Questions: Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage LBC 8/3/16

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1 Questions: Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage LBC 8/3/16 Many years ago, an older woman came to me very troubled and said she always felt like I treated her differently than other woman because she was divorced. She felt like a second class citizen in the church because of it I certainly understand that because in Conservative circles, there has been rancid inconsistency in this matter and Divorce has been viewed as some sort of unique sin unlike any other sin that marks you as broken for God for the rest of your life ---- I certainly don t believe that in any way. The strange thing about my story though, is that I didn t even know that the woman was divorced, and her own trouble in her heart had created that ostracism of divorce in her mind. This too should be considered. The questions that I would like to answer tonight are these: Is it ever Ok to divorce? When? When is Divorce a Church Discipline situation? Does remarriage after divorce cause Adultery, or is Adultery based on the reason for divorce? Is commit adultery a one time or perpetual sin? Are there limits for opportunities of divorced people other than the obvious Pastor and Deacons? So.I would like to answer these and other questions by just moving through the major passages on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage. I will tell you upfront that these are very hard issues and I will do my best with the knowledge the Lord has given me at this time in my ministry to teach you. By the end, all should be answered: Mark 10:2-12 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. (3) And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? (4) And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. (5) And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. (6) But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. (7) For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; (8) And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (9) What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (10) And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. (11) And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. (12) And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. Here are the teachings from these verses: 1

2 1. Divorce is not God s will for marriage. V.6 He intended for two to remain one flesh. He hates Divorce Mal. 2:16. *I must just comment that God s hate isn t just because you are breaking his rules it is because Marriage is the World s greatest object lesson of the Gospel according to Ephesians 5 and other passages. 2. Also, If you put away (that means divorce) your spouse and marry another, you are committing adultery against your first spouse. Also, we will see in Mt. 5 that it is not just the fact of you remarrying that makes it adultery you are sinning the sin of making your spouse an adulterous when you put her/him away in divorce. (that is probably because their getting remarried is assumed but it is irrelevant --- When you divorce your spouse you are committing adultery. Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: (32) But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. 1. Here, we see that if you put away your spouse you are causing her to commit adultery (again it may be assumed that this is because in those days she would need to remarry to survive but that IS NOT STATED. It just charges you with making your spouse the victim of adultery if you divorce them. --- the end says that whoever marries someone who is divorced committeth adultery. God does not stutter here --- it is sin to marry a divorced person. But we need to understand, the condemnation of the verse is on the person who would put away their spouse they are guilty of sinning and causing others to sin. 2. Now, having said that are their conditions/reasons of divorce that would make it not sin to divorce? And/or conditions/reasons of divorce that would make it OK to remarry? ---- notice in v. 32 saving for the cause of fornication -----Remember the force of the verse is against the one putting away unless there is fornication and then that person has no sin. This is often called the adultery clause I would point out that it says of fornication, not adultery. The word here is pornea which means broad sexual sin, not exclusively physical adultery other acts of lust outside the marriage would be included. 2

3 There are no number of times mentioned to the word, though from all we know about the merciful Lord and the treatment of our spouses we know this is not look for a one time failure and bing/bang divorce your spouse. I would always counsel couples to readily forgive if there is repentance and willing change. Do you have the right to Divorce if there is a single instance of adultery? yes, in the literal sense but how much better to forgive, restore, and heal the trust over time I do want to say that habitual adultery and fornication would be very evident reasons to divorce IF your spouse has a pattern of pornea and won t stop that is a mockery of marriage. So, in answer to one of the questions tonight is it ever ok to Divorce? In the case of fornication outside the marriage - the Lord would allow divorce without it being sin, and I believe if God frees you from your marriage it is also allowable to remarry. More on this in a moment. 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: (11) But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (12) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. (13) And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. (14) For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. (15) But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (16) For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? 1. v.10 - the command to NOT DIVORCE; v.11 if there is the sin of divorce, the next best preferred thing would be to remain UNMARRIED or better yet, later be reconciled to the spouse later after the divorce (remarried). **I want to comment that we can know that v is speaking of a Christian couple divorcing BECAUSE, there is a recommendation of remarriage and God wouldn t say that if it these were unbelievers it is a different scenario than below **The other thing I would say about v is that this is NOT SPEAKING of a divorce that happened under the fornication clause. This is NOT an allowable divorce -- and so the 2 nd Command don t remarry. **This point is greatly debated. Some say that Divorced people should never be remarried no matter 3

4 what -- I disagree for 2 Reasons: 1. If God really frees you from your marriage (an allowable divorce) then you are really free, just like if your spouse dies, and that would mean the ability to remarry. Also.. Because of the thinking of v. 15 that we will see about not being under bondage when the Lord frees you. 2. v give the second reason acceptable to God for divorce the Opposition of an unbelieving spouse. Here is a spouse that will not dwell in peace with you as you practice your Christianity --- they oppose you. --- it would be great if they would leave you alone and be at peace because then they are set aside for evangelism through your gospel influence but if they depart let them depart. And I want us to think about that depart they are departing because there is war in the home because you won t compromise your Christianity that is why v. 15 ends but God hath called us to peace. A Christian cannot continue to practice their faith in a home of strife against Christ. Now, look at the A brother or sister is not in bondage in such cases What is the bondage? It is the bonds of marriage being broken You don t need to remain in your marriage. And I think it is a right conclusion that if God releases those bonds then you are free to remarry. This is a different situation than verse 11 which is a Saved Couple. ----Verse 16 is important in this departing from an opposing unsaved spouse --- it is saying.. you don t need to hold on forever wishing they would get saved you don t know if that will happen or not. It is a consideration but don t let that make your final decision God wants you to practice your Christianity in Peace. So: 1. When would Divorce be a Church Discipline situation? When a church member was proceeding with a divorce w/out biblical grounds we talked about. Yes, we have begun Church Discipline in the past in this situation. 2. Does remarriage after divorce cause people to commit adultery or is it conditional based on the reason for the divorce? I believe it is conditional based on whether it is an allowed divorce or not. 4

5 3. What should you do if you have committed an unallowed divorce and/or are remarried against God s Word? You should confess it to God, and perhaps your prior spouse as sin and move on? Remain in that present state, and serve the Lord joyfully. 4. Does divorce limit ministry opportunities? Other than Pastor and Deacon, I don t believe so --- I think this is a big black eye in some churches in the past that won t let divorced people sing in the choir or teach Sunday School, etc. we don t do that with any other sin. (I would use discretion about allowing them to teach a marriage class or something but other than that let them serve joyfully. When they admit their sin in the matter and confess --- then move on. 5. Is it ok to separate rather than divorce? -- I Cor. 7 would say no you are defrauding your spouse by separation. However, sometimes there is no other answer because the war is so intense in the marriage. Which is the greater sin the separation OR the war? In cases of abuse, crime, etc. Separation is really your ONLY option. You must not stay in the danger. QUESTIONS: 5