Cobham Evening. Where did I come from?

Transcription

1 Cobham Evening Where did I come from?

2 Who am I? Tracy Clelland University of Canterbury Health Education lecturer Family Planning educator High school teacher for 15 years Parent of two boys (10y and 8y) Board of Trustees member Writer of sexuality education resource for 5-8 year olds

3 Outline Intro Sex vs sexuality education Sexuality education in NZ Talking about Gender Puberty quiz- communication-opening the discourse Answering questions Conclusion and questions

4 Remember what it feels like to Do you remember being? be young 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20? Falling in love for the first time? Getting that physical tingle you didn t understand? Fancying someone if only from a distance? Being dumped or dumping someone? Laughing again when you thought you never would? Why is it important to remember?

5 The concept of music When you go to a musical and really like it, you often leave the show humming the melody of a favourite song. People rarely sing the lyrics because they can t remember them. The same can be true in sexuality education. When we talk with children about sexuality, they may not remember many of our actual words. But they will remember the tone of the conversation and the feelings engendered during the discussion. (Wilson, P. When Sex is the Subject: Attitudes and answers for young Children)

6 Sex vs Sexuality What s the difference?

7 "Sex education" and "sexuality education" Sexuality education is much broader than "sex education" which relates only to the physical aspects of sexual and reproductive knowledge.

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9 Sexuality Education in New Zealand Takes a positive view of sexual development as a natural part of growing up. It encompasses learning about 1. Physical and emotional development, including sexual and reproductive knowledge 2. Gender identity 3. Relationships, friendships, whānau and social issues. It sits within the broader area of relationship education, which also includes : Social and emotional learning (SEL), and violence prevention education. 1. Interpersonal skills to enhance relationships- decision making, assertiveness, conflict resolution, listening, expressing emotions.

10 Sexuality Education in New Zealand In sexuality education young people learn about themselves and develop knowledge and skills that will help them to interact in positive, respectful, and supportive ways with others. Through learning about sexuality students also come to understand about the social and cultural influences that shape the way society views gender and sexuality. Q : What ways have you already raised discussion on the above issues?

11 Research demonstrates how harassment originates from gender and sex based discrimination Martino and Pallotta-Chiarolli (2003) provide many examples of young people talking about how stress and the need to fit in affected them. Dealing with stress, and recognising and expressing emotions are key components of emotional wellbeing. Barker (2000) in particular, reviewed multiple studies that demonstrate boys want help with emotional issues, but are; less likely than girls to have someone to talk to, or seek out help from external agencies. Boys find it more difficult to manage EW due to an environment that sustains and supports pressure to conform to the gender norms around masculinity. (Keddie, 2006; Skelton, 2001; Warrington & Younger,2011; Weaver-Hightower, 2008)

12 How do we empower young people to question gender expectations? Gender

13 Some facts about young people, sex and sexuality Most young people under 16 don t have sex Most young people want to be good at friendships and relationships We can have a hugely significant influence on children s lives Remembering what it feels like to be young is vital

14 NZ Research (Youth 2012 study)

15 (Youth 2012 study)

16 What did the youth experts say?? Knowing about boyfriend/girlfriend friends v sexual attraction Hanging out with opposite gender is OK Don t tease students about having a boyfriend or girlfriend encourage friendships with whatever gender Encourage acceptance of people who are different Talk with kids about how to behave around the opposite gender rules for dating social skills with people saying what you mean and meaning what you say Discuss gendered sport and feelings about gender roles Body image re weight be aware of pressure from magazines Talk about Communication Relationships (Healthy) - no pressure to have a partner-but DONT SAY DON T- positive messages

17 Let s have a go at talking Year 7-8 Puberty quiz

18 Communication Parents as expert sexuality educators But how do you answer questions?

19 Questioning Discuss Parents: what are helpful tips/ways of answering questions or starting discussions? Young people: What do you want to talk to your parents about? How do you want to start discussions with your parents

20 So how can you be a resource for your teen, without embarrassing both of you or alienating your child? Answer questions calmly and courageously- Your teen will be watching you carefully. Keep aware of your body language Take a deep breath before using comments like,: Where did you learn about that? Have you done it? Why are you asking me? If you express dismay, shame or punish a child who admits to thinking about sexual stuff, it s highly unlikely they will open up to you again. Use movies or television to open up the topic for you. What do you think?

21 When you talk with your teen about sex, don t just focus on your fears, such as pregnancy. Also include the important components of relationships related to emotional intimacy, communication and your family values. So how can you be a resource for your tween, without embarrassing both of you or alienating your child? Don t say We ll talk about this when you re older. If your teen is asking now, it s because there is interest now. Ask clarifying questions. For example: That s an interesting question what brought this up for you? or I just want to make sure I m clear about what you re asking, so I need a little more information from you to make sure I m answering the right question.

22 Questions and Answers What do you think young people want to know? Lets do an activity In pairs, discuss how you would answer the questions. Use the guidelines

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24 I ll do it from the top, like popular/cool, inbetween/normal, loser and nerd (Clelland, 2011) Macca - Typical Dad, don t talk to him about it [sexuality]. I - What s that, typical dad, what do you mean by typical Dad? Macca - They just shut off, they don t want to do anything about you know the talk. I - So why is that, do you others agree or do you have different experiences? T.G - Nah, I haven t tried to talk with my parents, I just do it [talk] with my friends. I - Right so you talk with your friends? Jay, so you agree it s a typical thing that dads do? [Shut off when talking about sexuality] Jay - It s not like I want to talk to my dad about it [sexuality]. M.W - It s a mum kind of thing to talk to her about it. Dads don t really talk about that stuff. I - That s the question I want to ask of you Why is it that Dads don t talk about sexuality with their sons? Macca - Because they just give the stupidest answers.

25 Some future thoughts for parents. TED talks Thinking of sexuality education in a different way. Hidden meaning in Kids movies happy confident young people - A 13 year old delivers an excellent lesson to parents. Watch this with your children.

26 Websites /links Short video about consent using the concept of a cup of tea. UK website set up for young people to access correct factual, straight up information that is correct. Many parents and youth will learn lots from this site. Please note it does talk openly about sexual topics. Upworthy- an excellent site that has lots of thought provoking discussion on a range of social issues such as gender equality.

27 Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?