Why do we read the story of Avram, Sarah and Hagar, Isaac and. Ishmael at Rosh Hoshanah? At a time of year that is supposed to be so

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1 Why do we read the story of Avram, Sarah and Hagar, Isaac and Ishmael at Rosh Hoshanah? At a time of year that is supposed to be so full of joy and happiness, why do we afflict ourselves with stories in which unresolved conflict plays such a major role? Couldn t we read a happier story? One reason could be that we read this tragic and yet transformative story at Rosh Hoshanah may be because we know that the amazing joy we experience at this time of year is an offshoot of our own personal t shuvah. Our joy: a consequence of our selfreflection our slowing down and turning around listening more carefully...changing our perspectives. How do we learn about this capacity for t shuvah in ourselves except by focusing on the conflicts we ve had with others? And so what better story than that of Sarah and Hagar? Sarah, who saw herself as empowering Hagar from the status of a lowly servant to that of royalty equivalent to that of a wife of a king. And 1

2 yet Sarah neglected to recognize that Hagar was already a princess. You see, our sages tell us that Hagar was the daughter of the Pharoah of Egypt, a fully Egyptian princess. Apparently when Hagar s father heard of Avram and Sarah and the good work they were doing, he thought that his daughter would be better off as a servant in their house than as a princess in Egypt..and he sent Hagar to be Sarah s servant. So Hagar had already been cast out once -- before the story even began, by her own father..albeit with apparent good intentions. Sarah, who saw herself as empowering Hagar by giving her work and elevating her status to that of a queen, may actually have been ignoring not only the power differential in the relationship, but she was also ignorant to the fact that Hagar had been humiliated to begin with, reduced in status and dignity from her original position as an Egyptian princess. She failed to recognize Hagar s full personhood, and instead saw her as a mere servant, subject to the whims of her mistress. 2

3 When Sarah forces Hagar to become a surrogate parent as a means to accomplish her own goals, is it any wonder that the tables become turned? Our sages tell us that Hagar s great youth and beauty were immediately apparent and widely recognized, and also that she immediately became pregnant with Ishmael. She began to relish her newfound status and afflict Sarah with ridicule. Consequently she then fails to empathize with Sarah, who now experiences much of the same disempowerment, neglect, and humiliation that Hagar had felt initially. All too often we see this happen in our own lives when the oppressed become the oppressor. All too often we the oppressed become the oppressor. Avram is not free of liability here either. Why doesn t he speak up to object to the whole idea of having a child with Hagar? While surrogacy of this type was quite common in those days and almost certainly would not have been viewed as abusive, this obviously wasn t God s plan for fulfilling the covenant..surely Abraham must have 3

4 known the conflict that it would cause. Was he suffering from a lack of confidence in his own virility, or in his own skills or ability to fulfill his mission? We ve all had similar times of insecurity and doubt in our own abilities. Too often those are the times when we lash out, or act least empathetically toward others. And what parent or spouse could look upon a child or another spouse..and just throw them out of the house, without apparent concern for their physical and psychological safety? I had the opportunity a week ago to attend an open house of Westchester Jewish Community Services Center Lane, a center for homeless teens, and I saw first-hand that this issue is not an infrequent occurrence, even in Westchester county New York, in 2014! True, Avram provided Hagar and Ishmael with some provisions.. a little bread and water, and maybe doing that made him feel better about sending them away.but the desert was hot, and the road was long and challenging. 4

5 When will we learn not to look away from the suffering of others, but to stay in their presence, and keep them in ours too? Finally, we often read this story as if Ishmael were a baby, but he was actually a teenager at the time he and Hagar are sent on their way. And our sages say that part of the reason he is cast out is that he had been playing in an extremely mean-spirited way toward Isaac. The Hebrew text here is strangely read that he was Isaacing מצחק with Isaac just before being sent away. That mean-spirited play may have even been the reason for Sarah s decision to have him sent away. (You should note that the Rabbis interpret this as akin to playing dodgeball with bow-and-arrow). Apparently harsher punishment, even death, may have been more common if Ishmael was actually behaving toward Isaac in the ways that our sages say he was. What s up with all of this craziness and why are we reading this on Rosh Hoshanah? It strikes me that throughout the narrative of this story there is far too little dialogue. Characters often avoid talking 5

6 directly to one another about how they are feeling, preferring to complain to a third party or to God about the behavior of another rather than speaking to each other directly and respectfully. Nobody ever has a real opportunity to hear the viewpoint of the other. If we live our lives like that, avoiding direct conversation and conflict negotiation, where do we learn to empathize, to educate ourselves about the context of another s words and actions, where is this t shuvah that we are supposed to be doing, this t shuvah that ultimately is designed to build community and to bring us so much happiness each year, culminating in our High Holiday season? I think that the Torah presents our traditional story with each character being very complex, having both legitimate and not-so legitimate concerns and character flaws, partly so that we will have a harder time totally empathizing with any one character. We are not allowed to identify totally with the oppressor OR the oppressed. And even our great Patriarchs and Matriarchs are shown to have great 6

7 struggles with the alternately divine but deeply flawed human sides of their moral character. We are encouraged to identify with each of the characters, to see ourselves simultaneously as both Sarah and as Hagar, to see both sides of the argument, an all too critical requisite for effective conflict resolution. So I think we are here together reading this story yet again this Rosh Hoshanah, because engagement with others and thinking about the unresolved conflicts in our lives is key to learning how we learn to do t shuvah. The silence in our sacred text is golden in part because it teaches us that silence in our difficult relationships is not. We have the ongoing opportunity, indeed the responsibility, indeed the privilege to engage with each other and struggle with the difficult but deeply human nature of conflict as we do so. As Jews we are blessed to have embedded within the structure of our sacred liturgy a set time to focus in an enhanced way on repairing our behaviors and actions. This year, at Rosh Hoshanah, we express 7

8 gratitude and joy for the compassion and empathy that others have given us, and for the bounty and fullness of our lives shared together here in our WJC family. We now begin to turn to the challenging but rewarding work that lies ahead in the next 10 days, work that will ultimately bring us great joy. I look forward to sharing those experiences with you as we move forward into the new year. Shanah Tovah. References 1. Hagar as Egyptian Princess- Rashi, citing Genesis Rabbah 45:1. 2. Ishmael playing roughly with Isaac Genesis Rabbah. 8