Forgiveness on Yom Kippur

Transcription

1 Activity 3.1a Forgiveness on Yom Kippur The holiday activities are designed to connect the themes of the holiday to the values of Redifat Shalom. This activity is designed to give ideas that can be used in a variety of contexts: from teachers in classrooms to leaders of whole school holiday initiatives. Activity leaders should pick and choose those elements relevant to their context. Background: Yom Kippur is known as the Day of Atonement, where we make amends for wrongs we have done. But, the sages tell us that Yom Kippur cannot make מצוות בין אדם amends for wrongs committed against people, transgressions of In this case, one must seek forgiveness from the person hurt before one.לחברו can ask for forgiveness from God. Goals: Students will understand what it means to ask forgiveness and to forgive others according to Jewish tradition. Students will apply their learning to relationships they have with friends or family members. Lesson Activities: Introducing the Idea of Atonement Text Study: Atonement on Yom Kippur Take Action: o The Forgiveness Letter o Make a Kabalah Bulletin Board o Letting Go Visualization Wrapping Up

2 Lesson Activities Introducing the Idea of Atonement Ask students: What does Yom Kippur (or Yom HaKippurim) mean? Most likely, students will answer The Day of Atonement. Ask students to explain what the word atonement means. Tell students that one definition from Webster s dictionary is: Something that makes up for an offense or injury. Alternately, students can look up the word atonement at dictionary.com where the first definition is: Satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends. The word atonement originated from three parts: at one ment. If students are using dictionary.com, they can discover this in the origin box. You could also ask students to look for little words within the word atonement. Ask students: What idea about Yom Kippur can we learn from the origin of the word atonement? We learn that we should try to get to a point where we feel at one with our fellow human beings and ourselves. This sense of completeness, of wholeness, is also reflect in the root of shalom, which is shalem complete. On Yom Kippur, we work to get to a place of peace and wholeness by making up with others for what we have done to hurt them. Text Study: Atonement on Yom Kippur Have students consider the following situation: Mia and Sophie had been best friends, but after they got into a fight six months ago, Mia has done everything to make Sophie s life miserable. She has talked about her behind her back, called her names, and excluded her. On Rosh HaShanah, while sitting in synagogue, Mia felt bad for what she had done. She decided that she would pray really hard on Yom Kippur and so G-d would forgive her for having been so mean to Sophie. Ask students: will G-d forgive Mia for being mean to Sophie? Have students raise a hand to express an opinion. Then, have a couple of students from each side (if there are), explain their positions.

3 Select one or more of the texts from the source sheet at the end of this lesson. Read the texts out loud together and discuss. o The first text is from the Mishnah, the primary rabbinic work of the Tannaitic period ending around 200 CE. Ask students: According to this mishnah, will Mia be forgiven by G-d on Yom Kippur? No, because she has not reconciled with Sophie. Once she has done so, she must still reconcile with G-d for the wrong that she did. We learn this from the work, עד until meaning forgiveness from G-d is still required. o The second text is from the Mishnah Torah, the codification of Jewish law by the Rambam, Maimonides, the 12 th century sage from Spain. Ask students: Why did the Rambam decide to mention teasing specifically in his writing of the law? Perhaps it is because one might think no harm was done and so forgiveness is not necessary. Perhaps also, the Rambam was aware of how prevalent hurting with words is and so he wished to bring attention to this. Discuss with students if this is an issue middle schoolers face. o The third text is from the Aruch HaShulchan, the 19 th century halachic work of R. Yechiel Michel Epstein. Ask students: Why might we need to ask forgiveness from someone even if we do not know how we harmed them? The Aruch HaShulchan suggests that sometimes we accidentally harm someone such as saying something that hurts their honor. One can formatively assess learning of any of these three texts using the Who Did What to Whom, When, Where, How and Why? strategy. Students must attempt to write a one-sentence summary of the story so far that answers all (or as many as they can) of the questions, Who? Did what? To whom? When? Where? How? And, Why? For example: A person asks forgiveness, in any location, of his/her fellow-jew before Yom Kippur, by saying sorry and/or making up for the behavior, since asking God for forgiveness on Yom Kippur will not bring about atonement for sins against one s fellow

4 Take Action The following are some activities students can do to bring this idea of reconciling with one s fellow to life. Select one or more of these activities. If you are using this for the Certification Process, be sure to submit the followup form. o The Forgiveness Letter: Our rabbis tells us that there are four steps to seeking forgiveness. First, we must feel bad for what we have done. Second, we must admit the wrong thing. Third, we reconcile by asking forgiveness and making up for the wrong thing that was done. And fourth, we commit to not doing the wrong behavior again. Have students write a letter to someone they wronged during the year a close friend, a relative, a teacher, or another student. The letter should contain the four steps. It should begin by saying the wrong thing that was done, admitting it was wrong and expressing remorse. Next, the letter should ask for forgiveness and might offer other forms of compensation. Finally, the letter should include a commitment not to do this wrong thing again. While or other digital methods are certainly effective, this activity might be more meaningful if done using traditional letter writing. The school could supply envelopes and stamps and a central mail box could be set up outside the school office as a way of encouraging participation. Dear Mia, We used to be best friends, but since our fight last January, I have been doing everything I can to make you feel miserable. I have talked about you behind your back and insulted you to your face. And worst, I made sure you felt left out. This was really wrong, and I deeply regret what I have done. I know it will be hard to undo the damage I have done, but I am hoping that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I am going to be sure to tell everyone what a great person you are and that I was the stupid one. I promise to never do these things ever again. Do you forgive me? Can we be friends again? Your friend, Sophie o Make a Kabalah Bulletin Board: In this case, kabalah does not refer to Jewish mysticism but rather it is the name of the fourth step of the teshuvah process resolving not to repeat one s misbehavior. Have students work in groups of two or three and make lists of misbehaviors typical in middle school. Then, for each item on the list, have students think of some proactive step they could take to prevent students from repeating the misbehavior. For example, students might write: when someone starts to get on your nerves, excuse yourself so that you don t say anything harmful. Each group should write their suggestions in marker and post on a Kabalah bulletin

5 board in the main hallway. To teach the idea that these actions promote peace, consider having students write their ideas on paper doves. (There are several masters available on-line, generally for kindergarten coloring. For example, see o Letting Go Visualization: Read for students the following excerpt from the Yom Kippur evening liturgy: Yom Kippur Machzor, Tefilat Zakkah I extend complete forgiveness to everyone who has gossiped about me or even slandered me. So, too, to anyone who has injured me, whether physically or financially, [ and for any human sins between a person and their neighbor except for money that I wish to claim and that I can recover by law, and except for someone who sins against me and says "I will sin against them and he will forgive me" except for these I grant complete forgiveness; and may no person be punished on my account. And just as I forgive everyone, so may You grant me favor in every person's eyes, so that they will grant me complete forgiveness. ] מחזור יום כיפור )תפילה זכה( והנני מוחל במחילה גמורה לכל מי שחטא נגדי, בין בגופו ובין בממונו, או שדבר עלי לשון הרע ואפלו הוצאת שם רע, וכן לכל מי שהזיק לי בגופי או בממוני, ולכל חטאת האדם אשר בין אדם לחברו, חוץ מממון אשר אני ]רוצה לתבעם ו[אוכל להוציא על פי דין, וחוץ מי שחוטא כנגדי ואומר אחטא לו והוא ימחל לי, וחוץ מאלו אני מוחל במחילה גמורה ולא יענש שום אדם בסבתי. וכשי שאני מוחל לכל אדם, כן תתן את חני בעיני כל אדם שימחלו לי במחילה גמורה. In this prayer, we forgive people who hurt us, even if we were not approached by someone seeking teshuvah. Ask the group whether they think that truly forgiving others is more difficult than asking others for forgiveness, less difficult, or about the same. Students who feel it is more difficult to forgive can indicate this with a thumb up. Students who feel it is more difficult to ask for forgiveness can indicate this with a thumb down. Students who feel it is about the same, can indicate this with a thumb to the middle. Students should find who have a different opinion and share why they responded the way they did. Alternatively, students can turn to a partner or two.

6 Discuss with the class how it is truly hard to forgive and so it is important to think about this well before Yom Kippur. Before we say this prayer, we should have thought about forgiving others and have made a real commitment to do so. To help with this, students can do the following exercise. Ask students to silently think about someone whom they still feel anger towards for something that happened in the past year. Have them signal you that they are ready with a thumb up. Next have them list three reasons why they should forgive the person (without identifying whom it is). Be honest with them that this can be very difficult, especially if they are still feeling angry. In order to do so, they have to step outside the anger and try to see the situation a bit differently. Some reasons for forgiving could be: - a lot of time has passed - you realize the person didn t mean to hurt you - it doesn t pay to hold a grudge - you will feel better if you get rid of the anger - Then, ask students to close their eyes while you guide them through the following mental imagery activity: Think about the person whom you are angry with. Now imagine yourself putting all of that anger in a bag. The bag feels very heavy. You drag the bag with all of the reasons you are angry down to a river. It is hard, as the anger is weighing down the bag. When you get to the river, you finally pick up the bag and throw it in. Now you are light! You have nothing to drag back. You have thrown away your anger. What a great way to start Yom Kippur! Wrapping Up Ask students to imagine what the world would be like if everyone took responsibility for the wrongs they committed whether intentional or not, and sought forgiveness from the people they hurt. And imagine if everyone freely forgave everyone who wronged them, whether they asked for it or not. There is a word in Hebrew that describes this situation shalom. This is a good time to introduce students to the Rodef Shalom Program which will promote the values

7 of pursuing peace throughout the year. You might choose to conclude by singing, Oseh shalom bimromav, our prayer that G-d grant us a world filled with shalom.

8 ט: Resource Activity: 3.1a: How can the themes of Jewish and secular holidays be used to promote the value of Redifat Shalom? (Yom Kippur) Resource Activity 3.1a: Forgiveness on Yom Kippur Student Study Texts משנה יומא ח' עבירות שבין אדם למקום, יום הכפורים מכפר. עבירות שבין אדם לחבירו, אין יום הכפורים מכפר עד שירצה את חברו. Mishnah Yoma chapter 8 Transgressions that are between people and G-d, Yom Kippur atones for them. Transgressions that are between people and one s fellow Yom Kippur does not atone for, until he reconciles with his friend. רמב"ם הלכות תשובה פרק ב' ' אין התשובה ולא יום הכפורים מכפרין אלא על עבירות שבין אדם למקום אבל עבירות שבין אדם לחבירו כגון החובל את חבירו או המקלל חבירו או גוזלו וכיוצא בהן אינו נמחל לו לעולם עד שיתן לחבירו מה שהוא חייב לו וירצהו. אע"פ שהחזיר לו ממון שהוא חייב לו צריך לרצותו ולשאול ממנו שימחול לו, אפילו לא הקניט את חבירו אלא בדברים צריך לפייסו ולפגע בו עד שימחול לו. Rambam, Laws of Repentance 2:9 Repentance and the Day of Atonement atone only for [certain] sins committed against God Sins such as injuring, cursing, stealing, etc., which are committed against one's fellow man are never atoned for until one has paid any necessary fines to the person against whom one sinned, and discussed it with him. Even though one may have paid back any due money one still has to discuss the sin with him and ask for forgiveness. Even if one teased someone else just verbally one has to appease him and make up for it, in order that he will be forgiven. ערוך השולחן, אורח חיים, תרו:ד ונהגו בערב יום הכפורים כמה אנשים לבקש אחד מחבירו מחילה אף שלא חירפו זה לזה כלל אלא שמא פגעו בכבוד זה לזה. Aruch HaShulchan, Orach Chaim 606:6

9 to promote the value of Redifat Shalom? (Yom Kippur) And it is a custom of some people on the eve of Yom Kippur, that each person asks his friend for forgiveness even if they did not insult the other one at all, but rather it is possible that they hurt the honor of the other.