Tips on Dealing with Difficult Behaviours in Kids with Developmental Delays

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1 Tips on Dealing with Difficult Behaviours in Kids with Developmental Delays Firm Clear Concise Authoritative Consistent Anticipate Set the standards & don t waver from them variable standards are confusing to the child and tend to cause confusion & poorer behaviour than you want. Give clear directions to the child. Spell out what is required. Unstated instructions (assumed knowledge) are often not comprehended. Set clear rules & consequences. Unclear rules cause confusion. Consequences inconsistently applied tend to reinforce problem behaviour instead of decreasing it. Keep your sentences short. Avoid complex ideas when giving directions. Save complexity for quiet times, when you have the child alone & attending just to you. You are the boss, not the buddy. An air of authority, confidence and friendliness sets up a positive environment in which the child knows who to expect direction from. Yes = Yes, No = No, behaviour is either good or bad, right or wrong. Although this may sound harsh, you are dealing with children who need this much clarity in the rules to be able to choose whether or not to follow them. Anticipate good choices so you can encourage & praise them. Anticipate bad choices so you can prevent them or be ready to carry out the consequences Consequences Consequences may be positive or negative. Physical punishment is not appropriate in the context of Kids Church. There are plenty of other, appropriate ways to deal with unwanted behaviours.

2 Does the child understand cause & effect? Is the behaviour acutely dangerous to anyone? Does the behaviour have potential for danger? Is the behaviour disruptive to the class? Once you have established answers to the above questions, you are in a position to act. In general, you are dealing with children who can t or don t read between the lines. These kids need to know exactly what is not allowed as well as what is allowed. Unlike normal kids, you can not assume that because 1 behaviour is allowed we play gently with each other, the child understands that the opposite we don t hit or bite each other is not allowed. If at all possible, anticipate! Re-directing the child before their behaviour becomes a problem is always preferable to having to deal with problems. If the child does misbehave, the following outline is generally effective. Get the child s attention state the bad behaviour & the consequence carry out the consequence reinforce the connection between the behaviour & the consequence return the child to the activity as soon as the consequence is over (if that is practical). Do not place the child in a situation that will immediately trigger a recurrence of the problem behaviour. This sets up failure & is unfair on the child & on you. Consequences may include time out (sitting on a special chair, sitting facing the wall, sitting physically removed from the other children outside), stopping the activity (putting playdough away, no more glue, no more painting), no more access to an item ( you may not play on the swings any more today ). These consequences are all negative I ll give some positives at the end....

3 Be very careful that a consequence designed to punish behaviour does not actually praise it by accident. An example of this is a very old Blondie strip. Dagwood to Boy: Why are you home from school so early? Boy: I bit Suzie. Dagwood: Why did you bite Suzie? Boy: I always bite Suzie when I want to go home early! What you perceive as a negative may actually be a positive. Watch the child first & find out how they tick. Time out is a very useful technique. It can be used indoors & out, by any one who has been invested with authority & who remains firm. Outdoors there are fewer obvious places for time out examples are sitting at the edge of a playground, sitting in the ground in the play area but with the child s back to the other kids or sitting at the feet of the adult. Although many young kids enjoy being with the adult in charge, sitting on the ground at their feet, in silence, is not usually their idea of being special. Time out should not be for long periods. For kids in infants & primary school, often 3 10 minutes is plenty of time to cool down. Attention Seeking There is always a reason for kids seeking attention. Before reacting, ask yourself why?. Common reasons for attention seeking behaviour include: task too easy, task too hard, being ignored in group, jealous of other child, not getting enough attention at home, being unwell/off colour. Management options include activity analysis, praising good efforts early, using time out (ie removing the attention the child is demanding instead of giving it). Activity analysis is the process of breaking down the steps of an activity in your head, working out what the child actually has to do so you can decide what to make easier or harder so the child is not frustrated any more & can achieve success.

4 Eg. Gluing 3 precut pictures to a sheet of paper at the table. 1.Select a seat at the table 2. Sit at the table 3. Check paper & cut outs are in reach 4. Open glue pot 5. Pick up glue brush 6. Select piece to be glued 7. Turn piece wrong way up 8. Paint glue onto piece 9. Put glue brush down 10. Pick up piece, turn right way up 11. Select placement on piece of paper 12. Place piece on paper 13. Smooth so it sticks 14. Repeat Repeat 5-13-again 16. Tell leader you re finished so they can write your name on the paper. You thought that task was easy, didn t you! There are many places where you can make this task easier or harder. Maybe you can choose the pieces for the child, or move the glue out of sight until it s time to use it each cycle, or assist hand over hand, or talk the child through every step. Maybe you can give extra pieces to the quick worker (if there are enough), or they can help you write their name, or write their own name. Your job is to work out what s required yourself, so that you can guide the child to succeed. Positives Consequences don t have to be negative. Consequences are simply part of the cause & effect of daily life. They may not even be inherently good or bad often they are simply fact. The consequence of eating is that you feel full. This may be good or bad it depends on many factors, including whether or not you liked what you ate! Creating positive consequences of actions is not difficult. It does take a change in perspective from discipline to praise. Examples of positive consequences include sitting with a favoured person, remaining in an activity group, being praised, being rewarded, having opportunities to be extended (not over-extended) & gaining a new friend. As you can see, positive consequences are not hard work. Some positive feedback comments for the child may be good sharing, good sitting, thank you for listening quietly to the story, I like it when you play nicely with the other kids, giving the crayon to to use was very grown up, well done. The Child

5 Don t underestimate the child. Credit the child with intelligence. A child with a developmental delay is not a dumb child they are simply not up to where you would expect for a child of their age. They may be very close, or they may never have the ability to catch up. The child is still a child & will still behave like other children. If their behaviour is bad, try to establish whether the child doesn t know better; is pushing the boundaries; or is deliberately misbehaving before you set up rewards & punishments. Impulse control is another issue. The young child does not have full control over their impulses (ok, most adults lose it sooner or later, too). You may be dealing with a child who knows an action is wrong (holding the tap so the water sprays all over everyone), knows they ll get in trouble (previous experience, what the adults are saying), but is physically unable to stop themselves. This child needs physical intervention immediately. You need to turn the tap off, remove their hands from the tap & either redirect the child (if you were quick enough & no one got wet) or engage the child in cleaning up the mess they have made (or placing them in time out with another leader while you clean up if you think you re going to strangle the child if they stay within reach!). Summary Know your environment safe & unsafe areas, separate places for time out, the child s escape routes (doors, gates, low windows). Know your leader their rules, their expectations of the group, their way of running the group. Know your limits choose only consequences that you can carry out alone, swiftly; if you re losing your cool, make sure the child is safe, then walk away for a minute, regroup, then return. (Make sure you come back!).