Home Funeral Guides: Illuminating the Path A Serialized Subscription ebook By Merilynne Rush

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1 Home Funeral Guides: Illuminating the Path A Serialized Subscription ebook By Merilynne Rush Chapter 2: Getting the word out I have been so moved by my experiences with home funeral that I have decided to dedicate myself to home funeral and green burial education and promotion and to being available to guide families. As I have consulted with more families and individuals my conviction to do this has become stronger. I feel more and more settled in the feeling that home funerals are a good option for many people. But there is a great lack of information out there! Because of this, I am trying to educate broadly; I want to let everyone know that not only is a home funeral possible, but it can also be a beautiful and healing experience for those involved. Talking about Home Funeral I don t hesitate to talk about home funeral whenever and with whomever I can. In random conversations (at parties, at church, etc.) I find short, accessible ways to explain what a home funeral is. I get right to the point. I have a one- sentence answer for each of these questions: What do you do? What is a home funeral? What is green burial? If the person is interested and engaged in the conversation or wants to know more, then I continue with a longer exploration of the topic. Thus, I modify what I say depending on whom I am talking with and their response. Here are a few common phrases I might use: It s like what we used to do in the old days. Especially if someone has been cared for at home in hospice care There s no hurry to have the body taken away. It s legal and relatively uncomplicated. When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. If the person I m talking with picks up on the cost savings or the fact that embalming isn t necessary, I respond about that. If they carry the conversation further, I direct them to mine and other websites for more information. If not, then I have at least planted the seed of curiosity and possibility. Usually, people will want to talk about an experience they had, positive or negative. I have had the privilege of hearing beautiful and heartfelt stories. I try to listen and validate their feelings and offer a short phrase of sympathy, if appropriate. We don t have many opportunities to talk about death in our culture. There are often many unresolved feelings about the death of a close friend or relative, or simply questions about the necessity of some conventional funeral practices. This is usually not the time to try to convince someone of another way of doing things, or to be preachy. But if they have questions, I don t hesitate to give some basic, factual information in a caring manner.

2 Follow up building your contacts It is important to offer follow- up with anyone who has shown interest. During random conversations, if appropriate, I ask for an address and offer to send information about my next presentation. Whenever someone s me, I respond quickly and ask a question that invites further contact. When someone says he or she would like to schedule a consultation or presentation, I offer possible times. If I don t hear back within a few weeks, I ping them (send a short, friendly reminder asking if they are still interested). When capturing addresses, it s helpful to make a note about where and how you met the person and what questions they had. I also collect names and addresses at each presentation I give. My list currently consists of about 300 people. I have separate lists for alternative health care professionals, clergy, friends, related business contacts, and attendees of each presentation. About once a month I send a short update about upcoming presentations and other new developments (another local cemetery that does natural burial, for example). I keep the s very short eight to twelve lines. With each I remind people to let me know if they would like to be removed from my list. Only a handful of people have ever asked to be removed. Each time I send an update I get five to fifteen individual responses from a variety of people letting me know that they are still interested, have questions, or just want to remain on the list. Responding to inquiries I get a lot of phone and inquiries because I list my phone number on every and my is on my website. I spend a lot of time on the phone and on the computer. These inquiries come from all over the country (and occasionally from other countries), from: Individuals who are interested in becoming a home funeral guide Individuals who are making end- of- life plans Reporters, researchers and radio show hosts. It is important to respond to these inquiries as soon as possible. I am usually able to do so within 24 hours. (If I am out of the country, or otherwise unable to respond, I list the phone number of a back- up person on my phone message.) I am eager to help people learn so I m willing to spend this time on the phone. I realize that sometimes people are casual in their requests and aren t really seriously looking into it, but I give them the benefit of the doubt. For a beginning home funeral guide this is how to make connections and build a network. Thirty to fifty percent of these inquiries result in further contact of some sort. Those who are doing research usually have a small window of time in which to find answers to their questions. Reporters typically have a day or two to work on an

3 article or spot. People from Australia, Washington, D.C., New York and the local paper have interviewed me because I was the first to respond to a call. Managing your website, using the web I have learned so much about websites, , Facebook, blogging, etc. by doing this work. I wasn t naturally inclined to be on the computer much previously. In fact, I resisted it. But I have come to accept that the web is the primary source of information and contact for many people. It has actually been good for me to improve my skills in this area. I prefer being with people, but being on the computer is a fact of life I deal with, and I won t be able to be with people if they can t find me. I have a dynamic website on which I make changes every few days. This raises my profile on the web to get more hits. I also link to other websites, and read and comment on articles and blog sites. This also sends me more traffic. Almost every call I get was because someone found my website through my keywords and my activity. This is positive use of the web and it s a good thing because I want more people to know about home funeral and green burial! If you do not want to spend time connecting through cyberspace, I suggest you team up with someone who can help you with this part of being active in the home funeral movement. Your community needs you and the information you offer, and they need to know you are there. A website is essential. How about hiring a recent college grad that is eager to do freelance work? Or barter with a grandchild for good home- cooked meals? Or look for a free introductory class that explains the basics about navigating social media? At the very least, one need be able to use , receive and download attachments and make comments on other sites. Giving Presentations A large part of my work is in public speaking and writing. I do presentations for anyone that asks. For the first two years, I did presentations without charge. Now I ask for a modest honorarium and travel reimbursement. However, for some groups I still do presentations without charge. I have a document that explains the presentations I offer that can easily be sent out to anyone who inquires. I also target certain groups and key contacts that I think might be interested. But most frequently, someone who has attended one presentation will then request me to do one for another group. I speak to groups of five or fifty. I have put together a very good power point slide show that can be adapted to each group. I have access to a projector from a local non- profit organization. Being able to project a presentation is very helpful. My power point presentation consists of:

4 A short introduction and brief historical perspective about funeral practices in this country three to five generations ago, and how and when things changed A mention about other cultures funeral practices An overview of state laws and common practices, and the difference A description of home funeral with a photo essay of a family that had a home funeral. This is the bulk of the presentation. (Note: It is important to warn people ahead of time that the presentation contains photos of the deceased, and to encourage them to take care of themselves if this is distressing to them.) Concrete information about how to prepare to have a home funeral and what is needed, emphasizing the importance of family preparation An overview of what green burial is and where it is available locally. At presentations, I make handouts available and have books and other materials on display. The presentation can be done in forty- five minutes or can stretch to ninety minutes, depending on the amount of engagement and questions. Some groups engage on a deep level, especially people who already know each other. The presentation could be the synthesis of forming a natural death care support group within their larger group (more on that later). I have never had a negative reaction or response during a presentation. I believe this is because people sense my caring and respectful attitude and my efforts to honor individuals opinions and backgrounds. I would not engage in an aggressive way or argue in public if someone did disagree with me during a presentation. If there are funeral directors in the audience, I engage them by directing appropriate questions to them, thus enlisting their help, acknowledging their skills and building bridges. (A later chapter will be dedicated to building positive relationships within the funeral industry.) I believe that most people will be moved by the presentation in some way and will understand that home funeral is a valuable, sensible option. Otherwise, they probably wouldn t have attended the presentation. Presentations are the primary way to reach out to people. My first few were awkward, but I got better at it with time and it has been very worth the effort. A funny anecdote: The second presentation I ever did on home funeral was to about 300 people at the local university at an event called Ignite, modeled after the Ted Talks. The format is a five- minute talk with twenty slides - fifteen seconds for each slide. I was very nervous. I had to hone my speech and memorize every word. This forced me to be very succinct and clear. It was a great exercise and everyone loved it, probably just because it was something they had never heard before and it kept them awake! Either way, a lot of people got exposed to the idea very quickly that night! I still run into people who mention they saw me there. Other teaching resources

5 DVD One of the best things I have done is to make an eighteen- minute DVD about Home Funeral and Green Burial. A local videographer who was interested in the topic and wanted to improve her skills donated her time and effort. The video includes interviews with a licensed funeral director, the director of a natural burial cemetery, two daughters that had a home funeral for their mother, and a woman who is planning to have a home funeral and green burial for herself. It premiered on the local community television network and I have sold over seventy copies around the country for a small fee. Because it is short, it is a good introduction and conversation starter. It is ideal for use by home funeral guides or those who have attended a presentation who wish to inform their family members about home funeral. I make it available through my website and at each event. It is also viewable in poor quality on YouTube ( Party I recently attended an end- of- life planning party. A friend who had attended a presentation had this great idea. She wanted to share information with her friends in a light and fun atmosphere, helping everyone to learn and make plans by encouraging each other. She invited friends to her house from 5:00 7:00 on a Saturday evening for wine and cheese and to learn about home funeral and green burial and fill out end- of- life forms. About twelve people came. I gave my power point presentation for about sixty minutes (it was supposed to be forty- five but there were a lot of questions), and then they sat around the dining room table and helped each other talk over their wishes for end- of- life care. I had My Final Wishes ( and Five Wishes ( booklets for sale. Not everyone stayed for this part, but those who did were able to learn about their friends views and desires in a positive way. Each would still have work to do, such as talking to a lawyer or a financial advisor, but at least they got started and were able to share with each other. Appendix Places I have presented; suggestions for you: Clubs Sierra Club, Lions, Rotary, book club, anywhere you have a contact Congregations and Ministry Groups Individual places of worship, either a specially scheduled event or a Sunday School Class, Clergy training/gathering, Ministry Retreat, Quaker and Unitarian meetings (these communities are commonly interested in values of

6 simplicity and/or environmental concern), Women s or Men s Spiritual Group, local Native American group Health Care Related Alternative Health Care Practitioners, Women s health care groups Alternative Health Fair (In my area there is a fair twice a year sponsored by the Steiner School [Anthroposophical Society]) Midwifery groups and associations Local doctors or health practitioners (many of these professions may take up the cause) Social Workers and/or chaplains at local hospitals or Hospice agencies Senior Center Events In my area there is a large Expo sponsored by the local senior center where one can set up a table. Twice I have been asked to attend with a funeral director Environmental Events Sierra Club, Re- Skilling Festival (a local group interested in reviving lost skills for healthy, simple living), Green Fairs, Folk Festival University Anthropology and Nursing Classes General Public (Library, Ignite) Places I have published: Sierra Club News CoSozo Healing Together magazine home- funeral Washtenaw Community College magazine Ann Arbor Chronicle letting- go/ Crazy Wisdom Community Journal, Ann Arbor s Holistic Magazine American Cemetery magazine Aging with Dignity magazine The Episcopal Diocesan magazine A Catholic newsletter Places I have advertised: I have paid a small fee for advertising in two quarterly publications, Natural Transitions (sharing conscientous, holistic approaches to dying, death, and after- death care) and the Midwives Alliance of North America newsletter. Questions for further thought: 1. What are your networking skills? Writing, public speaking, one- on- one conversations 2. With whom and with what groups are you already connected? 3. Have you developed your elevator speech? 4. How much time do you have to dedicate to this work?