CHAPTER 42. Talking with confidence

Transcription

1 CHAPTER 42 Talking with confidence

2

3 As we ve seen, being a good listener is important but, of course, you need to be a good talker, too. You need to interest others enough to make them want to talk with you. In the end, it comes down to confidence, but there are strategies you can use to help build that confidence, and the more you make yourself take the initiative, the easier it all becomes. In this chapter we ll shift the focus to concentrate on speaking face to face and on the phone. Self-control and self-projection We re still focusing on the impression you create as you interact with others. You want to show that you believe in what you re saying, and that you re confident about it. Try to keep it brief and to the point but don t just make it a series of bullet points liven it up with examples, quotes, humour and anecdotes. Vary your tone and avoid the tendency to let your voice lift at the end of each sentence. That makes it sound as if you re uncertain and asking questions all the time. Once again, eye contact is important. If you let your gaze flick about or wander, it can make you look evasive. That doesn t mean you have to stare, but keeping that personal contact gives what you re saying more impact.

4 20 brilliant workplace skills for students & graduates Choosing your conversations It s natural for all of us to want to speak to some people but avoid speaking to others for all sorts of reasons. The important thing is that you mustn t let your likes or dislikes show either way. So if it s someone you want to speak to, don t rush up to him and seem too eager to be in his company. Wait until you see he s alone or can be approached without disturbing him unduly. If others try to talk to you while you re on your way to him, be polite to them but don t let them start up a conversation. If you want to avoid someone, the simplest way is not to approach or encourage them. But they may still approach you so, if they do, be polite, greet them but don t let the small talk get going. Excuse yourself, tell them there s something you have to deal with, smile and move away or return to the task that needs your urgent attention. brilliant tip It s usually much more productive to make a few meaningful, memorable contacts than to flit around chatting with lots of people. Rudeness and reactions Being rude is never justified. Even when the person you re trying to avoid is annoyingly persistent, be polite. And, if others are rude to you when you try to make conversation, don t sink to their level. If you re snubbed in that way, stay calm and try turning the remark they made back on themselves. Don t let them see that it s affected you but let them know it was rude by asking them, calmly and politely, to explain what they meant. They ll probably end up digging a deeper hole for themselves. We can all think of the witty thing we should have said in reply to a snub, but by the time we do it s usually too late, so just

5 Talking with confidence 21 forget about it and move on. Don t give them the satisfaction of showing that it offended you and don t start a sort of playground contest to show which of you is better at ignoring the other. Just be yourself and stay in control. If you let their remarks get to you, you re letting them dictate what happens. No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them. So make it clear that you re not going to react to whatever it is they ve said. And if they ask you questions or continue with the rudeness, don t respond. If a question isn t answered, it s usually more uncomfortable and embarrassing for the person who asked it than for yourself. brilliant dos and don ts Do Express your ideas and opinions with confidence and conviction Control and vary the way you speak Project your voice when you re speaking to a group Speak clearly and correctly Don t Express self-doubt or seem to be making excuses Mumble Laugh nervously or give other signs of embarrassment or lack of confidence Use slang, nicknames or swear words Conversational strategies It s natural enough to be a bit defensive at the beginning of a conversation with someone you ve just met. Neither of you is ready to drop his guard until he knows he can trust the other. So try to find common ground so that you can enter each other s

6 22 brilliant workplace skills for students & graduates world. It can be a bit tricky because, if the other person thinks you re just barging into his private territory, his defences will be even higher. Make it as relaxed as possible. Talk to him respectfully, listen and let him know somehow that you re not trying to compete with him. Don t boast or show off in any way and, if you do try asking more personal questions, wrap them up a bit in expressions such as Do you mind if I ask you? brilliant tip If you re keen to get on to a specific topic, don t force it; approach it gently, hesitating a bit and just suggesting it as a possibility. You ll quickly learn whether it s OK or not, either by him saying he d rather not talk about it or through his body language. If he nods and leans forward it suggests he s interested, but if he folds his arms and avoids making eye contact, it s probably better to change the subject. Body language All the gestures we make and the stances we take up are part of the whole communication process. If you can read these nonverbal messages, you ll learn even more than by just listening. People can be careful with their words, but their bodies sometimes give them away. If you learn a bit about body language, your own and other people s, it ll give you more control. Think about your personal habits and the typical gestures you make and practise controlling them so that you can make sure you re sending out the right signals. Of course, body language isn t as easy to understand as the spoken word. It depends on where you are, what your own personal habits are, and the context in which you find yourself. There s no dictionary that tells you a specific sign always means the same thing. We mentioned folded arms because that s usually

7 Talking with confidence 23 thought to be a defensive gesture, but it might just be because the person feels cold. It s a question of being observant and aware of changes of expression or tone. brilliant dos and don ts Do Sit or stand up straight Keep your body facing towards the person you re speaking to Hold your head high Relax your arms and legs Smile Make eye contact (although in some cultures this isn t appropriate) Respect people s personal space Don t Tower over someone Hunch your shoulders when you stand Slouch when you sit Stare at the floor Fold your arms or cross your legs Scratch your head Fidget with your hair, pen, notes or anything else On the phone When you re phoning someone or taking a call, body language isn t a factor. But it can pose its own problems, especially if the call s important, you don t know the other person, or if you re in an open plan office.

8 24 brilliant workplace skills for students & graduates Making calls Before you start, think about why you re calling, who the best person to speak to is and what you want to say. Make sure you re calling at an appropriate time too, especially if it s an international call. If you need to refer to notes or other materials, make sure they re at hand. When the person answers, tell them, as briefly as possible, the purpose of the call. Don t waffle or sprinkle your sentences with um and er. Don t gallop through your words speak clearly and give your name and company or department if necessary. If you have questions to ask, keep them clear and simple and give the other person time to answer. Spell any difficult names and repeat contact numbers. If you have a loud voice, try to keep it at a level that s loud enough for you to be heard clearly, but quiet enough not to disturb others around you, especially if you re in an open plan office. If it s a real problem, try to find an empty office from which to make the call. Be friendly and courteous to everyone, including switchboard operators, secretaries and anyone who s simply connecting you to the person you want to speak with. Check that it s a convenient time to call. If they say it has to be quick, tell them honestly how long you think it ll take. Take as much care ending a call as you did starting and continuing it. Don t suddenly ring off but, if you re finding it difficult to get away, explain that you have to go to a meeting and thank them for their time. brilliant tip It s best to avoid making personal calls in the office. If you have to, though, be discreet and brief and make sure you re not disturbing anyone.

9 Talking with confidence 25 Taking calls Don t let a phone ring more than three times before answering and, when you pick it up, have a professional greeting ready not just Hi or Hello but something like Good morning/ afternoon. Sheila McCall speaking. My name is Sheila McCall sounds like the beginning of a confession, whereas This is Sheila McCall is neutral and inoffensive. If you need to, you can also give the name of your company or department, but don t turn it into a grand list of things. Be careful with your tone of voice. If you ve been interrupted by the call or it s inconvenient, it s too easy to let your irritation show and it ll be noticed. Stay polite and always try to be helpful. If the call s about something you can deal with, do so. Don t pass it on to someone else. If you re not ready to take the call or you don t have the information you need for it, don t waste the caller s time. Ask if you can call her back later. If you do take the call, make sure that you both agree on any decisions that have been made and end it with a quick summary of those decisions and what each of you needs to do about them and by when it must be done. Always make sure, before you end the call, that you know the caller s name and contact details, and let her hang up first. All these suggestions amount to common sense and basic politeness, but you shouldn t underestimate their importance. Answering calls properly, leaving clear messages, staying friendly, polite and communicative they re all indications that you have a professional attitude and approach. You want to create a positive impression and you won t achieve that if you re stumbling, incoherent or rambling. And, even if your caller is rude or aggressive, don t play his game. Stay in control.

10 26 brilliant workplace skills for students & graduates brilliant tip can be helpful, especially when you re planning to discuss something over the phone. Send an to the person you ll be calling and give her time to read and absorb it before you get in touch. You can also send another afterwards to make sure you both agree on who s doing what by when. Taking a call for someone else If you have to answer someone else s phone, make it clear right away that you re not the person the caller is looking for by saying something like: Hello, Jack Deacon s line. Tony Carr speaking. Tell them why Jack isn t available before you ask their name. If you don t they may think he s just avoiding them. As you say why he s unavailable, don t give out any personal information, such as He s gone to the doctor s or He s not in yet. Keep everything positive and professional. If you have to give an excuse, don t make it a vague, feeble one ( He s busy ), and don t use the same one every time ( He s in a meeting ). Also, try to give the caller an idea of when Jack should be available. You could offer to get him to call them back later. Alternatively you could suggest they stay on the line, but you should give them a realistic idea of how long they might have to wait. Never leave a caller on hold for more than three minutes. Let her know what s happening and ask her if she still wants to hold. Each time you get back to her, remember to thank her for holding. You could also ask if you, or someone else, can help her in Jack s absence. If you then need to transfer the call, tell her that s what you re going to do. Explain why and tell her who you re transferring her to. Stay with her until the new connection s been made. Tell the person you re transferring her to what she wants so that she doesn t have to repeat it all.

11 Talking with confidence 27 Taking a message When you take a message, note the date and time, the caller s name and contact details and why they re calling. Check how the name is spelled and get the phone number with the correct area code. It s also worth reading the message back to the caller to make sure it s correct. Put the message in a place where you re confident your colleague will see it and make sure to check later that he did get it. brilliant tip If you might have to transfer calls, learn how to before you receive any. It s usually a straightforward process but if there s any element of pressure it can become stressful. Voic If the person you re calling isn t there, you may have to leave a message, so plan what you ll say and maybe make a few notes before you call. If you haven t done that and you find that you need to leave a message, ring off, think through what you want to say, then ring back. Don t be tempted to improvise because it may simply produce a long, rambling message which is repetitive and not very clear. To structure your message: Give your name (and company or department, if appropriate). If there s no identifying message, say who you re calling. If it s the first time you ve called them, tell them where you got their name and number. Note the time and date. Tell them briefly why you re calling and, if it s a complicated message, say you ll the details to them.

12 28 brilliant workplace skills for students & graduates Tell them what you ll do next, which may be that you ll call back or wait for them to get in touch with you. Say how urgent it is, and leave your number, which you should repeat to give them a chance to make a note of it. This is making it all sound very long-winded and formal, but you should aim to make it as brief and as natural as possible. If it does need to be long and you know you ll need to leave more than one message, say so: This is the first of two messages I m leaving. If you hadn t anticipated it but you find your message needs to be continued, say so at the end of the first and the beginning of the second The message will be continued on a second voic and This a continuation voic from Tony about the agenda for the Thursday meeting. brilliant tip What happens sometimes is that people keep calling one another, returning calls, and failing to connect each time. If this happens, tell them you ll call again at a specific time. It s then important that you do so because you won t be popular if the person has kept his line free and the promised call doesn t happen. Your own voic greeting Even in your absence, you want to create a good impression, so try not to sound bored or mechanical. Make the message brief, cheerful but businesslike. The most frequently used formula is something like This is Simon Ross s voic . I m sorry I can t take your call now. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and I ll get back to you. If you re not going to be able to listen to your messages for a while, update the message to say so. Tell callers how you can be contacted if it s urgent or suggest someone else who may be

13 Talking with confidence 29 able to deal with the issue while you re unavailable. Remember to change the message back when you return. brilliant recap How to be good at both listening and talking. Some thoughts on body language. The techniques of taking and making phone calls.

14