Mary and David. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 1 23/07/ :44

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1 Mary and David Mary and I already had a son and were trying for another child when we discovered it was very unlikely we d become birth parents again. Obviously we did a lot of talking and thinking before we finally decided to look into adoption but we were quite sure that we wanted to adopt a child who was under one year of age. As we soon found out, there are very few babies placed for adoption and it was only Derby City Council who accepted us to become potential adoptive parents for a baby in their care. The four day Preparation Group classes were a real eye-opener and taught us a lot about the many issues adoptive parents could face and the strategies that would help us to cope in the future. The classes really helped to improve our parenting skills for our birth son too, as well as get us ready to welcome an adopted child into our family. It was really difficult to find out how common neglect and abuse of children really is, but we felt so much more informed and positive after the Preparation stage. Next we had a series of interviews with our Social Worker spread over several weeks. Mary and I were asked to talk about our childhoods, our lives, our families and friends in great detail. But with the help of our Social Worker it all began to make sense that we were discovering what our values are and what makes a good family. We fully understood that social services had to look into our history to ensure we were suitable to adopt, and throughout the interview process we gained a solid foundation that would be a huge support to us. The Adoption Panel meeting was nothing like the negative experience we d been expecting. Of course we were a bit nervous, but we felt fully prepared for any questions and we actually enjoyed the meeting! Once approved to adopt, we waited just over a year to be matched with eight month old Olivia. It was quite strange to be introduced to her and we did wonder if our son would get on with her and even if we could love her as much as we did our son. But the first time we met and held Olivia, all those worries and concerns melted away. Olivia came to live with us soon after we met her and became a member of our family immediately. That was a year ago and now Mary and I and our son have accepted her as she has accepted us. Of course, we have some concerns that we may face problems in the future as Olivia learns she has been adopted, but we re committed to tackling any challenges that might arise. Adoption is not easy, but it is a life changing event that has changed our lives for the better. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 1 23/07/ :44

2 Peter and Simon Following our civil partnership in 2009 Simon and I decided to press ahead with our plans to adopt two children. It was something we d been talking about for ages, and we both felt we had so much to offer as Dads. The Derby City Council adoption team were so friendly and open to us as a same sex couple, and really that set the tone for the whole process that was to come. We attended the four day Preparation Group course and found this to be informative, useful and well presented - everyone on the course was very supportive of each other. We were also assigned our Social Worker to begin the Home Assessment meetings. During Home Assessment we talked a lot about our backgrounds and our motivation for bringing two children into our lives. We were also able to ask our own questions and talk through our concerns and found our Social Worker to be hugely supportive. About six months later we were put forward to the Adoption Panel, but we d been well briefed on what to expect so despite feeling nervous it all went well and we were approved to adopt. And then straight after the meeting, our Social Worker told us about a possible match with a brother and sister who she thought would be perfect for us. Over the following months we learned more about the children and really did feel we wanted to make them part of our family. When the match was approved we were over the moon! We first met the children about 10 days later we d prepared introduction books for them and the foster family had done a fantastic job in preparing them to meet us. It was strange to think that we were meeting two children who would become part of our lives forever. Over the next week or so we saw the children every day, going on outings and bringing them to spend time at what would be their new home. A month after we met them, our new son and daughter moved in with us and we spent the summer just getting to know each other before we gradually introduced the children to our own families and friends. We were amazed how quickly and easily they became part of our lives and we are now two very proud Dads who love having a family and the children love it too! The Adoption Process is now a distant memory but it was so worth it we found it to be overwhelmingly positive and straightforward and we didn t feel that we were treated any differently than any other couple wishing to adopt. It can seem long and daunting at times, but it s been two years since we adopted and we can t imagine life without our children. We think the Derby adoption team did a great job in matching our little family and we ve certainly experienced a very happy ending. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 2 23/07/ :44

3 Joanne As a single woman and desperate to become a Mum, I started looking into adopting a child as I felt that this would be the right route for me to become a parent. I live outside of Derby, but it was recommended to me to approach Derby City Council to ask about adoption. From that first phone call until my approval to adopt took about a year, during which time I felt supported and confident. My Adoption Social Worker was approachable and put me at ease as we talked about my life history and my opinions on raising a child. I was able to express my views throughout the interview process and the length of time this takes gives you the space to really think about your motivations to adopt. Going to the Adoption Panel meeting was pretty daunting, but I had loads of support from the Adoption team at Derby and I was delighted to be approved to adopt. It was about four months until I was matched with my daughter, which is relatively fast but at the time it feels like a long wait! I received so much in-depth information about this little girl who had required heart surgery as a young baby, so I was fully informed about any concerns regarding her future health and development before I met her. I was thrilled to be approved to adopt Emily when she was 13 months old and we began the introduction period where I gradually took over all her care from her foster family. I did take leave from work to settle Emily into her new home with me and we became very attached during that time. I then returned to work part-time and Emily attended nursery and is now thriving at school. She s aware that she s adopted and knows what it means, and it s brilliant that she can express her thoughts and feelings to me. If I feel I need any advice at all, I can still call on the Derby Adoption team to help me through any challenging issues. Emily is now aged 6 years old and is a delight, I am so proud to be her Mummy. She has brought so much joy to not only my own life but to the whole family; we will often say that we can t remember a time that Emily was not part of our lives and feel she has enriched our family. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 3 23/07/ :44

4 Mark and Sarah Even before we were married, Mark and I discussed having children and agreed that we would adopt at least one child. However, we did want our own birth children as well but unfortunately we had several miscarriages along the way, and we also tried IVF. When this became too much for us financially and emotionally and we gave up I miraculously discovered that I was pregnant naturally! But once again things weren t easy our little girl was born in 2008 with a rare chromosome disorder and spent the first two years of her life in and out of hospital. She s now 5 years old and attends a Special Needs school where she s thriving. Both Mark and I knew we wanted another child, and after another miscarriage we also both knew that we would now add to our family via the adoption route. When our daughter was 4 years old we started to make enquiries and two sets of adoptive parents recommended that we try Derby City Council, even though we live in Nottingham. So we made the call and arranged for a meeting at our home. We were unsure what to expect, but the two Social Workers who arrived immediately put us at our ease and we chatted for over an hour before they invited Mark and I to attend the Preparation Group workshops. We were also given a reading list of books to find out more about adoption. We attended four workshops in all which gave us an incredible insight into children s psychology and the challenges of adoption. The whole experience was brilliant and we talked through so many topics. Meeting with foster carers and other adoptive parents to get their advice was also invaluable. At this point we moved onto the Home Assessment stage with our own Social Worker. Of course there were lots of forms to fill in and we both had to go for a full medical check. Then we did a lot of work on looking at our own childhoods and exploring how we felt about things like showing affection and how we discipline, plus our work experience and the role we play within our community. We discussed any concerns with the Social Worker as a couple and in separate meetings and we also had to do a bit of homework to hand in! It does seem intrusive when references are being collected and your financial affairs are being looked into, and we were also being assessed over how we care for our daughter as well. But finally we had a date for the Adoption Panel! It was nothing like the dreadful experience we expected we had a pleasant conversation with the Panel, answered their questions and, at last, we were approved to adopt! The Panel were particularly complimentary about how we had brought up our daughter and never given up on her, and they felt we would bring this same commitment to an adopted child. We both had to hold back our tears! We ve now been recommended as a good match for a two year old girl awaiting adoption and we very much hope to become her parents very soon. The adoption process has certainly been an emotional rollercoaster and we re just grateful to have had such a great team behind us who ve encouraged and supported us all the way. We re so pleased that we chose to adopt with Derby and are looking forward to the day when we make a child the latest member of our family. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 4 23/07/ :44

5 James and Lucy My wife and I went through 5 long years of unsuccessful infertility treatment before we decided to look into the adoption process. We contacted several local authorities but were most impressed with Derby, who seemed the most organised and informative and also friendly and personable. We went along to an Information Evening in the February and were lucky enough to join the March Preparation Group classes, which were so useful. Various professionals shared their different expertise and we learned all the basic skills about bringing up adopted children. Our Home Assessment Social Worker was equally brilliant, she made us feel comfortable and at ease and was very supportive throughout the whole process. Just a year down the line from our initial Prep classes, we were approved to become adoptive parents and celebrated with champagne! Just 4 months later we were matched with two amazing children and our lives changed overnight. Our Children s Social Worker helped enormously in making the transition as smooth as possible for us and the children. It turned out to be an absolutely perfect match. Now, our lives are packed full of visits to the park, ambling in the countryside, bouncing on the trampoline, baking, painting, dancing, singing and the most wonderful and bizarre role plays you can imagine. It s true that it can also be exhausting and emotionally draining sometimes but we wouldn t change things for the world. We would highly recommend Derby Social Services to any prospective adopters and we would highly recommend adoption as a way of making a family. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 5 23/07/ :44

6 Simon and Tracey My husband and I had put off starting a family for all the usual reasons concentrating on our careers, enjoying our lifestyle together. Then when we did decide to try for a baby, we found out we d left it too late and only medical intervention would allow us to become a birth family. The whole medical process to get to that stage was just so impersonal, intrusive and depressing that we became more and more sure of our intention to become a family via adoption. We knew it wouldn t be an easy route to take, but we felt that as there are children out there who need parents and we were potential parents who wanted to bring up a child, that was the way forward for us. We did take some time to ensure we were making the right decision; we went along to a few Information Evenings given by several Local Authorities, but we just felt that Derby City Council fitted best with us. They were very honest and down to earth, and that s just what we were hoping for. We found the Preparation course and assessment process to be in-depth but fairly stress-free and it does seem to take a long time whilst you re going through it. However, with hindsight, it is the right amount of time to prepare yourself for the day that s going to change your life. It was about a year to the day from that first phone call until we met our son for the first time and, as clichéd as it sounds, it was more than worth the wait. We are perfect for our son s needs and he is perfect for us and is the proudest thing that we have in our lives. My advice to potential adopters embarking on the process would be - don t be afraid or put it off. You will learn a lot about the potential challenges you may face, but this is so you are informed not frightened. Secondly, surround yourself with people who understand, other potential adopters, people who understand the process you are going through. The new support network you will build is important and we have reaped the rewards of adopting with Derby. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 6 23/07/ :44

7 Diane and George As a married couple in our forties with a son, we d already spent several years trying to conceive again with no luck. So it was actually my six year old son who asked about the possibility of adopting a brother or sister for him, and that s when I started thinking very seriously about adoption. My husband and I talked it over and did look very carefully into what adopting a child would mean for us as a family. I have to say that we at first approached an independent adoption agency, which was very negative about our situation and chances to adopt. We then contacted Derby City Council and couldn t have had a more positive response! We were worried that my husband was a smoker and brought this fact up straight away although my husband had vowed to quit smoking so this didn t affect our chances to adopt. In fact, just two weeks after that first phone call we met with the Social Workers for an initial chat and then we were asked to attend an Information Evening. After that we decided to go ahead into the assessment process which involved attending a four day workshop which gave us a real insight into what adoption is all about and how to cope with the challenges an adopted child might bring. We then had to wait about three months for our Home Assessment to begin, which admittedly was frustrating but I ve since realised that with something this important you simply can t expect to rush things through. Our Social Worker immediately put us at ease and we had visits every two weeks to go through the process. We were kept informed at all times as to what was happening with our application to adopt and, a bit later down the line when our son became involved in the process, it was all done in a very age appropriate way that he found fun and engaging. Five months later we had a few hold-ups getting a date for the Adoption Panel meeting again, we found it a bit stressful but understood that certain situations have to take priority. Our Social Worker kept us informed at all times what was happening, and prepared us well for when we did go in front of the Panel. Being approved to adopt was such an immense feeling! And even with all the delays, our Social Worker had been busy finding potential matches for us to adopt a child we d already asked to adopt a boy between the ages of 3 and 5. So on the very day we were approved to adopt, she had already found a potential match for us. We considered all the information we were given about him and decided to go ahead and it wasn t long before we welcomed a four year old son into our lives. We were fully supported throughout the matching, introduction and placement process and Social Workers still visited regularly after we d settled our new son in and until the formal Adoption Order came through. The day we found out that he was legally a member of our family was one of the best of our lives and we were over the moon to complete our family in this way! Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 7 23/07/ :44

8 Claire and Steven We re an unmarried couple aged 45 and 30 and after 4 years together we decided to start trying for a baby. After no success trying naturally, we underwent a range of fertility treatments which culminated in three unsuccessful rounds of IVF using donor eggs. The final round of unsuccessful IVF finished in November 2011 and we started looking into adoption straight afterwards as we always wanted a family. We were very disappointed by the response from the adoption agencies we contacted they wanted more time to have passed since our IVF treatment but we felt that we were best placed to decide that we were ready to move on and consider adoption. We received the most positive response from Derby City Council who invited us to an Information Evening in January 2012 where we met with the Adoption Team and were told we could go ahead with the application process. We knew our chances of adopting a child from Derby would be slim, but we were just so keen to get the ball rolling. In February 2012 we attended the four Preparation Group sessions and our Home Assessment period started just a few weeks later. It was a far more relaxed process than we expected our Social Worker talked us through everything expected of us and was wonderful. It was intense and invasive at times, but we were able to build a good relationship with our Social Worker and that rapport was essential as we went through the visits and were given the time to reflect and prepare ourselves for what lay ahead. We completed the Home Assessment in August 2012 and were approved as adoptive parents the very next month. We were told immediately of a little boy who would be a great match for us and we were provided with detailed information about him. Thomas came to live with us just before Christmas 2012 and we officially adopted him in June Thomas is a healthy, thriving and wonderfully natured little boy who has seamlessly integrated into our family and has brought us so much joy, with years of happiness ahead of us. Overall, we felt that we have an incredibly positive experience. Whilst extremely challenging and requiring a lot of inward reflection, we felt that Derby City provided us with all the support we needed and we couldn t have asked for anything more. The adoption process has enabled us to have the family that we have strived for over a number of years. Having heard many horror stories about the adoption system as a whole, we were hugely impressed with the efficiency, sensitivity and professionalism demonstrated by Derby City Adoption Team. Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 8 23/07/ :44

9 Margret and Chris I had a seven-year-old daughter from my first marriage when I met Chris and we were keen to give her a sibling. We went through the heartbreak of miscarriage and stillbirth before finally our son Steven arrived as a premature baby with all the medical issues that brings. When we finally brought him home from hospital I just enjoyed the everyday details of being a mum again and understanding how precious children are. So when Steven started school I started thinking seriously about becoming a foster carer, and Chris was interested too so we applied with Derby City Council. We went through the whole process and were finally approved to foster first a new born baby and then we offered respite care for a child. And then along came Lincoln, followed by his new born brother Curtis a few months later. At first it was a foster care arrangement and we fully expected the boys to be moved on in time to live with a new adoptive family. However, both boys were diagnosed with autism plus mild ADHD and finding an adoptive family which would take them on as siblings was going to be difficult. So several years passed and we cared for the boys as several chances of adoption for them came to nothing. Well, it soon felt as if they had never not been a part of our family and Chris and I decided to go ahead and try to adopt them permanently. Once again we went through the whole assessment process this time to become adoptive parents and our Social Worker couldn t have been more supportive. We did understand the reasons why we needed to be re-assessed and of course it was an emotionally hard time. But it s such an important decision to make for the children involved, so we were fine with that. Things can also seem to drag on a bit, but you ve got to appreciate that there s a lot going on behind the scenes and finally the day did come when we adopted these two fantastic boys! I m now a mum of four and it just feels like this is how it s always been. The boys even like their new surname - Lincoln got an award in assembly and the head teacher called out his old name and Lincoln, who has very little to say usually because of his autism, proudly marched to the front and said I have a new name, I am adopted. I think that says it all!! Adoption A4 Profiles.indd 9 23/07/ :44