Introduction. Jonathon Aslay

Transcription

1 Introduction This workbook is designed with questions that will take you into the depths of your heart and mind and uncover your true assumptions about relationships. Learn about yourself and how to take control and attract the man that is right for you! If you are truly serious about finding your ideal partner, this workbook will give you the chance to see what characteristics rise to the surface of your heart and help you determine your ideal relationship. It will also help you in discovering positive and negative aspects about yourself that you may be clinging to that could be preventing you from your ideal relationship. Relationships are a two-way street. Sometimes just thinking There s no good men left out there, can send out negative energy, creating an almost invisible blind fold when it come to recognizing your ideal mate. Your idea and perception of what your perfect mate should be is a direct result of what you ve learned over the course of your life through past relationships with family, friends and coworkers, which can cloud your perception. Therefore, in order to create and attract your ideal relationship, it is just as important to dig deeper and learn about yourself first as it is in determining what characteristics your ideal mate should have or have not. If you don t have a clear impression of what a great relationship is, you re likely to settle for something less than you might otherwise be able to have. When you go through each question and explanation, you ll become clearer and more definite about what you re looking for and what your true hearts desires are in obtaining your ideal relationship. When that happens, you won t say yes to Mr. Wrong because it will be obvious he s not what you re looking for. And when Mr. Right comes along, you ll say yes with confidence, because you ll see with your eyes and spirit open and free, this is the man who matches what you want in a relationship. Simply put, when what you ve been asking for reveals himself and steps into your life, you ll recognize it. When you put your clear intentions and desires in the forefront of your awareness, your energy naturally shifts and men will notice. That s because, as you get a clearer sense about what you want, your intention gets stronger.

2 2 When the energy you put out in the universe is stronger, your unquestioning knowledge that you will get what you want gets stronger and clearer. All of which will help you get what you want, instead of potluck. The clearer you are about what you want, the more likely it will be drawn toward you because the men you meet will be picking up on your energy and will recognize you as someone they re looking for as well. The thoughts you send to yourself and out into the world around you will color what comes to you. Pay attention to the messages you broadcast, such as, I ll never find a good man, or, All men are jerks, because a positive attitude is unbelievably attractive to a man. See if you notice how your thoughts might be keeping your spirit from shining quite as brightly as possible. This is the essence of the Attraction Factor. There s No Room For Doubt You cannot doubt. If you doubt, worry, wish or hope, your intention is not strong enough. When you have clarity and belief in your ability to have the good things you want (and deserve) the more likely they will come to you. Let s begin by answering the two basic questions below. This will set the foundation and enable you to move through the rest of the workbook more easily. Questions Write your answers to these 2 questions and see what you learn about yourself. Do you fully believe you can have everything you want?

3 3 If not, what s keeping you from believing in your worthiness to have the kind of relationship you desire? Forgiveness Is Essential Most everyone is unaware that they hold the belief that they or some parts of them aren t lovable. And this, more than anything else, is at the core of why people have so much difficulty finding and sustaining love. Think about it, if you believe, even a tiny bit, that you are not lovable, you will enter into every relationship with that belief and, in a variety of ways, you will attempt to prove that what you believe is right thereby resulting in subconsciously sabotaging a potentially good relationship. When we harbor feelings of hurt, anger and even hatred, it weighs us down with negative energy and only harms us. It colors how we see each other and our ability to be open to love and causes us to select unhealthy forms of love, which includes men who are not healthy for us. These questions and exercises in this workbook will help clear away that negative energy so you can finally have a satisfying and healthy relationship. Forgiveness sets you free and allows the positive energy to flow without hindrances. And it definitely affects how attractive you are. It s as if you have been carrying around lead weights and you finally get to put them down. Wouldn t that make your step a little livelier?

4 4 Elements of Forgiveness The most important thing to remember is this is not for the purpose of accepting that what they did was okay. Just because we forgive someone, doesn t mean we approve of what they did. 1. Forgive the Person, Not Necessarily the Deed The process of forgiveness encompasses everyone in your past and is an important step in attracting your ideal man. This, of course, means the men you have loved, but it also means family members, friends, bosses, coworkers, etc. Whether it was your parents or some one else that raised you, there s a good chance you have some very deep issues with them. Some of the things they did or didn t do need to be forgiven if you are to clear your energy for a good man to come into your life. 2. Look Into Your Past An important part of this process is to do an inventory of events that wounded you in some way. Things that might have made you feel afraid, alone, as if you weren t important, unattractive, not special, or, worse, times when you were physically or verbally harmed in some way. This needs to be acknowledged and then cleared. 3. Everyone Is Doing The Best They Can Part of the process of forgiving others is to acknowledge that everyone is doing the best they know how. If they re hurtful or meanspirited, it s simply because they don t know how to do it any differently. Maybe they were treated badly as children and never knew they could improve themselves by developing new habits, as you re learning to do in this program. The primary purpose is for you to let go of anger, hurt, resentment, fear, or worse, hatred. Hanging on to these feelings, whether you are doing so consciously or unconsciously, is still harming you. It s not good for your health and it s not good for your ability to open your heart fully to loving and being loved by a really good man. If you re carrying those feelings inside of you, don t you think it will affect your energy, which is how people perceive you?

5 5 A Forgiveness Exercise To do this process on your own, you should find a time when you will not be interrupted. Go through the elements of forgiveness listed above. Beginning from today and working backward, go back as early as you can remember and write down any events about which you have strong, negative feelings. You are now aware of how many things have been hiding out in your subconscious that have been damaging your ability to open your heart to love, or causing you to seek love in unhealthy ways, with unhealthy men. Forgiving others, no matter what they ve done, is about clearing all that negative energy out of your soul and opening your heart to love! Section 1

6 6 This is the essential groundwork in attracting your ideal relationship. First you have to know what the ideal man is to you. The real meat of the workbook begins here. Let s begin! Use the space provided below to describe your ideal relationship. Here are some questions to prompt you into thinking about it. Be as descriptive as you can, imagine what it would be like to really have this ideal relationship. 1. What would you want him to look like? 2. What kind of activities do you share and what activities do you like to do apart from being together? 3. What kind of house do you live in? Describe the furnishings too.

7 7 4. What are your daily lives like? Routines, etc. 5. What is your social life like? 6. What is your family interaction like? Take a minute now and read over your answers, reflect on them. Each number below corresponds to the above six questions. You ll see the word why next to each number. Use the space to ask yourself why do you want each of these things you ve described as part of your ideal relationship? Asking why is always a revealing exercise. You ll learn a lot about yourself. 1. Why? 2. Why?

8 8 3. Why? 4. Why? 5. Why? 6. Why? Section 2

9 9 What you described is your ideal relationship as of this moment. As we proceed, you re going to fine-tune it even more. Ask yourself the following question: Why do I want to be in a relationship? This may seem like an obvious or silly question, but if you really think about it, and reflect on your answers above, it will help you know more clearly what you re looking for. Of course, there are the surface reasons: You want to get married You may want a family and financial security You want someone to grow old with and someone to enjoy sex with You want someone to share your life with and be a part of coupled society You want someone to hold you in the night All the reasons listed above are good and quality reasons to want to be in a relationship. Most women want and desire all of them. This exercise is to help you get at the heart of what you really want. In order to accomplish this, you need to delve deeper, beneath the surface, your deepest heart s desire. This all comes back to the very important question we asked earlier, WHY? This gives you a deeper understanding about your true feelings. When you ask yourself why you need or want to do something, this leads you to a deeper truth of what drives you. This is sometimes not as easy to access as you might think.

10 10 Sometimes it s a great idea to relax so you can become aware of your subconscious. Here s an idea: get comfortable, close your eyes, take a few deep, cleansing breaths and with each exhale, relax every muscle in your body. When you feel relaxed, ask yourself this question: Why do I want to be in a relationship? Now write down the answers that come to you. I want to be in a relationship because: I don t want to be lonely any longer and I need to feel loved I love how it feels to be held by a man who loves me I m afraid of growing old alone I have a lot of love to give I hate being the only one in my circle of friends that s not married I want to travel and see the world and I want to do it with my a special man in my life I want to prove to myself and my family that I can do better than in my last relationship Try to look inside and reflect as much as possible because that s where I true desires are. The deeper you go, the more insight and awareness you ll gain. When you start becoming more and more aware, you will have more control and choice in how you want your life to be. Awareness is crucial for change to happen. When it does without being aware of it, change then becomes accidental and beyond your control. Change is a constant in everyone s life and for your life to improve you need to change too. Now you can choose the direction of that change.

11 11 Asking yourself why and then again why only takes you deeper into different levels of what you want and feel. Some things you ll learn through this process might be painful. However, it s okay. Once you recognize those things and sweep them away you will move closer to what you want. And your heart will be open to receive and give love. That s when that special man will be drawn to your openness and sees who you really are, and then he ll see how beautiful your spirit is. We are all unique and all our answers to the whys are different and this causes us to be who we are. It s all an integral part of the tapestry of our lives. It s at this point when we understand more clearly who we are, amazing things begin to come into our lives. Section 3 In this section, you ll explore your past relationships in a different light. Regardless of how the past relationships might have ended, there were still times that made you smile when you think back. To gain extra clarity about what you want in your ideal relationship is to start listing the good qualities from your past relationships. These are things that you would like to have in your new relationship. Whether it s things they did for you or things you did for them just begin to itemize these good times in the space below. When you look at the list, which of these things had to do with your skills only? What was it about you and what you did that enabled these good times to happen? Now list your strengths and include the reason(s) why you

12 12 know you ll be able to include these in your new relationship. Section 4 Since you ve gone over your strengths and listed them as well as the good times you had in your previous relationships, you can now look realistically at any old habits and how they may have caused problems between you. The important goal you are trying to achieve in this section is for you to realize what things did not work in your past relationships, so you don t carry them forward into your future relationship. For example, you may have: not come together to make decisions not talked to each other with respect held your anger inside, without explaining your true feelings withheld sex with him as some form of punishment Take the time now to list those negative things that caused bad feelings in your past relationships and that you don t want to bring to your new relationship. Remember, this is your chance to be really honest with yourself and to move forward with absolute clarity on what the good and bad habits were in your old relationships. This list contains things you want to discard from your inventory of your strengths and interpersonal skills. Section 5

13 13 You have now gained new insight and awareness, and you have an opportunity to draw a more detailed picture, of your future with your ideal partner. As before, make sure you are in a quiet place where you won t be disturbed and list what your new ideal relationship looks like. How is your relationship structured? Take a look at these questions as examples to get you started. 1. Are you married? 2. Are you engaged, if so, how long engaged? 3. Are you living together? 4. Are you living separately, but a committed couple? 6. What type of neighborhood? What type of lifestyle do you enjoy? 1. Describe the home you live in 2. Do you want children or have children? 3. How does religion fit into your lives? 4. How involved are you (is he) in your community? 5. How important are politics to you? 6. Do you belong to the same political party? 7. How involved with charities are you? If you can think of other questions, go ahead and list them here: Section 6 Knowing the reason behind the why is powerful for self-discovery

14 14 Okay, so now you ve gone into great detail about what you want your relationship to be like. Explain below how you feel, what are your thoughts? Ask yourself why do I want all those things I ve just described? This workbook is all about helping you learn how to attract your ideal relationship. You need to look at that list again and ask yourself why? The purpose of this is to gain even more clarity as to who you are, what you want and don t want in your ideal relationship. You want to fill every detail of this forthcoming ideal relationship. It s about creating strong energy around what you want so when you meet a man you will recognize that he wants the same kind of relationship that you do. If for some reason you cannot figure out why, maybe you need to dig deeper within yourself. Deeper reasons may be that there s something you want because of what stems from when you were a little child. Maybe it s because something you want out of habit or fantasies. Feel what your heart is longing for and telling you. Now go through each question above and ask yourself why you want it. And write your answers here: Use the space below to explain now about how you feel regarding what you have discovered about yourself and what you want.

15 15 Write your answer to this question here: Section 7 By now, you will have a greater understanding and greater clarity about what kind of relationship you want. As you begin to know more about yourself, you ll be able to understand yourself better. You will find now that you ll have more choices to change the path your life is on. These choices can lead you to your ideal relationship. Go back to those questions and number them, 1 being not important and 10 being very important. This will help you recognize how important some things are to you and how others are not. Put your score to the left of each item. Items that you placed a score of 10 get you closer to your ideal relationship, the nuts and bolts. Go over the list and number them again. Those that might be a nine ask yourself if you want that as a 10 instead. Keep doing this until you feel clear in your heart and mind about the fundamentals you want in your ideal relationship. The 10 s are the absolutes that you want in a relationship. The more concise your list is, the clearer will be your path in finding and attracting your ideal partner. When you look at your fundamentals list, think of your future partner. Which of these must he agree with 100%? Put a check mark next to that essential. By the same token, mark those that you do not need him to be in total agreement with. Use the space below to make your list:

16 16 This should result in you feeling much more confident of how your future relationship will appear. Section 8 Another important issue is to determine what he is like as a person. Before you listed his outer qualities, now list his inner qualities that you want in your ideal partner. Think of everything from integrity, respect for you and others, his humor and thoughtfulness. Conclusion Now you have a new vision of your ideal relationship and a clearer picture

17 17 in determining whom you should and should not date. No more wasting time dating those men who won t be able to give you those important fundamentals you require. You can feel confident about not wasting your time in dating the men that don t fit your absolutes from your list. A great idea is to confide in a best friend and share what you have now learned about yourself and your heart s desires for an ideal relationship. Let them hold you accountable if you feel you want to date someone. Sometimes when we confide in a best friend, they can see objectively what you may not see at the beginning of a relationship. By sharing your notes, your friend will be able to help you remember how strongly you feel about the attributes you absolutely want and need from a partner.