1 An Intrductin t Relatinship Systems Intelligence Advanced Caching fr Individuals, Grups & Organizatins
2 TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION... 3 WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP SYSTEMS INTELLIGENCE (RSI)?... 3 Emtinal Intelligence (EQ)... 3 Scial Intelligence... 4 RELATIONSHIP SYSTEMS INTELLIGENCE (RSI) - RELATING TO THE WHOLE... 4 BUILDING RELATIONSHIP SYSTEMS INTELLIGENCE... 6 Key Dialgue Cmpnents... 6 Behavirs That Build RSI... 7 ABOUT CRR GLOBAL... 7 BIBLIOGRAPHY... 8 Cpyright 2013 Relatinship Systems Intelligence 2
3 INTRODUCTION N matter what kind f wrk yu d, yu (and yur clients r emplyees) are always in relatinship. Cmpanies wrk with a bewildering array f: tp up and tp dwn reprt, crss departmental cmmunicatin, client cntacts, team interactins, clleague cllabratin, etc. All thse cntacts hinge n gd relatinship skills t be successful. Yur clients/emplyees are als affected by family pressures, cmmunity and scial interactins. Research has cnclusively fund that while IQ is the best indicatr fr educatinal status, Emtinal Scial Intelligence (a key cmpnent f Relatinship Systems Intelligence ) seems t be the best determinant f ne s level f achievement and success in mst prfessins and in marriage; (Gleman 2006, Shda, Mishel, & Peake 1990, Durlak & Weissberg 2007, Gttman 2002). D yur clients r rganizatins struggle with any f the fllwing, either persnally r in their teams? Pr r txic cmmunicatin patterns Ineffective r cnfusing cmmunicatin Unprductive r lw team mrale r lw psitivity Cnflict avidance r pr cnflict reslutin Lw creativity, prductivity r team synergy Rle cnfusin r prly ccupied rles These are just sme f the ways that pr Relatinship Systems Intelligence can shw up in individuals, teams and rganizatins. Frtunately, research indicates that Relatinship Intelligence can be learned (Durlak & Weissberg 2007). WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP SYSTEMS INTELLIGENCE (RSI)? Relatinship Systems Intelligence (RSI) includes and transcends Emtinal Scial Intelligence (ESI) pineered by Daniel Gleman and thers. RSI starts with an understanding f neself, (Emtinal Intelligence) mves n t include an understanding f ther s emtinal experience (Scial Intelligence) and culminates with the ability t identify with and cllabrate with grups, teams, cmmunities and ther scial systems (Relatinship Systems Intelligence ). It is this final evlutin, RSI, which catalyzes the capacity f teams and grups t mve beynd the persnal t a pwerfully generative grup identity. Individuals and rganizatins vary in their level f RSI. Sme may need t wrk n strengthening Emtinal Intelligence, thers may need training in Scial Intelligence and mre advanced clients are ready t wrk with Relatinship Systems intelligence. Tgether the three frms f Intelligence create flexible, resilient individuals and teams. Belw, we will talk mre abut the different kinds f Intelligences which make up Relatinship Systems Intelligence. Emtinal Intelligence (EQ) Emtinal Intelligence wrks with an individual s ability t access, express, and use emtins in a prductive way. It invlves emtinal self-awareness and the capacity t manage r leverage feelings by channeling them apprpriately tward gals. It als addresses the ability t mtivate neself, suppress impulses and delay gratificatin in service f the achievement f gals. When a persn has gd Emtinal Intelligence, he r she can skillfully wrk with their internal experience. A CEO with lw EQ may be unaware f emtins, unable t express them apprpriately r Cpyright 2013 Relatinship Systems Intelligence 3
4 be high jacked by them. This may lead t uncnscius behavirs, avidance f emtinal issues, emtinal blw ups etc. Belw are a few examples f the kinds f clients wh wuld benefit frm training in Emtinal Intelligence. Je is a dedicated manager wh has truble handling cnflict. Typically he avids cnfrntatin until he can n lng cntain it and then he blws up. Luise is a cmpetent CEO but she tends t be critical and burns thrugh assistants, wh quit after 6 mnths because f her driving and unsupprtive style. Carls cares abut his staff but is embarrassed by tuchy feely stuff s he rarely acknwledges his emplyees. Staff feels he is unappreciative and emtinally disengaged. Scial Intelligence Scial Intelligence builds upn Emtinal Intelligence. It is the capacity t accurately identify thers emtins, empathize with them, and t see things frm anther persn s perspective. It is the ability t leverage that awareness in an effective way t cperate in the pursuit f gals and the creatin f psitive relatinships. An imprtant aspect f Scial Intelligence is accurately identifying the emtins f thers, rather than making up what yu think they feel. There is a risk f prjecting ne s wn emtins nt smene else rather than inquiring and listening penly t their perspective. A CEO with gd Scial Intelligence is able t understand the feelings and perspectives f thers, see past their surface behavirs t underlying mtivatins and skillfully bring ut the best in thers. Bth Emtinal Intelligence and Scial Intelligence are ften cmbined in what is nw called ESI r Emtinal Scial Intelligence. Teams are strngly affected by the team leader s ESI. Teams in rganizatins led by leaders wh have lw ESI are undermined, misdirected and deprived f the resurces and authrity they need t d the task at hand. (Hughes and Terrell 2007) Belw are examples f leaders wh wuld benefit frm training Scial Intelligence. Michael tries t help Gita by pinting ut the places where she fails, which just shakes her cnfidence. He desn t knw that Gita wuld respnd much better t appreciatin f what she des right, fllwed by a supprtive redirect n what needs t change. Susan is frustrated by Mark wh is cnstantly late in getting his prjects in t her. She writes him ff as lazy and feels he is trying t make her lk bad. Instead f asking him what s ging n, she avids him. What she desn t knw is that Mark just gt a life threatening diagnsis and is struggling with depressin. Christina is a gd researcher but is rigid in her thinking. She has truble in the multidisciplinary teams she is part f because she is nt pen t new ideas. RELATIONSHIP SYSTEMS INTELLIGENCE (RSI) - RELATING TO THE WHOLE Relatinship Systems Intelligence incrprates Emtinal and Scial Intelligence and then expands the fcus t a larger paradigm, the capacity t see neself as part f a Relatinship System. A Relatinship System is an interdependent grup f peple with cmmn identity r functin. Identifying with and aligning with a system is a hlnic shift up frm simply cnnecting effectively thers. It is the difference between relating with bunch f individuals in a grup, t seeing the grup as a single integrated whle. Cpyright 2013 Relatinship Systems Intelligence 4
5 We have all had an experience n a sprts team, with a chral grup r n a prject team where individual egs were melded int smething much greater and true creative synergy ccurs. That being in the zne tgether is the experience f Systems Intelligence. Here are sme f the key cmpnents f RSI: RSI is the ability t maximize ne s relatinship with a grup, team r system and t relate t it as a whle. Teams with higher RSI are mre prductive and reprt greater team chesin and satisfactin than teams with lwer RSI. (Offerman, Bailey et al 2004) RSI invlves the ability t mve frm seeing a grup f individuals t seeing the system itself, as a living breathing entity. We call this the Third Entity. Cnflict is nt seen as a prblem, but is seen as a signal that change is needed in the system. Cnflict is handled skillfully as a midwife t cnstructive change. It s nt abut wh is ding what t whm; it s abut what is trying t happen. RSI includes the ability t read the emtinal field f the system and accurately identify the emtinal climate in a given situatin. Once the system is revealed t itself it can begin t self-crrect. RSI requires deep demcracy (Arnld Mindell 2002). Deep demcracy is the practice f recgnizing that all vices in a relatinship system need t be heard including the unppular nes as they are a part f the knwledge pl f the system. Every vice carries data, infrmatin and wisdm in sme way fr that system. Peple with high RSI seek ut multiple inputs frm the system and are nt threatened by differences, (think f Barack Obama and his cabinet). Cpyright 2013 Relatinship Systems Intelligence 5
6 Everyne is a vice f the system. The ability t shift frm a persnal perspective ( it s Larry s pinin) t a systems perspective ( Larry is expressing smething that lives in the system and it s nt persnal ) is a crnerstne f high Relatinship Systems Intelligence. An verview f Relatinship Systems Intelligence wuld be that it s nt abut me, and it s nt abut me and yu, it s abut us in this system and what is trying t happen. Belw are sme examples f leaders wh wuld benefit frm training in Relatinship Systems Intelligence. Jse is a new CEO frustrated by the pr mrale n his management team. He knws there is smething ff abut their interactins tgether but he desn t knw what. He desn t knw hw t create an atmsphere where the team feels free t tell him what is ging n fr them. The blue team is dminated by a few verbal individuals wh d all the talking. Other team members have valuable insights but fail t speak up. There is hstile gssip circulating in the rganizatin, but n ne is speaking directly t the rumrs. BUILDING RELATIONSHIP SYSTEMS INTELLIGENCE Sme f the fundamental systemic insights and behavirs in Relatinship Systems Intelligence include having crucial cnversatins, building pwerful dialgue, and aviding txic cmmunicatin styles. Key Dialgue Cmpnents Individuals wh wrk best with systems are thse wh can master crucial cnversatins with the team, grup r system. (Pattersn, Grenny et al 2002) Indeed, research fund that when crucial cnversatins ccurred, that created real dialgue, the entire emtinal intelligence f the grup increased. These nging crucial cnversatins and dialgues create a pl f shared meaning. As individuals are expsed t mre accurate and relevant infrmatin, they make better chices and decisins. And nt nly d they make better chices, but since the meaning is shared, peple are mre willing t act n whatever decisins they make. Quite simply, there is mre buy-in. Unfrtunately, in many systems peple dn t penly share ideas r infrmatin and it begs the questin, What stps peple frm sharing infrmatin? There are many reasns, and here are just a few: When ne party dminates a cnversatin Inhibitins that stem frm an expectatin f lking flish Sme cultural cnsideratins inhibit expansive sharing An envirnment where sharing infrmatin is simply nt safe When these are vercme, hwever, a free flw f dialgue and meaning can begin t flw between peple. Each f us enters cnversatins with ur wn ideas, theries and feelings that make up ur persnal pl f meaning. When we are skillful at dialgue, we can make it safe fr thers t add their meaning t the shared pl f knwledge while we can als add urs. Even very different, difficult and cntrversial dialgue has rm in this envirnment. Cpyright 2013 Relatinship Systems Intelligence 6
7 Behavirs That Build RSI Building RSI desn t have t be difficult; hwever it des require practice and the ability t truly hld the perspective f the system, team r grup. Sme f the behavirs that supprt these dialgues, and that are central t RSI are: 1. Practicing Deep Demcracy where all vices in a system are heard and hnred, including the unppular nes. 2. Practicing Appreciative Inquiry where ne builds n ideas after appreciating what was said by the ther parties. 3. Increasing psitivity n a team until there is a 5:1 rati f psitive-t- negative interactins (Gttman 2002). 4. Decreasing negative interactins with sfter start ups in difficult cnversatins and bth understanding and using repair bids (Gttman 2002). 5. Increasing psitivity during cnflict s that a lighter field is held, even during serius r difficult cnversatins. 6. Aviding txic cmmunicatin styles including: blaming, defensiveness, stnewalling, cntempt and cntrlling (Gttman 2002). Fr each f these items, simple awareness ges a lng way t create a shift. Hwever, there are tls and appraches that can be used in every case. This primer serves as merely an pening cnversatin in the nging dialgue arund harnessing the capacity f grups, rganizatins and individuals. ABOUT CRR GLOBAL CRR Glbal has been creating excellence in relatinships f all kinds fr 15 years and ur missin is t inspire and equip change agents wh wrk with relatinship systems. CRR Glbal s expertise is the creatin f practical tls that increase emtinal, scial and systems intelligence. If yu are a change agent wh wuld like t learn mre abut CRR Glbal r abut ur training prgram, Organizatin and Relatinship Systems Caching, please visit ur website at r call Faith Fuller PhD, PCC, ORSCC and Marita Fridjhn MSW, PCC, ORSCC are c -directrs f CRR Glbal and authrs f the Organizatin and Relatinship Systems Caching Prgram. They have ver twenty years f wrking with relatinship systems including teams, rganizatins, families, and cmmunity grups. Their training prgram is designed t fster excellence in relatinships f all kinds. It s useful t remember that we are always in relatinship. Faith and Marita believe that we are nly beginning t uncver the pwer and ptential inherent in successful relatinships. Cpyright 2013 Relatinship Systems Intelligence 7
8 BIBLIOGRAPHY Durlak, J.A., & Weissberg, R.P., (2007) The impact f after schl prgrams that prmte persnal and scial skills Chicag, Cllabrative fr Academic, Scial and Emtinal Learning. Gleman, D. (2005) Emtinal Intelligence 10th Anniversary editin, New Yrk; Bantam Dell Gleman D. (2006) Scial Intelligence; The new science f human relatinships. New Yrk: Bantam Dell Gttman J (2002) The Relatinship Cure New Yrk: Three Rivers Press Hughes M., Terell J., (2007) The Emtinally Intelligent Team, San Francisc Jssey-Bass Mindell A., The Deep Demcracy f Open Frums, Charlttesville, VA., Hamptn Rads Pattersn K., Grenny J., McMillan R., Switzler A., The Cmplete Summary: Crucial Cnversatins Sundview Executive Bk Summaries 2008) Shda, Y., Mischel, W., & Peake, P.K., (1990) Predicting adlescent cgnitive and self regulatry cmpetencies frm preschl delay f gratificatin. Develpmental Psychlgy, Cpyright 2013 Relatinship Systems Intelligence 8
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