The Sibling Bond: Its Importance in Foster and Adoptive Placements

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1 The Sibling Bond: Its Importance in Foster and Adoptive Placements A training based on the Administration for Children & Families and the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services. One (1) Training Hour towards Foster Parent Relicensure.

2 The Powerful Sibling Bond: The Story of Anne & Amy Loss is all to familiar to 35-year-old Amy. First it was her childhood. At nine, because her parents were not able to care for her younger sister, she became the caregiver to six-year-old Anne. Two years later, she lost her parents and her home. She and Anne were moved by the authorities into foster care after it became clear that their parents could not provide a safe and nurturing environment. It was especially difficult for Amy, who had to relinquish her parental role to her new foster mother.

3 The Powerful Sibling Bond: The Story of Anne & Amy The most wrenching loss of all was at the age of 12. Amy s Social Worker believed it would be in her best interest to live in a home with girls her own age. For the first time in her life, she and her sister were separated.

4 The Powerful Sibling Bond: The Story of Anne & Amy It was devastating for both of them. Amy s self esteem plummeted because so much of it revolved around her ability to take care of her sister. Anne, too, was destroyed by the move for she no longer had the only constant in her life. Her sister, in addition to being her best friend, had also been her consistent source of advice and approval.

5 The Powerful Sibling Bond: The Story of Anne & Amy Anne was later adopted by her foster parents and moved with them to another State. The sisters lost touch with each other. They also lost their ability to trust and to form lasting relationships when they became adults. At 35, Amy says I will never forget the day I had to leave my sister. We were both crying, and I felt like the world was a terrible and hostile place. As the months went by, I could feel myself close up. The more I thought about what happened to me, the more angry and bitter I became. If the Social Worker who was supposed to be concerned for me had the power to take away my sister, I could never trust anyone again.

6 The Powerful Sibling Bond: The Story of Anne & Amy Today, the sisters are in contact with one another. They see each other from time to time, but they do not have the close relationship that they might have had if they not been separated. Amy lives alone, insists she will never be married, and prefers a solitary existence where no one can hurt her. Anne has been divorced twice and says that intimate relationships are impossible for her to manage. When someone gets too close, she unconsciously sabotages the relationship.

7 The Sibling Bond The story of Anne and Amy demonstrates the powerful bond that exists between siblings and what can happen when its broken. Today, mental health experts are beginning to recognize the significance and power of the sibling relationship. It is, they say, longer lasting and more influential than any other relationship. When it is severed, the fallout can last a lifetime.

8 Statistics Despite the new knowledge, statistics indicate more and more siblings have to experience the same heartbreak % of children in care have at least one sibling. About 30% have four or more. Since finding homes for these children is difficult, current estimates indicate 75% of sibling groups are separated while in care. For most of them, it means losing the only significant relationship they have known.

9 How Strong is the Bond? In early childhood, siblings are constant companions and playmates. Through games and conversation, they learn to interact with the larger community.

10 How Strong is the Bond? During adolescence these bonds may weaken as they exert their independence and individuality. In adulthood, when they have families of their own, the needs of their families take precedence. However, the sibling ties often emerge stronger during this period. They generally want to share their struggles and triumphs with each other.

11 How Strong is the Bond? The bond exists in siblings from welladjusted families, but it is even stronger for siblings from dysfunctional families. They learn very early to depend on and cooperate with each other to cope with their common problems.

12 How Strong is the Bond? Separated siblings in foster care or through adoption adds to their emotional burden. They have already had to cope with the loss of their parents. If they are then separated from their siblings, they must experience the grieving process all over again. For many children, this separation is even more traumatic because, often they have been abused/neglected at the hands of their parents, which will create stronger ties to each other than their parents.

13 Book: Adopting the Older Child by Claudia Jewett Children separated from brothers and sisters may never resolve their feelings of loss, even if there are new brothers and sisters whom they grow to love. There may be more drive in adopted adults to track down their remembered siblings than there is to locate their birth parents, so great a hole does the loss of a sibling leave in one s personal history. Many adopted adults desperately want to meet a person who they think might look like them. Seeing similarities between themselves and their biological siblings helps to answer elusive questions they may have about their heritage.

14 Today A greater number of former foster children are searching for their siblings than are searching for their biological parents. They are suing child welfare agencies in order to get them to release information- and they are winning. States and courts have begun to recognize the importance of the sibling relationship not only the biological siblings, but also psychological siblings.

15 Why are Siblings Separated? There are no laws stating siblings must be together. With more children entering the child welfare system, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find families willing to accept siblings groups. Caseworkers may believe that separately, the siblings may have a better chance at finding permanency since more families want to adopt just one child. If one sibling is victimizing the other. The siblings may sabotage placements. Inability for the siblings to get along- sibling rivalry One child is the caregiver to the other causing role confusion.

16 Research Findings When siblings are separated because of rivalry, it teaches them the way to deal with conflict is to walk away and not work it out. Siblings who remain together learn how to resolve their differences and develop stronger relationships. The responsibility felt by an older child may not necessarily be negative. It can be used constructively by caregivers to help both children develop appropriate roles with each other. Even a needy child does not necessarily benefit from being an only child. The child may become for the parents the embodiment of all their hopes and aspirations. The child may be expected to change troublesome behavior sooner than he/she is able. When a sibling is removed from a home because of behavioral problems, remaining children get the message that this may happen to them as well. It reduces their sense of trust in adults. Removing siblings from a home when one has victimized the other does not guarantee the abuse will not reoccur. Therapy may be a more appropriate intervention.

17 What can I do as a Foster Parent? If your licensing capacity is more than one, ask placement if there are any sibling groups available. THERE ARE ALWAYS SEPARATED SIBLINGS IN CARE!!! At all cost try to keep siblings together, separating them may cause behavioral problems that may be solved when they have each other. Just remember: If reunification is not possible, the Agency will do everything in its power to place siblings together. During your foster home relicensure, tell a Foster Home Development Counselor that you are interested in taking siblings. We will pass this information on to our Specialist who attends Separated Sibling Staffing s each month. They will better be able to identify a home if we know they are available. This speeds up the process to place these siblings back together!

18 TEST

19 1. Mental Health experts are beginning to recognize a sibling relationship s A. Insignificance B. Need for monitoring C. Significance and power D. Strengthening through separation

20 2. The bond between siblings in dysfunctional families is usually welladjusted families. A. Stronger than B. Weaken than C. Similar to D. None of the above

21 3. Reasons for separating siblings include: A. Providing undivided attention for children with problems B. To avoid children banding together to sabotage adoption C. When one child has problems giving up their role as a parent D. All of the above, although numerous studies invalidate these reasons

22 4. When older children take on the role of parent to a younger sibling, A. They should be placed in different homes B. Time-out methods should be used to force a change in behavior C. It can be used to help both children develop new roles with each other D. All of the above

23 5. When a sibling is removed from a home, A. Children may get the message the same thing may happen to them B. If separation is due to sibling rivalry, then it teaches walking away from conflict C. Abuse by one of the children may not stop D. All of the above

24 6. Barriers to placing siblings together may be: A. Limited number of families willing to take sibling groups B. Costly search for willing foster parents C. Perception that sibling group might overburden a family D. All of the above

25 7. Separating siblings can lead to their inability to form lasting relationships later in life. A. True B. False

26 8. What percentage of siblings are separated in foster care? A. 65% B. 30% C. 75% D. 95%

27 9. More adopted adult children try to locate their biological siblings than their birth parents? A. True B. False

28 10. What can I do as a foster parent? A. Request siblings groups B. Inform Placement and Foster Home Development that you have room for siblings C. Both A & B D. None of the Above