Table of Contents. Introduction Chapter 1: My Story Chapter 2: What Grief Means to Me Chapter 3: Worries and Challenges...

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2 Table of Contents Introduction Chapter 1: My Story Chapter 2: What Grief Means to Me Chapter 3: Worries and Challenges Chapter 4: What Has Helped Chapter 5: Advice to Kids (Part I) Chapter 5: Advice to Parents (Part II) Chapter 6: Life After Death Chapter 7: Celebrate and Remember Chapter 8: What I ve Learned Chapter 9: Hopes and Dreams Chapter 10: I AM page 1

3 Introduction Thank you for your purchase of Professor Child s film, Children and Grief. We hope this corresponding workbook will help children continue to heal by expressing their feelings through discussions and creative activities. When your child begins the workbook, we suggest watching the film one chapter at a time and completing that chapter s discussion questions and exercises before moving on to the next chapter. Focus on one or two chapters at a time to ensure the child has plenty of time to absorb the discussion and exercises. At Professor Child, we believe in the power of children teaching children. Because of this, at the end of many workbook chapters there is a section called Professor Child. This section gives kids an opportunity to develop their own creative exercises to help themselves and other children in the healing process. Throughout the workbook, we refer to a safe person. Please take the time to discuss the definition of safe with the child with whom you are working. You may define a safe person as someone who is dependable and trustworthy and will protect him or her from harm. Make sure the child understands that a safe person is someone in whom they may confide without fear of a negative consequence. Follow up with this question: Who would be safe for you to talk to? We would like to continue this dialogue with you. We encourage you to provide us with feedback on the film and workbook. We love to hear from parents, counselors, teachers, and the children who use our tools. Please send us your Professor Child workbook ideas, as we may use them for future topics. page 2

4 Chapter 1: My Story My father died from kidney failure and cancer. My mom just woke me up very sweetly and said, He passed away in his sleep and he s in a better place now. I felt really sad and didn t want to do anything or talk again. Jaleza Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) What was the cause of your loved one s death? 2) Where were you when you were told? 3) Who was with you? 4) Who told you? 5) What did they say? 6) How did you react? Exercises (Choose any of the following): 1) Draw a picture of your story and how you felt when your loved one passed away. My Story page 3

5 2) Write your idea for a creative exercise to help kids share their grief story. page 4

6 Chapter 2: What Grief Means to Me To me, grief means to be sad. Dominic Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) What does grief mean to you? 2) How does grief make you feel? 3) If grief were a color, what color would it be? Why? 4) If grief were an animal, what animal would it be? Why? Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) Draw a picture of the animal you feel represents grief. page 5

7 2) Draw a picture of what grief looks like to you. 3) What does grief look like inside your body? page 6

8 4) Grief Support List: Create a grief support system. List the names and phone numbers of all the people who love and support you. When you are in need of someone to talk to, pull out this list and call one of these people. Name Phone Number page 7

9 5) Write your idea for a creative exercise kids can do to show what grief means to them. page 8

10 Chapter 3: Worries and Challenges Some of the hardest things were going through my uncle s instruments and seeing what to sell and what to keep. I felt sad. Aurora Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) One of Adeline s challenges is when her mom misses her dad and cries. She comforts her mother by giving her a hug. Have you had to comfort a family member like this? If so, share that story. 2) Aurora was worried that her sister wouldn t talk to her anymore and just kept crying all of the time. What worries have you had about your family members? 3) One of Sam s challenges since his father s death is taking on his father s chores around the house. Has this happened to you? If so, what do you do now that you didn t before? 4) Dominic misses his mother helping him with his homework. Have things been harder for you in school since the death of your loved one? 5) One of Sequoia s challenges is missing the fun things (like puzzles) she used to do with her grandfather. What have been the things you miss most about your loved one? 6) What worries did you have after your loved one died? Did you tell anyone about your worries? If so, who? If not, why? 7) What have been some of the biggest challenges since your loved one died? Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) Worry/Challenge Role Play: Write down some worries and challenges you have had since his/her death. Give your list of worries/challenges to a partner. Have that person pretend to be you. Your partner will tell you all of the things he/she has been worrying about. Your job is to give your partner advice to help him/her feel better. page 9

11 2) Make a Bead Necklace: Make a worry bead necklace. Roll sculpting clay into small balls. Use a toothpick to put a hole through the center of the ball to make a bead. While you do this, say what worry each ball represents. Bake the balls on a cookie sheet according to the directions on the clay package. While the beads are baking, envision the heat cooking your worries away and turning them into beautiful beads for a necklace. String the beads after they have cooled. 3) Write down your idea for a creative kids exercise to help deal with worries and challenges. page 10

12 Chapter 4: What has Helped? My puppy really made me feel good and so I would pet him and I would feel better. I would talk to my puppy about how I felt. I just liked being with him. Julia Discussion Questions: Child Adeline Alexander Aurora Dominic Phoebe Amba Jaleza Julia Sam Sequoia Your Name: Things that Helped going to the park and playing outside on a sunny day, watch a movie talking to and getting comfort from his cat sitting down and talking with family, taking a nap or time to herself going to sleep, playing video games thinking of fun memories with her dad looking at pictures of her dad reading the I Miss You book, going to camp talking to and playing with her puppy talking with friends and family talking to her favorite stuffed animal and friends Things that have helped you: 1) Have you tried some of the things listed above? If so, what? What else have you done to feel better during difficult times? Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) Make a Mantra: A mantra is a statement that is frequently repeated. Write your own mantra that will help remind you that you are okay. When going through hard times, say your mantra to yourself. For example: I am safe. I am loved. Fill in your own personal mantra(s): 1) 2) 3) page 11

13 2) A Note of Thanks: Write a thank you note to someone who has helped you through a difficult time. Tell them what they did that was helpful. Deliver the note. page 12

14 3) Write your idea for a creative exercise kids can do to help with grief. page 13

15 Chapter 5: Advice to Kids (Part I) Advice I would give is not to keep it in. You need to talk to someone cause it will just keep building and you get frustrated if you keep holding it in. You re supposed to let stuff flow. Alex Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) Aurora said it s okay to cry and to know you aren t alone. Do you let yourself cry when you need to? Do you ever feel alone? 2) Julia said to think about the good times you have had with your loved one. Do you think about the good times? If so, what times do you think about? 3) Sam and Alex said talking to people can really help and it s important to get your feelings out. When has it helped to talk to people? Have you held your feelings in? What happened? 4) Sequoia said talking to her stuffed animals really helps. Have you done this? If so, did it help? How? page 14

16 Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) You are the expert of a kids advice column. Kids are writing to you for advice on the following scenarios: #1: Dear Kid Expert, My dad died over a month ago and I still can t stop crying. Is there something wrong with me? Tears Dear Tears, Dear Embarrassed, The Kid Expert #2: Dear Kid Expert, When I m at school, I often think about my mother who recently died. I try hard not to cry, but I can t seem to stop. I m afraid of what kids might say or think when they see me crying. I need help! Embarrassed The Kid Expert page 15

17 #3: Dear Kid Expert, Sometimes when I m lying in bed or doing something at home it feels like my father is still right there with me. Am I going crazy? Curious Dear Curious, The Kid Expert #4: Dear Kid Expert, At nighttime, I feel saddest and have a hard time falling asleep. What can I do to make nighttime easier? Not Sure Dear Not Sure, The Kid Expert page 16

18 #5: Dear Kid Expert, My father acts differently since my mother died. I can t really talk to him anymore. He seems really sad and stays in his room a lot. What can I do to help him? Worried Dear Worried, The Kid Expert #6: Dear Kid Expert, Since my brother died, I have been feeling very lonely. He was the person I spent most of my time with at home. What can I do to help stop this feeling of loneliness? Alone Dear Alone, The Kid Expert page 17

19 #7: Dear Kid Expert, I m supposed to go through my sister s stuff to see what I d like to keep before my parents start giving her things away. I can t imagine going through her things. Is there anything that can help me? Sorting Dear Sorting, The Kid Expert #8: Dear Kid Expert, My mother was the person who I had the most fun with. Now that she s gone, I m afraid I ll never find anyone else to have that much fun with. What should I do? Sad Dear Sad, The Kid Expert page 18

20 #9: Dear Kid Expert, When I had nightmares, I used to crawl in bed with my mother to feel better. Now I can t do that. Is there something else I can do to feel better after a bad dream? Dreamer Dear Dreamer, The Kid Expert #10: Dear Kid Expert, My father was the person who made most of the money in our family. Now that he isn t here, I m worried we won t have enough money for food and to keep our home. What should we do? Scared Dear Scared, The Kid Expert page 19

21 2) Write your idea for a creative exercise where kids give advice to other kids to help with grief. page 20

22 Chapter 5: Advice to Adults (Part II) Our counselor told my mom that he would check on me every once in a while and ask me how I was doing and he never even said anything at all. I wish he would have given me more support. Sam Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) Sam said that sometimes people don t bring up the topic of grief because they re scared he may cry or flip out. He thinks it would help if people asked how he is doing and really talked about it. Have you had times when you wished an adult would have checked in with you? If so, please tell that story. If an adult would have talked to you, how do you think you would have felt? 2) Alex said the advice he would give when talking to someone about grief is to not come on too strong or say that they know how it feels. Has anyone ever told you they know how you feel? If so, how did that make you feel? 3) Aurora said if kids don t feel like talking, just leave them alone for a while and check in with them later. Have you ever felt like you didn t want to talk about your grief? If so, what did you do? Were you able to spend some time alone? If so, did it help? 4) Julia said she really liked it when her teacher had the whole class make cards for her. Her teacher also discussed with the class what Julia was going through. Did your teacher do anything for you after your loved one passed away? If so, what? How did it make you feel? 5) Sam said his school counselor never checked in on him. Sam wishes he had gotten more support from the counselor. Sam also said his teachers never mentioned anything to him about his father s death or checked in to see how he was doing. Did your teachers or school counselor check in on you? If so, was it helpful? How? If not, do you wish they had? Why? page 21

23 Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) You are the child expert of a TV show giving advice to adults on helping kids deal with grief. Get a microphone (using your hand, marker, etc) and respond to any of the following questions with your advice. You may also write in your response: Adult #1: Dear Kid Expert, My son spends more time in his room now that his mother is gone. I m worried about him. What should I do? Worried Expert advice for Worried: Adult #2: Dear Kid Expert, My son has been getting into trouble at school since his father died. He was never in trouble before. I m not sure how to help him make good choices. Help! Fighting Expert advice for Fighting: page 22

24 Adult #3: Dear Kid Expert, My daughter constantly worries that I m going to die because her mother did. How can I help reassure her? Helpless Expert advice for Helpless: Adult #4: Dear Kid Expert, My daughter doesn t want to talk about her sister s death. I keep trying to get her to talk about it, but she starts crying, gets angry, or walks away without saying anything. What should I do? Frustrated Expert advice for Frustrated: page 23

25 Adult #5: Dear Kid Expert, Since my wife died, our family doesn t do fun things together anymore. How can I bring my family back together? No More Fun Expert advice for No More Fun: Adult #6: Dear Kid Expert, My son s mother died over a year ago. I would like to start dating. What do you think? How should I tell my son? Lonely Expert advice for Lonely: page 24

26 Adult #7: Dear Kid Expert, My granddaughter used to spend a lot of time at my home, but since her grandfather s death, she doesn t want to come over. What should I do? Grandma Expert advice for Grandma: Adult #8: Dear Kid Expert, My nephew seems different now that his brother has died. It happened a long time ago, but he still doesn t seem himself. He doesn t laugh and smile like he used to. I m worried about him. What should I do? Concerned Uncle Expert advice for Concerned Uncle: page 25

27 Adult #9: Dear Kid Expert, I can often hear my daughter in her room talking to her stuffed animals. I can t hear what she is saying, but I think it has something to do with her brother who died. Should I be concerned? Eavesdropping Expert advice for Eavesdropping: Adult #10: Dear Kid Expert, My son s mother recently died. I haven t seen him cry and he doesn t want to talk about her. What should I do? It s Too Quiet Expert advice for It s Too Quiet: page 26

28 2) Write your idea for a creative exercise where kids give adults advice on how to help kids deal with grief. page 27

29 Chapter 6: Life After Death I feel like my dad is still around me. It s like having a spirit around protecting you. It just makes you feel comfortable. Phoebe Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) Adeline said she sometimes dreams about her dad. Do you ever dream about your loved one? How does it make you feel? 2) Dominic said his mother is still with him because she is an angel. Do you believe in angels? Share your beliefs. 3) Phoebe feels her dad s spirit protecting her. Do you feel your loved one is protecting you? If so, what does that feel like? 4) Amba feels her dad is still with her and can feel him cheering her on during soccer games. Do you ever feel your loved one cheering for you? If so, where? What does it feel like? 5) Sam feels his father with him when he s going through something difficult. Do you ever feel your loved one helping when you re going through a difficult time? If so, talk about what that felt like. 6) Adeline said when people die they go to heaven. What do you think happens after people die? 7) Aurora said when people die they can choose to turn into an animal or another human or stay in heaven. What do you believe? 8) Phoebe said when people die their bodies go to heaven and their souls stay on earth. What do you think? 9) Sequoia believes everything in heaven is made out of clouds. What do you believe? 10) Adeline said her father is in her heart. Do you feel your loved one in your heart? If so, what does that feel like? page 28

30 Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) Draw a picture of your loved one. Where is he/she? What is he/she doing? page 29

31 2) Draw a picture of a dream you had of your loved one since he/she died. page 30

32 3) Play: The Afterlife Prepare a play with your friends, family or stuffed animals. In this play, they are alive and you pretend you are your loved one who has passed away. In the play, act out what you think your loved one is doing now. Take turns playing different roles and sharing what you believe happens after people die. 4) Write your idea of a creative exercise to have kids share their beliefs about life after death. page 31

33 Chapter 7: Celebrate and Remember I sometimes read books to help me remember my dad. He usually read books to me at nighttime. Amba Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) Adeline s family has a lot of pictures of her dad. Do you have pictures of your loved one? If so, who is in the pictures? What are they doing? What are your favorite pictures? Are there any you do not like? Why? 2) Alexander spends time in his brother s room playing video games because that is what they did together. Do you spend time doing things you and your loved one used to do together? If so, discuss. 3) Aurora celebrates her uncle s birthday as a way to remember him. Do you celebrate your loved one s birthday? If so, how? 4) Phoebe s family had family hugs, so they try to keep that tradition alive. What does your family do to remember your loved one? 5) Julia s dad played a lot of instruments, so she likes to listen to music. Julia has a special candle she lights and blows out in her dad s honor. Does your family do anything to remember and celebrate your loved one? 6) At camp, Sam decorated a stick with items his father loved. Have you made anything that reminds you of your loved one? 7) Sequoia talks to her grandpa, even though he has died. Do you still talk to your loved one? Do you think he/she can hear you? Why? page 32

34 Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) Birthday Celebration: Plan how you are going to celebrate your loved one s next birthday. Write down all of the things you want to do and share them with your family. 2) Collage: Make a collage from pictures of you and your loved one to hang somewhere special. page 33

35 3) Uplifting Message: Prepare a message for your loved one. With an adult supervising, light a candle and read your message aloud. When you are finished, blow out the candle. 4) Write your idea for a creative exercise on how to celebrate and remember a loved one. page 34

36 Chapter 8: What I ve Learned It s okay to cry. Its okay to feel really, really sad. It s just okay to feel whatever you want. Sequoia Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) Alexander has learned the more he is sad, the stronger he is going to be for others when they lose a loved one. Is this true for you? If so, in what ways have you grown stronger? 2) Jaleza has learned it s okay to cry and be sad about the person who has died. Sequoia said it s okay to feel whatever you want. Do you think it s okay to cry? Do you cry? Is it okay to get mad and angry? Why? What is a healthy way to get out your anger? 3) Julia has learned it is a gift to have her family members who are still alive. She now realizes it s a privilege to have these family members in her life, whereas before her loved one died, she took her family members for granted. Has the way you view your family members (who are still alive) changed since the death? If so, how? 4) Aurora is proud of herself for still being happy and not sad all of the time. How much of the time are you happy? Sad? Angry? Other emotions? 5) Jaleza is proud of being herself and being brave about her father s death. Do you feel proud of yourself? Why? Do you feel you have been brave about your loved one s death? What does it look like when someone is being brave about death? 6) Sam is proud that he has handled his dad s death pretty well. What do you think he means by this? What do you think is the best way to handle death? Is there a right and wrong way? Explain. 7) Sequoia has learned she can get through anything after what she has gone through. What do you think she means by this? page 35

37 Exercise: 1) Reminder cards and Memory Box (a two part exercise): Reminder Cards: Part I: Make your own deck of cards by writing on the following cards what you are proud of, special memories you have, what you have learned and what has helped during difficult times. When done, cut out each card so you have your own deck of reminder cards. During difficult times, pull out your cards to remember what you have learned and what makes you feel good. Memory Box: Part II: Decorate a container, envelope or box to hold your reminder cards. page 36

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40 2) Write your idea for a creative exercise to help kids show what they have learned through the grief process. page 39

41 Chapter 9: Hopes and Dreams My hope is to become a DJ and travel around the world in a big, white van. Sam Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) Alexander hopes to be on the seal team - special ops. What is one of your dreams? 2) Dominic dreams of making the biggest pizza in the world. Have you ever dreamed about breaking a world record? If so, what was it? 3) Jaleza dreams of seeing her father again. Do you ever think about this? If so, talk about it. 4) Sequoia dreams of becoming a pop star. Do you ever dream about becoming famous? If so, how would you like to become famous? 5) Julia hopes to have a good life and be able to make it through anything that happens. Can you relate to what she said? If so, how? 6) Amba dreams about going to the Olympics. Do you have a dream about going somewhere someday? Where? 7) What are some of your hopes and dreams? Exercises (Complete one or more of the following): 1) What do you think? HOPE means A DREAM is page 40

42 One of my biggest dreams is Something I d love to do is A goal I have is One day I hope to I hope my family I hope children who have lost a loved one It is important for people to have hopes and dreams because page 41

43 If I had a magic wand and could make three wishes come true, I would wish for: 1) 2) 3) Something else I d like to say about having hopes and dreams is 2) Being Hopeful and Grateful: Write two poems or two prayers (or one of each). In the first one, write about what you would like to see happen in your life. In the second one, write about things or people that make you feel grateful. Read them aloud whenever you are in need of support. page 42

44 3) Write your idea for a creative Hopes and Dreams exercise for kids. page 43

45 Chapter 10: I AM Discussion Questions (Choose any of the following): 1) What are some of your strengths? 2) What do you love? 3) What brings the most joy to your life? 4) What are some words that describe who you are? Exercises (Choose one or more of the following): 1) Fill in the blanks: I AM I AM I AM I AM I AM I am a good big sister. I am smart. Adeline 2) Your theme song: Write the lyrics to a song about you your theme song. One option is to choose one of your favorite songs and replace the lyrics with words about you. 3) I AM: On the following page, draw pictures and words inside the I AM that describe who you are. page 44

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47 4) Write your idea for a creative I AM exercise. page 46

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