Be Intentional and On Purpose. Life by Design 14,245 DAYS

Transcription

1 Be Intentional and On Purpose Life by Design 14,245 DAYS That s how many days I lived before I got serious. Serious about my life living with intentionality, discovering my dreams and making them happen. How many more days will you wait? By DE YARRISON The Life by Design way is one of continually crafting and shaping your life so that, day-by-day, it becomes more resonate, more in tune, more harmonious with the truth of who you are. The Truth of Who You Are. What does that mean? I mean it as the process of finding that part of you where there is deep knowing and deep peace. Knowing who you are and why you re here at this time. When we live in alignment with our truth is when we experience a profound sense of peace, authenticity, and resonance. Discovering your truth will have you look at: What are your most deeply help values? What is your compelling purpose here on Earth? What are you hungry for? (besides chocolate) What legacy will you leave when you re gone? Who are you NOW and who are you in the process of BECOMING? The process of discovering the Truth of Who You Are unfolds over time. It is a journey, a great adventure. One marked with great self-awareness, relationship-awareness, and self-discovery. One of learning and skill-building. The awareness and learning are inseparable; one without the other renders itself less than all it could be.

2 Life by Design Journey Overview The Big Picture: where is your journey leading you? Core Values Personal Vision of Your Future Self Legacy Leaving Compelling Purpose Feet on the Ground: resources & skills for everyday, as you put one foot in front of the other Story, Beliefs, Emotional State Mental Maps Perspective Shifting Skillful dialogue Curiosity, blank-mindedness Communication, Positivity Empathy & Compassion Designed Partnership Alliance Family Agreements Team Agreements Boundaries Self-Relationship: Provider & Receiver In this introductory booklet, we ll explore your core values. The exercises on the following pages will help you identify your aspirational values, distinguish them from your practice values, and create an action plan to bring the two into alignment. Want more?!? Subscribe to my Essential Shifts blog and newsletter so you don t miss anything. I provide plenty of free exercises, downloads, inspirational photos, etc. Still want more?!? Give us a call to learn about coaching groups and individual coaching programs. Your life is waiting! Life by Design: Living a Values-Driven Life 2

3 If you haven t done so yet, this would be good time to print out this booklet. The following pages are full of questions and exercises. Set aside a few minutes each day, or a block of time all at once, to work through the exercises. You will be glad you did. Identifying Core Values One of the first steps to living a life that is aligned with the Truth of who you are, is to discover what really matters most to you. What qualities or behaviors bring you a sense of wholeness, satisfaction, and peace? Who are you being and how are you relating with others when you are living, leading, loving in your truest and most authentic way? The answers to these questions will provide clarity about your core values. What are core values? Values are intangible. They are not something we do or have. Money, for example, is not a value, although money as a resource could lead to honoring values such as fun, creativity, achievement, or service to others. Travel is not a value. Gardening is not a value. But both are examples of cherished activities that honor certain values including adventure, learning, nature, spirituality. 1 Even though our values are intangible, they are not necessarily invisible to others. We can often get a sense of what people value by the way they dress, how they stand in a room, the topics of their conversations, or how they interact with others. So what are your core values? There are probably a few that you can name immediately and feel pretty clear about. Whether you can or you can t, see what you come up with through the following exercise. 1 Co-Active Coaching, 2 nd edition, Davies Black Publishing,

4 Values Identification Exercise Purpose: To identify your core values and write them down. Preparation: Take 2 deep breaths and relax your body. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Take 2 more deep breaths with your eyes closed. Draw your awareness down into your heart and your gut. Your heart and your gut know what matters most to you. Let them be your guide now as you connect with your core values. One way to identify your values is to glean them from a high point life experience. The exercise below will walk you through this process in detail. If you find it difficult to recall a high point experience, I ve included a few other pointers for clarifying your values at the bottom of page 5. High Point Life Experience Read the following passage and use the space below to journal or take notes. Take momentary breaks from reading, close your eyes, and envision what the passage is describing. Think about a time when you were involved in something you really enjoyed. Perhaps you were involved in it alone; perhaps as part of a family, a group, or a team. Recall this time, when you were feeling engaged and enlivened. If you can, find a picture of this time in your mind s eye. Notice the details of your picture. What is the setting? Who is there? What are people doing or saying? Give yourself a moment to remember this time and consider what made it so significant for you. What was it about yourself, others, the situation or scenario that made this a treasured experience for you? 4

5 What qualities, attributes, words, behaviors, or approaches were especially meaningful to you? As you answer the above questions, see what values you can extract from your high point experience. If needed, use the values listing on page 12 for some additional help. Other Values Identification tips: If you had difficulty with the High Point Experience exercise, the 3 items below may help you identify your core values. 1. Write down five characteristics that describe you at your best. Write down five characteristics that describe you at less than your best. 2. Write down five things you are currently tolerating in your life. 3. Now review the values listing on page 12. Compare the listing with your responses to # s 1 & 2 above. What patterns or themes do you notice? What words, qualities, behaviors, or values feel most resonant or meaningful to you? 5

6 Often when working on identifying values, we struggle to find the right word(s). Our values have much more meaning to us than the definition of a single word allows. It can be helpful to use several words together to form a grouping of value words that communicate the composite sense. For example, Integrity/Honesty/Walk-the-Talk is different from Integrity/Whole/ Congruent. And Freedom/Risk Taking/Adventure is different from Freedom/Independence/ Choice. The words are not as important as your ability to feel the impact of that value. Just as much as our unique physical features contribute to our individual identity, so do our value clusters. In fact, you may have your own distinct metaphor or way to express your values that common vocabulary doesn t capture. For example: Mountaintop / Trailblazer Standing Ovation / Going For It / Buzzer Beater In the space below, create value groupings in a way that feels most clear and most representative to you. When creating your value strings, put the most significant word first. Here are my value clusters: God-centered / Live Simply / Tradition Authenticity / Transparency / Acceptance Health / Vitality / By Nature / Simplicity Humility / Grace / Generosity Playful / Spirited / Slightly Irreverent Love / Love / Love 6

7 Values Expression The value clusters you identified above are what I call Aspirational Values; values you aspire to put out into the world through your daily living. There is also such a thing called, Practice Values. These are the values that we ACTUALLY put out into the world through the practice of our daily lives. The alignment of our practice values with our aspirational values becomes the barometer to measure life satisfaction and fulfillment. In the exercise below, you will take stock of your daily activities and choices. Then you will assess your daily practice through the lens of your Aspirational Values. Where are they most aligned? Where are they least aligned? Armed with this reality check, you are ready to make adjustments in order to more fully honor your Aspirational Values. Values Expression Exercise Purpose: 1. To take stock of your current activities and choices 2. To do some reality checking and assess your current activities and choices through the lens of your aspirational values. 3. To take action that better aligns your daily living with your aspirational values Below are common categories that we spend our time in each day. Beside each category, write the percentage of your day that you spend doing related activities. Feel free to add new categories as needed. Note: The total percentage should add up to 100%. 7

8 Work Responsibilities Family Responsibilities Family Quality Time Health & Fitness Meditation / Spirituality Recreation / Friends Me Time List five (5) energy drains that exist in your life at present (e.g. negativity at work) List five (5) empowering habits that you currently practice (e.g. exercise three times weekly) Consider your current activities, responsibilities, choices, etc. Look back at your responses to the three items above. Use the space below to write down other activities you participate in regularly and anything else that feels important to capture. 8

9 Based on the Values Expression exercise, consider which of your current activities and priorities create connection with your values, and which ones disconnect you from your values. This is often a rich area for making new, more empowering choices and decisions. For example, if a value of yours is open-mindedness, yet you find yourself thinking judgmental thoughts much of the time, you are likely to be experiencing some dissonance or discontent. Or perhaps Family Time is a value, yet you spend very little quality or recreational time with your partner or children. Values Rating Chart Use the chart below to help you evaluate how much or how little each of your important values is being expressed in your life right now. Begin by listing your aspirational values. List them in order of importance to you. For each value, give yourself a score on a scale of 0-10: 0 = Nobody would ever know that this is something important to me because it is completely unexpressed in my life right now. 10 = My choices and behaviors are fully aligned with this value and I feel very fulfilled in this area. The extra columns to the right are for you to repeat the values scoring process in 2-3 months. My Values in priority order Date: Score Date: Score Date: Score Overall Alignment Score* * Give yourself a percentage score based on how aligned you feel your daily living is with your aspirational values, overall (i.e.: 60% overall alignment) 9

10 Look at your completed chart. Which value feels most important for you to pay some attention to at this time? It may not necessarily be the one with the lowest score. Choose the one that you want to focus on over the next month. Now, answer the questions below. Look back over your Values Expression exercise. What s there that supports or upholds this value? What s there that clearly doesn t? Consider how you may either support or squash this value through your activities, conversations, relationships, choices, even your thoughts. When do you most express or uphold this value in your current life? How so? When do you least express or least uphold this value in your current life? How so? Take Action What step(s) will you take, beginning now, to express and uphold this value more fully in your daily living? Think about what you must do MORE of, (i.e.: let go, appreciate others, laughing ). Think about what you must do LESS of, (i.e.: jump to conclusions, self-sacrifice, play the role of victim ). Write your action steps in the space below. 10

11 Nice Work! This is a BIG deal. You ve begun the most important work of your life to live it fully, intentionally, and on purpose. Thank you for plunging into Life by Design with me. It is my hope that you will keep this booklet in a place where you will look at it everyday. Make that, open it and read through it everyday (not just look at it!). Want more?!? Subscribe to my Essential Shifts blog and newsletter so you don t miss anything. I provide plenty of free exercises, downloads, inspirational photos, etc. Still want more?!? Give us a call to learn about coaching groups and individual coaching programs Your life is waiting! LIFE BY DESIGN READING (click to read related articles) : 2013 Intentions : The Days are Long but the Years are Short : Ordinary Joy : A Bigger Game : Focus Forward Connect with me! 11

12 Values Listing ACHIEVEMENT (a sense of accomplishment, success, or contribution) AMBITIOUS (aspiring to promotion or progress within career) ADVENTURE (new and challenging experiences) AFFECTION (love, caring) BEAUTY (aesthetics in nature, art, or life) BROAD MINDED (open-minded) CHEERFUL (joyful) CLEAN (tidy, sanitary) COMPETENT (capable, effective) COOPERATION (working well with others, teamwork) COURAGEOUS (standing up for beliefs) CREATIVITY (being imaginative, innovative) DISCIPLINED (self-controlled, restrained) ECONOMIC SECURITY (steady, adequate income) EQUALITY (egalitarianism in life, equal opportunity for all) EXCITING LIFE (a stimulating or challenging life) FAME (being famous, well known) FAMILY HAPPINESS (nuclear and/or extended family that is happy) FAMILY SECURITY (nuclear and/or extended family that is safe) FORGIVING (willing to forget a judgment of others) FREEDOM (independence, autonomy, free choice, self-reliant) FRIENDSHIP (close relationships, companionship) HAPPINESS (contentedness) HEALTH (being physically and mentally well) HELPFULNESS (assisting others, improving society) INNER HARMONY (being at peace with yourself) INTEGRITY (honesty, sincerity, genuineness) INVOLVEMENT (participating with others, belonging) INTELLECTUAL (conceptual, abstract, or symbolic) LOVING (affectionate, tender) LOYALTY (duty, respectfulness, obedience) MATURE LOVE (sexual and spiritual intimacy) ORDER (tranquility, stability, conformity) PEACE (a world at peace, without war or conflict) PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT (personal growth) PLEASURE (fun, laughs, an enjoyable, leisurely life-style) POWER (control, authority, influence over others) RECOGNITION (social recognition, respect from others, status) RELIGION (strong religious beliefs) RESPONSIBLE (dependable, reliable) SALVATION (eternal peace) SELF-RESPECT (self-esteem, pride, sense of personal identity) WEALTH (making money, getting rich) WISDOM (understanding life, discovering knowledge) 12

13 : About Denise (De) Yarrison Founder of Essential Shift, LLC Creating Essential Shifts in hearts and minds everywhere. Facilitator of Leadership by Design + Life on Purpose De@EssentialShiftNow.com De brings to her work over 14 years of experience in executive and leadership development, team building, and organizational change, along with a lot of heart and passion. She is an energetic and engaging facilitator, speaker, and coach. Her approach is grounded in the sciences of emotional intelligence, interconnected systems, and neuro-leadership blended with the arts of relationship coaching and human motivation. She helps business owners and leaders build cultures capable of continuous learning and agility, with a consistent focus on core purpose and organizational values. De is a Certified Professional Coach and holds a credential with the International Coach Federation. She is a presenter for CEO Organization, Vistage International and for Human Resources Professional Organization, HR.com De also has a special calling for working with women leaders - whether their leadership happens in the home, in the workplace, or both. She has created and led various women s retreats in the genres of finding (and living) your passion & purpose, and skills for authentic, empowered communication & relationships. Though my work is focused in the arena of business and personal development, I consider my greatest work to be with the children. My deepest joy is when a client s expanded awareness and intentionality leads to positive shifts in his/her parenting. My higher purpose involves cultivating environments where our children see, and learn, how to live with authenticity, courage, great integrity, belief in themselves, and compassion for all living beings. - De Yarrison, CPCC 13