Effective Leadership and Communication. Greg Nichvalodoff, MBA, PCC, CMC
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1 Effective Leadership and Communication Greg Nichvalodoff, MBA, PCC, CMC
2 How to be specific? 2
3 Experience Cube What is it? Simple model you can follow when you want to have a learning conversation with someone (aka difficult conversation or a courageous conversation ) You can use this for conversations with your team, your supervisors, peers, even family members A way to take the conflict and blaming out of your conversation and refocus on what you really want to say - and on what you can learn from each other.
4 We see the world not as it is, but as we are. - the Talmud
5
6 Experience Cube Posi%ve Inten%on Observations Just the facts Thoughts Judgments/assumptions My story is Wants What do you want Feelings What are you feeling Glad, sad, mad, bad, afraid
7 The Framework: Positive Intention Positive Intention: What is the positive reason for having this conversation? What will be made better as a result? Both parties should share the positive intention to have a learning conversation.
8 The Framework: Observation Observations: This is observable, objective data. The facts. Keep it simple, clear, and direct Statements not Questions What a video camera would capture
9 The Framework: Thoughts Thoughts Assumptions you are making about the situation Stories that you are making up about the observable facts. Helpful language: In my experience How it occurred to me was The assumption I made around that is Things you need more information or clarity on Listen and ask questions
10 The Framework: Feelings Clearly describe how you are feeling During the situation how did you feel? How do you feel now? (e.g. Sad, Mad, Bad, Glad, Afraid) Ensure that you own your feelings: do not blame the other person for making you feel this way Use language that is appropriate for the environment
11 I experience...
12 I Experience or Feel Anger Anxiety Fear Joy Love Sadness Shame Agitated Confused Alarmed Alive Attentive Crushed Ashamed Angry Distant Defensive Comfortable Bold Disappointed Burdened Annoyed Dulled Doubtful Curious Brave Discouraged Condemned Appalled Frantic Dread Delighted Capable Distraught Culpable Disgusted Helpless Fearful Dynamic Caring Distressed Despised Hurt Intense Frightened Eager Comforting Empty Disgrace Impatient Nervous Reluctant Elated Competent Grief Dread Outrage Numb Startled Excited Concerned Lonely Embarrassed Rage Overwhelmed Suspicious Glad Courageous Lost Guilty Spiteful Paralyzed Tense Gleeful Elated Miserable Harassed Upset Perplexed Worried Joyful Encouraged Mournful Humiliation Vindictive Skeptical Optimistic Energized Remorseful Inadequate Stressed Passionate Engaged Resigned Peaceful Enthusiastic Terrible Relaxed Gentle
13 The Framework: Wants Your wants can be about awareness; understanding; behavior change. Remember it is up to the other person if they CHOOSE to do what you want. They have the CHOICE. Examples of wants: I want you to understand the impact this has on the team I want you to understand and follow safety rules - be in compliance I want you to arrive for work on time; I also want you to know what the consequences are if you don t I want you to work with me to find a solution to this issue Listen and hear clearly what others want Look for mutuality goal is to problem solve together
14 Experience Cube Posi%ve Inten%on Observations Just the facts Thoughts Judgments/assumptions My story is Wants What do you want Feelings What are you feeling Glad, sad, mad, bad, afraid
15 Let s make this relevant Volunteer to walk the cube at the front with assistance
16 Experience Cube Posi%ve Inten%on Observations Just the facts Thoughts Judgments/assumptions My story is Wants What do you want Feelings What are you feeling Glad, sad, mad, bad, afraid
17 Let s make this relevant Choose a personal or professional conversation you want to have Write down the details in your workbook. What is the situation, who is involved? What is the positive intention that you have for the conversation? What are your thoughts, feelings, wants? In small groups - Practise walking the Cube
18 Practice Form groups of 5-6 people. Each of you take a turn walking the cube ; tell the story of your situation paying close attention to what is Observation, Thoughts, Feelings or Wants. Rest of the group coach the person telling the story and ensure they follow the cube. When practicing walking the cube intentionally stand in the box when describing either Observation, Thoughts, Feelings or Wants
19 Experience Cube Posi%ve Inten%on Observations Just the facts Thoughts Judgments/assumptions My story is Wants What do you want Feelings What are you feeling Glad, sad, mad, bad, afraid
20 Ladder of Inference Source: Argyris
21 Ladder of Inference I take Action I adopt Beliefs I draw Conclusions I make Assumptions I add Meanings I select Data I Observe data and experiences
22 Ladder of Inference Abstraction We can t count on John, he s unreliable. John always comes in late. John knew when the meeang was starang, and he deliberately came in late. The meeang was set for 9:00am, John came in at 9:30 with no explanaaon. Observation
23 Using the Ladder q Become more aware of my own thinking and reasoning (reflection) q Make my thinking and reasoning more visible to others (advocacy) q Inquire into others thinking and reasoning (inquiry)
24 Questions
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