PSYC 2007, Adult Devel WI 2012: Relationships LECTURE. Jan. 21, 23, and

Transcription

1 Group Discussion Being with others Forming Relationships in Young and Middle Adulthood Divide into groups of 5-10 students Decide on 3 best answers s to following question: The characteristics of my perfect mate are? Separately for men and women Forming Relationships in Young and Middle adulthood Relationships Lifestyles The Family Life Cycle Divorce and Remarriage Forming Relationships in Young and Middle adulthood Relationships Lifestyles The Family Life Cycle Divorce and Remarriage Relationships Choosing a mate The faces of love Relationships Choosing a mate The faces of love 1

2 Choosing a mate Important first step for younger adults When want to have family Will use a number of factors in making choice Physical attraction Parental aptitude Match with own attractiveness Physical Attraction Factors Women rate most important Considerateness Honesty Dependability Kindness Understanding Physical Attraction Factors Women rate most important Factors men rate as most important Good looks Cooking skills Frugality Physical Attraction Gender differences? Men and women find different things attractive Men Younger women Physically attractive Women Physical Attraction Gender differences? Men and women find different things attractive Men Women Somewhat older Financially stable Less concerned with physical attractiveness Physical Attraction Gender differences? Men and women find different things attractive Men Women Why the differences? Parental investment theory (originally proposed by Trivers, 1972) 2

3 Parental Investment Theory To achieve successful reproduction Males and females make different investments Males Invest substantially less in parenting Females Make sizeable investment in children Parental Investment Theory Thus, men and women look for different qualities in potential mate Men look for: Mate likely to bear children E.g., physically attractive Benefits More likely to produce offspring Parental Investment Theory Thus, men and women look for different qualities in potential mate Men Women look for: Mate capable of supporting them during childrearing Parental Investment Theory Thus, men and women look for different qualities in potential mate Men Women look for: Mate capable of supporting them during childrearing Benefits Children mature later Children invest more in their own children Physical Attraction In terms of physical attraction, the force of similarity is important A.K.A., the matching hypothesis The Matching Hypothesis We have our ideal Someone very attractive However reality usually wins out However, reality usually wins out Someone equally attractive as self 3

4 Relationships Choosing a mate The faces of love The Faces of Love Intimacy Romantic Love Affectionate Love The Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg s Love Stories The Faces of Love Intimacy Romantic Love Affectionate Love Intimacy Intimacy vs. Isolation Intimacy and Independence The Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg s Love Stories Intimacy Intimacy vs. Isolation Intimacy and Independence Intimacy Versus Isolation According to Erikson Identity first, intimacy after Without intimacy Individual left in isolation 4

5 Intimacy Intimacy and Independence Intimacy vs. Isolation Intimacy and Independence Young adulthood A time when intimate relationships are often formed Also a time when individual has a strong need for independence and freedom Early adulthood is an intricate balance between Intimacy and Independence The Faces of Love Intimacy Romantic Love Affectionate Love The Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg s Love Stories Romantic Love Romantic Love a.k.a. passionate love or Eros. Sexuality and infatuation Main reason for marriage in western culture Being in love The Faces of Love Intimacy Romantic Love Affectionate Love The Triangular Theory of Love Affectionate Love Affectionate love a.k.a. companionate love Sternberg s Love Stories 5

6 Affectionate Love As love matures Usually moves From passionate love To affectionate love Affectionate Love As love matures Over time Passion affection Sexual attraction Attachment anxieties Novelty familiarity Attachment The Faces of Love Intimacy Romantic Love Affectionate Love The Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg s Love Stories The Triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg 3 primary aspects of love Passion Intimacy Commitment The Triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg 3 primary aspects of love Passion (motivation component) Physical and psychological arousal Intimacy Commitment The Triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg 3 primary aspects of love Passion (motivation component) Intimacy (emotional component) Feelings of closeness and connectedness Commitment 6

7 The Triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg 3 primary aspects of love Passion (motivation component) Intimacy (emotional component) Commitment (cognitive component) Deciding to be and stay together The Triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg 3 primary aspects of love Different types of love are made up of different combinations of the 3 aspects of love The Triangular Theory of Love The Triangular Theory of Love According to Sternberg Highest type of Love = Consummate love Well balanced mix of 3 aspects of love Components show developmental trend Over time Passion declines Intimacy and commitment increase Research on The Triangular Theory of Love Acker & Davis (1992) Tested this theory Had participants fill out love scale Participants A variety of ages A variety of relationship lengths Performed analysis to determine clusters of answer Research on The Triangular Theory of Love Acker & Davis (1992) Results Some components distinct from others Commitment Passion Intimacy was not distinct from other components 7

8 Research on The Triangular Theory of Love Acker & Davis (1992) Results Changes over time Passion declined with time Commitment grew with time Intimacy remained stable The Faces of Love Intimacy Romantic Love Affectionate Love The Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg s Love Stories Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love More recently, Sternberg has proposed Love between 2 people follows a story Stories dictate each person s Expectations and beliefs Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love More recently, Sternberg has proposed Love between 2 people follows a story Stories dictate each person s Expectations and beliefs Most important element of successful relationship is that couple share similar story Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love When are stories compatible? When have complementary roles in single story E.g., the prince and the princess When similar enough to be merged into single story Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love How do we find our story? How people describe love reveals their story 8

9 Example Rate following statements on scale of 1 to 9 1 = doesn t characterize your romantic relationship at all 9=describes your romantic relationships very well Rate following Statements 1. I enjoy making sacrifices for the sake of my partner 2. I believe sacrifice is a key part of true love 3. I often compromise my own comfort to satisfy my partner s needs The Story = The sacrifice Story Now, average your score. High scores 7 to 9 points Strong attraction ti to a story Moderate scores 4 to 6 Some interest in story Low scores 1 to 3 Little or not interest in story Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love Sternberg and Lynch (1995) Most common stories The travel story Most common stories The Travel Story I believe that beginning a relationship is like starting a new journey that promises to be both exciting and challenging Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love Sternberg and Lynch (1995) Most common stories The travel story The gardening story 9

10 Most common stories The Gardening Story I believe any relationship that is left unattended will not survive. Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love Sternberg and Lynch (1995) Most common stories The travel story The gardening story The humour story Most common stories The humour story I think taking a relationship too seriously can spoil it. Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love Some uncommon/unpopular stories The horror story Least popular stories The horror story I find it exciting when my partner feels somewhat frightened of me. Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love Some uncommon/unpopular stories The horror story The collectables story 10

11 Least popular stories The collectibles story I like dating different partners simultaneously; each partner should fit a particular need. Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love Some uncommon/unpopular stories The horror story The collectables story The autocratic government story Least popular stories The autocratic government story I think it is more efficient when one person takes control of the important decisions in a relationship. Sternberg s Recent Theory Of Love Sternberg and Lynch (1995) Most common stories Sternberg, Hojjat, & Barnes (2001) Gender differences in stories Gender differences in stories Women prefer The Travel story Men prefer The art story Sternberg s theory of the stories of love According to Sternberg Most important factor Compatibility of stories If figure out our own story Can make appropriate changes Physical attractiveness is the most essential characteristic I look for in a partner 11

12 Forming Relationships in Young and Middle adulthood Relationships Lifestyles The Family Life Cycle Having Children Why have children Biological reasons Sexual intercourse leads to pregnancy Divorce and Remarriage Why have children? Biological reasons Personal reasons Promote sense of fulfillment Recent Gallup poll asked about fulfillment Recent Gallup (1997) poll results The Question: For you personally, do you think it is necessary or not necessary to have a child at some point in your life in order to feel fulfilled? Recent Gallup (1997) poll results The Question The Responses In most countries Most adults say children important to sense of fulfillment However, not in U.S. and Germany Recent Gallup (1997) poll results The Question The Responses In most countries Men and women equally likely to say children important to sense of fulfillment Not in U.S. or Colombia Men say this more than women 12

13 Why have children? Biological reasons Personal reasons Social reasons Children add to family Social pressures Why have children? Biological reasons Personal reasons Social reasons Genetic reasons Pass genes to next generation Why have children? Biological reasons Personal reasons Social reasons Genetic reasons Most common reason Children source of Love Companionship Family ties Having Children Couples most likely to have children Married couples Couples with strong commitment to spouse The Effects of Children Marital Satisfaction over life span What effects do the children have on the couple? According to Belsky In 1 st year of child s life Decrease in positive affection Increase in overt conflict Marital Satisfaction Return 13

14 The Effects of Children Chores at home Division of labour According to Wilkie et al (1998) Notice shift in division of labour Sex roles become more traditional Moen (1989) Division of Labour According to Wilkie et al. (1998) Marital satisfaction dependent on perception of division i i of labour Men More satisfied when work outside of the home more equitable Women More satisfied when household chores more equitable. Effect of Children According to Belsky (1990) 3 Characteristics of child influence marital satisfaction of parents Gender Fewer divorces among parents of boys Belsky s 3 child characteristics affecting Parent s marriage Gender Temperament Difficult children=lower satisfaction Belsky s 3 child characteristics affecting Parent s marriage Gender Temperament Disability Satisfaction lower when child has disability 14

15 Another Important Factor Presence of stepchildren Less satisfaction when have step kids Forming Relationships in Young and Middle adulthood Relationships Lifestyles The Family Life Cycle Divorce and Remarriage Marital Instability Among marriages in Canada % marriages expected to end in divorce by 30 th anniversary In year % In % In % Divorce Major risk factors Marrying young Early years of marriage Financial instability Wife earns more than husband Divorce The Personal Effects Stress of divorce has its toll Increased physical illness more than Still married never married Return From: 15

16 Divorce The Personal Effects Stress of divorce has its toll Increased physical illness more than Still married never married Increased psychological difficulties More psychiatric difficulties More Alcoholism More suicides Divorce The Personal Effects Financial difficulties following divorce Most common among women Divorce The ripple effect With divorce being more common Many children live through it 50% of children in US spend time in 1-parent home Divorce Its effects on Children Zill, Morrison, and Coiro (1993) Studied effects of parent s divorce on young adults Large survey of American Population Parents divorced when child younger < 16 Zill, Morrison, and Coiro (1993) Looked at influence of divorce on a number of variables Relationship with Father Mother Presence of behaviour problems Seeking psychological help High school drop out rate Relationship with Father % Poor Relationship with Father when age Divorced Not Divorced Status of Parent's Marriage 16

17 Relationship with Mother % Poor Relationship with Mother when age Divorced Not Divorced Status of Parent's Marriage High Behaviour Problem Score % High Behaviour Problem Score when age Divorced Not Divorced Status of Parent's Marriage 8 Received Psychological Help % Ever Received Psychological Help when age Divorced Not Divorced Status of Parent's Marriage Ever Dropped out of High School % Dropped out of High School by age Divorced Not Divorced Status of Parent's Marriage Age when Parents Divorce Divorce Its effects on Children Poor relationship with father Effects of timing of divorce High behaviour problem score Time of Divorce 32 Early Divorce Late Divorce 22 Ever dropped out of high school Marital conflict may be reason for problems later Gohm et al. (1998) assessed adults sense of well-being When high marital discord Low sense of well being Even when parents stayed together Greater sense of well being in single parent home 17

18 Divorce Its long-term consequences for children Divorce also has an affect on children s mortality E.g., Schwartz et al (1995) Schwartz et al (1995) findings For both genders, those from families of divorce died approximately 4.5 years earlier than those from intact families Martin et al. (2005) found something that could help For males, having high life satisfaction/achievement by midlife compensated for the parental divorce in terms of mortality Forming Relationships in Young and Middle adulthood Summary Mate selection an important task of young adulthood Divorce a common experience Definitely has its effects On women On children 18