GETTING UNSTUCK WITH MY FAMILY. Scripture Reading: various passages. Unstuck: Moving Beyond Mediocrity Message Series: Part 2

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1 GETTING UNSTUCK WITH MY FAMILY Scripture Reading: various passages Unstuck: Moving Beyond Mediocrity Message Series: Part 2 Just a generation or two ago, the traditional family had a working father and stayat-home mother who cared for the kids. This traditional family made up about 70% of all households in America. Today that model reflects only 7% of all households. Both marriage and family are being seriously redefined these days. Concepts such as honor, faithfulness and commitment seem old-fashioned and out-of-touch with our post-modern society. One middle-aged mom was asked how she would define marriage. She replied, Marriage should be like a workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops. However we slice it, most would agree that not only has American family-life changed; but it is also not in the best of shape. Relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, as well as extended family members are often times strained to the breaking point. Frustration, hurt, anger and disappointment often lies right below the surface in many homes. Certainly there are degrees of severity, but every family is dysfunctional in some way. That s because every family is made up of flawed, sinful people. But the good news is that God knows the stresses/strains of family life and wants to help us build strong homes. So in our message series entitled Getting Unstuck, we turn our attention this morning to Getting Unstuck in Our Family. Now God never promised us a perfect family; after all, only He is perfect. He never promised us that our spouse, parents or children would meet all our needs. Again, only He can do that. But He does promise that our family doesn t have to remain stuck in a quagmire of unhealthy habits. Instead, we can begin to move forward when we do one very important thing. The Key to Getting Your Family Unstuck is to Give God First Place in Your Family. Over and over again the Bible says that if we give God first place, that if we make Him our highest priority, He will help us move beyond the hurts, the selfishness, the sinful attitudes that can divide and destroy a home. Despite the modern-day attacks on marriage and family; it is still the best idea because it is God s idea. He designed it, defined it, and blesses it when it is established according to His principles. Essentially He says, If you want me to bless your

2 family, then put Me first there. Put me in the center of your heart and your home. Jesus says it this way in Matthew 6:33, But seek first God s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. In other words, the pieces of life s puzzle begin to fit together, when you put first things first. So here is a Kingdom principle I want you to grab hold of, take with you, and use throughout your life. It is simply this: First Equals Blessing. Whatever area of life you want God to bless, you must put Him first there. Now that s simple to understand, but not easy to do. That if you want God to bless your family, then put God first there. Remember from last week, our working definition of getting unstuck: It is moving forward in my life because I m willing to give God complete control. Because I m willing to put God first and go it His way. Maybe some of us here this morning are ready to do this -- ready to give God complete control of our family. But we are wondering how we do that? How Do I Give God First Place in My Family? Let me give you 5 steps you can take that will help you put God first in your home. First, we give God first place By Focusing My Family Daily with Prayer and Bible Study. The process of building a happy, healthy home starts with laying a proper foundation. Several times the Bible compares a family to a house. Psalm 127:1 puts it this way, Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. In other words, unless the Lord builds the family, the efforts of mom or dad will be wasted. We need God to do in our homes what we ourselves can t do -- soften hearts, generate love, create maturity, and break our bondage to selfishness and sin. So if we are going to build a hardy home, one that can stand up to the stresses and strains of life, we need a solid foundation. A foundation built on the holy habits of prayer and Bible study to help us stay connected to God. You ve heard the old saying, A family that prays together stays together. There s a lot of truth in that statement. Praying together at meals, at bedtime, or when a crisis occurs. Teaching our children how to take their everyday cares and concerns to Him -- knowing that He cares for them. But prayer is tied to Bible study. Like two wings of a plane, both are necessary in order for us to attain and maintain spiritual altitude. Prayer is simply talking to God. And reading the Bible is hearing God talk to us. The truth is that families get stuck when they are not living according to God s Word, not following His instruction manual. So it s important that we read and study God s Word together as a family. That we carve out time, from our busy schedules, to lay a firm spiritual foundation. One good rule of thumb is to shoot for seven and be happy with five. Aim to practice this holy habit seven days a week in your home. But if that doesn t always happen, be happy with 5 days. Parents, you can t control your child s future, but you can control their foundation. You can

3 build your home on the rock of Jesus, rather than on the shifting sand of culture. You can build holy habits into those young lives, so that when the winds blow and beat against your house, it won t collapse because it is built on the bedrock of God s truth. A second way we can give God first place is By Involving My Family in God s Family (i.e. a local church). God s intent for each of us is that we not only belong to a biological family, but also to a spiritual family. By joining ourselves to Christ, we become adopted into God s forever family. We become part of body of Christ, the family of God. You ve heard the phrase, It takes a village to raise a child. Well, it takes a spiritual community to raise a spiritually, mature person. In our children s early years, we parents are their primary influence. But it doesn t take long before our influence on them begins to wane and the influence of other adults and their own peers becomes primary. As Christian parents, we desperately need those other, outside influences on our child s life to be positive, to be molding and shaping them in a God-honoring way. The local church is that spiritual village, that godly community where we commit to helping each other raise our children and youth in the ways of the Lord. As you involve your family in the local church, it exposes them to two key elements of the Christian life: worship and service. The church trains us in worship. There we learn to praise our Maker, acknowledge His supremacy, revel in His love, and stand amazed at His grace. That s what we do here on a weekly basis. Parents, when your children see you engaged in heartfelt worship of God, when they see you making it a priority, it will leave a mark on their heart. The church also teaches us how to serve -- how to put others needs above our own. It s easy to turn the family into an idol that we serve; rather than to serve God with our family by our side. Nothing knits a family together quite like worshipping and serving the Lord together. A third way we can give God first place in our family is By Readily Forgiving When Necessary. Because every family is made up of sinners, people who do wrong with amazing regularity, forgiveness is a necessary survival skill. We have to learn how to become good forgivers. Able to release the offending party from their offense. Willing to no longer hold the offense against them. Let me remind you what the Bible says regarding forgiveness. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32) Without God as the center of my heart and home, I wouldn t be able to forgive when necessary. I need His power to do the hard work of forgiving. More often than not, it s a lack of forgiveness that gets us relationally stuck in our families. Where we hit an impasse and can t move forward. Yet forgiveness releases me from the anger, bitterness and hurt of the past. It frees me to love and care again.

4 Friends, the most freeing thing you can do, that will help you get unstuck, is to forgive. Extending to others the same grace, God has extended to you. A fourth way we can give God first place is By Regularly Scheduling Family Celebrations. If it s true that the family that prays together stays together; it s also true that the family that celebrates together stays together. We may not think of God as a celebratory being; but He is. He celebrated for a whole day after creating the universe. He inserted days, even weeks, of celebration and feasting into the religious routine of His Old Testament people. In fact heaven, God s eternal home, is even pictured as a great banquet feast. God put us here on earth not simply to labor, but also to laugh. Not simply to sacrifice, but also to celebrate His goodness in our lives. Now families can celebrate together in various ways -- remembering holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, other special occasions. They can celebrate through family vacations, family game nights and even having dinners together -- when we share our day with each other. All of these are powerful ways of connecting with each other that leave a residual of good memories and good will. We ve all heard the saying that laughter is good medicine. So in a healthy family, lots of joy, laughter, and celebration should be found. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, Enjoy life with your wife whom you love. And Psalm 127:3-5 says, Children are a gift from God; they are a reward from Him. Happy is the man whose quiver is full of them. Friends, if your home isn t a happy place, then don t be surprised when your kids get out on their own and don t want to come home very often. A final way we give God first place is By Entrusting My Family to Him. Ultimately, the best thing that we can do is simply trust God with our family and entrust our family members to Him. Now that s easy to say, much more difficult to do -- regardless of how big or little our children are. Part of the problem is that we have this illusion of control -- that we can control our family and make them turn out the way we want. In addition, we like to think that we can provide our family with everything they need. But we really can t. Only God can always be there for them. Only God can love them with a perfect love. Only God can meet their every need. That s why the most important thing we can do for our family members is to point them, by our example, in the right way. To help them find and follow Jesus. Daily releasing them into His care. Knowing that He will do a better job of directing their life than we ever could. As we release control, we will discover ourselves getting unstuck. It really comes down to making a commitment to put God first in my heart and in my home. One of the most famous Bible verses on the family is Joshua 24:15. It s a challenge Joshua makes to his people, followed by their response. I ll read the

5 challenge. Together let s recite the response. Pastor: Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. Congregation: But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." I hope that will be your decision today, and in the days to come, to put God first in your home. If you are sitting next to a family member, I invite you to reach over and grab their hand during our prayer.