How to stop bullying (and dodge a lawsuit)

Transcription

1 How to stop bullying (and dodge a lawsuit) Posted on the CHARACTER COUNTS! Character Educator Blog May 18, 2011 You can be sued personally for money damages if you witness instances of bullying or harassment and fail to act. So says Michael D. Simpson, General Counsel to the National Education Association, in an essay recently published on NEA s website. campaign= suedoverbullying&utm_content=rwbully Simpson explains that school employees have been named as defendants in an increasing number of bullying-related lawsuits: NEA members in seven states (Washington, Kentucky, Ohio, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Alabama, and Michigan) have recently been sued for allegedly failing to act when they were aware of instances of bullying and harassment. So what can you do to stop bullying and avoid a lawsuit? Simpson explains: Make sure your school district has a strong anti-bullying and harassment policy in place, with clear guidance on how and to whom instances of bullying or harassment are to be reported. Insist that your school district educate students about peer harassment. Ask your school district to provide in-service training [like ours] for teachers, education support professionals and other employees about how to spot bullying, how to respond, and to whom to report it, usually the Title IX co-coordinator. Even if the student doesn t want you to report the incident(s) to the administration, you still have a legal obligation to do so. And always put it in writing and keep a copy. If you witness a bullying incident, intervene immediately. Tell the harasser that his or her behavior is not acceptable. Finally, model good behavior. Remember, you are a role model to your students. Click here or call to find out how CHARACTER COUNTS! can help you change your school climate and put an end to bullying behaviors. 48

2 Bullying Matrix: Targeted Youth Type of Bullying Physical Hitting Kicking Shoving Spitting Hazing Verbal Teasing Name calling Insults Rumors Gossip Emotional/Non-Verbal Exclusion Damaging property Intimidating gestures Faking friendship Cyber Using text, , social networks to Spread rumors Embarrass or humiliate Generate quizzes about students Send hurtful messages Targeted Youth Safety must be your first concern. Get out of the situation as best you can. Tell an adult immediately. Tell the person firmly and strongly that you don t like it. Stand up straight and look the person in the eye. Make a joke out of it. (Sometimes just agreeing will deflate a bully: Yeah, I guess this is a weird shirt. ) Remember, the person bullying is trying to get a negative reaction from you and possibly escalate the situation don t give in. Stay calm and in control. Discuss this situation with an adult. Know who your friends are Trust your instincts. Be a good friend. The best way to avoid this situation is to have friends. Leave nice or expensive items at home. Talk to an adult to get some new strategies. Alert teachers and staff who are not noticing this behavior. Find the off button. Limit who can reach you. Set s to go straight to Spam. Block text messages. Unfriend those who are not acting like friends. Contact your service provider to report violations of acceptable use policies. Print Out offending materials to document the problem. Tell an adult immediately. 49

3 Physical Hitting Kicking Shoving Spitting Hazing Verbal Teasing Name calling Insults Rumors Gossip Type of Bullying Emotional/Non-Verbal Exclusion Damaging property Intimidating gestures Faking friendship Bullying Matrix: Parent Parent Notify the school immediately if you find out this is happening to your child. Request information about the school s policy. Follow up to make sure administrative processes are followed. Listen to your child. Do not blame him/her for being targeted. Keep track of the bullying, including when and where it occurs, so you can provide the school with details. Make it clear to your child that many people value him or her. Don t let the bully s version become your child s identity. Monitor your own behavior and make sure you are not modeling these. Emphasize the importance of seeking out those who treat others with respect. Be proactive in encouraging friendships. Find social networks for your child outside of school; this will lessen the impact of this kind of behavior. Alert the school if the behavior persists. Recognize that this can be an indication of poor social skills or learning differences. Cyber Using text, , social networks to Spread rumors Embarrass or humiliate Generate quizzes about students Send hurtful messages Help your child eliminate the means of attack (blocking , text, unfriending, etc.). Contact the service provider and school to notify them of abuse. Understand this type of bullying often works both ways, and hold your child accountable if he or she participates. Discuss the potential consequences of the permanent record that remains on the Internet. Remember, most kids don t tell parents for fear they will lose their Internet privileges don t make this the punishment. 50

4 Bullying Matrix: Other Students Type of Bullying Physical Hitting Kicking Shoving Spitting Hazing Verbal Teasing Name calling Insults Rumors Gossip Emotional/Non-Verbal Exclusion Damaging property Intimidating gestures Faking friendship Cyber Using text, , social networks to Spread rumors Embarrass or humiliate Generate quizzes about students Send hurtful messages Other Students Do not put yourself in harm s way by actively interfering. Take action by getting an adult immediately. Do not stand by and watch. Speak up! Don t let a bullying voice be the loudest. Tell your peer that his or her behavior is not cool. Make sure in the moment or later that the targeted student knows that the bully does not speak for you. Refuse to spread rumors and gossip. Change the subject. Let your friends know you have no interest in putting others down. Refuse to join in. Many of these behaviors require group participation. Tell your classmate that his or her behavior goes against the standards of the school. Inform a targeted classmate if you know he or she is being set up. Walk away. This sends a message that the behavior is unacceptable. The more who do so, the stronger the message. Be a good citizen in cyberspace. Apply the Golden Rule in your communications. Don t join in. Cyberbullying requires an audience, so don t engage. Monitor your own web presence. Joing or spending time on hurtful websites, groups, etc., even casually, sends the wrong message about who you are. 51

5 Bullying Matrix: Adult in Charge Type of Bullying Physical Hitting Kicking Shoving Spitting Hazing Verbal Teasing Name calling Insults Rumors Gossip Emotional/Non-Verbal Exclusion Damaging property Intimidating gestures Faking friendship Cyber Using text, , social networks to Spread rumors Embarrass or humiliate Generate quizzes about students Send hurtful messages Break up the incident. Adult in Charge Investigate to determine if it is a larger pattern of bullying behavior. Enforce school policy. Talk separately to the parties involved. Address the behavior. This kind of bullying often works both ways. Remind students of the need to accept all community members. Emphasize personal responsibility and the duty to be caring. Address these behaviors when you see them, though they can be hard for adults to notice. Encourage pro-social activities, such as buddy programs, lunch groups, and other activities that allow students to get to know one another. Emphasize the importance of inclusion. Teach students about difference. Understand that even though it may not occur on campus, cyberbulling dramatically impacts students experience at school. Create guidelines for acceptable use that define responsible use of the technology. Educate students about their obligation to use the Web wisely and the potential longterm consequences for poor judgment. Encourage students to print copies of offending material to document issues. 52

6 Age: All ages Objective: Participants will recognize that hurtful words and behaviors leave permanent scars. Time: 10 minutes Materials: Large paper heart Instructions: Caring Heart Activity 1. Ask the group if they have heard the saying Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me. 2. Do they think it s true? Have them share their feelings on this. 3. Show them the paper heart. Tell them they are to say hurtful words to the heart. Each time someone says something, fold the heart little by little. 4. Once the heart has been pretty much crumpled, ask them to say things that show they care. 5. Unfold or uncrumple the heart each time something caring is said until the heart is back to its original shape. Reflections: Have the students decide if the heart is exactly the same as it was before the hurtful words and caring words were said. The answer is not exactly. There are plenty of creases on the heart. Tell them that this is exactly how people feel when others say mean or unkind things. Even when apologies are made, the impact of the words still affect us. Use this activity to reinforce the importance of creating a culture of kindness. Have the heart placed in a prominent place in the room to remind the group of the impact of hurtful and unkind words. 53

7 Creating a Culture of Kindness Bullying behaviors are difficult to eliminate once they become part of a school or organization s climate. Because all bullying demonstrates a lack of respect and a failure to consider other people s feelings or needs, the best way to improve the climate is to use the Six Pillars of Character. Whether dealing with students in the classroom, members of a team, or participants in a recreation program, adults must consistently reinforce the idea that all members of a community are responsible for creating a culture of kindness. What does a culture of kindness look like? Use this question to introduce the topic to students. Their input in the discussion is essential for framing the goal in concrete terms. Be sure that students consider the ways that they interact with one another, their role in maintaining school facilities, and the impact of each individual on the community as a whole. These themes are already highlighted in the CHARACTER COUNTS! program, and we will explore the connections in more detail as we move through the material. Pro-social Behaviors Before we address bullying behaviors, it is important to acknowledge what all schools and programs can do to promote positive social interaction. If students know one another, they are often less likely to pick on one another. The pro-social activities listed below help students learn more about their peers. These activities encourage positive behavior and generate awareness of others, thus preventing social exclusion and enforcing the message that all members of the community are valuable. Students learn that they share similar interests and challenges, and that these similarities serve as the foundation of empathy so necessary for building community and combating bullying behaviors. Pro-social bonding activities may include the following: Create structured lunch groups, which enable students who don t usually interact with one another to converse. For example, teachers can periodically assign seating at lunch and provide a discussion topic to help students get to know each other. If your school is really struggling with climate issues, keep the topics light and neutral (favorite movie or show) until a rapport develops. Use a daily Tell me about question. This can be about something simple, like a favorite holiday memory for younger children, or it can be adapted for older students by addressing current issues in the media. Create a Compliment Game. The point of this activity is to have students say nice things about each other. You might pick two students each week and put their names on sheets of paper hung at the front of the class, or you can pass papers around while the students are out of the room. Their classmates can then record compliments for them. Try to push students to move beyond You re nice. Emphasize the need to focus on what the student has actually done. This can also be set up as a secret friend activity: 54

8 Over the course of a week, students are assigned a secret pal that they should catch being good and report to the class or write their classmate a note. Challenge students to perform random acts of kindness throughout the week. One of the rules should be that they reach out to someone they don t know or who isn t in their grade, or that they do something that benefits the school (like picking up trash after lunch). Students can keep a journal of their acts or share them in small groups at the end of the week. They should give each other ideas about ways to make those around them feel appreciated, and they should discuss how they felt performing these acts. Were they nervous the first time? How did the recipient respond if their act was noticed? Does it feel different if there is an audience? How did observers respond? Create a Thoughts in a Hat exercise. This helps students articulate their anxieties and recognize that many others in the class share their concerns. It s also a good way to get anonymous feedback about school climate. Choose the issue you wish to address, such as students concerns about beginning a new year. Have them write down their concerns anonymously and very briefly (for early elementary, one word that describes their feelings), fold it up, and place it in a hat. Then redistribute the slips of paper and have students read them. First limit discussion to the concerns and write them down as students read them. Once everyone has read theirs, ask students what themes they notice. Were things mentioned that they might not have thought about? How does hearing others concerns help them understand others perspectives? How could they help each other ease these concerns? (You don t always need to focus on students concerns, as this exercise works equally well to generate discussion about other topics, such as the qualities one desires in a friend.) See the Appreciations worksheet on page 3 of this packet. This activity works well with high school students, as it helps them appreciate their better qualities and consider how to use them to benefit their community. This is Idea #231 from the book Good Ideas, which is available on our website. There are many other applicable lessons on the CC! website ( org). Once you are on the CC! page, click the Resources tab. There you will find the free Lesson Plan Bank, which has a searchable database. Look under the Caring pillar for other ways to encourage compassion in your students. In addition to building community, these exercises allow for a discussion of similarity and difference. You can use the range of opinions that these exercises generate within your group to demonstrate the need for caring and tolerance. By establishing a basic expectation of inclusion, you are on your way to developing a culture of kindness that discourages bullying behaviors. The more practice students have expressing themselves, considering others, and actively trying to promote caring, the more effective this aspect of the program will be. 55

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10 What a Bullying Policy Should Include 1. Statement of rationale This may include a reiteration of the vision of the institution and the individual, and will probably strongly reflect and reinforce the ethos and expectation of the community. 2. Clear definitions of bullying and bullying behavior 3. Aims and expectations of the policy These should be directed at both parties in the bullying incident and will clearly state proactive preventative measures. They should also very clearly state the ways in which effective antibullying measures will engage with children and youth. 4. Preventative, proactive strategies e.g. Hotspotting to identify areas of weakness, ensuring effective supervision of all areas of the setting, maintaining a culture of kindness, and the development of stimulating environments. 5. Support through the curriculum e.g. Classroom and behavior management strategies 6. Clear roles, responsibilities, and accountabilities 7. Procedures It is of paramount importance that all stakeholders know how incidents should be reported and responded to, and how they will be informed of the current status of the process at each stage. Early involvement of parents at every stage of responding to an incident is vital. The family of the targeted pupil may wish to inform the police of the incident, and it is their right to do so. The institution should therefore have a system in place to record incidents accurately and to clearly report the manner in which the incident has been handled at each stage. Robust mechanisms should be in place to prevent disclosures of sensitive information, e.g., homophobic bullying, and to provide. Choice of how it s discussed e.g. advocates, student support, preliminary meeting, rehearsing questions/answers prevents tattling. 8. Clear guidelines regarding sexual, racial, homophobic, or anti-disability harassment Guidelines as to what constitutes each of these behaviors should be identified, along with what to look for and how to deal with specific types. 9. Sanctions These should be clear to all concerned and should be clearly aligned with the institution s policy. Sanctions may not always go as far as parents want. 10. Monitoring and evaluation Demonstrate robust and efficient systems to review policies. This may take the form of children s and young people s questionnaires. 11. Training This should emphasize the commitment of Continuing Professional Development (CPD) to address triggers and other issues regarding bullying and bullying behaviors. 12. Further stakeholder involvement This should include details and resources of key community groups who can offer support and guidance on bullying and bullying behavior issues. 57