No More Jerks at Work

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1 Everybody s Got One No More Jerks at Work Nora Simpson Do you know what almost ALL WORKING PEOPLE have in common? Almost EVERYONE has at least one person who MAKES LIFE HARD at work. Often, it s someone who has the power to fire you or keep you from getting paid like a boss or a client. Sometimes it s a colleague, or even someone who works directly for you. But no matter how you work with this person, they drive you nuts. They have the power to trigger crummy feelings that can affect you for hours, even days. But here s the thing about JERKS at WORK. Almost everyone thinks that the jerk s crummy behavior is the reason they get upset. But, thanks to my experience helping thousands of clients overcome these difficult people, I ve learned that the problem actually begins when your nervous system throws calm rationality out the window. Your Nervous System The nervous system runs at lightning speed. It s designed to spring into defense mode whenever a hint of danger or discomfort appears. That s why humans have been able to survive successfully even when bigger, stronger animals threatened our existence. Those animals might be

2 bigger. But our brains and the nerve endings across our bodies are the most complex and capable on the planet. That s good news for surviving in the wild and bad news for surviving in the workplace. The threats and discomforts of the workplace are far more complex than the attack of a wild animal. Our brains have the capacity to process and respond to them wisely, but only with very specific tools in place. Without those tools, our brains will revert to a survival mode that s great for wild animals but pretty limited when it comes to overcoming jerks. In survival mode, our brains focus on doing whatever it takes to keep breathing. This tunnel vision for survival means we perceive fewer possibilities, fewer opportunities, and fewer strategies for dealing with these jerks effectively. Everyone has blind spots. But when you re frustrated with a jerk at work, your blind spots get bigger, not smaller. Great for the Jungle Think about it this way: Imagine you re walking in a jungle and you hear a big, scary, tiger behind you. If you gently begin to question all the possible sources of the noise, you ll be that tiger s delicious breakfast in no time. Luckily, that s not how you re designed. Instead, your nervous system springs into defense mode by immediately assessing and responding to the threat by freezing, running away, or defending yourself if necessary. And you would probably survive unscathed. Great job, nervous system!

3 Shutting Down Your Best Gifts But that same nervous system mechanism will shut down your highestlevel skills and talents in a jerk-at-work situation. In survival mode, you ll feel trapped and frustrated because your brain will turn off your best ideas and smartest strategies. So, how do you escape the trap of survival mode with a jerk at work? What you need are breakthrough tools: Tools that crack the code of your nervous system and interrupt the survival mode that keeps you stuck Tools that create safety in the midst of threat Tools that reveal what s hiding in your blind spots Tools that rewire your responses and give you access to new levels of peace, success, and leadership I can t give you all the tools in this short little E-Guide but I can give you one extremely powerful exercise to try. Tricking Your Nervous System Out of Survival Mode Think of a jerk you find difficult at work. Write down their name here or on a separate piece of paper. My Jerk is: What is it that this jerk does to annoy you? You can list it here or on a separate piece of paper. My jerk s annoying behaviors:

4 When your jerk behaves in these annoying ways, how do you feel? My feelings in response to that jerk: When your jerk behaves in these annoying ways, what negative messages do you hear in your head? (Please note: All negative thoughts in our heads create negative feelings inside us. Whether you re quietly judging the jerk, someone else, or yourself, those judgmental thoughts flip your survival mode on and block your creativity and problem-solving skills.) My negative messages that show up around my jerk are: Now that you ve identified the negative messages, it s time to replace them with positive ones that will quiet your survival mode and help you shrink your blind spots. I m about to take you on a journey into positive thoughts and feelings. It is NOT some meaningless feel good exercise. It is a strategic tool designed to get you out of survival mode. It s only the first step in overcoming your jerk at work, but it is EXTREMELY POWERFUL if you actually do it**. **The only way it doesn t work is if you don t do it.

5 Remember, the better you feel, the less the jerk can flip on your survival mode. Then, your blind spots will shrink and you ll discover all kinds of new paths to growth. So let s get you feeling good! Five qualities I like about myself are: Five times I ve been really proud of myself: Five things I m grateful for in my life: Five things I m grateful for at my job:

6 Five compliments people have given me that made me feel good: Five nice things I can say to myself when things feel tough: Using Slogans to Interrupt Defense Mode Take a look at the list of positive sayings below and circle the ones that resonate with you. Practice saying and writing the ones you like when you re feeling low at work. You ll be amazed how quickly your defense mode turns off and your productivity returns. Hang in there, you re doing great! I love myself. I am enough, I do enough, I have enough. I am safe. I am lovable and capable. I am loved. Progress not perfection. Easy does it. Easy does it but do it. Gentleness gets me there faster. Live and let live. Detach with love. One day at a time. Soft, tender, gentle. I have compassion for myself and others.

7 Mistakes are growth opportunities. _(Your name)_, I love you. You are wonderful. God loves me. No one intends to be a jerk. It s ok to be me. It s ok to be imperfect. I am a work in progress. Infinite patience produces immediate results. Acceptance is abandoning all hope of a better past. This too shall pass. Let go and let God. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Pain is part of life. Suffering is optional. What other people think of me is none of my business. Inner peace is not thinking less of yourself. It s thinking of yourself less. Service is the path to sanity. God doesn t make junk. Resentment is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Put the oxygen mask on myself first. When in doubt, focus out. To thine own self be true. Life is a journey, not a destination. Growth can be uncomfortable. It s ok to be uncomfortable. Change is a process, not an event. My head is a dangerous neighborhood. I can t be grateful and hateful at the same time. Sanity is not freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm. Feelings aren t facts. Into Action Now that you ve identified the positive messages you like, it s time to put these messages to work for you in a daily proactive way.

8 Each morning before work, write 2 radically positive and self-affirming messages to yourself 5 times each. They can be from this list or you can make them up. The physical act of writing is a powerful way to send signals to the nerves in your body and the synapses in your brain. Write these messages every morning for one week. (Doing it for longer than a week is great. But please do it for at least one week.) When I Change, the World Changes The world is very big. It s so big that it s impossible for us to contemplate the vast majority of what s happening around us. In fact, most of what we believe is the world outside of us is really our projection of that world. We call this phenomenon perception. Because our perceptions are so colored by our internal world, I like to say: We don t see the world as it is. We see the world as WE ARE. Taking these powerful actions to replace your internal negative defense mode with positive thoughts and feelings will lead you to perceive a much friendlier, more welcoming world. You might not realize how much the energy you bring to work will change. But you will notice your interactions with jerks at work changing. Here s my favorite part: because of the way your nervous system works, your perception will tell you that the jerks at work have changed. And maybe they will change in response to your changes. But please remember: in order to keep the good experiences going, you have to keep creating positive thoughts and feelings intentionally throughout your day, especially at the beginning of your day. The Tip of the Iceberg This exercise is powerful, but it s just the beginning.

9 The tools I offer in my Breaking Through with Problem People at Work Video Course, will lead you through a series of life-changing breakthroughs. What kind of breakthroughs can you expect? Yellers stop yelling. Insulters lose their power. Manipulators melt away. Gossips leave you alone. Perfectionists stop getting on your nerves. Incompetent people get more reliable. People-pleasers stop annoying you. So what are you waiting for? Register for Breaking Through with Problem People at Work HERE!