The Impact of Divorce on Children. Jonathan Esterman. Scripted Genius

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1 The Impact of Divorce on Children Jonathan Esterman Scripted Genius

2 Copyright 2012, Jonathan Esterman. All rights reserved. No portion of this article may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other - except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Published by Scripted Genius. Visit us online at scriptedgenius.com.

3 Table of Contents Abstract 4 Introduction & Statistics 5 The Developmental Process 6 The Impact of Divorce 8 Treating Divorce 9 Bibliography 10

4 Abstract Divorce is a major issue in the marital realms in the United States today. With over one half of marriages resulting in divorce, there are many cases of family scenarios with children under the age of eighteen. A common assumption about divorce is that it is only between the parents. However, divorce does not affect solely the husband and wife - it also impacts the children, if any are part of the union. This paper discusses the issues faced by children in light of divorce in family scenarios that involve children. It examines the developmental process of children under the age of eighteen, how divorce impacts that development process, and what can be done to negate any under or over developments as a result of the divorce. It looks at the symptoms that may appear in youth and practical, including therapeutic, methods of treating the symptoms, in an attempt to help children under the age of eighteen, that are found in divorce scenarios, recover healthily.

5 5 Introduction & Statistics Divorce has often been referred to as an epidemic in America. In fact, according to a 2000 Census Brief on marital status, 54.4% of Americans were married at the time of the census. This figure can easily be utilized, for the purposes of this paper, as the average odds of a person marrying as an adult. In the consideration of total population in America, 18.5% of individuals were separated, divorced, or widowed at the time of census. In other words, one-fifth of American households deal with broken families. While divorce is not the single considering factor, we will treat it as such in regards to how it impacts a child, which has many similarities. Overall, these numbers mean one thing: the statistics are not as bad as have been assumed, but still imply danger for today s youth. By running the numbers, it can be, again for the purpose of this paper, assumed that 34% of marriages dissolve. While these numbers are rough calculations based off year 2000 estimates from the United States Census office, it concludes that issues regarding the family are at hand (Kreider & Simmons, 2003, p. 1). This issue at hand can be verified by looking at even more recent figures. According to a 2011 study completed by the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, the number of marriages ending in divorce has risen to 50% ("Children and Divorce," 2011). The issue has even made it to major news outlet headlines, with articles discussing the challenges facing children of divorce. Their estimate? Over one million children, each year, experience the challenge of divorce and the broken home. The shocking catch to this statistic, however, is that the news publication is based off 2003 numbers (Peterson, 2003). Numbers to the side, America is facing a crisis of the family today. People may have their opinions, religious or otherwise, about the topic of divorce, but one thing is for certain: it tears kids apart (Peterson, 2003).

6 6 If this information were not enough already, studies have suggested that for families that suffer divorce, the percentages of single parenting are staggering. In black households, the figure can be as high as 94% of single-parent households, while white households feature 70% of youth spending a period of time in a single parent household (Demo & Acock, 1988). The remaining four pages of this paper briefly examines the developmental process of children under the age of eighteen, how divorce impacts that development process, and what can be done to negate any under or over developments as a result of the divorce. It looks at the symptoms that may appear in youth and practical, including therapeutic, methods of treating the symptoms, in an attempt to help children under the age of eighteen, that are found in divorce scenarios, recover healthily. Divorce can be permanently damaging to youth, and it is the duty of parents to be well-equipped on minimizing its effects. The Developmental Process For the purposes of this paper, we will briefly review the developmental process from the fields of biosocial, cognitive, and psychosocial progress. The first two years of life introduce biosocial-based basic body changes from infant to toddler, brain maturation in development of the senses, public health such as the need for immunizations and building an independent immune system. Cognitive improvements include transitioning from knowing the world through sensory experiences to experimenting with the world by way of mental stimulation and action. Traces of memory are present as early as three months old, with object permanence at four months. Language abilities go from nonverbal expressions to short sentences for basic conversation. Psychosocial changes include development of emotions to complex and self-

7 7 conscious interaction. Additionally, children have a social bond established by the end of the first year of life, securing attachments to parental figures. In fact, insecure attachments, at this age, can result in hindering learning and social stunting the child (Berger, 2011, p. 205). As a result of these surprising details, even divorce in the earliest stages of life can be detrimental to a child s healthy development. Early childhood biosocial development includes the development of crucial parts of the brain, such as the amygdala and hippocampus, which allow the connecting of neural pathways that permit enhancement of coordination, decline of impulsivity, and increase of preservation skills. Cognitive development includes a strong emphasis on egocentric thought processes, which indicates a child s preoccupation with self and lack of concern over others is not an attitude issue, but a natural course of development. Language skills continue to build, with the average child knowing about 10,000 words and grammatical knowledge by age of 6. Psychosocial skills include a higher self-esteem, but also the introduction of self-concept, which includes the feeling of guilt (Berger, 2011, p. 291). At this point, a child of divorce can begin to transition from insecurity of the issue to feeling at fault, but this will be addressed later. Middle childhood biosocial development includes increased brain development, giving children a greater level of self-control. Cognitive developments in this bracket exhibit the ability to understand logical principles. Lastly, psychosocial development displays emotional control and the ability to defend against stress. The role of the parent continues to be the most influential in the child s life (Berger, 2011, p. 377). It is as this age group that a child can cope with a divorced family well enough to not be stunted by it, but not as a new phase.

8 8 Thus, based off the stages already covered, from a developmental viewpoint, divorce seems to be best suited to after adolescence, or in the terms of this paper, after the age of eighteen. While pre-birth divorce is not covered under the developmental categories above, there is signficant evidence that both a mother and father are necessary for healthy development of a child. In addition to security roles, the parents play their own education roles in crucial formative years. Mothers fill the role of caregiving and comforting, whereas fathers typically provide support for the growing child with high intensity play. This role difference permits mothers to caress and fathers to excite (Berger, 2011, p. 199). The Impact of Divorce Having reviewed the different stages of the developmental process, there is not any ideal time for divorce in regards to a child s well being. If the divorce is before a child is born, there is a lack of the mother or father figure in most scenarios. Even the best of intentions by parents struggle with overcoming the extreme emotions faced at each other. The reality is simple, a child has been tossed into a life of two separate households, and often times there is still quite a bit of heat saved for the other parent (Stahl, 2007, p. 15). In the prenatal stage, a child is affected by a changed household. In the early stages, as discussed already, a child has a specific need for a mother and father, and to have a separation at that time can cause security issues, which stunts development. In the middle years, guilt of a previously ended, or ending, marriage can occur. In adolescent stages, this is when a child begins to cope, but parents are still a cornerstone of stability and security.

9 9 However, divorce, in and of itself, is not the sole impact on children. There are actually four factors that help determine the harmful impact on children. These are the conditions prior to divorce, how dysfunctional the divorce process is, the level of competent parenting during (prior and after, as well) the divorce process, and how well the parents provide the support children need. As a result of these, the struggles parents experience in the divorce process are also severely damaging to a child, being impacted both by the divorce, and the effects of the divorce caused by the depression-like symptoms exhibited by the parents (Taylor & Andrews, 2009, p. 472). How can this be addressed for the child s benefit? Treating Divorce The statistics are sobering. Damage is inevitable, but it can be lessened. While this text has focused primarily on the impacts of divorce, a brief amount of help can go a long ways. Parents need to, first and foremost, establish peace for the sake of healthy co-parenting (Stahl, 2007, p. 31). The first three years of life are most crucial. One simple step to help is to maintain a parenting plan that does not involve the child being away from either parent for a period longer than three days (Stahl, 2007, p. 64). For ages 3-5, maintain a predicable routine and structure. Try to maintain overnight contact and consistent rules and discipline between the households (Stahl, 2007, p. 66). Ages 6-12 can benefit from being as close to 50/50 parenting time, no less than 35% at either household (Stahl, 2007, p. 69). Lastly, ages 13 to 18 need a plan that is agreeable to the child, and parenting like a mentor instead of teacher (Stahl, 2007, p. 71). There s more to this, and in no way is it easy, but it s necessary for our youth. Need more assistance? Check out the bibliography for excellent resources to help parent effectively.

10 10 Bibliography Berger, K. S. (2011). The Developing Person Through the Life Span. New York: Worth Publishers. Children and Divorce. (2011) Facts for Families (Vol. 1). Washington, D.C.: American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Demo, D. H., & Acock, A. C. (1988). The Impact of Divorce on Children. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 50(3), Kreider, R. M., & Simmons, T. (2003). Marital Status: Peterson, K. S. (2003). Kids of divorced parents straddle a divided world, USA Today. Retrieved from Stahl, P. M. (2007). Parenting After Divorce: Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needs. Atascadero: RebuildingBooks. Taylor, R., & Andrews, B. (2009). Parental Depression in the Context of Divorce and the Impact on Children. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 50(7),