Black Man in a Cowboy Hat The filmstrip we watched in health class today started by calling it a "treasure hunt." I had never seen a Black man cowboy

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Randolf Carson
7 years ago
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1 Black Man in a Cowboy Hat Word Count: 1550

2 Black Man in a Cowboy Hat The filmstrip we watched in health class today started by calling it a "treasure hunt." I had never seen a Black man cowboy before. He was outside and he had a fife going and he was pitching a tent. Near the end, he tipped his hat and said that for every boy this is a "personal journey of selfdiscovery." I didn't understand. As far as I could tell a personal journey ofself-discovery was not a treasure hunt. At the beginning of class all the girls left the room, including Mrs. Reynolds. As they were leaving, Mrs. Reynolds said that as part ofthe nation's bicentennial celebrations, the boys were getting a brand new filmstrip, with an actor from a hit TV show. She didn't know who he was and she didn't say anything about the bicentennial being three years ago. The girls left our classroom. In a couple minutes, Mr. Eggbert came in to watch the filmstrip with all the boys. Mr. Eggbert started the filmstrip and told us to just be quiet and watch. I didn't recognize the Black cowboy because I don't get to watch TV very much. He walked next to a brook and talked about things changing, like winter becoming spring, grass sprouting, the eventual fall of Communist Germany and bulls noticing heifers. No one was really paying attention. I saw Billy picking his nose; he was really digging in there. Then the cowboy said a word I'd only heard Dr. Cohen say: Penis. Then we were all paying attention.

3 BlackMan... 2 He seemed to like to say Penis and he said it a lot. His voice almost made a popping sound on the letter P when he started to say it each time. He said things like, "Here's some friendly advice, boys, don't compare your Penis to anyone else's because they come in all shapes and sizes. Yours is as good as the next guy's." The teachers made us watch this filmstrip, even though the cowboy was saying things we'd get in trouble for saying. Hector once got in big trouble for saying... I think it was butt munch. This cowboy's mouth was way more dirty than Hector's could ever be. The cowboy mounted his horse and rode him through a meadow while talking about erections. He talked about erections for a long time without saying what they were, so long that I started thinking they were candy that the Quicky Stop didn't have. He finally told us what erections were. A while ago, on the church steps, I heard two high school boys joking about dicks and talking about boners. I'd put together what that was. Erections and boners sounded like the same thing. I've had that once or twice, I think, but I'm not sure. I noticed that the faces oftwo or three of the oldest boys in my class went red when the cowboy finally explained erections. Then I sort ofgot embarrassed, but only because the other boys were. Then the cowboy was in a room where there was a line of cowgirls dancing, He watched the girls for a minute and then said that he was getting an erection and he winked at us. He told us why we get erections, but I didn't believe him. I would have heard of this before. At the end, the cowboy said, "Remember boys, unless you've met with a very unfortunate accident or mutation, you all have Penises and you should never be ashamed of that. Dangle proudly. I always do." He smiled showing shinny, white teeth. "Have a pleasant afternoon," he said. And that was the end.

4 Black Man... 3 While Mr. Eggbert rewound the film and moved the projector to the front ofthe room, none ofus moved. Mr. Eggbert asked ifwe had any questions. I wanted to ask why no one had told us about this before. Ifevery, or almost every, man and boy has a dick and we all get boners, why didn't we talk about it the way we talk about snow when it snows. I wanted to know why people act like dicks are a secret, but I didn't want to be the first to ask a question. Spencer raised his hand, but only halfway. Mr. Eggbert nodded at him. Spencer dropped his hand and asked, "Do you get erections?" Mr. Eggbert's face turned the same color as the outside ofa radish. It seemed like he didn't want to answer. "Well... Yeah, sometimes." "How much?" He kind ofshifted in his seat. "Well... I'd say about every other day. Or maybe once a day." That seemed like a lot to me. Before I could raise my hand and ask my question, the bell rang. We got our jackets and backpacks. On the walk home, I noticed that none ofthe girls were talking to any ofthe boys. I wondered what their filmstrip was like. They were all carrying little brown bags, the kind you put your lunch in. I wished I had gotten a treat for watching the filmstrip. I heard Beth tell Billy that the girls all had brown sacks because girls are more special than boys and that's why girls have babies, and boys don't. I couldn't see what babies had to do with paper bags. When I got home, mom asked me what we did in school today. I wasn't sure what to say. I had always thought I wasn't supposed to talk about the things the cowboy told us. It's just understood that your mom doesn't want to talk about your dick. For a minute I thought about telling her that a Black cowboy told me that over the next few years I would be getting more and more erections. I'm not sure how, but I knew she wouldn't

5 Black Man... 4 like me saying that. I might get into real trouble. She would tell dad and he'd get mad too. He might not be mad that I know about boners. He'd be mad that I talked to mom about them. He might even grab the top part ofmy ear and twist it. That's what he does when he's really mad. It's hard to tell though cause I don't always know what'll get thenl mad. I told mom we had a good game ofkickball at lunch recess and we worked on dividing with remainders. After I was finished rinsing the dinner dishes and had them loaded in the dishwasher, I went to my room. I was lucky to have my own room. Most ofthe boys in my class had to share with their bigger brother, or their little brother. Hector has to share with his sister. I sat at my desk trying to think about math, but I couldn't stop thinking ofboners. Maybe I hadn't really had one before. The cowboy made it sound like I really should have had one by now and that I should be sure that I had had one. Every man gets boners. IfI didn't get one, I wouldn't be a man. I looked from my math book to my zipper. There wasn't anything happening in there. The cowboy got a boner when he sawall those girls dancing. I didn't have any dancing girls, and I had no way ofgetting any. I thought that ifi just thought about getting a boner, then I'd get one. I squeezed my hands on the edge ofmy desk, sucked my stomach in tight and thought about it. For a long time I thought about boners and getting one ofmy own. It didn't work. Last year, I tried real hard to be good at baseball, but I stink. No one picks me for their team. Getting a boner is the same way. I stink at it. I felt so bad that I couldn't figure out how to get a boner that I changed into my pajamas and went to bed.

6 BlackMan... 5 I had had my eyes closed for a few minutes when Dad opened my door. He said it was time for prayers. I told him I already said my own. He seemed to want to say something else, but he closed the door. Maybe it's okay to talk to dads about dicks. After all he has one too. But I don't know. Dads don't seem much better than moms. So, now I'm just lying here in bed. Yesterday I didn't even know that erections and boners were the same thing, and I didn't know what they were for. I don't really like girls all that much yet. I think the cowboy said you have to be in the same room with a cowgirl to get an erection. I don't want to do the thing he said erections are for. I don't want to go on a "journey of selfdiscovery." I want a boner and I want one tonight before I fall asleep. I just want to know what it's like to have one. I lift my covers and look down toward the button on the front of my pajama pants. Still nothing. Maybe I'll be able to get a boner in the morning. The Black cowboy said we can't command our dicks to pop boners. He sure didn't lie about that.

Trouble at Recess STUTTERING FOUNDATION THE PUBLICATION NO. 0034

Trouble at Recess STUTTERING FOUNDATION THE PUBLICATION NO. 0034 Trouble at Recess THE STUTTERING FOUNDATION PUBLICATION NO. 0034 Trouble at Recess Publication No. 0034 Published by Stuttering Foundation of America ISBN 0-933388-60-1 Copyright 2008-2014 by Stuttering