WELCOME ACTIVITY BALL OF STRING FLING

Transcription

1 NWAC Youth Violence Prevention Workshop Domestic / Relationship Violence WELCOME ACTIVITY BALL OF STRING FLING Acknowledgements Recognizing and Responding to Violence against Women in Aboriginal Communities created in conjunction with Kenneth McGrath from Mandala Learning Solutions Inc who generously donated his time to work with the YC INAC funding to work on the youth violence prevention Toolkit The content of this workshop was developed by the NWAC Youth Council members and the NWAC s Youth Department A limited survey on violence prevention issues was conducted with Aboriginal youth prior to developing the workshop We partnered with Wabano Cyber Café youth in order to make a youth video for the workshop 1

2 Workshop contents Please use this information at your own discretion This is the tool for raising awareness and education developed by NWAC s youth council in consultations with other youth but we are not professional service providers so please contact relevant agencies and local service providers for any professional advice I think that violence toward aboriginal women is perpetuated within society. It is not only one person making them feel worthless, but instead it is the general accepted stereotype surrounding Aboriginal women. - Age 19, Ontario Why do we need to talk about violence prevention? 1999 Statistics Canada data reports that from 7,400 Aboriginal and non- Aboriginal women 12.6 % of Aboriginal women had been victims of violence by their current partners in the previous five years. For non-aboriginal women, they report the figure was just 3.5%. (Assessing Violence Against Women: A Statistical Profile 1999). Up to 75% of victims of sex crimes in Aboriginal communities are female under 18 years of age, 50% of those are under 14, and almost 25% of those are younger than 7 years of age. (McIvor & Nahanee, "Aboriginal Women: Invisible Victims of Violence Source: Correctional Service of Canada). 1

3 How violence affects Aboriginal girls? The incidence of child sexual abuse in some Aboriginal communities is as high as 75 to 80% for girls under 8 years old* The heightened vulnerability to violence is experienced by Aboriginal / Indigenous girls in Canada* The suicide rate for adolescent Aboriginal girls is 8 times the national average of non-aboriginal adolescent girls* *(McEvoy & Daniluk "Wounds to the Soul: The Experiences of Aboriginal Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse. Canadian Psychology 36, ) *(The Girl Child: Having to 'Fit by Jasmin Jiwani, Ph.D., October 1998) What we will address 1) how to recognize specific types of violence? What is considered violence, abuse, harassment? Types of violence (descriptions, examples) 2) how to recognize early signs of violence? Major signs for each of the categories (In a relationship, school, work place, on-line, bars etc) 3) how to respond to and prevent violence? Scenarios Situations Obstacles to responding to violence: shame to talk about it, stigmas, lack of confidence, lack of skills to express themselves, poverty, lack of resources, low self-esteem, intergenerational trauma Highlighting healthy relationships 4) list of resources and workshop sources Websites Tools Ways to prevent violence Learn about types of violence that might occur Start learning about prevention early Learn to recognize early warning signs of violence Recognize obstacles in responding to violence Build your own security networks and support systems Know resources available to you and places to call in your community / city 2

4 DOMESTIC / RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE ACTIVITY 1 THE BRUISE Definitions of domestic violence The United Nations definition of gender-based violence includes any act "that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivations of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life." Domestic Violence isn't just hitting, or fighting, or an occasional mean argument. It's a chronic abuse of power. The abuser tortures and controls the victim by calculated threats, intimidation, and physical violence. Actual physical violence is often the end result of months or years of intimidation and control. (from 3

5 What is domestic (family)/ relationship violence? Witnessing domestic violence Abuse by family member (sexual, verbal, physical, mental) Abuse by spouse/partner (sexual, verbal, physical, mental) Cycle of violence Witness Abuser Victim Community Cycle of violence They think it s ok after witnessing it over and over. It doesn t stop until people get right help If a child is abused, they might end up in a violent relationship or became abusers themselves It gets worse and worse and never goes away - Age 21, Nova Scotia 4

6 Effects of witnessing/experiencing family abuse fear, worry about being safe aggression toward others depression - has its own symptoms sleeplessness isolating oneself physical symptoms: headaches, stomach-aches mental disorders: paranoia, anxiety turning to alcohol, drugs Effects of witnessing/experiencing family abuse feelings of anger, sadness, shame having suicidal thoughts being self-conscious eating disorders neglect of family low self esteem children in social care post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) poor school performance, difficulty paying attention How it affects Aboriginal youth and girls Because they don t have the self-esteem to know that there is someone amazing out there for them. They think they might never find them - Age 19, Ontario I think that [violence] causes [Aboriginal girls] to feel low self-esteem, anger, hatred, sadness, isolation.. - Age 19, Ontario Affects the way you act, the things you do Age 26, Nova Scotia 5

7 ACTIVITY 2 AM I IN DANGER OF BEING IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP? Domestic/ omestic/relationship elationship violence Physical hitting shoving pushing holding you too tight restraining you using any type of physical force Domestic/r ic/relationship violence Mental/ ental/emotional threatening you using financial power over you using manipulation playing mind games with you hurtful words, gestures trying to take away power from you putting you down isolating you, keeping you away from your friends doing or saying things to make you feel uncomfortable 6

8 Domestic/r /relationship violence Early warning signs yelling, breaking things, verbal abuse being possessive abuser experiencing or witnessing abuse as well making you feel guilty belittling, humiliating you loosing temper then blaming you Domestic/relationship elationship violence Early warning signs disrespects you forcibly isolates you feeling uncomfortable around your partner the way your partner treats his/her friends, parents partner telling you what to wear, where to go, making choices for you Domestic/relationship violence Early warning signs expecting trust from you too soon having abusive past inflicts emotional abuse wants control over you always making excuses showing extreme jealousy wants to know where you are at all times 7

9 Domestic/relationship violence Early warning signs gets upset if you spend time with friends or family expects you to do woman s work being overly authoritarian parent blames others and you for his/her problems threatens you with physical violence it s all about him/her overly dependent on you demonstrating short temper uses name calling on you and others How you can tell someone is being abused in a relationship being scared at missing partner s phone calls looking to partner for permission start building their life around him/her / start loosing their identity make up, cover up has to call him/her, report on activities, movements looks tired, doesn t want to talk to you wearing long sleeves and long skirts in summer answer for their partner make excuses for their partner their partner has control over their finances How to reach out to your friend? reassure her/him that she/he is not alone make sure she/he is ready to receive help tell her she/he ll have friends even if she/he leaves him pick the right timing ask for help in order to help her/him be ready to lose that friend temporarily be cautious with your advice see what s available for your friend in the community don t allow your friend s behaviour to leak into your life 8

10 How to reach out to your friend? make up a 3 rd person with the same situation - ask her/his advice use hypothetical situations be there for your friend be firm open up for conversation think of your safety invest time and energy - it s worth it there are limits to what you can do - it s not your job to fix the problem He ll never do it again He ll never do it again 9

11 WHY DO WOMEN END UP IN VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS? Why do women end up in violent relationships? feeling unwanted don t know what s a healthy relationship lack of affection, family splitting apart teen pregnancy being young and naive thinking it s normal low self esteem Why do women end up in violent relationships? feeling powerless being exposed to abusive relationships all their life thinking they can t do better, they don t know of anything better they don t think that there is anything better for them out there, feeling they have nowhere to go 10

12 Why do women stay in violent relationships? being manipulated if they are on drugs and alcohol have no means to leave or nowhere to go danger of breaking friendship ties light sentences for abusers fear for their safety don t want to leave the community embarrassed to tell anyone Why do women stay in violent relationships? The abuser (he/she) will often say: No one will ever love you If you leave me I will kill you If you leave me I will kill myself I ll never do it again Why do women stay in violent relationships? The victim (he/she) will often say: I am staying for the kids My friends are just jealous I can change him/her He/she ll never do it again 11

13 Obstacles to responding to these types of violence and telling someone shame family and friends putting you down wanting to keep your privacy fear of continued and increased violence breaking the ice, initial conversation fear of not having support unfair justice system for victims fear of racial discrimination, stereotyping fear of being ridiculed - if a man is abused by a woman Obstacles to responding to these types of violence and telling someone no support in the community fear of being judged thinking it s your fault and you somehow deserve it feeling vulnerable, that you may become a target fear that it will affect the way people act around you fear that you won't be taken seriously feeling stupid for needing and using the resources available Why does violence happen in relationships? poverty lack of self esteem why are mom and dad like that? healing issues not dealt with part of the cycle of violence the abuser might have been abused themselves intergenerational trauma, effects of residential schools lack of ties with their community / culture 12

14 How to prevent it from happening to me? don t miss warning signs don t make excuses tell it to yourself and your friend: there are other options out there learn safety tips create a network of people - buddy system educate yourself about healthy relationships educate yourself about the alternatives learn now How to prevent it from happening to me? ask yourself and plan - what would I do if I notice early signs keep your own identity - who you are, where do you come from listen to your inner voice - does something feel wrong? remind yourself that relationships / friendships shouldn't hurt Youth video 13

15 What if it happens to me? consult professionals reach out to people you trust turn to your culture for healing learn about resources available in your community You should know it is not your fault you do not deserve it there are people out there that can help you out it is not normal nor acceptable it is not stupid or dumb to seek help and use available resources What can you and your community do about it? encourage youth to talk about it and ways to address the issue raise awareness through youth projects hold community circles - victims and offenders in the same circle turn to traditional teachings as a resource advocate that the issue is not taken lightly in communities teach young people to differentiate right from wrong teach youth on these issues from early age 14

16 What can you and your community do about it? design strategies on how to help women who left once help women help men beware of what s the abuser s home situation sensitize community (and society at large) healing the community - empower youth (communities can heal through empowering youth and vice versa) younger kids might not know about residential schools - teach them Traditional Approach Elder s Advice look into community resources that offer traditional approach if there is no such resources, do something about it, ask why they are not there, get them started get offenders involved with the community seek culturally appropriate approach make healing circle (e.g. activity roles in the hat - abuser, abused, elder) learn about Elder s role Elders - to talk about respect to youth healing circle - grow strength from that ACTIVITY 4 FINISH THE SENTENCE 15

17 What to do if you find yourself in any type of violent situation? seek help of someone you trust go to elders, adult you can trust call or go to police walk away call for help, run far away as fast as you can to a safe place call your family, friends grab friend and fight back and run to the nearest police detachment - Age 15, Nova Scotia HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS A healthy relationship means communication trust friendship conversation love respect and acceptance honesty two points of view being open with each other offering support to each other loyalty partnership respect for partner s friends and family 16

18 Signs of healthy relationships your family likes them they give back they listen to you they re supporting your interests they respect differences of opinion ready to compromise their goals in life Important to know about healthy relationships respect goes both ways affection can be shown without extreme jealousy some people don t know how to recognize and respond to a healthy relationship be realistic in your expectations there could still be arguing in a healthy relationship you need to be healthy in order to engage in a healthy relationship What can you and your community do about it? reinforce positive examples of healthy relationships talk to your friends - share experiences demonstrate to youth that they have a lot to gain by engaging in a healthy relationship get youth engaged in the healthy alternatives - sport, cultural camps, business empower girls to believe in themselves 17

19 Am I in a healthy relationship? Does he/she always consider your feelings? Does he/she ask for your opinion when you're making decisions? Does he/she respect your parents, family, friends? Does he/she support your decisions? Do you respect him/her? CLOSING COMMENTS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS SESSION 18