Foundation Video. Foundational Series- Putting Your Heart First

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1 Foundation Video Foundational Series- Putting Your Heart First

2 I. If you can put your heart first, you ll have an almost hypnotic effect on men. a. You must be willing to practice this technique and take some risks. II. What exactly is your heart? a. In this context, it s a metaphor. Your heart is your unconscious, your inner child, your deepest, core feelings. b. This part of your brain is very powerful. The feelings in this part of your being are so intense that even if your know something isn t practical or that it is illogical, you re still likely to act on those feelings. The feelings are extremely deep and profound. c. When a woman just knows that she s lovely and that men like being around her, it has a very powerful effect. I. When a woman learns to take care of her heart, this kind of power radiates from her. d. In order to get to this point, a woman must be willing to put her heart ahead of any man. e. All too often, women are so interested in making a good impression and making a man like her that she tries to minimize any deficit or flaw she thinks she has. I. While it s okay to be like this at times, once we start thinking that way it tends to take over. f. A woman who is in touch with her heart and puts it first cares if a man likes her, but it doesn t consume her. III. How does one put their heart first? a. This may seem elusive, but it s totally doable. b. Consider this: the way your heart speaks to you is primarily through your feelings. I. Being is touch with your feelings is similar to taking care of a small child. You d ask what was wrong. If hurt, you d take care of her. You know you can t make every pain go away, but you d tell her I wish I could make it better. Page 1

3 a. You would give her permission to feel whatever she feels. You d accept and love her regardless of how she feels. II. Are you harder on your own heart than you would be on a little girl you ve never met? a. Goal: treat your own heart as you would the little girl. c. When you listen to your feelings and do it in a way where you re in charge, your heart begins to feel like you re actually willing to listen to it. I. If you listen, your heart won t have to scream at you anymore. II. Women often minimize the bad feelings. Then, when she wants to feel wonderful and confident around a man, her heart can t do it. d. You have to give your heart permission to feel the stuff she feels, both the stuff you like and the stuff you don t. I. When you do this, the intensity of your feelings will start to go down. II. Feelings are no different for your emotions than nerves are for your body. For example, if someone hits your arm and it hurts, it s supposed to hurt. III. To pretend something doesn t hurt that does is just a form of lying to yourself. IV. A woman who lies to herself becomes disconnected from her feelings. Soon, the only time she feels will be when things are really intense. IV. This exercise will help you practice putting your heart first: a. Pretend that you have a little girl that goes with you wherever you go. When people speak to you, pretend they re speaking to her. If people are rude, pretend they re rude to her. b. Your job is to take care of your heart. You d probably do a better job taking care of a little girl than you would your heart. Page 2

4 c. Remember, screaming at someone who is rude won t protect her. It ll scare her. d. Instead, say something like, Come on, let s go. e. There will be some circumstances where you ll have to leave to protect your heart. Other times, tell people, I don t like it when you say that. I. Only explain things once someone has proven they re safe. f. You must be willing to set a limit and protect your heart. g. When you do this, your confidence will increase. You re teaching your heart that you re willing to take care of it and listen to it. V. Foundational Questions- a. There is a natural tendency to resist change. Allow these changes to take time. b. How do you feel about asking for help? I don t ask for help. That would imply I m needy or weak. I don t want to burden others with my problems. I don t want to a man to think I'm controlling or needy. I ask for help when I ve done everything I can on my own. I always ask for help from men because they like to help women. c. In the past, what has happened when you asked for what you wanted? This must be something you re really passionate about. I. This will help you figure out what you need to change. II. What messages did you get when you asked? What did they do? Page 3

5 d. The idea of asking for help or being vulnerable makes me feel. e. What examples of putting your heart first did you have growing up? Who did you see that was good at this, or did you EVER see a woman who was good at this? I. Most women have never been taught this. II. Most of the time, if a woman doesn t teach her daughter this it s because she doesn t know it. f. If you didn t grow up with a mother who was good at expressing her feelings in a safe way, what was the model for you? I. How did your mother deal with feelings? II. Examples: -My mother never complained. -My parents yelled all the time. -I got made fun of when I expressed my feelings. Page 4

6 g. Look over your answers and you ll get a good idea of how you believe about putting your heart first. VI. Now, do this: a. Every day, share a feeling with someone. I. If you ll take care of your heart, your heart will take care of you. II. If you neglect your heart, you ll be at a disadvantage. b. The woman who utilizes the power of her heart has a great effect on men. c. While it may be hard at first to share these feelings, you re waking up a part of you. I. Most people won t think it s strange. II. Try it for the next 30 days. d. Next, ask yourself: I. How hard was this? II. Are there certain feelings that are harder to express than others? III. What risks did you take? Iv. What was the hardest part? e. Remember: What you feel is not who you are. I. Feelings don t last and will not hurt you. II. You must be willing to focus on those aspects of yourself that will make change possible and effective. Page 5

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