Building Confidence and Resilience

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1 Building Confidence and Resilience Why is confidence important? Confidence helps us deal with the challenges in life. If we are confident, we believe in our abilities and feel hopeful that we can achieve our goals. We are also more willing to try new things, and this helps us to learn. Having confidence also means we are more likely to feel comfortable with ourselves and that we have something worthwhile to give. Confidence also helps us interact to with other people, which makes it easier for us to form relationships. We live in a social world, so our relationships with others are of considerable importance to our wellbeing. Confidence is an essential part of building relationships - the more confident we are the stronger, healthier relationships we will be able to build with others. How Confident do you Seem to Others? Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behaviour, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look below at the following comparisons of common confident behaviour with behaviour associated with low self-confidence. Self-Confident Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticise you for it. Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things. Admitting your mistakes and learning from them. Accepting compliments graciously. Thanks, I really worked hard on that. I m pleased you recognised my efforts. Low Self-Confidence Governing your behaviour based on what other people think. Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and so avoid taking risks. Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices. Dismissing compliments offhandedly. Oh that was nothing really, anyone could have done it. Why is resilience important? Resilience is that indescribable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them, they find a way to rise above problems. Some the factors that make someone resilient are: Having a positive attitude Being optimistic Having the ability to control emotions Having the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback

2 Ways to help build your confidence and resilience Top tips: Always putting yourself down? Or feel like you have no confidence anymore? You are not alone - lots of young people feel exactly the same way. Build on your Assertive Skills Being assertive means you clearly explain what you need or want from someone without being pushy or trying to frighten them. Sometimes it can be hard to say how you really feel, especially if it means disagreeing with someone else. Everyone has the right to say how they feel and ask for what they need. Assertiveness skills are tools you can use to say how you feel and what you need, without being unkind to yourself or anyone else. Being assertive is different to being rude or angry If you re rude or unkind, or if you re angry and shouting, then you are being aggressive. Aggressive behaviour can hurt other people, and it might cause you more problems. It s important to stand up for what s right for you without being aggressive or intimidating. Just going along with something that you disagree with means you won t get what you need from life. It might also mean other people can take advantage of you. Your confidence might be affected if you don t feel able to put yourself and what you need first sometimes. The Broken Record is a tool that could help you to be more assertive. All you have to do is keep repeating your point of view, and not get distracted by the other person s comments or arguments. For example: Friend: I dare you to steal something from that shop? You: No thanks, I really don t want to. Friend: Go on, don t be such a baby. You: No, I don t want to. Friend: You d do it if you were really my mate. You: No, I just don t want to do it. You could suggest something else to do instead. For example, you could offer to go to the cinema with your friend after school, instead of stealing from a shop. You should only suggest things that you d feel happy to do.

3 Everyone finds it hard to say no sometimes. Being assertive can feel scary, particularly the first time you try it. The more you do it, the easier it gets. You can always ask a friend or trusted adult to practice a situation with you first. Sometimes acting as if you feel really confident can help you feel stronger inside. Put your shoulders back, stand up straight, put your head up, and make good eye contact with the person you re speaking to. Be that person We all have an image of the person we want to be. It could be somebody who is confident in class and asks questions or perhaps somebody who isn t worried about trying new things or afraid of what people think. Sometimes your confidence can come and go depending on the situation you are in. You might be really outgoing outside of school but be really shy in class, which is completely normal. At school, you are surrounded by lots of different characters and it can be difficult to speak up and be yourself. Act 'as if' you already have confidence Whenever you find yourself wishing that you had a certain quality, practise acting as if you already had that quality. For example, if you want to look more confident, practice walking with your head upright or wear a bright colour. Ask questions before being asked. This can be really scary at first, especially if it s in front of the class, but after you ve done it once, you ll slowly gain the confidence to do it again and eventually, it ll come naturally. Look at yourself differently No matter how low you feel, try and find one thing that you like about yourself. It could be your hair, your sense of humour, your excellent taste in music, even your football skills. Once you ve made that start, you can begin to think of more things and develop a positive image of yourself. Re-invent yourself Each day try something new something that you d otherwise avoid. It could be something small, from styling your hair differently to volunteering to read out loud in class or joining a team. Each time you do something new, you are slowly stepping out of your comfort zone to making a fresh start. The rush you ll get from making these changes will boost your confidence. Upgrade your diet A good way to start to feel more confident about who you are and what you can do, is to look after yourself physically by eating healthily and doing exercise. Steer away from processed food and caffeine. Instead, choose fresh

4 fruit and vegetables and drink plenty of water. By supplying your body with nutrients, you will naturally feel better and have more energy Random acts of kindness Help a friend or do a little task without being asked. Helping others distracts attention away from yourself and being appreciated will make you feel more valued Listen to music Music can have a powerful impact on us. Whenever you begin to doubt yourself, listen to songs that make you feel positive about life and what you have to offer. Imagine that day Imagine that day when you rise to a challenge without doubting yourself. Look beyond your school years and imagine all the great things that you can do. The more we start believing in ourselves, the more likely it ll happen and you ll become the person you want to be. Further links: Childline Being assertive Self esteem: Reducing Anxiety: aspx Coping with Embarrassment ssment.aspx

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