N E W S L E T T E R This issue focuses on the topic of abandonment

Transcription

1 N E W S L E T T E R This issue focuses on the topic of abandonment VOLUME XV1, ISSUE 1 SUMMER 2005 CONTENTS July s Women: The Untold Story of Transnationally Abandoned Women By Anu Gurnani 1 Hypocrisy and Betrayal By Soma Dixit 3 Film Review: Paheli...A Fairy Tale By Arti Kakkar 7 Play Review: Gehri Dosti with Benefits By Shanti Wesley 8 News from South Asia Mukhtaran Mai s Story 9 Manavi s 20th Anniversary Dinner 11 Manavi Updates: Advocacy 12 Legal 12 Ashiana 12 Outreach 14 Fundraising 14 Manavi s Participation in India Day Parade 15 Donor List 19 July s Women: The Untold Story of Transnationally Abandoned Women By Anu Gurnani Gita got married in India to Sunil, who was working in the U.S. on an H1B employment visa, and joined him six months later on a dependant H4 visa 1. Though she didn t know her husband for very long before marriage, she trusted him completely once they got married because he was now her husband. Not to mention he was very well-qualified. In addition to being well-educated, he had a good job in the U.S. and came from a respectable middle-class family. Soon after joining him in the States, Gita saw a different side of Sunil. He would get angry at the smallest of things. In his eyes, she could never do anything right. Sunil was a very suspicious person, critical of Gita s appearance, and questioned her every move. Gita could not legally work on her H4 visa, so she was dependent on him financially. She had a Master s degree and wanted to look for a job with an employer who would sponsor her H1B visa, but Sunil would not let her work. What began as verbal abuse escalated into physical violence within a month. Sunil threatened that if she called the police, he would throw her out of the house. Gita did not want to jeopardize her marriage, and did not know anyone in the U.S. with whom she could stay, so she did not call the police, and hoped that Sunil would change for the better. As time passed, things only got worse. Two years later, Sunil arranged for a vacation to India for them both. But once they arrived at the Indian airport, he told her he didn t want anything to do with her anymore, took her passport and return ticket, and abandoned her at the airport. Gita had to call her family to pick her up as she had no money to take a cab home. During the next two weeks, Gita called Sunil but he refused to talk to her, and his parents verbally abused her over the phone. Sunil returned to the U.S., a few days before the return date without Gita s knowledge. Gita was devastated. She called and ed him numerous times but there was no response from him. Soon, his home and cell phone numbers were disconnected and she could no longer reach him. Gita s H4 visa was expiring * The views expressed in this publication are solely of the authors and do not indicate the views or endorsement of Manavi, Inc.

2 at the end of the month and Sunil had not filed an extension. Though her visa was valid for another few weeks, without her travel documents, Gita could not return to the U.S. Transnational Abandonment 101 To the uninitiated, this scenario may seem extreme, a rare occurrence perhaps. However, the reality, from an Advocate s perspective, is that it is far too common. In the last few years, South Asian Women s Organizations (SAWOs) in the U.S. have been receiving an increasing number of s and calls from women in South Asia who have been abandoned by spouses residing in the U.S. The purpose of this article is to raise awareness about the reality of transnational abandonment, a largely under-recognized form of domestic violence, and to shed light on the complexity of the issues involved in such situations. I will briefly describe the common abandonment scenarios we have seen at Manavi, then outline the barriers abandoned women face, and conclude with a glimpse into some of the measures being taken by the Indian government and South Asian advocates in the U.S. to address this important, yet long ignored, social issue. The most common scenarios involving abandoned wives include the following: 1) a South Asian man residing in the U.S. marries a woman in his home country, takes dowry and honeymoons with her, promises to bring her to the U.S. but never fulfills that promise. The woman is left waiting, sometimes pregnant. The spouse files for divorce or annulment in the U.S. or the home country, and often remarries soon thereafter. In the last two years, the plight of these holiday brides has caught the attention of the media, and it is estimated that there are thousands of abandoned brides in Punjab alone 2. 2) a South Asian woman residing in the U.S. is forcibly or deceptively abandoned in her home country by her spouse, who returns to the U.S. and files for a divorce in the U.S. or the home country. If the divorce is filed in the U.S., the woman is usually unable to re-enter the U.S. to contest the divorce due to immigration and/or financial barriers. Advocates at SAWOs are contacted much more frequently by women in the second situation. In recent years, Manavi has seen an increase in the number of requests for assistance from women who were forcibly or deceptively abandoned in their home country. This number reached its peak when in the month of July 2004 alone, we received a number of requests from women who were abused by their spouses while living in the States and later abandoned in India. The title of this paper recognizes these women and the thousands of other abandoned women that each of them represent. What happened with these and other women who have contacted Manavi included the following disturbing modus operandi that is commonly used by abusive spouses: 1. The woman, sometimes with her child, is deceptively or forcibly abandoned in the home country, often unaware that she was traveling on a one-way ticket 2. Her and the child s immigration and travel documents, including passports and return tickets, are stolen or tampered with to prevent reentry into the U.S. 3. The spouse then absconds to the U.S. without the woman s knowledge and goes into hiding 4. The abusive spouse files for divorce or annulment in the U.S. or home country What makes transnational abandon- ment particularly insidious is not only the deceptive nature of the act but the resulting immigration, financial, and legal barriers that geogra- phy imposes. Women on dependent spouse visas, such as H4s, are most vulnerable to transnational abandonment and are sometimes abandoned close to the expiration date of their visas. Transnational barriers What makes transnational abandonment particularly insidious is not only the deceptive nature of the act but the resulting immigration, financial, and legal barriers that geography imposes. Abandoned women trying to re-enter the U.S. face an uphill immigration battle due to the fact that in most cases, the abusive spouse and/or his family takes away the woman s passport. If she files a police complaint in her home country to retrieve her stolen documents, it can take months for the case to be heard. Even if the woman manages to obtain a duplicate passport, she will still need the visa stamp in the stolen passport to re-enter the U.S. Unfortunately, post-9/11, it has become increasingly difficult 2

3 Hypocrisy and Betrayal by Soma Dixit Is ghar mein meri doli aai thi aur is ghar se meri arthi hi niklegi (I came into this house as a bride and will leave this house only as a dead woman). This brings to mind a very familiar scene from any commercial Hindi film where a traditional wife says this about her marital home. This scene symbolizes that for women marriage is supposed to mean an eternal relationship. Till I can trace my memory back in time, I remember making jokes about such scenes with friends, and sarcastically saying that these women will never change! At the same time I don t remember any male characters saying anything similar about their marriages. On the other extreme is the notion that two people who are married or are romantically involved should be with each other only as long as there is love between them and they should part their ways as soon as one of them or both cease to love the other. Wonderful, if two people felt the same way about parting ways at the same time as they felt about falling in love or getting married. But is it really fair to the other person if one decides to unilaterally end the relationship, simply because they found someone else or they feel the relationship is not important anymore? Is this individuality or selfishness? Many South Asian women living in the U.S. find themselves sandwiched between the two scenarios mentioned above. They come to this country with values instilled in them through social upbringing about the importance of marriage in their lives. Simultaneously, their love for the husbands and tremendous faith in them, makes them dream big about their happily married lives together in the U.S. Slowly as time passes by, these women s dreams begin to shatter and the reality begins to set in. Not only do they find themselves conflicted between the values they grew up with and lived with in their home countries, and the new realities of a foreign land, they also find their spouses practicing double standards. Social upbringing, immigration, lack of finances, attachment to her husband: all these factors put together create such a web around the woman that she is unable to understand whether she has become dependent upon her husband or she simply loves and trusts him so much so as to leave the strings of her life in his hands. Usually women do not have separate bank accounts from their husbands, and if they do, they do not have sole access to money in the bank accounts. Also the financial management and financial decision making of the household is in the hands of husbands, not because women cannot do all this, but because they trust that their husbands will do everything in their best interest. Moreover, it seems to be a good division of labor for the husband considering that he will not be able to keep up with an arrangement where he would be doing household chores whereas the wife would be managing the finances. If the wife questions this arrangement, the husband considers this defiance and in turn questions her trust in him. I have come across several South Asian men in the US who believe in traditional values for their wives but western freedoms for themselves. I have also seen them become insecure if their wives started to lead individualistic lives or just talked about doing that. But at the same time they ad- I have come across several South Asian men in the US who believe in traditional values for their wives but western freedoms for themselves. I have also seen them become insecure if their wives started to lead individualistic lives or just talked about doing that. But at the same time they admired and appreciated other Western women whom they thought to be independent and self- reliant. mired and appreciated o t h e r W e s t e r n w o m e n whom they thought to be independent and selfreliant. What can happen further in this relationship if the husband decides that he does not want to have anything to do with his wife anymore? Well, many women Manavi works with find themselves in this predicament and are unable to accept the brutal reality. Lack of family in the US, unfamiliarity with the legal and other systems, lack of financial independence, involvement of children, are just some of the factors that make the woman vulnerable at that time. What should be remembered is that these are external factors only. The internal pain that a woman goes through when she finds 3

4 herself in this helpless situation cannot be even imagined when she is faced with this reality. It becomes so hard for her to come to terms with the fact that the same values that she thought would keep her husband with her are now costing her everything she had or everything she ever wanted to have. We at Manavi have seen South Asian women being abandoned in many ways. Sometimes they are kicked out of their marital homes and sometimes the husbands simply leave them and go away, leaving them without any resources. Many such women have barely lived in the US before they are abandoned. As advocates, we find it frustrating that spousal abandonment is not recognized as a form of domestic violence in New Jersey. In fact, when some women have tried to gain entry into their marital homes after they were kicked out, their inlaws who owned the house have called the police and filed harassment charges against them. Sometimes, transnational issues are also involved with abandonment cases, where the husband does not cooperate in the wife s immigration to the US or abandons the wife in the home country, rendering her completely helpless, so that she is unable to come back to the US (transnational issues pertaining to abandonment have been dealt with by Anu in her article-july s Women: The Untold Story of Transnationally Abandoned Women. In many cases, abandonment is coupled with other forms of violence as well. A man who abandons his wife is also easily able to take advantage of divorce law in the state of New Jersey, while it becomes very difficult for the wife to stop the divorce from going through.* We have seen women get understandably very upset and question that if they got married in their home country, how is it possible that they can get divorced in the US and that their husbands can get out of the marriage so easily? In many cases of abandonment, a man has to only make the argument in Court that he and his wife have been separated for eighteen consecutive months (one of the grounds for divorce in New Jersey), and so he is seeking divorce. Most likely it will not matter to the Court if the man himself made the eighteen month separation possible by never making any efforts to make the immigration of the wife to the US possible, or by simply blocking her immigration altogether. The question that arises for me then is why do these men get married in the first place and whether marriage is a joke for them. They get married, use women to satisfy their sexual needs, use them to do household chores, and then leave or divorce them when they get bored with them. After one cycle like this is complete, they shamelessly get married again, many times getting more dowry from the new bride s family compared to the previous time. Another such cycle begins again. The question that arises for me then is why do these men get married in the first place and whether mar- riage is a joke for them. They get married, use women to satisfy their sex- ual needs, use them to do household chores, and then leave or divorce them when they get bored with them. After one cycle like this is complete, they shamelessly get married again, many times getting more dowry from the new bride s family compared to the previous time. Another such cycle begins again. Many women who approach Manavi for assistance say that they don t wish to be divorced from their husbands and want to know the ways of preventing the divorce from going through. They explain various reasons why they wish to remain married, including that they love their husbands and cannot bear the pain of being separated. Women find it hard to accept that they will get divorced even if that is something they never wanted to happen. May be they feel that Manavi will be able to exercise its authority and make their husbands change their minds about the divorce. And I would like to believe that a woman s hope that Manavi will be able to make things alright comes from drawing a parallel with her home country where sometimes family or community members are able to make the husband stay in the marriage. Sometimes this might be made possible by convincing him that because he got married to her, the wife is his responsibility now and he cannot just get up and leave the relationship. Even the legal system in India recognizes that a spouse is entitled to restoration of their marital rights if the other spouse has abandoned them. But when South Asian women residing in the US are faced with the reality that they cannot prevent the divorce from taking place, they feel broken and betrayed. 4

5 to obtain a visa to the U.S., and dubious circumstances such as spousal abandonment, make it nearly impossible. For women on dependent visas, such as H4s, it becomes a race against time. If they are unable to return to the U.S. before their visa expires, they cannot re-enter the U.S. unless the abusive spouse, upon whom their status is dependent, extends their visa. Even if immigration is not a barrier, for example with abandoned women who have Green Cards, many women simply don t have the financial resources to buy a return ticket and/or survive in the U.S. on their own. As a result, women with permanent resident status who are unable to re-enter the U.S. within the time required by U.S. immigration law end up losing their Green Cards. To complicate matters, abandoned women served with divorce or annulment papers filed by their spouses in the U.S. do not get their day in court because they are unable to return to the U.S. While, in theory, the women can seek the help of a lawyer in their home countries to respond to the divorce summons, lawyers there are understandably unfamiliar with Family Law in the U.S, which governs matters of divorce, financial support and child custody, and varies from state-to-state. Moreover, judges may require the woman to appear in court in person to contest the divorce or, as an alternative, be represented by an U.S. attorney on her behalf. Due to immigration and financial constraints, most women can neither appear in court nor hire a U.S. attorney. The divorce then goes through ex parte (unilaterally) resulting in the abandoned woman losing spousal and/or child support that she may rightfully be entitled to under U.S. law. Under Indian law, abandoned women can file a charge against their spouses for restitution of conjugal rights. While this charge makes it difficult for the abusive spouse to initiate divorce proceedings in India, it does not prevent a divorce from being filed in a U.S. court. There is no equivalent to this law in the U.S. Other barriers to seeking help Abandoned women also face tremendous resource, social and systemic barriers. To date, there is a dearth of resources for abandoned women, and most women are not aware of the few resources that do exist. As a result, many abandoned women and children, who may be able to legally re-enter the U.S. if they had the right information and support, miss that window of opportunity. Even if a woman does manage to return to the U.S., many obstacles lie ahead if she does not have the social support of her community both in the U.S. and her home country. Firstly, the woman would need a place to stay and a job to support herself, and her child should there be one. Secondly, it can be very difficult to locate the absconding spouse, who may have relocated, quite possibly to a different state. If the residence of the spouse is unknown, courts cannot enforce a support order making it impossible for a woman to receive child or spousal support. Unfortunately, all too often, friends or community members who may know the whereabouts of the absconding spouse do not reveal this information to the woman because they don t want to get involved. Unless accompanied by physical violence, abandonment is often not viewed as a form of domestic violence in systems including mainstream domestic violence and legal agencies. Hence, services available to other survivors of domestic violence, such as shelter space, may not be available to abandoned women who return to the U.S. Moreover, abandonment per se is not a crime in the U.S., so women have limited legal recourse. Lastly, abandoned women on dependent visas, such as H4s, are not eligible for immigration remedies under the Violence Against Women s Act (VAWA) that are designed for abused spouses of U.S. Citizens or Green Card holders. These harsh realities make the outlook for abandoned immigrant women especially grim. Looking ahead Though there seems to be a recent influx of cases of women being abandoned transnationally, this phenomenon is not new by any means. It has been going on for as long as South Asians have migrated abroad. However, it is only recently that this historically under-recognized issue has caught the attention of government officials, the media and public at large. Perhaps one important reason that has led to this increased awareness is that women are no longer keeping this devious form of abuse private, and are reporting it to authorities in increasing numbers. Abandoned women are sharing their stories with each other 5

6 and organizing to ensure that their stories are heard. Their efforts have finally captured the attention of the Indian government. In 2003, abandoned women from the Indian state of Punjab, where there are record numbers of holiday brides, met with a top government official to speak out against the deceptive tactics of their non-resident Indian husbands and urged the government to take measures to prevent such incidents in the future 3. Many of these women have children who have not seen their fathers in years and in some cases ever. More recently, in May 2005, the Secretary of the Ministry of Overseas Indian Affairs (MOIA), Mr. S. Krishna Kumar, met with advocates from around two dozen South Asian organizations in the greater NY/NJ area to discuss domestic violence and abandonment of women in our communities. The advocates, including representatives from Manavi, framed the issues involved including the many hurdles faced by abused South Asian immigrant women. When asked what the Indian government is doing to address this critical social issue, Mr. Kumar announced that the MOIA is undertaking a public awareness campaign to educate women in India about the reality of domestic violence in the U.S., ways in which they are vulnerable, and the resources available to them. One of the ways in which this outreach will take place is in the form of pamphlets. The advocates present at the meeting were encouraged to contribute to this educational material. In the U.S., South Asian women s advocates have identified a need to share strategies and resources for assisting transnationally abandoned women. In response to this growing need, there will be a workshop dedicated for just this purpose at Aarohan 2005, the third national conference for SAWOs, which will be hosted by Manavi from September 9 th 11 th, We believe that this forum will be an important step toward arming advocates with the tools to better assist women facing this particularly insidious form of domestic violence. 2005, from february2005/dishonorabandon.htm. 3 Deserted Wives of NRIs meet Swami. (2003, June 16). The Tribune. Retrieved May 17, , f r o m h t t p : / / www. tribuneindia. com/ 2003/ / nation.htm. Anuradha Gurnani (better known as AnuG ) is the Legal Coordinator at Manavi. So let s pick up the threads from the beginning of this article. Is the individual more important or the institution of marriage? I don t have an answer to this question. But this much I will surely say that one individual cannot be more important than the other, in marriage. Can individuality be justified even if it means hurting and shattering the other s life? And is it fair to expect that the wife will suddenly unlearn what she learnt all her life about the importance of marriage when she is suddenly told one day that the marriage is over? And should the institution of marriage be considered a joke by the husband that he can abandon the woman at his whim? *Since it is beyond the scope of this article to discuss family law as pertains to different US states, my discussion was limited to New Jersey law as applies to divorce. 1 To preserve confidentiality, this example is a composite of several women who contacted Manavi. 2 Melwani, L. (2005, February). Dishonor & Abandon. Little India. Retrieved May 17, 6

7 Paheli a Fairy Tale b y A r t i K a k k a r Mujhse pehle kisine nahi poocha mujhe kya chahiye, to mai kya bolu. Jab jaane waale ko nahi rok saki to aane waale ko kaise roku? (No one has even asked me before what I want, so what can I say. I couldn t stop someone from going away, how can I stop someone from coming?). Lacchi s response to the confession of a passionate ghost of a puppet, in the film Paheli, represents the feelings of many women in this patriarchal world. The solitude of abandoned wives in the patriarchal setup has been depicted in many movies in the past years, but Paheli seems to have highlighted the emotional and physical needs of a woman wrapped in humorous lustrous traditional clothing. The movie begins with Lacchi getting married to the son of a businessman, who abandons her for five years soon after marriage, to expand his business and the ghost of a puppet taking his place. Lacchi has no say in the matter but with change of luck gets to choose to have a relationship with the ghost who For years men have chosen e v e r y o n e women who are virgins or they thinks is her think are virgins, not realizing husband. that there is more to a woman s sexuality than a layer of tissue. The fulfilling relationship of Lacchi and the ghost illustrates the need for healthy show of affection for partners, which is usually a taboo in South Asian culture, especially for women. For years men have chosen women who are virgins or they think are virgins, not realizing that there is more to a woman s sexuality than a layer of tissue. Culturally, the South Asian woman exudes sexuality, yet she is expected to remain in a state of naiveté, starting from sari, kajal/surma, henna and many more traditional garments and ornaments that are specially designed to augment sensuality. Yet, majority of men prefer to want to believe that they are naive, at which the question of their insecurity arises. dialogue between the partners. Lacchi s character portrays this aspect beautifully. In contrast to Lacchi is Gajrobai (Lacchi s sister-in-law) whose husband abandones her and leaves the house for an absurd reason of losing his dignity due to a lost camel race. During the colorful backdrops of traditional Indian household and the beautiful clothes and jewelry, one feels the agony and loneliness of Gajrobai s character and the fulfillment of Lacchi s emotional and physical needs. When people hear about a husband cheating, they say that the wife couldn t keep him happy; in contrast to the foul language a woman has to hear about her character if she cheats. Luckily for Lacchi, and surprisingly for the audience, people accept the real- When people hear about a husity and confu- band cheating, they say that the sion and no wife couldn t keep him happy; one questions in contrast to the foul language her. I think a woman has to hear about her this is where character if she cheats. the fairy tale part of the movie starts because one can hardly imagine such unconditional acceptance of women in our culture. The journey from the movie Sahib Bibi Aur Ghulam to movies like Fire, and Silsiley have conveyed messages of the upward movement of sexual rights of w o m e n i n o u r c u l t u r e. The young generation often internalizes ideas passed on by parents and others about relationships with context of insignificant concepts such as virginity, rather than more meaningful concepts such as communication, confidence, and healthy thinking. But no matter how much the patriarchal system wants to connect a woman s innocence and character with her virginity, the things are changing for good. And hopefully will continue to change. As a society, each one of us can make that difference and Amol Palekar s Paheli, a fairy tale may no longer be just a fairy tale. Generally speaking, ownership of sexual rights seems to be the property of the males in our culture, who fail to realize the equality of both partners in a relationship. What should really happen is that women should be in control of their own sexuality, like men, and there should be open 7

8 Gehri Dosti with Benefits by Shanti Wesley The title of Paul Knox s series of five short plays, Gehri Dosti (deep friendship in Hindi) makes me think of the many times I ve heard that term used as a euphemism to describe a particular relationship between two men or two women: rather than acknowledging the romantic, physical, or sexual dimensions of the relationship, it s easier to describe it as a deep friendship. It allows us to avoid the reality of relationships that do not fall into a restrictive heterosexual pattern, relationships that challenge traditional definitions of gender, love, and sexuality. Knox refuses to allow his audience to hide behind the euphemism, and his five plays frankly present the often painful, sometimes humorous experiences of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered individuals in South Asian communities. I found the next play, Eating Jain, to be the strongest in the show; the relationship it depicts has real warmth, humor, and texture. Mahvi, a young Jain man, and Bobby, a New Yorker, are on the night train from Calcutta to Puri. It appears to be the perfect romantic getaway, except that Bobby hopes it s the beginning of a new phase of their relationship, whereas Mahvi knows it s actually the end after the trip, he s planning to fulfill his familial duty by marrying the girl that his parents have chosen for him. But you re gay, Bobby says incredulously when he learns of Mahvi s plans. No, Bobby. You re gay. I m just a man who loves men, responds Mahvi. While Mahvi s response may initially seem to signal his own reluctance to come out, I think it s actually an interesting comment on culturally specific labels and identity. Maybe gay is more culturally specific than we realize, perhaps it s not a term that individuals from different cultural, social, or ethnic contexts want to embrace in the same way that queer communities in the west are able to. Maybe Mahvi, by drawing a distinction, is resisting the fact that his sexual preferences define his whole identity. He may be in love with Bobby, but he also loves his family, understands his duty to them as a son, and puts honoring them above his individual happiness. Eating Jain is connected to the next play, I Am Mou, by the threat of violence just beneath the surface. Throughout Eating Jain, Mahvi is worried that someone will walk in on Bobby and him, that they ll be arrested, abused, or The play cycle begins with Loving Japamala, a glimpse into the sweet, unlikely relationship between Japamala, Maybe gay is more culturally raped if discovered. Bobby a young nun from Calcutta visit- specific than we realize, perhaps brushes this off as fear of embarrassment, but it s actually anxiing a convent in the South it s not a term that individuals Bronx, and Tommy, a local man from different cultural, social, or ety about the very real possibility of a violent response to the who volunteers at the convent s ethnic contexts want to embrace weekly soup kitchen. Japamala in the same way that queer discovery of a same-sex relationship. While Mahvi s fear is is drawn to Tommy because of communities in the west are what she sees as his dedication able to. never realized, I Am Mou to and joy in doing God s work. proves the threat of violence to She doesn t know Tommy is gay, and, for her, the be very real. fact is irrelevant since she has no expectation of him reciprocating her feelings. Tommy, while not Mou is the story of two women in love, told sexually attracted to Japamala, is touched by her through the words of N, her lover, Mou, and N s optimism, her ability to believe the very best of husband, P. Rather than acting out or depicting him. The play s strength is the sincere affection the action, the characters describe the action to between two characters with widely divergent the audience directly in intertwining, intersecting histories who nevertheless experience a strong monologues. For some, this may have a distancing effect, but I found it to be an effective and connection with each other. haunting way to describe horrific events. N has followed the traditional path expected of her as a wife and mother but has always felt empty and disconnected from her life; I was nothing to myself, she confesses. We may initially even sympathize with her husband P, carrying out his duty as a husband and father, bewildered to find that he can forge little real connection with his wife. Completing this triangle is Moumita, the new governess, with whom N be- 8

9 Mukhtaran Mai s Story an Inspiring Story Mukhtaran Mai is a Pakistani woman from the small village of Meerwala, located in the Muzaffargarh District of Pakistan. Mukhtaran Mai was raped on the demands of tribesmen, or by some accounts, on the orders of a panchayat (tribal council) of a local clan known as the Mastoi. After the conviction of her attackers, Mukhtaran became a symbol for advocates for the health and security of women in her region, attracting both national and international attention to these issues. Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf awarded Mukhtaran a financial settlement which she used to build two local schools, one for girls and another for boys. Some Western donors have also come forward with contributions. Mukhtaran testified that in June 2002 her adolescent brother Shakoor was suspected and accused by the Mastoi of committing ziadti (rape, sodomy or illegal sex) or zina (fornication or adultery) with a Mastoi girl, Salma, also known as Nasim. Mukhtaran's family proposed to settle the matter with the Mastoi by marrying Shakoor to Salma, and marrying Mukhtaran to one of the Mastoi men, and - if Shakoor was found to be at fault - to give some land to Salma's family. But this proposal was refused and zina for zina was demanded as revenge. Immediately afterward and less than a hundred meters from the akath, Mukhtaran was forcibly dragged inside into a dark room with a dirt floor, where she was raped by four men. Her father and uncle were kept from saving her, and were kept outside, by Mastoi men. After about an hour inside, she was pushed outside wearing only a torn qameez (long shirt). The rest of her clothes were thrown out with her. Her father covered her up and took her home. A local Muslim imam (mosque prayer leader) condemned the rape in his sermon on the Friday after it occurred and brought a local journalist to meet Mukhtaran's father and persuaded the family to file charges against the rapists. Mukhtaran and her family went to the police station to file charges. In the next few days and months, the story became headline news in Pakistan and the international world. Mukhtaran's attackers, and the Mastoi of the so-called panchaya that conspired in her rape, were sentenced to death by the Dera Ghazi Khan anti-terrorist court. The court convicted six men and sentenced them to death in August In March 2005, five of the six men sentenced to death were acquitted on appeal by the Lahore High Court, the highest court of the Punjab province. The Pakistan government decided to appeal the acquittal, and Mukhtaran asked the court not to order the release of the five men, who then remained in detention under a law that allows for a 90-day detention without charges. The Lahore high court ruled in June 2005 that the rapists must be released. Just over two weeks later the supreme court suspended those acquittals and ruled that the men, along with six more who were acquitted at the original trial, would be retried. Also in June 2005, shortly before she was scheduled to fly to London on the invitation of Amnesty International, Mukhtaran was put on Pakistan's Exit-Control List (ECL), a list of people prohibited from traveling abroad, a move that prompted protest in Pakistan and around the world. Musharraf in a press conference in Auckland, New Zealand revealed that he had ordered the travel ban to protect Pakistan's image abroad. Musharraf said Mukhtaran Mai was being taken to the United States by foreign nongovernment organisations ("NGOs") "to bad-mouth Pakistan" over the "terrible state" of the nation's women. He said NGOs are "Westernised fringe elements" which "are as bad as the Islamic extremists". Then in June itself, Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz ordered Mukhtaran's name removed from the ECL. However, it was reported by New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof, that as Mai returned from the 9

10 US embassy in Islamabad, after getting her passport stamped with a US visa, it was confiscated once again, rendering her unable to travel outside the country. On 29 June 2005, on his personal web site Musharraf wrote that "Mukhtaran Mai is free to go wherever she pleases, meet whoever she wants and say whatever she pleases." gins a passionate relationship. By recognizing and acting on her desire for Mou, N finally discovers herself. My body was no longer my dungeon, N marvels, It became, I became a temple The play then explicitly articulates the violence that Eating Jain only hints at - P discovers N and Mou together one night and, soon after, arranges for Mou to be gang raped and brutally murdered. P tells us that he brings the knife that ripped Mou open to N and rapes N while describing Mou s death to her. P s murderous outrage, striking in contrast to his earlier benignity, is an extreme example of the violence that threatens those who transgress the restrictive boundaries of acceptable or normal sexual behavior. Two Men in Shoulder Stand presents violence of a different sort the damage that HIV/AIDS can wreak on a body and on a relationship. Hasan is HIV-positive and is dealing with his feelings of guilt (he apparently became infected while cheating on his long-term partner, Sarath), despair, and resentment. Sarath is the supportive partner who refuses to allow Hasan to wallow in his negativity. While I found the play a bit slow at times, it did offer a nuanced portrait of a long-term relationship weighted with grief but still buoyed by affection and humor. in her mind, is to supply her with a green card so that she can move to the States and conquer Hollywood. Ashu instead rekindles a relationship with Ayesha, a former neighbor. Ravi ends up discovering bliss and his inner cool with Rabi, the errand boy, who also turns out to be Ravi s longlost brother. Even the old matchmaker Indira finds love with the faithful house-man, Mr. Singh. The piece ends with the classic Shakespearean/ Bollywood multiple weddings, and the local hijras arrive on the scene to bless all the unions. Like Nick Bottom s troupe in Midsummer, the hijras perform a hilariously cheesy play within a play which teaches the importance of honoring love, all love, wherever it may be. Writer/director Paul Knox has structured his play cycle shrewdly, drawing us in with the sweet connection between Japamala and Tommy before offering up the richer, more complicated dynamic of Eating Jain. I Am Mou is the dark center of the show, and Knox does well to buffer this disturbing, experimental piece with more accessible fare. The delightful Tara Tara Didi may send us home smiling, but it s a sign of the show s effectiveness that the pain and loss of the earlier plays linger long after we ve left the theater. Tara Tara Didi ends the show on a note of hilarity; it spoofs the gender masquerades and multiple couples of Shakespeare comedies like Twelfth Night, As You Like It, and A Midsummer Night s Dream and sends up Bollywood potboilers about long-lost siblings and multiple romances. Didi tells the story of Ashu, a Bollywood starlet engaged to Ravi, a nerdy mathematician whose sole purpose, 10

11 THE MANAVI 20th ANNIVERSARY DINNER MARCH 4, 2005 Shamita Das Dasgupta, Radha Hegde, Shashi Jain, etc. six women who came together in 1985 and started Manavi, counseling women in difficult situations, and at times even sheltering them out of their homes. 20 years on, Manavi has evolved, grown, and now provides a whole host of formalized services. However, the entrenchment of Manavi neither was nor is its goal for our continued existence signifies that the problem that we seek to eradicate still exists. Though strengthened by the long-term commitment of its members, the evening served to remind ourselves that the battle is far from won. The evening was kicked off by Manavi Director For 20 years now, Manavi has had a Community Dinner event regularly. The regularity and long history of this event has infused in it the richness of tradition. Manavi, evolving out of the community, comes together as a community once a year, on this occasion, to reaffirm our commitment and faith in the effort towards ending violence against women in the South Asian community. New community members are welcomed, and often take on the torch, approaching the issue with renewed vigor and energy. It serves, also, the vital purpose of raising funds and resources for the work, a task for which Manavi supporters never fail to appear. Maneesha Kelkar, who introduced the speaker for the evening, Seema Singh. Ratepayer advocate and member of the Governor s Cabinet, Ms Singh gave a powerful speech on the state of affairs for women and lent voice to the determination felt by all committed to the cause. A short overview of Manavi was provided by Vinita Jethwani, who has been staff, board member and long standing volunteer at Manavi. Anuradha Gurnani, Legal Coordinator of Manavi, doubled up under the name AnuG as Emcee for the evening, and introduced Dorris Garcia. This year, being the 20th Anniversary of the birth of Manavi, lent a special, warm as well as sobering aura to the event. We had the opportunity to recognize the six founders of Manavi Dorris Garcia then walked up to the podium and spoke with undistilled courage of the violence she had undergone in her life, stating quietly and firmly that after 23 years, she had decided that 11

12 Manavi Updates Advocacy Collective Update The bi-monthly Collective meetings provide an open space for advocates to share their experiences and insights, and allow staff and volunteers to work together in addressing any advocacy concerns that come up. Volunteer advocates are encouraged to share their ideas and strategies within the Collective to enhance group learning. In early 2005, Manavi staff received a two-part training on family and immigration law, from attorneys at Legal Services of New Jersey. Since volunteer advocates do direct service with women, this training was very useful for them and they were given the option to attend them. Because of summer vacations, several volunteers are unable to attend the advocacy training that was initially scheduled for July We now plan to have this training in Fall Volunteers interested in working as advocates/ counselors are required to attend this training. During this training, volunteers are introduced to critical issues in intimate partner violence, and relevant resources and policies are shared with them. Manavi s support group continues to meet on the second and fourth Saturdays of every month and offers women a safe and confidential space to come forth and share their experiences. Some of the discussions we have had have included the topics of mothering, son preference in South Asia, and a workshop on relaxation and guided imagery. The potluck party held towards the end of the year 2004 had a large turnout and was a huge success! From January 1, 2004 to March 31, 2005, Manavi has worked with a total of 327 women who have approached Manavi for assistance. The following is the break-up of hours for some of the services that Manavi provided to women: Services provided Hours spent Individual Counseling 771 Advocacy 420 Legal Assistance 353 Ashiana 243 Accompaniment 60 Support Group 201 Other Services 136 LEGAL COLLECTIVE UPDATE In the last year and a half, Manavi advocates worked with women whose legal cases involved restraining orders; spousal and child support; divorce; child custody and visitation; international child kidnapping and transnational issues. In a large number of cases of women on dependent immigration status, immigration was frequently used as tool of control by the abusive partner. Additionally, Manavi staff and volunteer advocates worked on several complex cases including women abandoned in South Asia by their abusive spouses. In most cases, the women were abused in NJ by their spouses, then forcibly or deceptively abandoned in their home countries. The abusive spouse then absconded to the U.S. and relocated, making it impossible for their wives to contact them. The plight of these women highlights the fact that abandonment is a grim reality for many South Asian immigrant women in abusive relationships. The flagship of Manavi s legal advocacy program is the Legal Clinic, which was established in 1997 for low income South Asian women in NJ who are in abusive relationships and not legally represented. The Clinic is held twice each month, alternating between New Brunswick and Jersey City, and provides a crucial service by offering free half-hour consultations in a culturally sensitive and linguistically accessible environment with family and immigration law attorneys. Here are a few highlights from Manavi s Legal Advocacy Program from 2004 to 2005: Quarter Four new attorneys signed up to volunteer at Manavi s Legal Clinics and receive referrals. 2. Sheila Jayaprakash, a women s rights lawyer and activist from Chennai, India, met with Manavi staff 12

13 for an information-sharing meeting where she discussed the rights of women under Indian law as well as the many transnational legal issues we encounter in our work. 3. The Legal Clinic screening process was updated and formalized to ensure that women who have the least access to legal information/resources are given priority at Manavi s Legal Clinics. The process allows Advocates to consider factors such as income, immigration status, access to financial and legal resources, and time-sensitivity when allocating Legal Clinic time. 4. The Legal Resource Center was created by Legal Collective volunteers and interns. Printed legal material such as brochures, articles and training materials was catalogued and filed to serve as a resource for Manavi staff, volunteer advocates and the women we work with. Quarter In response to feedback from Legal Clinic attendees, the first Clinic each month was moved to a weekday to accommodate women who cannot attend on Saturdays due to work or because it was difficult for them to attend the Clinic when the abusive spouse is home. The added advantage of the weekday Clinic is that it also allows other Manavi staff members to participate and enhance their legal advocacy skills. The second Clinic continues to be held on a Saturday. 2. Legal Coordinator, Anuradha Gurnani, and former staff member, Shanti Wesley, conducted a training for the staff of the Middlesex County Family Court. Participants included Intake Staff and Probation Officers who deal with domestic violence cases. The contacts made with the Court staff are invaluable since Manavi advocates often accompany women to the Court for hearings. 3. A summer Legal Internship was launched at the end of this quarter. The goal of the Internship is to involve law students or graduates in Manavi s legal advocacy work. The Legal Intern will primarily provide support at Legal Clinics. In the future, interns will work directly with women who call Manavi for assistance under the supervision of an attorney from Legal Services of NJ. Quarter Anuradha Gurnani compiled a resource guide of legal organizations in NJ for low income individuals. The guide, which will be used internally by staff to refer women to local legal resources, is organized by County and area of law (family or immigration) for quick reference. Quarter A formal partnership between Manavi and Legal Services of NJ (LSNJ) went into effect in this quarter. As a result of this partnership, Family Law attorneys from LSNJ s Domestic Violence Representation Project will conduct one of Manavi s two Legal Clinics each month. Quarter Twenty-four Legal Clinics were scheduled for Attorneys were scheduled based on area of law (family or immigration), preference for Clinic location (New Brunswick or Jersey City), and availability (weekday or weekend). 2. Attorneys Sherril Reckord, Monica Gural, and Tim Block from LSNJ conducted a training for Manavi staff and volunteer advocates on domestic violence and family law in NJ, and immigration law with an emphasis on the Violence Against Women s Act (VAWA). 3. Staff members, Soma Dixit, Lakshmi Rajagopal, and Anuradha Gurnani conducted a day-long training for attorneys and paralegals at the LSNJ office in Edison. The training was Ashiana Collective Update Since January 2004, Ashiana has had seven women and four children reside over the period of one year. Residents have successfully moved towards independent living situations and some have also purchased their own vehicles. Few have joined school with the assistance of scholarships. Manavi team of dedicated volunteers has supported the residents in various ways towards safe and independent living, providing them with groceries, interpretation, transportation,, housing assistance, and outings. Ashiana Collective has also been active assisting the Ashiana residents with computer courses, 13

14 ESL classes, and job counseling. Thank you Shubra, Madhavi, Irvi, Anjali, Sumi, Uma, Paras, Hima, Lata, Nihar, Radha, Ritu, and Corina for all the work you have done for Ashiana. Please don t forget that together we can make a Outreach Collective Update The Outreach Collective has been continuously reaching out to the South Asian community in order to raise awareness about Manavi and the issues it deals with. Simultaneously, we have also been conducting cultural sensitivity trainings for mainstream service providers, so that they can better assist South Asian women who have experienced violence in their lives. Below are some of our Outreach highlights from January 2004 June 2005: Tabling at a Rutgers University volunteer recruitment event, NJ Speaking at Harvard South Asian Dance Company Show, MA Training for NJCASA s (New Jersey Coalition Against Sexual Assault) WOCC (Women of Color Caucus), NJ Interview for BBC, NJ Speaking at event organized by organization called Women s Rehabilitation Group, NJ Talk for LGBT Community Center in NYC Talk for a class on South Asian Diaspora, New York University, NYC Training for Women Aware, Domestic Violence agency in Middlesex County, NJ Speaking at a Princeton University class, NJ Two training sessions for Passaic County Domestic Violence Response Team, NJ Meeting with officials from N. Middlesex County Regional Domestic Violence Response Team Board Members, NJ Training for Jewish Family & Children s Service at Mercer County, NJ Organized a talk by Flavia Agnes, a women s rights activist from India, NJ Interview by journalist from GURLS magazine in India Training for Middlesex County Family Court staff, NJ Training for a service providing organization called Catholic Charities, NJ Interview for Bibi magazine Presentation at WCBS-TV meeting with community leaders, NJ Training for WAFA House (Islamic Center of Passaic County), NJ Tabling at Johnson & Johnson s South Asian group s picnic, NJ Radio show with WCNJ 89.3 FM Television show with TV Asia Manavi s 20 th Anniversary Fundraising Dinner Celebration, NJ Talk for Rutgers University Women s Political Caucus of New Jersey Training for legal Services of New Jersey (LSNJ) Tabling and presentation at MIT Spring Cultural Show, Cambridge, MA Tabling at India s Best in America 2005 talent show, NJ Flyering at temples and South Asian stores, NJ Interview with Star Ledger Presentations at house parties, NJ Meeting with Secretary, Ministry of Overseas Indian Affairs, Consulate General of India Office, NYC Presentation at a dance competition, NJ One way of getting the community involved in Manavi s work is by encouraging people to volunteer at Manavi. Our volunteer program requires people to attend an orientation session before they begin their volunteer work. In 2004, we organized four volunteer orientations in the months of March, June, September and December. For the year 2005, we organized a similar volunteer orientation in April. Several enthusiastic volunteers joined the Manavi family as a result of the orientation sessions. Volunteers assist the staff with direct services as well as outreach and fundraising, apart from office support. /G FUNDRAISING UNDRAISING/G /GRANTWRITING COLLEC- TIVE UPDATE We are pleased to announce that the fundraising/grantwriting collective has continued to grow, and we warmly welcome new members to our group. As always, our collective has focused on raising funds for Manavi through a variety of strate- 14

15 Manavi Participates in India Day Parade On August 14, 2005, the Indian Business Association held India s Independence Day Parade on Oak Tree Road area in Edison and Iselin, New Jersey, and Manavi participated in the parade, making its presence felt in a big way. Enthusiastic and dedicated Manavi members marched along with the parade, holding the Manavi banner and colorful posters, with powerful messages about anti-violence issues. The messages on the posters were loud and clear There is no Excuse for Domestic Violence, and Let s Work Together to End it. Manavi members got a lot of support from other parade participants as well as onlookers, who were intrigued but at the same time impressed at the slogans as well as Manavi women who were carrying the posters with the slogans. At one point, a participant came towards the Manavi group waving the Indian flag and chanting- Manavi ki jai ho (Long live Manavi). This was very encouraging to the Manavi contingent, as we were not too sure how the community and the leaders would react to our presence at the parade. Overall, we were extremely happy to have done this important outreach, which gave huge visibility to Manavi as well as the issues we stand for. 15

16 gies. We hope you can help Manavi reach its fundraising goals. Below are some ways you can help support our efforts: Make a tax-deductible donation to Manavi. All donations directly benefit our programs. Inquire about employer match programs at your workplace. Many employers will match all, or some, of your donation to Manavi. Donate to Manavi through United Way. Our reference number is Encourage your community members to support Manavi through individual donations, and to explore the employer match option as well. community-based organizations such as Manavi, or have foundations that support organizations in which their employees volunteer. Inquire about these foundations and pass the information on to the Fundraising/Grantwriting Collective (contact Lakshmi/Maneesha). The fundraising/grantwriting Collective organized Manavi s 20th Anniversary Dinner on March 2005 (see article in this newsletter) which was a huge success. We greatly appreciate the enormous efforts that went into organizing this event. Many employers have foundations that support no one needed to live like that, and that she deserved better. She spoke of the support she had received from Manavi and the time she spent at Manavi s transitional home, Ashiana. Now, she said, she had moved out, found herself a job, and lived a life of freedom and safety. Holding her voice steady, she reached out to the audience saying If I can do it, anyone can do it. No one needs to live in violence and fear. The audience, moved to tears, stood up to give Dorris the ovation she richly deserved. Mr Samir Sharma, DJ, provided a seamless backdrop with his choice of music, and later in the evening delighted and drew the audience onto the dance floor with his inspiring dance numbers. The indisposition of the scheduled stand-up comic for the evening, while disappointing, provided us with the opportunity to invite audience members to come to the stage. This brought Ms Preeti Mathur to enchant those present with the rendition of a Meera bhajan, and she was followed by Mr Rajshekar Iyer, who providentially turned out to be a stand-up comic himself and tickled the audience with his light and easy humor. Dinner was a spicy event, and Mr Upendra Chivukula, ( ) stepped up to lend his congratulations to Manavi and committed himself to its cause as a friend in need. 250 people members, friends and community lent their support by attending the event, held at Chutney Manor restaurant on March 4, 2005, and more than a dozen people came forward as sponsors for the event. Manavi volunteers spent gruelling hours helping in the organization of the event and then turned up in force to assist in the smooth flow of the evening. When all was said and done, and people had trailed home, satiated and spent, the contributions, sponsorships and generous ticket sales left Manavi with a net amount of $15,000. Thank you to all of the Manavi family and supporters you help us keep the faith. 16

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18 Letter from Doris Ashiana (Transitional Home) ex-resident I was a victim of domestic violence. My situation was so terrible. I left everything I worked for over the years and got out. Claiming what was rightfully mine would have cost my life. I had nowhere to turn. I reached out for help and Manavi came to my assistance. They offered every possible resource. For me Manavi was a blessing. I moved into their transitional home Ashiana, where I was safe while I rebuilt my life. Without having to worry about rent or utilities, which I could not afford. I had people to help me through this difficult phase in my life. The Manavi staff did everything. They made calls, found me a lawyer and I got divorced. With their assistance, I underwent a baby nurse and computer training course. I had a counselor who would talk to me even outside of Manavi office hours. I could not have done this without Manavi s help. I m still in contact with them. My heartfelt thanks to members, staff and volunteers. 18

19 DONOR LIST FOR MANAVI Manavi wishes to recognize those of you who have made donations to our organization. This list reflects period January 2004 to June If you find mistakes or omissions in this list, please accept our apologies and notify us. Ajay Mathur Ajit K. Kothari Akhlesh K. Mathur Akola Krishnan Anika Rahman Anil Hingorani Anil K. Saksena Anjali Khurana Anjali Srivastava Anne B. Ciemnecki Anver M. Emon APASHA Apurva Shah Arati Chaudhury Archana N. Mankad Arun & Kalpana Kumar Arundhati Kulkarni AT&T AT&T Foundation Barbara & Malcolm Sheinker Charan & Uma Garg Charanjeet Kaur Charleen E. Hird CMS Systems, Inc. Communication Finance (CIT) David M. Hindman Durgesh Hajela Elizabeth Van Iperen Ellen L. Koblitz Fidelity Charitable Gift Fund FI-TEK, LLC Gauri Modi Gayle K. Stein Gita P. Desai Gitl Schaechter-Viswanath Gopali Vaccarelli Hema Jain IBM Ila & Ajit Kothari Ilene Singh Iltifat A. Alavi Indira Mathur Jawahar R. Gaddam Jyoti Agarwala Kamal Dua Kameshwar D. Mathur Kanak Dutta Kanchan Patel Kasturi Dasgupta Kavita Goyal Kid Potential, LLC Krishna Hegde Kusum & Sharadendu Heda Lakshmi Challa Lalita Arya Lata Phadke Liz Claiborne Foundation M.R. Bhat Madhavi Prakash Madhuparna Sanyal Madhuri & Ramchandra Joshi Mahip & Anita Jalan Mangal & Chanchal Gupta Manju Bhatnagar Manju Chandra Marathi Vishwa, Inc. Maria & Anthony Cutie Maya Yajnik Merck Partnership for Giving Mona Srivastava Monawar Hossain Namrata Choudary Neha & Gyan Bhatia Nihar Sharma Om & Joan Srivastava Poornima Sudhindra Popat & Guptaji Inc Prabha Tandon Prabhu Patel Prakash S. Lothe Pratima Rao Preeti Mathur Rahul & Ruchi Srivastava Rahul Raizada Rajal Mahesh Patel Ram & Purnima Misra Ranjana Mathur Rash Behari Mathur Renee J Mathur Richard S. Gelfond Ruchi Srivastava Rutgers University Sandra Woodward Sanjay Ramkrishna Kedhar Sarah & Ranjit Ahluwalia Scott J. Stein Shaheena Arshad Shaila Patankar Shaila V. Nayak Shamita Das Dasgupta Shehzad Hussain Shirley Kowdley Shri A or Nalini Kumar Shripad B. Tilak Smee Chatterji Soami P. Mathur Soma Mandal Sukanya Mahadevan Suman & Bal Goyal Sunita J. Shenai Sunita Mathur Susan & Warren Nadler Susan D Susman Tamraparni Dasu Teresa & Steve Chan The J.P. Morgan Chase Foundation The McGraw-Hill Companies Theresa C. Wojekoski United Way Veena & Dilip Jalan Vijay K. Jain Vinita Jethwani Yamini Lal Zeenat Q. Malik Rama Jain 19

20 An organization for South Asian Women P.O. Box 3103 New Brunswick, NJ Ph: Fax: YES ES!! I WANT TO SUPPORT MANAVI ANAVI S EFFORTS TO KEEP ALL OF OUR COMMUNITY MEMBERS SAFE! I will make a tax-exempt donation to Manavi in the amount of: $35 $50 $75 $100 $200 Other Please make checks payable to Manavi, Inc. and mail to: Manavi P.O. Box 3103 New Brunswick, NJ