Relationship Violence Helping a Friend

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1 Relationship Violence Helping a Friend

2 What is Relationship Violence? Relationship violence means using emotional, physical and sexual abuse to frighten, hurt or maintain power over a partner. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE ABUSED

3 Various forms of violence Physical abuse: The intentional use of force or threats of force. Can include hitting, shoving, punching, kicking. Verbal abuse: Yelling, screaming, or put-downs. Emotional abuse: A pattern of destructive behaviour that attacks a person s s self-esteem. esteem. Can include spreading rumors, lying, or possessiveness. Sexual abuse: When someone forces any form of sexual activity on someone else without that person s consent. Psychological abuse: Manipulation, mind games, or guilt tripping.

4 Statistics 40% of females and 30% of males report being violent at some point in their dating careers. Not just males to females In high school, 25% of females and 10% of males reported violence in a relationship. 39% of all Canadian women have experienced at least one incident of sexual abuse since the age of 16.

5 Brainstorm possible warning signs that may indicate someone is a victim of violence. Sudden changes in clothes or makeup. Bruises, scratches, or other injuries. Failing grades or dropping out of school activities. Avoiding friends. Difficulty making decisions. Sudden changes in mood or personality (e.g. becoming anxious or depressed, acting out, and being secretive). Changes in eating or sleeping habits, avoiding eye contact. Having crying episodes or getting hysterical. Constantly thinking about dating partner. Using alcohol or drugs.

6 Brainstorm reasons why teens don t tell parents or friends about violence. Afraid their parents will make them break up with partner. Embarrassed and/or ashamed. Afraid of getting hurt. Convinced that it is their fault or that their parents Will blame them or will be disappointed. Confused- they may think this is what a relationship is all about. Afraid of losing privileges like being able to stay out late or use the car.

7 If You Think a Friend is Being Abused Listen to what your friend has to say and believe them. Let your friend know why you are concerned. concerned. Be specific. Refer to incidents you have personally witnessed instead of what you have heard from others. Remind your r friend that jealousy and possessiveness do not equal love. Tell your friend, You are not to blame. Remind your friend that it is the partner who is choosing this behaviour. Don t t tell your friend that it is wrong if the choice is made to stay in the relationship. Keep listening, talking and challenging your friend to think about what to do.

8 If You Think a Friend is Being Abused If your friend chooses not to leave, help create a safety plan. Continue to be a friend even in the times when you feel frustrated by decisions or actions. Your friend needs you! Mention other people your friend might talk to: : a counsellor,, a teacher, another adult they trust or a community agency. Let them know that you are available to talk more if they need.

9 If You Think a Friend is Being Abusive Be specific about what you saw and how it made you feel. Take a stand. Remember early signs of abuse may include jealousy and possessiveness. Challenge your friend s s stereotyping and putdowns of people. Don t laugh at jokes or comments that make fun of people. Talk about the consequences of violence. Abusive behaviour builds fear, not love. Physical and sexual assault are against the law. Encourage your friend to get help. Let your friend know it will probably happen again and may be worse next time. Phone a crisis line or shelter to find out about resources in your community. Be there for your friend when your friend accepts responsibility and gets help.

10 Jen and Mark Case Study The following role play activity will help you identify ways that you could support a friend who is being abused or give advice to an abuser. Form groups of students. Get copy of the handout Jen and Mark a Case Study: Part II. Groups must plan and present a role-play as outlined in the handout. The role-play should provide appropriate examples of how you would support either Jen or Mark. Role-plays should range from minutes in length. No inappropriate language is allowed.

11 Role Play You will have minutes to plan and practice your role-play. Each group will begin by telling the audience who they have chosen to support and then introduce the actors and their roles. Groups then act out the role-play. Answer role play questions.

12 Safety Planning for Teens If you are in an abusive relationship, or trying to get out of one, o here are some tips you might think about to increase your safety: Stay in touch with friends and involved in activities. Keep important phone numbers with you at all times. Consider telling your parents or teachers. Set up a code word with friends or parents for danger. Talk to police and/or a shelter about your situation. Try not to be alone with your partner. When with your partner, keep in mind warning signs that things will w become abusive. If you think you are in danger, LEAVE! Make sure someone knows where you are and when you ll be home. Always have you cell phone close by or know where the nearest phone is. If you decide to break up, do it in a public place. Have friends or parents wait for you neat by. Take your cell phone with you if possible.

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