2013 Prevent Bullying Guide

Transcription

1 2013 Prevent Bullying Guide FREE Federal & Military Guides Since 2002

2 2013 Prevent Bullying Guide Published by Feddesk.com FREE Federal and Military Guides Since Copyright Feddesk.com, 1602 Belleview Blvd., Suite 460, Alexandria, VA General or reach our Publisher at All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior written permission from the Publisher. Printed in U.S.A. The content provided in this guide and on the Feddesk.com website is designed to provide timely information that will assist you with your career and family life. It is provided with the understanding that Feddesk is not providing legal, financial, or other professional advice. If professional guidance or advice is needed, we recommend that you consult the appropriate personnel in your agency/branch or consult a professional that is competent in the needed subject area. While Feddesk staff makes all reasonable efforts to ensure accuracy of the content, we are not liable for any omission or errors contained in the content Prevent Bullying Guide 2

3 Contents Introduction... 4 Bullying: An Overview... 5 Children Who Are Bullied... 7 Children Who Bully Others Why Adults Should Care About Bullying Best Practices In Bullying Prevention What Can Students Do To Stop Bullying Cyber-Bullying Myths About Bullying Cited References Prevent Bullying Guide 3

4 1 Introduction Bullying is not a new problem, but it is a serious one. In recent surveys, approximately half of school-aged children say they have been bullied in the past. And 15-25% report that they are bullied frequently. Any type of bullying is unacceptable and can harm a child s long-term self esteem. And increasingly, in today s high-tech world, it is easier for bullies to reach their prey through cyberbullying. As parents, it is our responsibility to recognize the signs of bullying, understand how we can prevent it, and learn how to discuss the issue with our children Prevent Bullying Guide 4

5 2 Bullying: An Overview Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional, repeated over time, and involves an imbalance of power or strength. A child who is being bullied has a hard time defending himself or herself. How prevalent is bullying? 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency ("sometimes or more often") % report that they bully others with some frequency. Boys are more likely than girls to bully others. Girls frequently report being bullied by both boys and girls. Boys are most often bullied only by other boys. What are the consequences of bullying? Children and youth who are bullied are more likely than other children to be depressed, lonely, anxious, have low self-esteem, feel unwell, and think about suicide. How aware of bullying are adults? Adults are often unaware of bullying problems. In one study, 70% of teachers believed they intervene "almost always" in bullying situations; only 25% of students agreed with this assessment (Charach et al, 1995). Can Adults Bully Children? It is important to remember that not only do children bully each other, but adults can bully children, too. For example, a study of urban elementary school teachers in the U.S. (Twemlow et al., 2006) found that 40% admitted that they had bullied a student, and 3% said they did so "frequently." A Norwegian study of 2,400 students in grades 6-9 found that 2% of students had been victims of teacher bullying (Olweus, 2005). Adults must not only be watchful for signs of bullying among the children and youth that they work with, but they should also be sensitive to possible bullying of children by adults, as well. Bullying can take many forms such as: Physical bullying, such as hitting or punching. Verbal bullying, such as teasing or name-calling Prevent Bullying Guide 5

6 Nonverbal or emotional bullying, such as intimidating someone through gestures or social exclusion. Children and youth also may be involved in cyber-bullying, which occurs when children or teens bully each other using the Internet, mobile phones or other cyber technology (see more on cyber-bullying later in this guide). This can include: Sending mean text, , or instant messages. Posting nasty pictures or messages about others in blogs or on Web sites. Using someone else's user name to spread rumors or lies about someone Prevent Bullying Guide 6

7 3 Children Who Are Bullied As parents, it is important that we are attentive to changes in our children s behavior and that we are vigilant in protecting them. This section explores how to identify warning signs that your child is being bullied and what to do if he or she is. Warning Signs of a Bullied Child Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, etc. Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches. Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time. Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs). Takes a long, illogical route when walking to or from school. Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school. Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home. Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments. Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams. Experiences a loss of appetite. Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem. If your child shows any of these signs, this does not necessarily mean that he or she is being bullied, but it is a possibility worth exploring. You should immediately talk with your child and talk with the staff at your child s school to learn more. Once you have answers, it is imperative that you take action; there is nothing worse than doing nothing. What Parents Should Do 2013 Prevent Bullying Guide 7

8 Talk with your child. Tell your child that you are concerned and that you d like to help. Here are some direct and subtle questions that can get the discussion going: I m worried about you. Are there any kids at school who may be picking on you or bullying you? Are there any kids at school who tease you in a mean way? Are there any kids at school who leave you out or exclude you on purpose? Do you have any special friends at school this year? Who are they? Who do you hang out with? Who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus? Are there any kids at school who you really don t like? Why don t you like them? Do they ever pick on you or leave you out of things? Talk with staff at your child s school. Call or set up an appointment to talk with your child s teacher. He or she will probably be in the best position to understand the relationships between your child and other peers at school. Share your concerns about your child and ask the teacher such questions as: How does my child get along with other students in his or her class? With whom does he or she spend free time? Have you noticed or have you ever suspected that my child is bullied by other students? Give examples of some ways that children can be bullied to be sure that the teacher is not focusing only on one kind of bullying (such as physical bullying). Ask the teacher to talk with other adults who interact with your child at school (such as the music teacher, physical education teacher, or bus driver) to see whether they have observed students bullying your child. If you are not comfortable talking with your child s teacher, or if you are not satisfied with the conversation, make an appointment to meet with your child s guidance counselor or principal to discuss your concerns. If you obtain information from your child or from staff at your child s school that leads you to believe that he or she is being bullied, take quick action. Bullying can have serious effects on children. If, after talking with your child and staff at his or her school, you don t suspect that your child is being bullied, stay vigilant to other possible problems that your child may be having. Some of the warning signs above (e.g., depression, social isolation, and loss of interest in school) may be signs of other serious problems. Share your concerns with a counselor at your child s school. Talking with Educators about Bullying 2013 Prevent Bullying Guide 8

9 Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that is intentional and involves an imbalance of power and strength. Parents are often reluctant to report to educators that their child is being bullied. Why Parents don t report bullying: Parents may be unsure how best to help their child and may be afraid that they will make the situation worse if they report bullying. They may be embarrassed that their child is being bullied. Sometimes, children ask parents not to report bullying. Parents may fear being seen as overprotective. They may believe that it is up to their child to stop the bullying. Children and youth often need help to stop bullying. Parents should never be afraid to call the school to report that their child is being bullied and ask for help to stop the bullying. Students should not have to tolerate bullying at school any more than adults would tolerate similar treatment at work. The school s responsibility. All children are entitled to courteous and respectful treatment by students and staff at school. Educators have a duty to ensure that students have a safe learning environment. Fortunately, most educators take their responsibilities to stop bullying very seriously. Several states have passed anti-bullying laws and require public schools to have an anti-bullying program in place. Ask for a copy of your school s policy or check the student guide to see whether your school has policies that will help resolve the problem. Working with your child s school to solve the problem. If your child tells you that he or she has been bullied or if you suspect your child is being bullied, what can you do? Keep a written record of all bullying incidents that your child reports to you. Record the names of the children involved, where and when the bullying occurred, and what happened. Immediately ask to meet with your child s classroom teacher and explain your concerns in a friendly, non confrontational way. Ask the teacher about his or her observations: Has he or she noticed or suspected bullying? How is your child getting along with others in class? Has he or she noticed that your child is being isolated, excluded from playground or other activities with students? Ask the teacher what he or she intends to do to investigate and help to stop the bullying. If you are concerned about how your child is coping with the stress of being bullied, ask to speak with your child s guidance counselor or other school-based mental health professional. Set up a follow-up appointment with the teacher to discuss progress Prevent Bullying Guide 9

10 If there is no improvement after reporting bullying to your child s teacher, speak with the school principal. Keep notes from your meetings with teachers and administrators. What can you expect staff at your child s school to do about bullying? School staff should investigate the bullying immediately. After investigating your concerns, they should inform you as to what they plan to do about it. School staff should never have a joint meeting with your child and the child who bullied them. This could be very embarrassing and intimidating for your child. They should not refer the children to mediation. Bullying is a form of victimization, not a conflict. It should not be mediated. Staff should meet with your child to learn about the bullying that he or she has experienced. They should develop a plan to help keep your child safe, and they should be watchful for any future bullying. Educators should assure your child that they will work hard to see that the bullying stops. School personnel should meet with the children who are suspected of taking part in the bullying. They should make it clear to these children that bullying is against school rules and will not be tolerated. If appropriate, they should administer consequences (such as a loss of recess privileges) to the children who bullied and notify their parents. Educators and parents should be careful not to blame the victim. Bullying is never the fault of the child who is bullied, and he or she shouldn t be made to feel responsible for being bullied. However, if your child is impulsive or lacks social skills, talk with a school counselor. It is possible that some students who are bullying your child are reacting out of annoyance. This doesn t make the bullying right, but it may help to explain why your child is being bullied. Give the school reasonable time to investigate and hear both sides of the story. Sometimes, a child who bullies will make false allegations about a child as an additional way of bullying them. Educators should not jump to hasty conclusions and assign blame without a thorough assessment of the situation. This entire process should not take longer than a week. If bullying continues, write to the school s principal or administrator and include evidence from your notes to back up your complaint. Putting a complaint in writing is important so there is a record of your concern. Most administrators and staff are responsive to bullying concerns. However, if your school administrator is unable or unwilling to stop the bullying, write to your school superintendent for assistance. Be persistent. You may need to keep speaking out about the bullying that your child experiences. When to Involve Law Enforcement 2013 Prevent Bullying Guide 10

11 Consider involving the police if: Another child has physically assaulted your child or is seriously threatening him or her with bodily injury. If the problem persists or escalates and your school officials are unable to stop the bullying, you may want to consult an attorney. Ask the school to keep a written record of all offenses committed against your child in case law enforcement officials need the information for further complaints Prevent Bullying Guide 11

12 4 Children Who Bully Others Many Children Engage in Bullying Every Day Although each child is different, those who bully other young people do share some common characteristics. Here are some things to look for: Impulsive, hot-headed, dominant. Easily frustrated. Lack empathy. Have difficulty following rules. View violence in a positive way. Boys who bully tend to be physically stronger than other children. There is no single cause of bullying among children. A host of different factors can place a child at risk for bullying his or her peers. However, it has been found that children who bully are more likely than their non-bullying peers to come from homes with certain characteristics. Family Risk Factors for Bullying A lack of warmth and involvement on the part of parents. Overly permissive parenting (including a lack of limits for children's behavior). A lack of supervision by parents. Harsh, physical discipline. Bullying incidences at home. Bullying and Other Violent and/or Antisocial Behaviors 2013 Prevent Bullying Guide 12

13 Research shows that bullying can be a sign of other serious antisocial and/or violent behavior. Children who frequently bully their peers are more likely than others to: Get into frequent fights. Be injured in a fight. Vandalize or steal property. Drink alcohol. Smoke. Be truant from school. Drop out of school. Carry a weapon Prevent Bullying Guide 13

14 5 Why Adults Should Care About Bullying There are a number of reasons why adults should be concerned about bullying among children and youth. These reasons range from the prevalence of the problem to the impact on children who bully. 1. Many children are involved in bullying, and most are extremely concerned about it. Studies show that between 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency ("sometimes or more often") while 15-20% admit that they bully others with some frequency. Not only is bullying prevalent, but children and youth report being extremely concerned about it. In a 2003 Harris poll of 8-17 year-old girls, commissioned by the Girl Scouts of the USA, bullying topped girls' list of concerns regarding their safety. When asked what they worried about the most, the most common response was being socially ostracizedbeing teased or made fun of. 2. Bullying can seriously affect the mental health, academic work, and physical health of children who are targeted. Children who are bullied are more likely than other children to have lower self-esteem; higher rates of depression, loneliness, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Recent studies indicate that there may be reason to be concerned about the school attendance and academic work of children involved in bullying Research on the health-related effects of bullying indicates that victims of frequent bullying are more likely to experience a variety of health problems, including headaches, sleeping problems, and stomach ailments. Some emotional scars can be long-lasting. Research suggests that adults who were bullied as children are more likely than their non-bullied peers to be depressed and have low self-esteem as adults. 3. Children who bully are more likely than other children to be engaged in other antisocial, violent, or troubling behavior. As noted in the section about children who bully, findings from research in the U.S. and abroad indicate that children who bully are more likely to: Get into frequent fights. Be injured in a fight Prevent Bullying Guide 14

15 Steal, vandalize property. Drink alcohol. Smoke. Be truant, drop out of school. Report poorer academic achievement. Perceive a negative climate at school. Carry a weapon. 4. Bullying can negatively affect children who observe bullying going on around them even if they aren't targeted themselves. Children who are bystanders to bullying can feel fearful ("Maybe I'll be targeted next!"), guilty ("I should do something to stop this, but I'm afraid to."), and distracted from school work. Bullying can contribute to a negative social climate at school. 5. Bullying is a form of victimization or abuse, and it is wrong. Children should be able to attend school or take part in community activities without fear of being harassed, assaulted, belittled, or excluded Prevent Bullying Guide 15

16 6 Best Practices In Bullying Prevention Bullying happens in every school, but with an effective bullying prevention program, bullying can be reduced. If your child is being bullied, chances are that there are other children in the school who are having similar experiences. If your school does not have official anti-bullying policies or an active bullying prevention program, work with other parents and your school officials to develop one. A review of bullying prevention programs and feedback from educators in the field led us to suggest 10 strategies that represent "best practice" in bullying prevention and intervention. 1. Focus on the social environment of the school. In order to reduce bullying, it is important to change the social climate of the school and the social norms with regards to bullying. This requires the efforts of everyone in the school environment teachers, administrators, counselors school nurses other non-teaching staff (such as bus drivers, custodians, cafeteria workers, and/or school librarians), parents, and students. 2. Assess bullying at your school. Adults are not always very good at estimating the nature and prevalence of bullying at their school. As a result, it can be quite useful to administer an anonymous questionnaire to students about bullying. 3. Obtain staff and parent buy-in and support for bullying prevention. Bullying prevention should not be the sole responsibility of any single individual at a school. To be most effective, bullying prevention efforts require buy-in from the majority of the staff and from parents. However, bullying prevention efforts should still begin even if immediate buy-in from all isn't achievable. Usually, more and more supporters will join the effort once they see what it's accomplishing. 4. Form a group to coordinate the school's bullying prevention activities. Bullying prevention efforts seem to work best if they are coordinated by a representative group from the school. This coordinating team might include: An administrator. A teacher from each grade. A member of the non-teaching staff. A school counselor or other school-based mental health professional. A parent Prevent Bullying Guide 16

17 The team should meet regularly to review findings from the school's survey; plan specific bullying prevention activities; motivate staff, students, and parents; and ensure that the efforts continue over time. 5. Provide training for school staff in bullying prevention. All administrators, faculty and staff at a school should be trained in bullying prevention and intervention. In-service training can help staff members to better understand the nature of bullying and its effects, how to respond if they observe bullying, and how to work with others at the school to help prevent bullying. 6. Establish and enforce school rules and policies related to bullying. Developing simple, clear rules about bullying can help to ensure that students are aware of adults' expectations that they not bully others and that they help students who are bullied. School rules and policies should be posted and discussed with students and parents. Appropriate positive and negative consequences should be developed. 7. Increase adult supervision in "hot spots" for bullying. Bullying tends to thrive in locations where adults are not present or are not watchful. Adults should look for creative ways to increase adult presence in locations that students identify as "hot spots." 8. Intervene consistently and appropriately when you see bullying. Observed or suspected bullying should never be ignored by adults. All school staff should learn effective strategies to intervene on-the-spot to stop bullying. Staff members also should be designated to hold sensitive follow-up meetings with students who are bullied and (separately) with students who bully. Staff members should involve parents whenever possible. 9. Devote some class time to bullying prevention. Students can benefit if teachers set aside a regular period of time (e.g., minutes each week or every other week) to discuss bullying and improving peer relations. These meetings can help teachers to keep their fingers on the pulse of students' concerns, allow time for discussions about bullying and the harms that it can cause, and provide tools for students to address bullying problems. Antibullying messages also can be incorporated throughout the school curriculum. 10. Continue these efforts. There should be no "end date" for bullying prevention activities. Bullying prevention should be continued over time and woven into the fabric of the school environment Prevent Bullying Guide 17

18 7 What Can Students Do To Stop Bullying In addition to being able to identify the signs of bullying and acting quickly to stop the behavior, it is beneficial to teach your kids how harmful and hurtful bullying is. Engage them in a discussion using the questions below as a framework. Explain to them that making a bully-free community is everybody s job. What do YOU do when you see someone being bullied at school? Is it your job to help? Think about how YOU might feel if the bullying was happening to you. You and other kids can lend a hand, even when you aren t close friends with the kids who are bullied. Your school will be a better place if you help stop bullying. And making your school a better place is EVERYONE S job! What can I do? Lots of things! Think about what may work for you: Don t just stand there... SAY SOMETHING! Kids who bully may think they re being funny or cool. If you feel safe, tell the person to STOP the bullying behavior. Say you don t like it and that it isn t funny. DON T BULLY BACK! It won t help if you use mean names or actions, and it could make things worse. What if I don t feel safe telling a bully to stop? That s okay. No one should put themselves in an unsafe situation. How ELSE can you lend a hand when bullying happens? Say kind words to the child who is being bullied, such as I m sorry about what happened, and I don t like it! Help them understand that it s not his or her fault. Be a friend. Invite that student to do things with you, such as sit together at lunch or work together on a project. EVERYONE NEEDS A FRIEND! 2013 Prevent Bullying Guide 18

19 Tell the student who is being bullied to talk to someone about what happened. Offer to help by going along. Pay attention to the other kids who see the bullying. (These people are called bystanders. ) Are any of them laughing or joining in with the bullying? If yes, these kids are part of the problem. Let those students know that they re not helping! DON T be one of them! Tell an adult. (This is IMPORTANT!!) Chances are, the kid who is being bullied needs help from an adult. The kid who is doing the bullying probably does, too. Often, the bullying does not get reported. But, who should you tell? And if you need help telling, bring a friend along. Think about who you could tell in your school: Teacher (which one would you talk to?) School counselor. Cafeteria or Playground Aid. School Nurse. Principal. Bus driver. Other adults you feel comfortable telling Prevent Bullying Guide 19

20 8 Cyber-bullying Traditionally, bullying has involved actions such as: hitting or punching (physical bullying), teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying), or intimidation through gestures or social exclusion. In recent years, technology has given children and youth a new means of bullying each other. Cyber-bullying, which is sometimes referred to as online social cruelty or electronic bullying, can involve: Sending mean, vulgar, or threatening messages or images. Posting sensitive, private information about another person. Pretending to be someone else in order to make that person look bad. Intentionally excluding someone from an online group. Children and youth can cyber-bully each other through: s. Instant messaging. Text or digital imaging messages sent on cell phones. Web pages. Web logs (blogs). Chat rooms or discussion groups. Other information communication technologies. How common is cyber-bullying? Although little research has been conducted on cyber-bullying, recent studies have found that: 18% of students in grades 6-8 said they had been cyber-bullied at least once in the last couple of months; and 6% said it had happened to them 2 or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005) Prevent Bullying Guide 20

21 11% of students in grades 6-8 said they had cyber-bullied another person at least once in the last couple of months, and 2% said they had done it two or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005). 19% of regular Internet users between the ages of 10 and 17 reported being involved in online aggression; 15% had been aggressors, and 7% had been targets (3% were both aggressors and targets) (Ybarra & Mitchell, 2004). 17% of 6-11 year-olds and 36% of year-olds reported that someone said threatening or embarrassing things about them through , instant messages, web sites, chat rooms, or text messages (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006). Cyber-bullying has increased in recent years. In nationally representative surveys of year-olds, twice as many children and youth indicated that they had been victims and perpetrators of online harassment in 2005 compared with 1999/2000 (Wolak, Mitchell, & Finkelhor, 2006). Who are the victims and perpetrators of cyber-bullying? In a recent study of students in grades 6-8 (Kowalski et al., 2005): Girls were about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber-bullying. Of those students who had been cyber-bullied relatively frequently (at least twice in the last couple of months): 62% said that they had been cyber-bullied by another student at school, and 46% had been cyber-bullied by a friend. 55% didn't know who had cyber-bullied them. Of those students who admitted cyber-bullying others relatively frequently, 60% had cyber-bullied another student at school, and 56% had cyber-bullied a friend. What are the most common methods of cyber-bullying? In recent studies of middle and high school students, (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006; Kowalski et al., 2005; Wolak, Mitchell, & Finkelhor, 2006) the most common way that children and youth reported being cyber-bullied was through instant messaging. Somewhat less common ways involved the use of chat rooms, s, and messages posted on web sites. A study of younger children (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006) showed that they were most often bullied through , comments on a web site, or in a chat room. Where are children and youth cyber-bullied? In a recent telephone survey of preteens (6-11 year-olds) and teens (12-17 year-olds) (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006): 45% of preteens and 30% of teens who had been cyber-bullied received the messages while at school Prevent Bullying Guide 21

22 44% of preteens and 70% of teens who had been cyber-bullied received the messages at home. 34% of preteens and 25% of teens who had been cyber-bullied received the messages while at a friend's house. Do children tell others if they are cyber-bullied? According to one telephone survey of preteens and teens (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006): 51% of preteens but only 35% of teens who had been cyber-bullied had told their parents about their experience. 27% of preteens and only 9% of teens who had been cyber-bullied had told a teacher. 44% of preteens and 72% of teens who had been cyber-bullied had told a friend. 31% of preteens and 35% of teens who had been cyber-bullied had told a brother or sister. 16% of preteens and teens who had been cyber-bullied had told no one. How does cyber-bullying differ from other traditional forms of bullying? Although there is little research yet on cyber-bullying among children and youth, available research and experience suggest that cyber-bullying may differ from more traditional forms of bullying in a number of ways (Willard, 2005), including: Cyber-bullying can occur any time of the day or night. Cyber-bullying messages and images can be distributed quickly to a very wide audience. Children and youth can be anonymous when cyber-bullying, which makes it difficult (and sometimes impossible) to trace them. What can adults do to prevent and address cyber-bullying? Adults seldom are present in the online environments frequented by children and youth. Therefore, it is extremely important that adults pay close attention to the cyber-bullying and the activities of children and youth when using these new technologies. Tips to help prevent cyber-bullying: Keep your home computer(s) in easily viewable places, such as a family room or kitchen. Talk regularly with your child about on-line activities he or she is involved in. Talk specifically about cyber-bullying and encourage your child to tell you immediately if he or she is the victim of cyber-bullying, cyber-stalking, or other illegal or troublesome on-line behavior Prevent Bullying Guide 22

23 Encourage your child to tell you if he or she is aware of others who may be the victims of such behavior. Explain that cyber-bullying is harmful and unacceptable behavior. Outline your expectations for responsible online behavior and make it clear that there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior. Although adults must respect the privacy of children and youth, concerns for your child s safety may sometimes override these privacy concerns. Tell your child that you may review his or her on-line communications if you think there is reason for concern. Consider installing parental control filtering software and/or tracking programs, but don t rely solely on these tools. Tips for dealing with cyber-bullying that your child has experienced. Because cyber-bullying can range from rude comments to lies, impersonations, and threats, your responses may depend on the nature and severity of the cyber-bullying. Here are some actions that you may want to take after-the-fact: Strongly encourage your child not to respond to the cyber-bullying. Do not erase the messages or pictures. Save these as evidence. Try to identify the individual doing the cyber-bullying. Even if the cyber-bully is anonymous (e.g., is using a fake name or someone else s identity) there may be a way to track them through your Internet Service Provider. If the cyber-bullying is criminal (or if you suspect that it may be), contact the police and ask them to do the tracking. Sending inappropriate language may violate the Terms and Conditions of services, Internet Service Providers, web sites, and cell phone companies. Consider contacting these providers and filing a complaint. If the cyber-bullying is coming through or a cell phone, it may be possible to block future contact from the cyber-bully. Of course, the cyber-bully may assume a different identity and continue the bullying. Contact your school. If the cyber-bullying is occurring through your school district s Internet system, school administrators have an obligation to intervene. Even if the cyberbullying is occurring off campus, make your school administrators aware of the problem. They may be able to help you resolve the cyber-bullying or be watchful for face-to-face bullying. Consider contacting the cyber-bully s parents. These parents may be very concerned to learn that their child has been cyber-bullying others, and they may effectively put a stop to the bullying. On the other hand, these parents may react very badly to your contacting them. So, proceed cautiously. If you decide to contact a cyber-bully s parents, communicate with them in writing not face-to-face. Present proof of the cyber-bullying (e.g., copies of an message) and ask them to make sure the cyber-bullying stops Prevent Bullying Guide 23

24 Consider contacting an attorney in cases of serious cyber-bullying. In some circumstances, civil law permits victims to sue a bully or his or her parents in order to recover damages. Contact the police if cyber-bullying involves acts such as: Threats of violence. Extortion Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages. Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes. Child pornography. If you are uncertain if cyber-bullying violates your jurisdiction s criminal laws, contact your local police, who will advise you. Suggestions for Educators Educate your students, teachers, and other staff members about cyber-bullying, its dangers, and what to do if someone is cyber-bullied. Be sure that your school s anti-bullying rules and policies address cyber-bullying. Closely monitor students use of computers at school. Use filtering and tracking software on all computers, but don t rely solely on this software to screen out cyber-bullying and other problematic on-line behavior. Investigate reports of cyber-bullying immediately. If cyber-bullying occurs through the school district s Internet system, you are obligated to take action. If the cyber-bullying occurs off-campus, consider what actions you might take to help address the bullying: Notify parents of victims and parents of cyber-bullies of known or suspected cyber-bullying. Notify the police if the known or suspected cyber-bullying involves a threat. Closely monitor the behavior of the affected students at school for possible bullying. Talk with all students about the harms caused by cyber-bullying. Remember cyber-bullying that occurs off-campus can travel like wildfire among your students and can affect how they behave and relate to each other at school. Investigate to see if the victim(s) of cyber-bullying could use some support from a school counselor or school-based mental health professional Prevent Bullying Guide 24

25 Contact the police immediately if known or suspected cyber-bullying involves acts such as: Threats of violence. Extortion. Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages. Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes. Child pornography Prevent Bullying Guide 25

26 9 Myths About Bullying 1. Bullying is the same thing as conflict. Wrong. Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves an imbalance of power or strength. Often, bullying is repeated over time. Conflict involves antagonism among two or more people. Whereas any two people can have a conflict (or a disagreement or a fight), bullying only occurs where there is a power imbalance where one child has a hard time defending himself or herself. Why is the difference between bullying and conflict important? Conflict resolution or mediation strategies are sometimes misused to solve bullying problems. These strategies can send the message that both children are partly right and partly wrong, or that, We need to work out the conflict between you. These messages are not appropriate messages in cases of bullying (or in any situation where someone is being victimized). The appropriate message to the child who is bullied should be, Bullying is wrong and no one deserves to be bullied. We are going to do everything we can to stop it. What does work? Research suggests that the best way to deal with bullying is through comprehensive programs that focus on changing the climate of a school and the social norms of the group. For more information, see the section on Best Practices in Bullying Prevention. 2. Most bullying is physical (involves hitting, shoving, kicking). Physical bullying may be what first comes to mind when adults think about bullying. However, the most common form of bullying both for boys and girls is verbal bullying (e.g., name-calling, rumor spreading). It is also common for youth to bully each other through social isolation (e.g., shunning or leaving a child out on purpose). 3. Bullying isn t serious. It s just a matter of kids being kids. Bullying can be extremely serious. Bullying can affect the mental well being, academic work, and physical health of children who are targeted. Children who are bullied are more likely than other children to have lower self-esteem; and higher rates of depression, loneliness, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. They also are more likely to want to avoid attending school and have higher school absenteeism rates Prevent Bullying Guide 26

27 Recent research on the health related effects of bullying indicates that victims of frequent bullying are more likely to experience headaches, sleeping problems, and stomach ailments. Some emotional scars can be long-lasting. Research suggests that adults who were bullied as children are more likely than their non-bullied peers to be depressed and have low selfesteem as adults. Children who bully are more likely than other children to be engaged in other antisocial, violent, or troubling behaviors. Bullying can negatively affect children who observe bullying going on around them even if they aren't targeted themselves. 4. Bullying doesn t happen at my child s school. Bullying is more common at some schools than others, however it can happen anywhere children and youth gather. Studies show that between 15-25% of U.S. students are bullied with some frequency ("sometimes or more often") while 15-20% admit that they bully others with some frequency within a school term. The best way to find out about bullying at your child s school is to ask children and youth, themselves. One good way to do this is by administering an anonymous survey about where bullying occurs, when it occurs, and how often it occurs. 5. Bullying is mostly a problem in urban schools. Bullying occurs in rural, suburban, and urban communities, and among children of every income level, race, and geographic region. 6. Bullying is more likely to happen on the bus than at school. Although bullying does happen on the bus, most surveys indicate that bullying is more likely to occur on school grounds. Common locations for bullying include playgrounds, the classroom, the cafeteria, bathrooms, and hallways. A student survey can help determine where the hotspots are in any particular school. 7. Children and youth who are bullied will almost always tell an adult. Adults are often unaware of bullying in part because many children and youth don't report it. Most studies find that only 25-50% of bullied children talk to an adult about the bullying. Boys and older children are less likely than girls and younger children to tell adults about bullying. Why are children reluctant to report bullying? They may fear retaliation by children doing the bullying. They also may fear that adults won't take their concerns seriously or will deal inappropriately with the bullying situation. 8. Children and youth who bully are mostly loners with few social skills. Children who bully usually do not lack friends. In fact, some research finds that they have larger friendship networks than other children. Importantly, they usually have at least a small group of friends who support and encourage their bullying behavior. Bullies also generally have more leadership skills than victims of bullying or children not involved in bullying Prevent Bullying Guide 27

28 9. Bullied kids need to learn how to deal with bullying on their own. Some children have the confidence and skills to stop bullying when it happens, but many do not. Moreover, children shouldn t be expected to deal with bullying on their own. Bullying is a form of victimization or peer abuse. Just as society does not expect victims of other types of abuse (e.g., child maltreatment or domestic abuse) to deal with it on their own, we should not expect this from victims of bullying. Adults have critical roles to play in helping to stop bullying, as do other children who witness or observe bullying. 10. Most children and youth who observe bullying don t want to get involved. The good news is that most children and youth think that bullying is not cool and feel that they should do something if they see it happen. In a recent study of tweens, (Brown, Birch, & Kancherla, 2005), 56% said that they usually either say or do something to try to stop bullying that they observe or tell someone who could help. These children and youth play a critical role in helping stop bullying in schools and communities Prevent Bullying Guide 28

29 Cited References Below are references for the articles, publications, and bodies of research cited in this guide. Brown SL, Birch DA, Kancherla V. (2005) Bullying perspectives: Experiences, attitudes, and recommendations of 9- to 13-year-olds attending health education centers in the United States. Journal of School Health, 10, December 2005, Charach, A., Pepler, D. J., & Ziegler, S. (1995). Bullying at school: A Canadian perspective. Education Canada, 35, Kowalski, R. et al (August, 2005). Electronic Bullying Among School-Aged Children and Youth. Poster presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association. Washington, DC. McEvoy, A. (September, 2005). Teachers who bully students: Patterns and policy implications. Paper presented at the Hamilton Fish Institute s Persistently Safe Schools Conference. Philadelphia, PA, September 11-14, Olweus, D. (1996). Bullying of students by teachers. Bergen, Norway. Twemlow, S. W., Fonagy, P.., Sacco, F. C., & Brethour, J. R., Jr. (2006). Teachers who bully students: A hidden trauma. International Journal of Social Psychiatry, 52, Wolak, J., Mitchell, K., & Finkelhor, D. (2006). Online victimization of youth: Five years later. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. Ybarra, M. L., & Mitchell, K. J. (2004). Youth engaging in online harassment: Associations with caregiver-child relationships, Internet use, and personal characteristics. Journal of Adolescence, 27, Prevent Bullying Guide 29