God s Plan for Sexual Intimacy Gen. 2:24-25 and 1 Thess 4:3-8

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1 God s Plan for Sexual Intimacy Gen. 2:24-25 and 1 Thess 4:3-8 Sexual intimacy is a hot commodity today. Everybody wants it. It is promoted in songs, in movies, and on television. Many advertisements are sexual in nature. Our culture is so immerse in confusing views about sexuality that what I m about to share with you may seem quite Victorian or even ridiculous. This is an expected response because our culture is constantly teaching us a very different perspective. Our culture is teaching us, and especially our young people, that you should basically chart your own course, choose your own moral directives. As long as you are not physically hurting someone else you re OK. This is evident in some notes some of our young people were writing on their bulletins last week when I preached on divorce. One note read, This is so awkward. I don t think he should be preaching on this. Divorce is personal. I m not trying to pick on our young authors. I m glad they are listening to these sermons, even when they are awkward. And the reason they are awkward is that the prevailing culture is telling them their decisions about love, marriage, divorce, and sex are merely personal. In fact, they are more than personal if we are going to adopt a Christian lifestyle. For the Christian, all of these decisions are spiritual and communal. They are not just about us. They are about us in our relationship with God. They are about us in our relationship with others, and not just our spouses, but the entire Christian community. And the primary way we go about discerning what is God s will in love, marriage, and sex is to seek understanding from the Bible. What I m teaching you about love, marriage, and sex has to do with timeless truths. In our subject of the day, the subject of sexual intimacy, I want to give you a glimpse of what sexuality was meant to be, rather than the cheapened, water-down imitation being presented in the media. The plain truth is that many of us have fallen short of God s plan for our lives when it comes to sexual intimacy. The good news is that through Christ, we can begin again and have a fresh start. God wants us to experience the gift of sexual intimacy the way it was intended to be. Let s begin with the basic premise of the Bible regarding sex: Sex is God s idea. God designed us to be male and female, intended our differences to bring pleasure, and gave us our biological and emotional drives. In Genesis 1, God looked at all creation, including human beings, and saw it was very good. The Song of Solomon gives us a beautiful, and graphic picture of sensual love between a man and a woman. This book s presence in the Bible serves to counter a tendency among religious people to believe that sex is bad. Sexual intimacy is not bad. It s a thing of beauty. It isn t meant to produce guilt; it is meant to produce joy. Yet it is important to understand that, as is the case with all God s gifts, God has a purpose in mind for sexual intimacy. The Bible can serve as a guidebook for use of this and many other gifts. When we understand and follow God s plan for physical intimacy, the gift becomes a blessing. But when we misuse the gift, the consequences can be tragic. Let s take the example of a car. Young people, when you turn 16 most of you will be driving a car. You may be more fortunate than 95% of 16 year olds around the world and have your own car. This car is a powerful machine that can take you to school, take you to the mall, get you to your friend s house. Most cars have room for others, so it becomes a place of community. You and your friends can be in the car together. You can listen to the

2 Jonas brothers on CD or radio and sing together, and talk about which one you want to date. The car has a mirror so you can check your hair or makeup. The car will enable you to drive to the beach, leaving in the morning and being there by noon. If you had to walk to the beach without a car, it would take you several days to get there. The car is a great and powerful invention. But a car, if used improperly, can bring death. If you drink alcohol and then get behind the wheel you lose your ability to make good decisions and you could kill yourself and your friends in the car. If you drive too fast around a corner you re likely to wreck. If you drive too fast in a neighborhood like mine, Garrett Farms, you re endangering little kids who are playing soccer in the front yard and may dart out to the street from behind a trash can. A car is a powerful weapon of mass destruction. A car driven by a man on drugs is what killed my father 15 years ago. A car, van, or truck can be a powerful tool to help you get places, do things, and enjoy life. Used improperly, it can bring ruin to you and others. The same thing is true with sexual intimacy I. God s First Purpose for Sexual Intimacy: Procreation So we need to understand the purpose of sexual intimacy from God s perspective, since God did create it for us in the first place. To learn about this, it s natural we go to the first two chapters of Genesis, since it is there we find God s plans for this part of our lives. We discover in Gen 1:28 that the man and woman were to be fruitful and multiply. This is a very spiritual way of speaking about sexual intercourse. And, what this teaches us about God s intention for sexual intercourse is that it was first designed as the method of procreation i.e. making babies. It s amazing that God s first instruction to human beings had to do with sexual intimacy. It s even more amazing that God created us in such a way that we can be co-creators with God! Sexual intercourse is meant to be a holy act in which we participate with God in creation. It s part of the mystery and wonder of life. While science can teach us much about the how and the mechanics of reproduction, it is in the Bible that we learn the wonderful truth that God has endowed humans with this incredible gift of sharing in this miracle of creating living human beings. But we must understand the awesome responsibility that goes with this and be ready to accept it. Too often, perhaps because of the availability of birth control, we have forgotten this powerful purpose. Sex is the means by which life is formed. Before you begin to have a sexual relationship, therefore, you must determine if you are ready to participate in the act of cocreating with God. Millions of times each year, people engage in intercourse without considering this solemn fact. They do not take into account the possibilities or consequences, and pregnancies result. Children formed in the womb are sometimes aborted, all because the sanctity of this act wasn t respected. A lack of respect turns into death. Other times there are thousands of teenage girls and young ladies who are cast into the role of mother and caretaker long before they re prepared for this. The result is a huge burden, not only for the young mother, but for others whose lives have to be altered. I want to say this to young men and women. If you re not ready to be a mother and/or a father, you re not ready to be sexually intimate. Sexual intercourse is designed to be something remarkable, amazing and awe inspiring. It can be if used in the proper context.

3 II. God Second Purpose for Sexual Intimacy: Bonding It s tragic but true that religious people have often failed to understand that God, in designing us male and female, intended sexual intimacy to be more than a means of procreation. Even Augustine, one of the great theologians of the early church, described sex as a necessary evil that should only be pursued for the purpose of having children. That is foolishness. God made this act a pleasurable one and intended that we enjoy it as a gift throughout our lives, and not simply while we can have children. The second purpose for the gift of sexual intimacy can be found in Gen. 2:24-25, where we read, Therefore a man clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. This is a euphemistic way of describing sexual intercourse. God intended that men and women, in the context of the covenant of marriage, experience emotional and physical bonding through the act of sexual intercourse. This physical act corresponds to our spiritual love for one another and is meant to be another form of cement that bonds husbands and wives together for a lifetime. Note that in this passage Adam and Eve were both naked, and were not ashamed. God, witnessing their nakedness saw that it was good. It wasn t dirty. It wasn t lewd. It was beautiful. In sexual intercourse the physical, emotional, and spiritual are combined in an experience of bonding. This is one reason the Apostle Paul addressed this aspect of marriage in his letter to the Corinthians. In Cor 7:2-4 Paul wrote, The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to the husband. The wife s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. These words make clear that Paul is referring to sexual intercourse. He is affirming God s original design and God s second purpose in sexual intimacy to be emotional bonding in marriage. A wife and husband are to give one another this gift as a means to deepen their bonds with one another. This doesn t mean that every request must be met. Females aren t usually as prepared for the same volume of sexual intimacy as men. There is some kind of right balance that takes into consideration all the emotional and physical places men and women are. Now, if we recognize sexual intimacy as a good thing, what has gone wrong? Why do we struggle so much with this aspect of our lives? Why is our culture so flawed in terms of how we look at sexual intimacy? I believe that the answer is to be found in our human condition. God placed within us a biological drive to reproduce; in this way we are like other animals. Yet, we also have a strong emotional need for bonding, closeness, and intimacy. These two powerful drives converge in the sex act resulting in its powerful hold over us. Perhaps we could deal with the resulting problems and conflicts if it weren t for a spiritual problem that plagues us all. Theologians call it original sin. You might call it brokenness or a propensity to do evil. This spiritual problem manifests itself as selfishness, a desire for power and control, an insatiable hunger, a tendency toward perversion resulting in what Paul described in his letter to the Romans: I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do (Rom 7:19). To help clarify things, I want to address a biblical text that warns us of taking God s good gift of sexual intimacy and distorting, misusing, and perverting it, thus robbing us of the joy of the gift while potentially enslaving or harming us.

4 III. Sexual Immorality Let s look at 1 Thess 4:1-3. The Greek word that Paul used, which the NIV translates as sexual immorality, is porneo. Jesus used the same word or idea when he said in Mark 7:21-22: For from within, out of men s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality [porneo], theft, murder, adultery,.. Jesus continues the list of evil thoughts and deeds, but we ll stop here. Notice that Jesus separated sexual immorality and adultery. Adultery was another category completely because it was so easily defined. Adultery was sexual intimacy with anyone who was not your spouse. It is easily defined. Sexual immorality was a broader sin. Both Jesus and Paul were devout Jews and never showed any deviation from the sexual code described in the Old Testament. Granted, Jesus was more lenient on how sexual sin was punished. You ll recall he told the woman caught in the very act of adultery that he didn t condemn her to death by stoning. The Old Testament law called for that. Nevertheless he named her sin and told her not to do it again. Sexual immorality was a broad array of sins found in the levitical code in the Old Testament which included pre-marital sex, homosexual behavior, incest, and sex with animals. All of these forms of sexual activity were said by Jesus and Paul to be outside God s intention for sexual intimacy. The only appropriate place for sexual intimacy was in the covenant relationship of marriage. At this point I want to name 7 reasons why sex outside of marriage is not in keeping with God s plan for our lives In extra-marital sex (premarital or adultery) we aren t showing adequate respect for sexual intimacy, especially considering its association with the co-creation of children. We are not prepared to have children, yet we want to pursue the one and only act associated with their creation. We become much too casual about our role in the co-creation of human beings. 2. In extra-marital sex we aren t seeking to participate in the act for the second purpose God intended: bonding and becoming one flesh. We have yet to make a commitment through the bonds of marriage, and yet we are joining ourselves at the deepest level to another human being. 3. Our virginity is something we can give away only one time. Premarital sex robs the person we will marry of the blessing of being the first we give ourselves to in this way. I spoke with one woman who said after 40 years of marriage her pre-marital virginity continues to be a blessing to her and her husband. 4. There is the likelihood of emotional harm and pain in extra-marital sex. Pulitzer Prize winning author Laura Stepp in her book Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both, writes about this. She describes the hookup culture most parents can t imagine. Young people are hooking up, which means they are getting together sexually with no commitments whatsoever. They can get unhooked anytime they want, just as easily as deleting a song on their ipod. They don t have to know or even like the person they re with. It can be a stranger they meet at a party, or a friend they hang out with at Starbucks. Sex and love have nothing to do with one another. What these young people are discovering, especially the girls, is that they are emotionally neutered by this more than they

5 ever would have thought. Stepp discovered that the great effort these young girls and college students made to stay uncommitted revealed how they really yearned to be cherished, loved, and cared for in an intimate committed relationship. The culture said, Hookup. It s fun. Their deeper impulses left them feeling used, empty, and emotionally sterile Sexually transmitted diseases are being spread, even by people we trust. A lot of girls think they are free of sexually transmitted diseases, because the guy they were having sex with at the time said he didn t have a disease. She just trusted him. Beware; according to the American Social Health Association, there are 15 million new cases of sexually transmitted diseases each year. One in four sexually active teens will contract an STD, which will cost some youth their lives. It s a cold, hard fact. Having sex today can kill you. 6. Growing in a sexual relationship is something learned over years, with one person, in the context of a covenant relationship. It isn t learned from repeated attempts to get it right with a variety of people. Such experimentation is a poor way to determine whether to commit to marry another person. 7. Relationships involving premarital sex often become primarily about sex. The bond of sex is like pouring a whole bottle of Elmer s glue on two thin sheets of paper. The glue overwhelms the paper. God created sex so that it only works right when the commitment comes first, and the sex comes second. When we get it backwards, the relationship is destined to remain dwarfed. Now many people are going to say, Preacher, you are really out of touch. There is no way that kind of message is going to be embraced in our hookup culture. You are being totally unrealistic. You d better spend your time helping people move toward a committed relationship, where they only had sex with one partner. That s a more reasonable position. Well, let me offer a comparison using duct tape. Duct tape is great; it bonds things together. It s sticky and very strong. But try this with a piece of duct tape: Bond it with one object, then peel it off and try bonding it to something else. Then peal it off and try bonding it to something else again. What you will find is that each time you remove the tape, you leave a bit of adhesive behind. By the time you use it on the fourth object, the tape no longer functions effectively because it has lost its bonding capability. The adhesive is gone, stuck to the last 3 objects with which it was bonded. The implications regarding premarital sex seem clear, but try teaching that to young people today. After all, if television and the movies are to be believed, everybody is doing it. But that is the lie the media is presenting. Everybody is not doing it. Nationwide surveys show that a majority of 17 year olds in the public schools have not had sex. In many communities, the numbers are much higher. Some words of advice 1. Make a decision ahead of time. The number one piece of advice I would offer to couples and all young people is to make a decision ahead of time, you re not going to engage in premarital sex. Talk to your

6 boyfriend or girlfriend and say, Let s make a pact that we won t have premarital sex. Say it out loud to one another. Then don t put yourself in situations where the temptations will be overwhelming. Don t have your boyfriend over when your parents aren t home. Don t go to parties where there is no adult supervision. Make your decision ahead of time and stick with it. 2. Parents: Don t give up. Parents have a tendency to say today, Well, kids will be kids. They re going to do it anyway, so I want to help them do it safely. Parent, hold high standards for your kids. Don t give up on them. They may lead you to think you re too strict and old-fashioned, but many of them need your standards to help them say No. One Gallup Poll revealed that 93% of teenagers want their parents to hold a strong moral position on sexual abstinence. That s almost all of them. Hold up high expectations and if they fail, offer grace and forgiveness. 3. Believe that you can start over. We all know people fall short of God s plan for sexual intimacy. Years ago, a pastor used the duct tape illustration and a teenager came to see him later in the week and said, Pastor, I want God to forgive me. I want to be like new duct tape. I want this part of my life to be special when I marry. I wish I could be a virgin again. His answer was simple. You can begin again. Jesus came to save us from our sin. He came to change us from the inside. He gave us his Holy Spirit to strengthen and empower us to live for him. And yes, he is even able to make us sticky all over again. Isn t that what Jesus meant when he said, I make all things new. Perhaps, right now you d like to ask Jesus for his grace, to forgive you for the secret sins that have hindered your life with God and others. Perhaps you ve fallen short of his plan for you. Maybe this is the day you want to make a new commitment to him, to lay aside your sins and start over again. It is as easy as talking to him, asking him to forgive you, telling him of your desire to let go of those things that have tarnished your life. God can help you begin again. God s gift of sexual intimacy is available to everyone no matter how far they have strayed from home. The Prodigal Son was a long way from home when he realized his father s love was better than the fleeting pleasures he tried to pursue. The Prodigal finally came to his senses. He stopped listening to the world and he listened to the echoes of his Father s words. So trust in Jesus. He ll provide you the love and support you need to bring you back to the beauty and joy and God-given sexual intimacy. When you find God s way, you ve found the way that last a lifetime and brings fulfillment beyond any offered by anyone or anything else. Amen. 1 I am indebted to Adam Hamilton for these arguments against pre-marital sex as found in his book Making Love Last a Lifetime (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2004). 2 These arguments are found in Laura Sessions Stepp, Unhooked (New York: Riverhead Book, 2007.