demented, eccentric. Reality s a stranger. Hare-brainy, insaney. He can t get deranged-er. Brain is fried, tongue is garbled. He can t fi nd a single marble. Schitzy, screwy, raving wild, He s crazy! He s completely off his rocker. Therapy should all be shocker. Mental, goofy, moonstruck, psycho, Whacked. Can t fi re all his thrusters. He s a few bricks shy. Let s just say he s not inside his mind. He s gone around the bend. 24 NOTE PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

29 He s a fruitcake recipe. You know, his jacket ought to tie behind. Insaney, inaney. He lives out in the fringes. Berzerky, quite quirky. His gate is off its hinges. Psychosis, neurosis. His mind ain t sound. Hysteria, meg lomania. He s madhouse bound. Demented, eccentric. Reality s a stranger. Hare-brainy, insaney. He can t get deranged-er. (Speak in rhythm.) Psycho! Goofy! Ditzy! Whacky! Kooky! Loco! Schitzy! Screwy! Crazy! (MUSIC OUT. MENAGERIE EXITS, mumbling and ad-libbing reactions to AESOP S meltdown. Soon he s alone ONSTAGE, and the LIGHTS COME UP on the platform. HERA is there, shaking her head.) HERA: Oh, Aesop. Poor, poor Aesop. ZEUS: (ENTERS the platform with a bandage on his head.) Hey, how d it go with what s-his-name? HERA: Aesop. Badly. Daphinity was unable to (Sees the bandage.) What happened to your head? ZEUS: Nothing. HERA: You threw rocks at the mermaids. ZEUS: No. I you know might ve thrown them toward the mermaids. HERA: You missed. ZEUS: There are all kinds of tides and currents. HERA: And they threw back. ZEUS: Turns out they have a softball team. That pitcher has a wicked fastball. My head hurts. HERA: (Indicates AESOP.) Not as much as his. ZEUS: Daphinity failed? HERA: I don t see how she could ve succeeded. ZEUS: So everyone thinks he s crazy? HERA: We re about to fi nd out. (LIGHTS OUT on the platform. AESOP is still on his knees, clutching his head. BOY runs ON.) BOY: Aesop! Aesop! Your master is coming. (AESOP doesn t move.) He s back! He s on his way here. You have to get up! Did you hear me? AESOP: I heard you. BOY: He can t see you like this. (AESOP doesn t move.) Your master is coming! AESOP: Ha, ha. BOY: I m serious. AESOP: I don t believe you. 2

30 0 2 3 BOY: (Genuinely hurt.) Why not? AESOP: Go away. BOY: This is serious. Daphinity fi nally explained what will happen if your master thinks you re crazy. I understand. You ve got to believe me. AESOP: Ha. (MASTER ENTERS, sandwiched between the furious DOCTOR on one side and a frantic MOM and DAD on the other.) MOM: Oh please, Master. Master, please. My son is not crazy. DOCTOR: He is very crazy. MOM: No, he s just imaginative. DOCTOR: He s certifi able. MOM: He hasn t done anything wrong. DOCTOR: He tried to attack me with a cane. MOM: Liar! People who tell lies get their tongues pecked out by penguins. DAD: Penguins? MOM: Penguins. MASTER: This is Greece. There are no penguins here. MOM: (To DOCTOR.) You just keep telling lies and fi nd out. DOCTOR: This boy is a danger to himself and to others. That is the truth. You have to send him away. MOM: No! DOCTOR: For his own protection. And your own. MASTER: I need to speak with the boy alone. DOCTOR: I don t recommend that. (Loud whisper.) He s still got the cane. MASTER: Alone. DAD: Come along, Mother. (He, MOM and DOCTOR EXIT. MASTER sits next to AESOP. BOY remains ONSTAGE.) MASTER: So, Aesop. The doctor tells me you tried to hurt him. AESOP: (To AUDIENCE.) This is it. The moment of truth. (To MASTER.) I wasn t trying to hurt anybody, sir. MASTER: He says you raised a cane. AESOP: Not to hurt anybody. I just wanted em to stop. MASTER: You wanted the doctor to stop what? AESOP: Not him, sir. Them. MASTER: Who? BOY: Don t tell him. MASTER: Who, Aesop? 26

31 0 2 3 AESOP: The voices in my head, sir. BOY: Aw, whatcha go and tell him for? MASTER: You hear voices in your head? BOY: Tell him no. AESOP: Yes, sir. BOY: Why d you do that? AESOP: Because I m not like you. BOY: What d I do? MASTER: You hear them now? AESOP: Yes, sir. MASTER: Can you tell me about them? AESOP: They re just characters I make up. MASTER: I d like to hear about them. AESOP: It won t help. MASTER: Afraid I must insist. AESOP: I m sorry, sir. MASTER: Please. (That s a big deal for a master to say to a slave.) DAPHINITY: (ENTERS.) Go ahead. Tell him, Aesop. AESOP: You told me not to. DAPHINITY: (MUSIC CUE 4a: Daphinity s Plea. Speaks.) I think maybe I was wrong. Maybe the problem is that you re not sharing them. You re keeping them locked in your own head. Maybe you need to let them go. (MUSIC OUT.) AESOP: But they re wild. DAPHINITY: No, Aesop. They only seem wild because they re trapped in your mind. You control them, they don t control you. Just talk about them. AESOP: (Uncertain, but game.) Okay. MASTER: Okay. DAPHINITY: (Calls OFFSTAGE.) Everybody in! Everybody in, let s go. (The IMAGINARY CHARACTERS ENTER.) WOLF: First it was out, now it s in. DAPHINITY: Aesop is going to tell some stories, and we re all going to help him. FARMER: You know what would be a big help? A golden egg. DAPHINITY: Stop being so selfi sh. You re all running around like the world owes you something. It doesn t. We owe something to Aesop, and we re all going to be here for him now. MASTER: (To AESOP.) Are you all right? 27

32 AESOP: Just getting my thoughts together, sir. DAPHINITY: We re ready, Aesop. AESOP: Okay. I don t know where to begin really. Ummm okay, there was this tortoise and a hare. HARE: Lightning Jack. (To TORTOISE.) We ll call you Pokey. AESOP: So the tortoise and the hare HARE: Pokey and Lightning Jack. AESOP: were best friends. But the hare HARE: Lightning Jack. AESOP: kept bragging about how fast he was HARE: Lightning, man. Like quicksilver. Warp nine, that s me. AESOP: until one day the Tortoise said TORTOISE: Bet I could beat you. HARE: (Everyone cracks up.) Ha-ha-hahahahahahahaha. That s great. That s comedy. TORTOISE: I m serious. HARE: You re not serious. TORTOISE: I m serious. HARE: Pokey, I would smoke you. TORTOISE: Afraid to try, huh? HARE: Me? I m not scared. I m not chicken. WOLF: I m not a sheep. HARE: (Pats his head.) Of course not. WOLF: Stop that. HARE: You want to race, fi ne. It is so on. AESOP: So they arranged a race. (TORTOISE and HARE line up at an imaginary starting line.) DAPHINITY: On your mark, get set, go! (HARE takes off like a rocket. TORTOISE just plods along. MUSIC CUE : The Race Is On. The MUSES hit the stage as the music swells. During this number, HARE races around the AUDIENCE, the stage, the pit, etc. Wherever he can go, he goes fast. He waves to the AUDIENCE, sits and chats a moment and dances with the MUSES. He s high-octane energy and has plenty of time. The TORTOISE, meanwhile, simply makes a single lap around the AUDIENCE by the end of the song. [NOTE: This song could feature HARE and/or TORTOISE either with or without the MUSES.]) MUSES: (Sing.) The starting gun bangs with a pop, and the race is fi nally on. Out of the gate, and we re chewing up time, 28 NOTE PHOTOCOPYING THIS SCRIPT BREAKS FEDERAL COPYRIGHT LAWS

33 Rounding the bend on top with every page that we turn. Begun the fi nish as we race for the line. (The rest of the song can be sung with BACKUP SINGERS. Refer to piano score or CD for details.) Oh, whoa whoa, You ll be eating my dust if you re stayin behind me now. You ll be turning to rust if you can t change with the times. The race is on. It s a fi ght for the fi nish line. There s a fl ag of checkers ahead, and it s gonna be mine. The race is on. Here s where it all began. Tomorrow s loomin ahead. Catch me if you can. The future is burnin so bright we need sunglasses to see. Blinded by hope, fl ying on wings, Touching the skies in fl ight, soaring over the seas. Clouds will part, angels will sing. Oh, whoa whoa, It s a last lap dash, and I m pure rocket fuel. You ll be turning to ash if you can t stand in the fi re. The heat is on. It s a fi ght for the mountain top. Pedal to the metal right now. We ain t gonna stop. The heat is on. There s a line drawn in the sand. Drivin full steam ahead. Catch me if you can. Like a runaway train that s moanin, we no longer look back. Once the tidal wave starts fl owin, we can t go back. The race is on. It s a fi ght for the fi nish line. There s a fl ag of checkers ahead, and it s gonna be mine. The race is on. Here s where it all began. Tomorrow s loomin ahead. Catch me if you can. Catch me if you can. Catch me if you can! (MUSIC OUT. The MUSES retreat to their posts. HARE runs OFF, then comes walking back.) HARE: That s it? You re not even going to try? TORTOISE: I m trying. HARE: That s just sad, man. TORTOISE: Want to forfeit? HARE: Forfeit? Okay, smart guy, I ll see you at the fi nish line. 29

34 AESOP: Hare raced far, far ahead. He had such a commanding lead that he decided to head into a village. There he met a kid named Androcles. (ANDROCLES takes CENTER STAGE. What follows is story-theater like retelling of the tales. The OTHER CHARACTERS fi ll in for whatever is needed. They need not exit the stage, but instead come and go from the CENTER playing area.) ANDROCLES: I m Androcles. AESOP: Androcles stepmother was a very bad woman. DAPHINITY: (Pushes AUNT forward.) Pretend you re a very bad woman. AUNT: I ve been a little busy is all DAPHINITY: No, go be a very bad stepmother. AUNT: Oh, I get it. (Donning a stage voice and doing a pretty good villain, she points to ANDROCLES.) You re a worthless kid. I don t love you. Nobody likes you. You smell funny. Arrrgh. AESOP: Androcles couldn t take anymore, so he ran away. (ANDROCLES mimes running in place.) He ran deep into the forest until he became lost in all the trees. DAPHINITY: Trees. Trees, we need trees. (Pulls GOOSE, FOX, WOLF and GRASSHOPPER and poses them like branches.) There, trees. WOLF: Hey, I m a tree. My bark is worse than my bite. DAPHINITY: (Pats his head like a two-year-old.) If you say so, dear. WOLF: Stop that. (Takes off the sheep costume and sets it aside.) AESOP: Androcles got scared cause he was lost in that deep, dark forest. (DAPHINITY or OTHERS make forest sounds. Birds and wind and stuff.) He didn t know how to get home. Then he heard a mighty roar. LION: (Elbowed by DAPHINITY.) Oh. ROOOOOAAAAAAR. AESOP: Androcles screamed. ANDROCLES: AHHHHHHHHHH! AESOP: Because there was a mighty, ferocious lion. LION: Dat s right. Who bad? I m bad. AESOP: Androcles knew he was about to get eaten. But as the lion approached, Androcles saw he was limping. (LION limps slightly.) I mean REALLY limping. (LION drops to the fl oor in pain and practically combat crawls.) The lion could barely move. (LION whimpers.) Androcles knew this was his chance to escape. He turned to run, but LION: (Whimpers.) Owie. AESOP: He saw the lion was hurt. So he carefully approached the lion. ANDROCLES: What s wrong? (LION turns over a hand.)